Chapter 4? - in which Shelagh considers her position in life and Patrick does some singing
Sorry for the delay - this chapter was reluctant to take shape, however as I said last time there were one or two things I needed to get going one way or another and I wanted this to be a longer and hefty chapter to take care of that!
Thank you to all of you who review, they're great to read and make me very happy. So please do review - I write for you guys and your opinions matter!
This chapter's song is:
Mama said - The Shirelles (one of my favorite songs!)
Enjoy xx
Shelagh took a sip of tea, trying to wash back the tears of laughter that were running down her cheeks, failing miserably she put the mug down, coughing the drink out of her windpipe,
"… and he said, that's her dog!" breaking into another bout of laughter the three woman collapsed backwards onto their respective seats. Clutching at her side Shelagh tried to sit up-right gasping for breath,
"I have heard that story at least 10 times and it never fails to make me laugh Jenny."
"I've never heard it before!" cried Cynthia who was incredibly red faced and bent double as she sat on the sofa. As the laughter finally abated, and Shelagh had coughed up the last of her tea, Jenny stood up slowly,
"I really do need to leave now sorry!"
"Oh, you're sure you have to go? I haven't had a proper girls catch up in ages."
"Sorry, I'm on nights – I need some sleep before tonight."
"Spoil sport, well you'll stay won't you Cynthia?"
"If there's any more of that courgette cake then you'll never get rid of me!" she replied with a smile. Standing up to hug her friend, Shelagh beamed,
"Well thanks for coming Jenny."
"Oh no problem, give the little one a kiss from me, I won't wake her!"
"Thanks."
"See you soon, bye Cynthia."
"Bye."
"Bye." she threw herself back down onto the sofa and picked her cup back up. "It is so nice to have a grown up conversation for once!"
"Patrick not much of a conversationalist then?"
"Oh it's not that it's just … I don't know. It's hard, more tea?"
"Please … well what's hard? You two always seemed so happy to me."
"We are happy, we're really happy. I'm just being daft really – I think we're just both running on empty at the moment and it's not easy to keep going like that. I've no idea how women 60 years ago managed with one baby after another."
"Divorce was less socially acceptable?"
"Oh granted, It's not that bad yet! … We had a row over the weekend, nothing major – forgiven and forgotten the next day but … but he just kept on telling me that I wasn't Tim's mother, that I didn't understand. I think I was always so defensive that the age gap between us didn't matter that I didn't even consider Tim being an issue."
"And is he? An issue I mean."
"No. Not in the slightest but … I suppose I always thought that loving him was enough to … count."
"But you should count Shelagh, it isn't right if your excluded."
"Patrick never excludes me but … he's right, I'm not his mother, he remembers Clare – she is his mother. Not that I'm trying to be, but … it means that I never can be, I'll always just be Patrick's wife."
"He loves you too though – Tim thinks you're fantastic. I think … it's hard to do what you did, to just cut in and join a family unit like that. There'll always be sticking points."
"I know … I know, I just wish I knew what to do, I don't want to replace Clare, and I'm not trying to – but I feel like me being all reasonable puts me at a disadvantage."
"It will do. Do you think Lenin would have got anywhere if he'd politely requested a communist Russia?"
"You're saying I should have a revolution against my husband's dead ex-wife?"
"Well … no. But you get the drift."
"You've been spending too much time with Miroslav! How is he by the way? I'm wittering on about myself sorry."
"You're not – you're the new mum. No, he's fine … he wants me to go and meet his family, which is … nice"
"You don't sound sure, do you want to?"
"I want to stay with him, because I really care about him … and I want to make him happy."
"Well that's not even vaguely the answer to my question."
"I've never been abroad Shelagh, I mean I haven't even been to France on a school trip … let alone Serbia!"
"I can't speak from experience, but I imagine it's quite nice, and if he wants you to meet his family then he must love you."
"I know, which is why I can't say no."
"It's hard being in relationships, sometimes you've just got to take the plunge and bite the bullet."
"You're mixing your metaphors."
"Oh I'm full of clichés! But I just mean, sometimes you have to step outside your comfort zone for someone you love … if you do love them that is?"
"I do … I really do."
"And he knows that?"
"Not as such no."
"Well – I would imagine that would be the first step. And the second is to tell him you're scared and that you need his support."
"You're really sensible."
"I'm a Mum now – I have to be, unfortunately!"
*How long until you're off mat-leave? Julie*
*9 months, why? Missing me? Shealgh*
*So much! Wyn has destroyed the Royston and is causing havoc on maternity – I'm ready to pack it in! Julie*
*Why? What's happened? What's she done to my clinic!? Shelagh*
*All that filing you did, cross referencing with social services, regular drugs testing for known users, regular STI tests for known prostitutes – all "fixed" Julie*
*WHAT HAS SHE DONE!? Shelagh*
*I think Patrick and Dan may be about to take her to car park and leave her in one of the wheelie bins until the aliens come to collect her. Julie*
*oh god oh god – let me back! let me back to repair her damage! Shelagh*
*Be my guest, after today I'd rather have Herod working as a midwife than Wyn. Julie*
"Hi!"
"Hi Tim," Shelagh called through from the living room, where she was curled up on the armchair with a dead arm feeding Nina. "There's sausage casserole in the kitchen for you, and some courgette cake on the side."
"Courgette cake?"
"It's nice, try it. How was scouts?" She asked, turning her head slightly as Tim walked in with a plate of casserole and mashed potato,
"Good, little kids are mental!"
"Yup. What have you done with your Dad?"
"Parking, he's had to go round the corner again, there's no room on the street."
"Oh lord, it's getting worse. You know they're thinking of making is residents parking only? If you ask me it can't come soon enou … oh God."
"What?"
"Sorry, for a minute there I sounded just like my sister."
"Quick … do something to reverse it!"
"Ummm … I hate day-time TV and I think economy squash tastes the same as Robinsons!"
"Equilibrium is restored!"
"No it hasn't – when did you start saying equilibrium?"
"It was on the Big Bang Theory."
"Ahh – makes sense." The front door clicked and Patrick wandered into the living room, rubbing his hands fiercely together to warm them up from the cold evening air, bending down he kissed Shelagh swiftly on the cheek and flopped down on the sofa beside his son.
"What was all that shouting about squash."
"Oh, I was restoring the equilibrium."
"… Of course you were love!" Turning away from her husband, Shelagh gave Tim a sly smile,
"There's casserole in the oven for you, and cake on the side, and while you're in the kitchen – I'll have a cup of tea."
"Slave driver!"
"Yup. Oh I got a text from Julie a couple of hours ago. I hear Wyn's been having fun?"
"No. Don't mention that bloody woman to me! I could have swung for her today, honestly the … urgh!"
"That bad?"
"The Royston is a mess, she's ruined that. I think Trixie's being sent down tomorrow to sort it all out. She just writes the most bizarre random crap on her notes in the delivery rooms, I get them through and it's just … I mean half of it's not even legible, and I wish the other half weren't."
"Oh I know. She's ruined the Royston – I spent so long sorting it out, trying to make it all work."
"Sorry love, but it's all right; Trixie'll get it all ship-shape and Bristol fashion, and then hopefully when it's open again on Monday it'll be back to … well almost how it was."
*I here you're fixing the Royston tommorow? Sxxx*
*Yea – all day! Txx*
*Need a hand? Sxxx*
*Why? You bored of the baby? Txx*
*It's the meeting with the vicar for the christening at 9 – I'll be in town anyway from about 10:30? Sxxx*
*if you want to – no pressure! Could sure use your help tho baby Txx*
*Thanks! Sxxx*
Shelagh tried to soothe Nina a little, she was grizzling miserably to herself and nothing either Patrick or Shelagh had done would make her settle. She had eventually given up and left the vicar alone with Patrick and left the vestry to see if a stroll would calm Nina, she was fairly unsuccessful. Exhausted she sat down on one of the pews pulling Nina in closer, and manoeuvring her slightly to try and relive her numb arm she looked around the church, the plaques to famous former parishioners buried in its grounds, the stone sarcophagi to long gone princes and lords and the wilting flower displays, in need of refreshing. Brought up in a faith she had long since drifted away from, Shelagh always felt a little guilty coming to church, while at the same time somewhat comforted, faith was comforting in her mind; but religion less so. In the cool silent calm of the church that day however she felt the silence seeping into her, there wasn't enough silence in her life, time to think in absolute clarity and serenity, it even seemed to be affecting Nina who was starting to settle slightly. What was the right decision? She wondered, she had so many choices to make, and one in particular at the forefront of her mind, one that she was so unclear on. A seed of a thought that had been in her brain for a while, and that every now and then bubbled up to the surface before she pushed it back down and tried to ignore it.
Was she on the right path, or was there something else, or more for her that she was ignoring? She didn't doubt her role, but was there a better one for her out there, one that she was trying to supress and avoid? If there was, then she didn't know why she tried to deny it, Patrick would support her no matter what she was sure. It needed discussion certainly, with Patrick and with Julie too. The sound of the door to her left opening loudly shook her from her reverie, she stood up and turned quickly to see her husband and the vicar leaving the side room. Patrick looked relived if nothing else, the clergy made him perpetually uneasy, giving him a smile she walked towards the two men.
"Sorry – I was going to come back in, but she was just so hard to settle."
"It's no problem, I quite understand. I think your husband has all the details, but do feel to ring if you've got any other questions. If you'll excuse me, Mrs Turner, Mr Turner." He said, shaking them both by the band and dashing off back into the room he'd just emerged from,
"Well? How was it?"
"Fine, he was fairly straight forward, explained what we have to do, and what the God-parents have to do and all that. You should have sent me out with Nina, I was rubbish in there."
"I'm sure you were fine Patrick," she said, passing Nina across to him and shaking her arm out to try and restore the blood flow. "I can't say I've a lot of experience with planning christenings either you know, in fact in this relationship you're the christening expert!"
"Relatively speaking, and even then I can't remember doing much in the way of planning. I think I got my suit dry-cleaned and opened a bottle of whisky afterwards, but that was the sum total of my contribution."
"There's just no hope for us then."
"I'm sure we can cobble together something resembling a christening if we put our minds to it, we managed a wedding after all."
"Weddings are easy – everyone's drunk. You don't need to take me home by the way." She added, as she opened the back door to let Patrick but the baby in her car seat,
"Oh, are you going to stay in the car all day like a border collie, I can leave the window open a crack if you need!"
"Very droll Dr Turner." reaching under the driver's seat she pulled the seat forward, Patrick's legs being considerably longer than hers. "No – I'm on a promise, I said I'd pop into the Royston and give Trixie a hand with the salvaging of all my hard work on the data base and … Patrick, what have you done to the rear-view mirror?"
"You're tiny, for normal sized people like me it's positioned to show me the road."
"I can't see a thing."
"You're tiny. Anyway, what do you mean you're going to the Royston, you're on maternity leave love."
"I'm not going in for long, but my system was, if I say so myself, perfect. Everyone liked it, even social services - and you know what they're like to please, if I spend half an hour with Trixie helping her out then it'll save her about 12 hours trying to figure it all out."
"I suppose, but you should be resting, and you'll miss spending all day with Nina when you're back at work!"
"I know I know, but really at the end of the day – I'm sat in the driving seat and have the car keys, so not unreasonably I feel I have the upper hand in this instance." Flashing him a smile she pulled out of their tight parking space outside the church, and back towards the hospital as opposed to towards the house, taking the car keys off Patrick had been a tactical manoeuvre on her part to get into the hospital.
"You're a plotting devious woman Shelagh Turner, Soviet Russia would have welcomed you."
"How do you know they didn't?"
"The Scottish accent and your dislike of vodka?"
"Well I'd be a pretty crap spy if I had a Russian accent and was swigging vodka from a USSR branded hipflask!"
"True … there's also the lack of a Communist empire."
"Well, as far as the Capitalist west know comrade."
"Good Afternoon - maternity, sister speaking."
"Hi Julie, it's Shelagh."
"Oh hello you! How's tricks?"
"Uh … tricky. Listen, I'm in the Royston."
"Have you taken up heroin?"
"Not quite yet, no – I just came in to give Trixie a hand with the reconnaissance mission thanks to all Wynn's … hard work!"
"Oh good Lord, thank you!"
"But I wondered if me and Nina could pop up quickly to see you? Only if you're not busy obviously."
"I am waist deep in audits – so feel free to distract me with your daughter and some gossip for a while."
"Thanks … uh … is Patrick about?"
"Umm, I've no idea – I haven't seen him since he came in. Why?"
"He'll send me home, I think he thinks I'll collapse if I spend too long in this place, and I need some adult company."
"Ahh – don't worry, mum's the word!"
Handing over a mug of tea and a plate of custard creams, Julie settled back in her desk chair and let Shelagh get herself comfortable before she started,
"So, why are you here?"
"Because I am losing my marbles Julie, I need to speak to another adult apart from Patrick, I love him … but between Nina still being decidedly un-communicative and then he gets home knackered and … I just want to talk to someone else, about normal stuff!"
"I remember that from when mine were little … by the end I had more fruit that we could ever eat just because the only person I could have a normal conversation with was the green-grocer." she said with a laugh, although she was partially joking she could see that her friend was not. "This is really bothering you isn't it?"
"No, I love being at home with Nina, it's … she's always changing and growing and it's amazing! And Patrick's fantastic, he does all he can when he gets home, even Tim'll watch her if I need a nap or a shower but … I want more. I don't want to leave Nina behind, I want to be the best mother I can be -"
"Which means that by default, you are!"
"I wasn't fishing."
"I know, but it's still true."
"I was thinking today, I love being at home with Nina but I can't sit there for another eight and a half months, just … not speaking to adults. I saw the girls the other day – they came round for cake and I realised how much I missed being able to think about stuff that wasn't In the bloody night garden!"
"OK, I can appreciate that at least. So – what are you asking?"
"In two and a half months I'll have done my 6 months on full pay … can I come back to work for the second 6 months? Just part time."
"For me? Yes, in a heartbeat yes. But … but talk it over with Patrick first, make sure you're reading from the same hymn sheet, and Tim too – I know he's back on his feet but he still needs an extra bit of help."
"You think I'm making the wrong decision?"
"No … I think you're making the right decision for you, and for Nina, it'd be no bad thing for her to be in crèche for one or two days a week. But it's not just you and Nina in this, you need to consider Patrick and Tim too – that's part of the deal in being a family, no decision is easy or should be undertaken lightly."
Mama said there'll be days like this, there'll be days like this mama said. Mama said there'll be days like this, there'll be days like this my mama said. I went walking the other day, everything was going fine I met a little boy named Billy Joe, and then I almost lost my mind. Mama said there'll be days like this, there'll be days like this mama said. Mama said there'll be days like this
"There'll be days like this my mama said, my eyes are wide open, but all that I can see is chapel bells are callin' for everyone but a me, but I don't worry 'cause. Mama said there'll be days like this, there'll be days like this mama said, Mama said there'll be days like this."
Patrick was intently dancing around the kitchen with Nina, his dancing and singing were both of questionable standards but their daughter didn't seem to mind, in fact she favoured Patrick's particular shuffle and strange half spoken half sung brand of music. Avoiding them with two bowls of soup in her hands, Shelagh negotiated her way to the table, trying to stop herself laughing at her husband.
"Patrick! I'm going to burn one or both of you in a second – no dancing in the kitchen when I'm carrying soup please."
"Well you're just no fun, where's your sense of adventure."
"Scolding my daughter with tomato soup is not an adventure Patrick."
"Point taken. Well Nina, we'll just go and dance in the front room where we're better appreciated wont we?"
"No, you wont. Tea's ready."
"Spoil sport." Bending over, Patrick placed the baby in her Moses basket near Shelagh's chair and pulled up his own seat opposite her, "Where's the boy?"
"He ate before, apparently there's a documentary on that American body farm that he's not prepared to miss."
"I worry about him sometimes."
"He says it's the insects that he's after, as opposed to the rotting corpses, which is some comfort I suppose."
"Some – has this got paprika in?"
"It has a quantity of mystery spices I found the back of the kitchen cupboard in it … so maybe!"
"Mm, it's nice. Now – how's the Royston looking, are we back fighting fit? Or is Wyn's effect still lingering?"
"Bit of both, I helped Trixie sort out the bulk of it and so hopefully the rest'll start slotting back into place pretty easily … I went up for a cup of tea with Julie too."
"Oh, that's nice. I do worry about you getting cabin fever in here all day, sleep deprived and under house arrest."
"Oh … well actually that's sort of … I was talking to her about when I go back to work."
"Well I know you like to plan ahead love but even by your standards it's a little early!" he replied with a smile, taking a swig of beer. He paused mid mouthful, watching her face – there was an unease about it which was making him nervous, all was not as it seemed, that much at least he could tell.
"Well … yes."
"What?"
"Well, I want to go back to work, not right away obviously … but in 10 weeks. I'll have had 6 months off with Nina, and I'm … I only thought part time you know … one or two days a fortnight … please say something Patrick."
"What do you want me to say?"
"Well … yes or no?"
"Shelagh … you don't need my permission."
"No, but I thought we should discuss it first at least!"
"Love … you are a midwife, through and through – I have always known that you wouldn't stay away from the department longer than strictly necessary. If you want to know if I think it's a good idea, then I'll tell you. But if you want to know if you can then … I've never tried to tell you what you can and can't do."
"So … what do you think?"
"I think that one or two days a week in the crèche would be nice for Nina, new faces and get her socialising. I think that you want to go back to work part time, to a job you love … and I can't see how that would be a bad idea. Also logically … it would make it easier putting her into nursery in 6 months' time full time, if you're both already used to being apart for a day or two each week. What did Julie say?"
"Actually … she made me feel a fool a bit, like I wasn't considering you and Tim in my decision."
"Julie is lovely, and slightly antiquated, and she thinks you're great – she'll support you no-matter what. Oh which reminds me … I've got a present for you."
"Oh?"
"Yeah it's just here." Reaching into the inside pocket of his jacket he pulled out a small book and passed it to her, a Cheshire cat like grin creeping onto his face, Shelagh turned it over slowly in her hands.
"It's a Russian phrase book."
"Yeah – so we can converse in your mother tongue Comrade!"