A/N: I'm sorry it took so long but life's a mess at the moment. I'm going to take over the hairdresser salon of my boss who is retiring at the end of the year so a lot of bureaucratic stuff keeps me from writing. I cannot even promise you another update this year but I won't abandon this story.
Thank you for your patience. Now read and enjoy! And please don't forget to review...
41 Definitely Maybe
It was night in Hawaii; the velvety darkness of a tropical night, still hot and humid. The air was filled with the sweet scent of exotic flowers and the sound of an orchestra of cicadas, chirping in the nearby bushes. You could also hear the rumbling of the sea, of the turf splashing against rocks.
Severus wiped his face. He wasn't used to such a temperature and he was feeling unpleasantly hot and uncomfortable. Meanwhile, Raven was star-gazing. Although she was never good at Astronomy, she enjoyed a starry night for its romantic aspect. Then she noticed a strange orange glow in the distance and turned her head.
"That's our Mount Doom," Professor Steel spoke in a low, soft tone as she took a deep breathe of the scented air. "The natives, however, call it Kilauea. It's one of the most active volcanoes in the world."
To underline her words, the Kilauea spat out a fountain of hot-glowing lava from one of its lower craters. It illuminated the sky for a moment, before the lava flow stream died, sizzling and fuming clouds of white as it extinguished in the sea.
Instinctively, Regulus took a step backwards.
"Don't worry, that was just a little hiccup. It happens all the time. But my house is magically volcano-proved and will be safe even if there's a more devastating eruption."
Until now, the friends hadn't even noticed the house. It was a one-storey building with white washed walls, situated in an artfully neglected garden of blooming bushes and potted palm trees, overgrown with what at first glance looked like weeds- at second glance, the weeds were some wild and rare plants, quite valuable potion ingredients, indeed.
At once, Severus was wide-awake and not feeling uncomfortable at all anymore. In fact, he looked like he'd just won the lottery's jackpot- there was that rare smile on his face that would always made Raven's heart ache for him. But before he could go and explore the garden, a loud POP startled them all.
"Aloha, Madam. Hula is at yous service."
Raven stared in fascination at the little creature that had appeared out of thin air and that looked so very different to all the house-elves she had seen before. It had the very same bat-like ears that were typical for its kind, but Hula's skin was so much darker; and instead of a bald head she had long black hair, parted at the top of her head into two pigtails that cascaded over her bony shoulders and covered her tea-towel-clad form down to her bare feet. Around her neck, she wore several garlands of multi-coloured plastic flowers as if mocking the cliché of a typical Hawaiian flower girl.
Hula's eyes were of a vibrant turquoise and she obediently fluttered long lashes at Professor Steel when Madam asked her to prepare rooms and a light dinner for her young guests. In private, the usually strict Auror had a soft spot for kids that travelled to the other side of the world, all in one day, just to meet her and ask for support. They must be dog-tired, hungry and thirsty. Even if the Snape boy (always the potions geek) seemed to be keen to inspect her garden.
"Come inside," she said softly as she opened the door for them.
-o-
Inside, it was pleasantly cool. The plain walls of the sitting room were white-washed, the furniture made of dark wood. On the low coffee table stood a vase with orchids, but apart from that there wasn't much useless decoration. And yet, despite its Spartan interior the room was quite comfortable.
Hula served them chicken sandwiches and a large plate of fresh, exotic fruit. Then she filled their glasses with light white wine before she retreated to the kitchen. Like most house-elves, she wasn't used to dwelling in the company of wizards and witches when it wasn't absolutely required.
"So, all we have to do is to drop the Horcrux into the volcano?" Regulus asked after a while. He leaned back in his chair and took a sip of wine, looking quite elegant doing so. It was his upbringing that gave him the poise to appear sophisticated even if he still didn't quite get the connection between a Muggle fantasy novel and Lord Voldemort's Horcrux.
"Yep," said Raven, feeling weary. The day had been long, dragging her down. She could have given Black a short summary, but she simply wasn't in the mood. She wasn't even certain if she really wanted to destroy the Horcrux- the idea seemed to have lost its appeal although she most definitely wanted it to be destroyed. It was... evil.
Whatasillylittleword, she chided herself half-heartedly. She wasn't particularly fond of it but couldn't think of a more adequate one, either, and then she brooded over the fact why she was so reluctant to destroy the evil artefact.
Perhaps it's not possible anyway and we're just wasting our time here...
On the other hand, she trusted Professor Steel and had faith in her abilities, her skills as an Auror, her knowledge of the Dark Arts. And yet, perhaps she shouldn't have parted with the Horcrux. She should have kept it, keeping it safe instead of giving it to Steel. For a moment, she didn't even know what made her feel worse- wearing the locket on a chain around her neck or feeling its loss weighing her down.
"You alright, Raven?"
It took a while for her to realize that Severus was talking to her, watching her with a slightly worried expression on his face. She almost smiled at him. But he was just faking it, wasn't he? Because Severus didn't really care about her... there was no hope.
A very, very weird idea crossed her mind. She would wait until everybody was asleep and then sneak into Steel's bedroom to retrieve the locket and-
Raven shook her head. Howabsurd! After all, they had come here looking for a way to destroy the Horcrux; they- she- couldn't just change her mind now that they knew how it could be done.
The voices of the others seemed to blur into a babble of voices, until all of a sudden Steel said very clearly, "Let's worry about this tomorrow. It was a long day and you're all very tired."
A collective yawn proved her statement right. Dutifully, the kids bid her host good-night (almost in unison) as they scuffled to their guest rooms.
Alice Steel watched them leave and lit a pipe before she relaxed in her armchair, fumbling in the pockets of her robe until she finally produced that locket on a chain, Lord Voldemort's Horcrux. Ah, the temptation! It really was a vile thing, feeding on hopes and dreams and insecurities, trying to corrupt. She could feel it too, the luring whisper that held the promise of power- but she was much too old, too case-hardened to be lured by false promises, and she gave a damn about power.
She gave the locket a contemptuous glare. Tomorrow, it would be destroyed. Voldemort was not to win.
That idea made her smirk as she exhaled perfectly round rings of smoke.
It wouldn't be easy, though. She was very well aware of that. But the kids could succeed (with her help) simply because it wasn't their intention to bring down the Dark Lord all on their own. Their only intention was to do the right thing since they had this very opportunity.
-o-
In the morning, the 'kids' were well rested and even Raven was looking so much more optimistic than last night, especially after she had gulped down several cups of strong, hot, black coffee.
Watching them, Professor Steel silently wished to be as enthusiastic as these youngsters, heading for adventure. Alas, being an Auror for almost thrice as long as they were of age now had taken its toll on her- not only did her many scars tend to ache in the mornings, she had also lost a great deal of the optimism they displayed, simply because life had taught her to not be overly optimistic. It was too dangerous.
But what they were about to do wasn't too dangerous. If all went well, she decided, it wasn't even an especially risky venture- provided, of course, that she came up with a safe way to get the kids as close to the mouth of the volcano as it was necessary for them to drop the Horcrux into the all-devouring fires of one of its many maws.
Unfortunately, Apparition wasn't a solution. One step too far could be fatal... and she didn't want to end her Auror career as a piece of charcoal. Neither did she want to endanger the kids...
Severus glanced out of the window to the massive crater of the volcano, voicing exactly her thoughts. "How will we get up there? I guess Apparition is out of question?"
"Indeed. Although it is possible to Apparate precisely to the edge of the crater, we cannot predict the flow of lava."
"Is it possible to predict the next big eruption?" Asked Regulus, apparently coming up with an idea.
"Well, as I mentioned before, the Kilauea is one of the world's most active volcanoes, which means that there is a constant rise and fall of the lava lake in its deep pit, and occasionally it just... boils over. Like you witnessed last night. But as long as the seismic activity continues at a moderate level, no drastic eruption is to be feared.
"There is a safe place up halfway to the main crater, to which we can safely Apparate. Then we'll have to walk."
"Ah," Regulus drawled, "I'm sure you've got a broom somewhere that I could borrow, haven't you?"
Severus turned to Professor Steel and shrugged nonchalantly. "True, he is quite a decent flyer."
"He's a brilliant flyer!" Raven interjected. "Reg played Seeker in Slytherin's Quidditch team- not that I know much about Quidditch but he won a couple of games for us."
"Very well, then," Steel rose to fetch her broom and came back handing it to Regulus, who eyed it with a frown. She wondered if he was suddenly having second thoughts. Did the boy even know of the responsibility that was lasting on his shoulders? Had it been an act of foolish heroism that had encouraged him to burden himself with the destruction of the Horcrux, or was it something running deeper, like a desperate need to compensate for things he'd done in the name of the Dark Lord and his sick ideology? But as far as she could tell, no irrevocable damage had been done to his soul. He was still as innocent as anyone, who had been touched by and was dealing with the Dark Arts, could possibly be. Flashing him a thoughtful glance, she asked, "Is there anything amiss, Mr Black?"
"No, no," he hurried to say, flushing a little. "The broom's alright. It will suffice."
"Gosh, you're such a spoiled little pure-blood brat!" Raven huffed. "Are you disappointed that it's not the newest model of racing brooms, poor Blackie?"
"Kids, be good company!" Professor Steel reprimanded them before the bitching could get out of control. It was time they got rid of the Horcrux since the youngsters were all affected by its bad, sinister vibes. "Come on, now. It's time to give Pele a treat."
"Pele?"
"Aye, Pele. The Goddess Pele, actually. In Hawaiian religion, she is the goddess of fire, lightning, wind and volcanoes, and she is quite popular amongst the natives despite her devastating reputation. You know, most Hawaiians believe that if you give her an offering, she won't be too harsh on the people living in close neighbourhood to her destructive forces."
"So the Kilauea is also a magical site, one of worshipping the old gods?" Severus asked, the expression on his face brightening from a bored scowl to one of interest.
"Indeed."
"Ah, so there is more to the idea of destroying the Horcrux in a... MountDoom than Miss Lestrange's slightly naïve idea to rely on a book written by a Muggle? It's not only the devastating heat of the volcano that matters, it's also about the... spiritualityof the Kilauea as a site of pagan worship and ancient magic."
"Correct, Mr Snape, although I will refrain from giving points to Slytherin now."
His dark eyes glistened for a moment before he carried on. "There are several of these old cult sites all over the world, and if you connected them, you'd get a net of lines called ley lines. They are like... channels of magic, an ancient and very powerful kind of magic that is earthbound and can neither be manipulated by the Dark Arts nor by the Light. It is a magic-that-is; the essence of magic and a balancing force."
"Correct again, Mr Snape." Professor Steel tried to hide a proud smile- although it pleased her tremendously that at least one of her former students had internalized and actually grasped what she had been trying to teach them during her one year stint at Hogwarts. "It's the balance that matters. Keep that in mind, kids. You cannot fight a Dark Lord whatever-his-name-is and hope to win the eternal battle of good versus evil. Don't even try because you will most definitely lose, for the essence of magic is like Yin and Yang- two sides of the same coin.
"Remember that any tyrant is just another tyrant, even if his banners are painted in white and he or she seems to have only the purest of intentions in mind. You know, there's also tyranny in the name of the Greater Good."
Raven nodded, lost in thoughts, silently agreeing to what Professor Steel had just said as she thought about the self-righteous ways of Gryffindors in general and St Lily-on-the-pedestal (frantically cheering at every fart Dumbledore let, simply because he was so very opposite to the Dark Lord's campaign of pure-blood supremacy) in particular. But even a white knight in shining armour could turn out to be a despot if given too much power...
-o-
Alice Steel smirked inwardly- unlike Albus Dumbledore's favoured Gryffindors, these Slytherin kids had no intention to change the world for the better, forcing goodness upon everybody. Instead, they merely wanted the world to be a better place for them.
She couldn't find any fault in that. It was a pragmatic and reasonable ambition.
It was also in accordance with The Balance.
-o-
In the end, it was all quite unspectacular. Steel took them to a safe, secured place half up the way to the main crater of the Kilauea, where they were sheltered from the burps of lava the volcano was almost lazily vomiting occasionally- if it wasn't hiccuping columns of smoke and fountains of ashes, that is.
"You alright?" Professor Steel asked Regulus as she watched him mount her broom with a determined expression on his face. For a moment, she wondered if it was right to let those kids face the danger- shouldn't she, as experienced an Auror as she was, send them home and do it herself?But no, they wouldn't want to hear any of that! It was their task, their mission, their time- the time of three determined youngsters, who perhaps didn't even know what they were trying to achieve. And yet, it wasn't up to her to interfere now. They had to make their way. All she could do was to keep a sharp eye on them and to aid them with her experience as an Auror.
-o-
"Up!" Regulus whispered, and his borrowed broom soared up into the skies. It wasn't even as lame as he had expected at first glance, for it looked far more battered and worn than it actually was. Actually, it was a very fine broomstick.
He took his time getting accustomed to it, flying in circles over the crater of the Kilauea, avoiding its occasional outbursts of dust, rocks and lava.. It was fun. For the most part of it, it was as much fun as playing Quidditch, hovering over the pitch and looking out for the Snitch.
But this was not a game; he wasn't here to have fun or enjoy riding a decent broom.
He had to do it, had to drop the locket into the hot-bubbling maw of the volcano-
Wasn'titashametodestroySlytherin'slocket?After all, it was a heirloom of one of the founders of Hogwarts and therefore a precious magical artefact...
"NO!"
Shouting silently to himself he dispelled these ideas. They didn't matter. He's so had it with heirlooms and being the heir of an ancient- the most noble and ancient!- family. Here he was, finally being able to be just Regulus and doing the thing that he deemed right. And yes, it was right to destroy that awful, sinister thing.
It was the exact opposite to Quidditch. Instead of having to catch something, he now just had to let it drop. It sounded so simply, but it wasn't. Somehow, it required a lot more determination...
-o-
Raven noticed his hesitation and hoped that Regulus would get a grip on himself. Perhaps it had been a bad idea to put so much trust in the boy- but then, something... changed. It was a feeling similar to yesterday when she had given the locket to Professor Steel, only this time it was so much stronger and the feeling of clarity was more... intense.The weight that had lasted on her shoulders had not only been lifted, but wasn't even lingering like a dark cloud all around her, and she felt a sudden wave of relief washing over her.
He's done it!
Regulus Black had dropped the locket into the maw of the Kilauea. She thought she could hear one last angry hiss from somewhere deep within her mind, then it was gone. The powers of nature- or that of the goddess Pele- had destroyed the Horcrux. One part of Lord Voldemort's soul was extinguished in an infernal lake of red-hot glowing magma.
For a moment, the earth seemed the rumble.
Just in time, Regulus spiralled higher on his broom. The volcano erupted again, spitting out fiery bits of rock- but it was only a short spectacle, as if the Kilauea was merely giving a satisfied burp after the fine lunch of snake-soul it had had- or so Raven thought as she clapped her hands and cheered at Regulus' flying skills. She was so happy, so overjoyed... and also so in need to share her joy that she couldn't help herself; she just had to fling her arms around Severus and hug him.
-o-
Over the years of knowing Raven Lestrange and her quirks, Severus had grown accustomed to her hugs; in fact, there was nothing wrong with being hugged by a pretty witch. It was rather... flattering, indeed.
This time, however, it was different. It was different because he suddenly recalled the words the whelp had said, unrequested and unwanted. 'She'sinlovewithyou,' he'd said and that made the hug a little awkward.
Severus was certain that Regulus had made it up only to fool him, and the boy had almost succeeded. The annoying scent of green apples smelled so tempting that he could very nearly imagine to fall in love with his best friend... of course that was absurd.
He was just thinking of something nice to say, something he could whisper in her ear. That moment she turned her head (in order to give him a friendly peck on the cheek) and their noses collided. Severus wished the ground would open up in another volcanic crater and swallow him; it was too embarrassing. Naturally, he blamed it all on his big nose for he was uncomfortably aware of its size.
Raven laughed. Now, that didn't come as a surprise since everybody laughed about his nose and he still remembered each and every time the Marauders had mocked and teased him...
Then, she cupped his face in her hands and kissed him.
DearMerlin!, he thought in a state of pleasant shock, and then he stopped thinking. Her lips were so soft and pliable, so... enticing. He just couldn't stand there as if turned into a pillar of salt, doing nothing. He simply had to kiss her back, had to indulge in the softness of her lips, in the little moan that escaped her throat. She seemed to enjoy it, even craving for more.
Meanwhile, his arms had developed a life of their own because they had come snaking around her waist, pulling her closer and closer. He could feel her lean body pressed against his and for once he wasn't bothered by the reaction of his own teenage body; it seemed to be only natural... no matter how wrong it was.
Was it wrong?
He was so confused because it felt so good... and yet he wasn't in love with Raven. He loved Lily. He was betraying Lily- no. No, he wasn't. The part of his brain that was still capable of logical thinking told him that he couldn't possibly betray a witch who had chosen his best nemesis to be her husband. There was nothing wrong with snogging Raven. He could kiss whoever he liked, and Raven was kissing him with a passion that was... well, actually too sensual for a kiss shared between best friends... her lips held the promise for so much... more...
-o-
"Oi! Seen that?" Regulus cried out as he landed, then he mouthed a silent, 'Oh,' when he noticed what he had just disturbed- while in the air, flying, he'd been too busy evading rocks and pieces to pay attention to what was going on below him. He almost stumbled over his broom- could it be that Snape had finally come to his senses? Finally, the idiot was snogging her! Unfortunately, though, they broke their kiss as soon as he came bursting the scene.
The hand he had raised and balled into a fist of triumph sank, but nobody could wipe that big smile of Regulus' face. Inwardly, he was cheering for them (and also for himself because of his stunts on the broom- deep in his heart, he just knew he was a brilliant flyer, the star of the Slytherin Quidditch team-)
Professor Steel cleared her throat. "Well done, Mr Black."
Regulus turned to glance at her, grinning rather sheepishly as he wondered if she had dissolved into thin air for the time it had taken Severus and Raven to snog each other senseless- or why had her presence not bothered them? Well, perhaps it was the ability of a skilled Auror to simply blend into oblivion...
"You were great, Reg!" Raven exclaimed enthusiastically and quite surprisingly. All of a sudden, Regulus had his arms full of a deliciously excited witch, hugging him. Still being half entwined with him, she turned her head to flash the others a knowing glance. "I told you he's a brilliant flyer, didn't I?"
"Indeed, Miss Lestrange, indeed."
Meanwhile, Severus had put on an inscrutable expression, not revealing any emotion at all. Nevertheless, Professor Steel sensed a little discomfort in his aura, probably due to the fact that Miss Lestrange was hugging the Black boy.
Oh,allthatteenagedrama! She thought, feeling younger and more alive than she had for decades, and she really enjoyed the part she was playing in their... game- in the everlasting game or battle of the universe, fighting and striving for balance.
Well, for now, the balance was restored; thanks to young Mr Black. But what would tomorrow bring?
She ushered the kids back to her house and watched them retreat to their bedrooms- as directed the night before (the one to the left for the boys, the other one to the right for the girl). Interestingly, they didn't exchange a single word on their way back.
-o-
A little later, in the boy's room, the silence grew rather uncomfortable. Regulus stole a clandestine glance at Severus, wondering what to say to break the silence. Unfortunately, he couldn't think of anything.
But he should say something. Perhaps he should even encourage Snape to trust him and believe what he had said on the plane. Then, he'd mustered the courage to tell him what was obvious; alas, he didn't feel particularly courageous now... what a bloody dilemma. It made him realize that they were still far away from being friends. In fact, they were still strangers, mere acquaintances and therefore not entitled to judge or jest the other one for being a daft idiot.
If he'd been a braver man, he would have told Severus to go and knock on Raven's door, knowing he wouldn't regret it.
What he didn't know was that it would have been in vain because Raven had left her room for the bathroom to take a long cold shower...
-o-
The cold shower didn't help. Perhaps it just wasn't... cold enough to wash away those needs from her mind. Resolutely, she turned off the shower. She's had it with patience, with waiting for him to make the first step (which would probably never happen) and most of all she's had in with him being prudish, still pining for bloody St Lily-on-the-pedestal. It was about time to kick her off the pedestal, and there was only one way to succeed. Seduction.
-o-
Severus was still lounging on his bed, brooding, looking sullen. Occasionally, he shot a dark glare in Regulus' direction to discourage the boy from daring to speak a word. He didn't want to hear anything.
His his face was inscrutable, not showing any emotion while his mind was in a mess. He should be pondering over the fact that they had just succeeded in destroying one part of the Dark Lord's soul and what implications could be drawn from that. Perhaps it even was a milestone on the way of freeing the wizarding world and defeating Lord V- There, he was doing it again! Referring to the most evil wizard of their times in the very same casual, slightly disrespectful term as Raven called him. And he was back thinking about her, the kiss they had just shared; he simply couldn't get it out of his head.
If only he'd had more experience, more social competence... if only he'd be accustomed to have friends or at least one best mate- someone he could talk things over. Banal things like love and desire... and sex. Alas, his only experience with the opposite sex was years ago; the girl Lucius Malfoy had bought him as a birthday present, at Madam Marguerite's.
Usually, he would obstinately insist that lust was a weakness and exercise control over his needs, because Severus Snape wasn't weak. On the other hand, he was being painfully reminded of the fact that he was a healthy young wizard- actually just a teenager- and no matter how strictly he tried to ignore that fact, it was only natural to have desires. And so he couldn't stop thinking about Raven and the kiss they had shared, although he knew that it was wrong to feel that way about his best friend.
Or wasn't it?
Was Regulus probably right?
So many questions and yet he couldn't bring himself to simply ask the whelp what he had meant when he'd said that Raven was in love with him. Severus knew that she liked him a lot (after all, she'd never let him down, no matter what he'd done)- but that didn't necessarily mean that she fancied him...
That moment, the door opened and Raven Lestrange entered.
-o-
Regulus opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again, giving the impression of a fish gulping for air. She was clad (if you could call it being clad at all) in a colourful sarong she had casually wrapped around her body. Well, although it did cover her private parts, she was still revealing quite a lot of deliciously tanned skin, glittering with moistness from the shower she'd just taken.
Wow, he thought, feasting his eyes on her slender form,being a typical teenage boy with the very same so very typical teenage dreams on his mind-
She didn't have to say much. Actually, she merely had to flash him a devious smile that seemed to say, 'piss off, whelp,' and so he hastened to obey. Regulus knew when three was a crowd. He rose and walked to the door, suddenly remembering that he wanted to watch TV anyway.
He closed the door behind him.
Now, it was all up to Raven.
-o-
Severus arched an inquiring brow at her, wondering and silently hoping (although he just as silently condemned himself for having these thoughts) that what she seemed to have in mind was indeed what he had been fantasizing about for too long already.
Butit'snotright, a voice inside his head screamed.
He hushed it and decided to pay no attention to it...
"Now, where did we stop?" Raven asked in a husky tone as she approached him,
"I...um..." For once, Severus was at a loss because she moved closer and kissed him again.
Granted, this could have turned out quite embarrassing, especially for Raven who was staking it all on one card now, pushing him... probably too far. And yet, while the threat- the fear- of rejection was hovering over her like a dark cloud, he kissed her back. Any sort of logical thinking seemed to dissolve into thin air.
He realized that she wouldn't stop at snogging him senseless when her eager hands started pulling at the hem of his shirt and her fingers reached out to touch him, caressing him, making his skin burn with her touch- her golden tanned hands standing out in stark contrast to the paleness of his flesh.
Merlin! He moaned wordlessly- was she really trying to seduce him? It made him shiver with anticipation...
The very idea made even less sense to him than Regulus Black's mindless drivel, claiming than she was in love with him. He knew that she had feelings for him and perhaps she actually loved him somehow- in a friendly, sisterly nature- but he'd never ever dared to dream that Raven could possibly desire him.
No one had ever desired him. The only girl he'd ever slept with had been bought with Malfoy's money and that had merely happened to manipulate him... sort of a promotional gift to make him join the ranks of the Dark Lord, promising fulfilment of any kind.
It was, of course, different with Raven. She wasn't playing games with him since no one paid her for wanting him; her desire was honest- and shocking. She wanted him. Him!
Was there anything desirable about him?
-o-
He'sperfect, she thought as she pulled the shirt over his head and threw it away. His skin was as white as cream... no,Alabaster...and his lean body was deliciously defined. Of course, Severus was not a very athletic person, but she didn't fancy men with too many muscles anyway. Raven rather enjoyed the sinewy strength of his long limbs and she absolutely adored the elegance of his fingers when they finally dared to touch her.
Then, it all went a tad too fast for her liking. For a moment, she thought that the excitement of feeling him within her would nearly kill her and she couldn't restrain a jubilating little gasp-
'Ohyes,' she moaned almost inaudible. Finally! She'd been waiting for this to happen for so long and then-
Raven let out a frustrated sigh for she'd been so close to bliss, but it was over much too soon.
-o-
Severus rolled on to his back, panting, gasping for breath.
Wow! It was a so much more pleasurable experience to have sex with a witch who wasn't paid for it, and he closed his eyes for a moment to catch the fact that he'd just had sex. With a wonderful, beautiful, willing girl...
He didn't notice her frustration; didn't realize she still longed to be satisfied. Fortunately, though, he was unaware of his lack of experience, otherwise he would have run away in shame and misery with the very intention to never ever touch a girl again.
Fortunately for him, Raven was aware of his inexperience, thinking it cute and charming and also flattering that for once she was the one who could teach him something since she wasn't willing to let him get away that easily. She'd tasted blood and she wanted more.
So she cuddled up to him, resting her head on his shoulder as she let gentle fingers run down his chest. After a moment of awkward silence, she cleared her throat and whispered,
"You know, Sev, girls like to cuddle afterwards. They like to touch and being touched."
"Um..."
She simply took his hand and showed him where she wanted to be touched.
He inhaled audibly, sharply, but allowed her to guide him for she felt so very good; her skin was soft and warm and he really wanted to touch her, wanted to revel in the beauty of a female body. Knowing he'd rushed things a little, being too keen, too aroused, too... starved from months and years of unwanted celibacy, never expecting that a beautiful witch could possibly desire him. And Merlin, she was beautiful!
So he kissed her again, but soon he broke the kiss to let his mouth trail down her neck where it lingered for a while, amazed by the reaction it caused for Raven started to moan, whispering his name, writhing... she seemed to like what he was doing and that made him curious of what else she might like.
It was like exploring a totally new terrain since he hadn't had the opportunity to gather much experience yet. Nevertheless, Severus was a fast learner. It thrilled him to figure out that she liked him to cup her breasts not too gently and that she was kind of ticklish when his hands ghosted down her hips. Her nipples hardened when he gave them a swirl of his tongue, but she giggled when he did the same with her navel. He learned that it was alright to laugh in bed because it was supposed to be fun, and he adored her husky voice when she gave him... instructions, since it was also alright to say what one liked or disliked. It was part of the fun and not meant as any form of criticism. He knew that because of the way she touched him, making him feel more accepted than he'd ever been before.
Thus encouraged, his hands and lips strayed down south of her navel, touching and tasting, being met with anticipation.
Never before in his life had he been more proud, more approving of himself than the very moment she climaxed under his touch. And never before had he seen anything more beautiful than that expression on her face- so delightfully blushed, her eyes closed in bliss, her lips pursed as though they were longing to be kissed again, as though she simply couldn't get enough of him.
-o-
"Sev, please," she whispered, longing to feel him within her again and he didn't have to be asked twice.
Like most young men, no matter if teenage wizard or Muggle, he was more than ready to fulfil her request, almost brimming over with potency that wanted to find relief.
The second time was so much better than the first, but since all good things came in threes it was the third time that really undid them, leaving them both panting and completely sated, tired out
He could still feel her climax with every pore of his body, in every synapse of his mind. It was totally overwhelming, an experience he hadn't expected. At least not that intense. Had he really thought that having sex was being overrated? Well, perhaps he'd been wrong. Perhaps it was the most wonderful thing in the world, even better than the thrill of brewing a challenging potion and succeeding at it. There was more to life than that and he actually felt more alive than ever before.
-o-
Sated and satisfied, Raven snuggled up closer to him, still craving for proximity. Sleepily, she whispered 'Iloveyou'into his ear.
All of a sudden, Severus felt an irrational surge of anger. He didn't know whether he was angry at her or at himself- he just had to get away from her. Leaving the bed, he made his way to the window where he stared out into the velvety darkness of nightly Hawaii. Occasionally, there was an orange glow in the sky when the Kilauea was gulping up lava and somewhere in the distance, he could hear the rumbling of the sea.
While Summoning the pack of cigarettes from Raven's room and lighting one, he pondered what had upset him so. Why was he suddenly feeling... cheated by her confession? Didn't everybody want to hear those three words?
Well, yes- perhaps. And he was indeed torn between feeling flattered and furious. Had she lied to him, all those years ago, when she had promised to talk to Lily and make her understand his slip of tongue. But Raven had failed- on purpose? Because she wanted him for herself?
He inhaled deeply, and that seemed to clear his mind. Merlin, this was so absurd! Raven Lestrange was the most loyal person he'd ever met. His glance drifted in her direction, taking in the peaceful expression on her face, the smile gracing her lips as she was sleeping, fortunately oblivious of his thoughts
True, her confession had startled him. But was it really such a horrible idea to know that a beautiful, wonderful witch was in love with him? At least it was a weird, almost unrealistic idea. And yet it should have come as no surprise since the little Black had told him so.
His life was a mess and now he had complicated it even more. On the other hand, it hadn't been that bad. In fact, it had been quite pleasurable- and that was perhaps the understatement of the year.
He recalled her kisses; the way she had touched him. The softness of her skin and her intoxicating scent, and all of a sudden he felt an almost painful pang of tenderness for that witch. Damn! He cursed himself as he flipped the cigarette out of the window and returned to bed.
Carefully, he wrapped the blanket around her naked shoulders and heaved a sigh as he slipped under the cover, enjoying the feeling of her naked body in his arms. Life was a wonderful mess.
-o-
She woke when a ray of early sunshine tickled her nose. As she wrinkled her nose and tried to dim out the annoying light by pulling the blanket over her head, she recalled the most wonderful dream she'd ever had. She and Severus- no, that wasn't a dream; it had happened! But reaching out for him, she had to realize that the dream seemed to have ended since the bed was empty, only the ghost of his warmth was still lingering.
Raven opened her eyes and saw him standing in the room, getting dressed.
Ohshit!Whattodonow?Whathaditbeenforhim? This was- perhaps- the most embarrassing moment ever. The fear of rejection was nagging her, but not enough to silence her. She had to know...
That moment, he glanced in her direction, noticing that she was awake. He offered her a wry smile and said, 'good morning', while looking for his second sock.
"Sev!" She burst out, sounding frantic, and that made him turn to give her a second glance. "Are we still friends?"
"Of course we are," he replied casually.
"Just friends? Or, possibly... something more than just friends? Friends with... benefits? You know... certain... privileges?"
Severus arched a brow at her. For once, she couldn't read him at all.
"You said you love me." He didn't know why he mentioned that now; perhaps he simply needed some clarity. For a usually quite rational mind, Severus was clearly at a loss when it came to emotions. His mind was a mess of screaming bright neon letters that refused to form sensible, intelligent words like love, lust or friendship- anything to define what exactly he was feeling for her, because there was no denying that he did indeed have feelings for her. It was just so confusingly frustrating- or frustratingly confusing- to specify the true nature of said feelings.
Well, there were bonds of friendships that were strong, and in the name of friendship he felt guilty for having overstepped the limits. But lust had been stronger. Yes, he desired her. She was intelligent, kind and... beautiful... Merlin, he wished he could just stop brooding and ravish her again because she simply looked adorable in the early morning sun; it made her tanned skin shine golden (and she was showing plenty of it, barely covered by the blanket she was hugging, looking at him expectantly) and her tousled hair and the rumpled sheets reminded him of last night's passion.
But what about love? Did he love her? There were no butterflies in his stomach, nothing that could be compared to what he was feeling for Lily. On the other hand, there was no fear of rejection, no awkward anticipation; no need to impress and become a man of reputation, fortune and fame just to please her in order to receive a reward- a kind word, a smile...
In his imagination, any chance of having a relationship with a witch had always started with serious wooing on his part; he would have to prove himself worthwhile so that she could ignore his less handsome appearance, his lack of social competence. If he succeeded in asking her out for a date, there were supposed to be long walks, candlelight dinners at his expense, and then- perhaps- a first shy kiss as a reward for his efforts. He would buy an engagement ring too expensive for him to get the church bells ringing before he could even hope to get laid...
Now, things had taken a completely different turn and his order of what was supposed to happen was in disarray, totally reversed by Raven. They had started with having sex before he'd had the chance to figure out what she meant to him.
"I do," she admitted in a whisper, blushing as she nibbled at her lips.
"I..." Severus cleared his throat but he didn't really know what to say; it would only come out wrong. He would ruin it again, like he ruined it with Lily. And yet, he couldn't tell her what she wanted to hear. "I don't deserve you. You deserve a better man than me."
Raven gave him a stubborn glare. "I don't want anyone else. I want you."
Quickly he pulled his shirt over his head so that she couldn't see him blush, and he mumbled. "I don't know if I can return the sentiment with the same... absoluteness. I mean, you are very dear to me- but love is such a big word..."
She knew it was because of Lily, because he just couldn't get the absurd idea out of his head that one day it would work between him and bloody St Lily. But last night had proved that he was capable of forgetting Miss Holier-Than-Thou for a while. Last night had been wonderful... and yet, she would not beg for an encore.
"Yeah, but you will never know unless you give it a try." The words left her lips before she had the chance to think them over. Ohshit, so much about not begging... she rolled her eyes at her own stupidity.
To her surprise, however, he didn't call her absurd or dismissed the idea at once. Instead, he seemed to ponder the consequences of getting involved with her in a more or less romantic way- it was selfish to agree but foolish not to. Either way might mean the end of their friendship, but it had taken a dangerous turn anyway and now was much too late to regret last night's action. Besides, he didn't regret it at all...
Nevertheless, he said hesitantly, "I will only disappoint you," and it sounded gloomy.
"I don't think so." Raven rose to cross the distance between them.
Almost instinctively, Severus took a step backwards and tried to avert his eyes in order to not stare at the naked witch approaching him, but to no avail... she just looked too beautiful, too tempting... and he was feeling ashamed because he was just about to make a concession to his needs, to say that, yes, perhaps they should give it a try. But she deserved so much more than he was able to give; she deserved better than him. And yet, he didn't want it to end here and now.
"Listen, Sev, I'm not asking you to marry me or to grow old with me and live happily ever after. All I'm asking you is to give us a chance- just try it. And I promise... well, I promise to let you go without a fight, should Lily ever come to love you more than I do..."
Now, this was positively begging in the most desperate sense- but Raven simply decided that it wasn't. Because it was a promise that was easy to make without hurting her pride, simply because she just knew that St Lily would never leave her pedestal, would never step down from it in order to not only appreciate Severus, but to love and treasure him the way she did.
"Raven, I..." Severus mumbled, looking for words but merely coming up with the same resolution as before. "...I don't deserve you..." His resolve waned when he saw her standing in front of him, radiantly beautiful, glancing at him with expectant eyes. He swallowed hard before he hesitantly offered, "Well... um, yes... perhaps we could give it a try..."
And almost instantly he cursed himself for having made this concession. Merlin,hewassovery...weak- shedefinitelydeservesabettermanthanIwilleverbe,Severus thought. Someone,whowaswillingtolaytheworldatherfeet...andnotsomeonewhodidn'tevenknowwhetherhelovedherornot;someone,whowasstillinlovewithanothergirl,red-hairedandgreen-eyed. He really wished he could give her more, promise her more... love her more. But he just couldn't bring himself to say the words she wanted to hear.
She, however, seemed to be satisfied with his response. Her eyes widened and she stared at him breathlessly, still looking breathtakingly beautiful.
"You really mean try as in... trying to be an item?"
Severus nodded slowly. Yes, he was willing to try and give them a chance- although he seriously doubted it would turn out well; he just didn't have the heart to say no to her, to reject her and make her feel as if she'd been nothing more than a one-night stand to him... because that wasn't true. After all, he did treasure her. She meant so very much to him...
Raven threw her arms around his neck, hugging and kissing him. "Oh, Sev, you won't regret it," she whispered in his ear.
But that was not what he feared anyway- he feared that she might regret it one day. So he gently pried her arms from around his neck, exercising control over himself before passion could overwhelm him once again.
Merlin, but it was so damn tempting to hold her in his arm, kissing her...
Resolutely, he brandished his wand and Summoned her clothes from her room; they piled up neatly in a heap at his feet.
"Get dressed, Lestrange. I reckon Professor Steel and the whelp are already wondering about our absence."
Raven doubted that. At least Reg knew what was going on- but it was very sweet of Sev to consider her... lack of decent garment. It was just as gallant of him as it was slightly prudish. Well, it was just typically Severus. Raven flashed him a smile. He was- almost officially- her boyfriend now, and that fact made her very nearly brim over with glee. She wanted to hug him and kiss him again and again, but she also knew that he was quite a private person who would not appreciate a public display of affection... so she merely breathed a kiss on his cheek and let go of him before they left the room to face the world outside.
What would happen? Would their- Severus'- feeble concession of ...almost love withstand the test of time when they were back in reality, back in real life?