Temari

I went back to my bedroom and fell on the bed face first. I could still feel his smell on my pillow, so I buried my face there.

I had this curious sensation right in the middle of my chest, a feeling of flutters and warmth. I stared through the window into a cold autumn day and tried to think, but my head was empty, except the images of Shikamaru. I felt good, happy, excited. I wanted to smile, constantly.

However, even having in mind what is happening right now, it is still unbelievable. The reality was so unlikely it almost seemed I'm dreaming all this. To think that I would sleep half-naked in the arms of that lazy and boring boy he was when I first saw him? He annoyed me so badly back then, all I wanted to do was to beat him senselessly. And later on? All that he did was hang around with his team and be indifferent about everything. And lazy, don't forget lazy. Sure he eventually had to grow into a man, and not a bad one, if he took after his father, which he did; but to think he became a man – confident, reliable, so fun at times but serious in respective situations, tactful, diplomatic? He sure changed a lot, though I have to admit I liked him always. Even on our first fight, he annoyed me all right, but he was different. In a way, he was a mystery, as I couldn't understand what's up with him, what is he thinking, why is he doing what he's doing, what does his lazy look mean.

I always thought I'd eventually find a decent guy in Suna, who would let me be bitchy and bossy, who wouldn't confront or tease me, who would let me do what I want, who would never keep me down and never tell me what I should or shouldn't do. That's who I was, I needed my freedom and needed my control over… well, everything. I didn't need anyone to take care of me and I never really felt the need to do that myself, though I'm sure it would be different if I had any children.

And now what? I almost slept with a guy, who controls me. I'm not sure if he does this on purpose or not, but he influences my feelings and behavior quite some. I'm not even that bitchy any more… at least not with him. It feels like I am different with him without even trying. And he lets me be bossy at times, but it doesn't really work out. I mean he lets me be bossy, but I can't really boss him around. It just doesn't happen. And for my freedom… I didn't feel I'm losing it; rather I am giving it up willingly therefore I can't even feel a difference. And he lives 3 days trip away from Suna.

However, something inside me I can't control decided to fall for him. Great job, Temari. In a way, looking at all this mess, it seems wrong that I'm changing myself for someone. But on the other hand, the way I feel with him, the way I feel about myself and about him… It simply feels too right to be wrong.