Sorry for the long time it took to post another chapter, and I'm still not happy with this one, but my dear lovely beta, the wonderful hypnotic ink, likes it, so you have to bear with it.
Enjoy and don't forget to review. Every feedback is encouraging. ;)
52- Play for Today
"So you're living with Edie now," Raven concluded when Regulus told her about yesterday's events.
"I'm not living with her. I merely offered her a place to stay."
"You're so noble, Blackie. Of course, you had no ulterior motive at all for letting her stay in your flat."
"She's just a friend in need."
"She's the girl you're in love with and now you're living together." Raven smirked.
"I am not living with her," Regulus repeated, rolling his eyes. It was absurd to have such a conversation here of all places. "In case you haven't noticed, living with someone does imply that two people are living at the same place, which is not the case since I'm still trapped in the Blacks' family vault at Grimmauld Place, and the only way to change this misery is to rid the world off Lord V. So if you could please take the first step and finally stab that bloody thing?"
They were back in the Gaunt Shack, after Raven had contacted him this morning to inform him that she was now in the possession of Severus' dagger dipped in Basilisk venom. Initially, they had both been very confident and eager to destroy Lord Voldemort's Horcrux- at least when they had Apparated here- but now Raven seemed to waver, playing for time while pestering him with questions about his sexual life...
...It was... satisfying, thank you very much. Of course, Edie's kiss had lead to more. As usual. And yet, it had been different. Less wild and angry but more... emotional. He'd even say they'd made love...
However, that wasn't important now. They were here to destroy a Horcrux, and this time it was Raven's turn.
Oh, he knew why she was hesitating, trying to detract from the deed she would have to perform. Regulus knew of the calling, of the sweet whispering voice that lured you with promises only to dump you in self-doubts and misery only a moment later.
"Don't listen to him, Raven. Don't let him fool you- just do it! Think of that Frodo guy and destroy the ring."
She lowered her hand with the dagger and glanced at him. "Did you finally read 'The Lord of the Rings'?"
"Edie gave me a short summary," Regulus admitted, "just enough for me to understand the context. The Ring was a burden for Frodo, just like the Horcruxes are burdening us, and both artefacts are filled with an evil spirit that is trying to discourage us for they don't want to be destroyed."
"True." She managed a wry smile; her hand was shaking and for a moment she appeared more vulnerable and insecure than Regulus had ever seen her. "Both Dark Lords are really powerful- really mighty, sinister wizards. Do you really think we can stand a chance against HIM?"
"Hey, we're no Hobbits, right? We didn't have to travel many months to a Mount Doom in the Land or Mordor. We Apparated here on a sunny Sunday afternoon and it will still be a sunny Sunday afternoon when we get back home to London. You just have to stab the bloody thing."
Raven knew he was right, and yet she couldn't do it. All of a sudden, she was totally disillusioned, feeling like they were tilting at windmills; a fight, they couldn't possibly win.
"I don't want to save the world," she said pessimistically; there wasn't anything worth saving anyway.
Regulus realized he had to outwit her- or, to be more precise, the Dark Lord. He could comprehend her pessimism since he was a pessimist himself when it came to Lord Voldemort, but they had already destroyed two of his Horcruxes and HE hadn't even noticed, so they could as well destroy a third and still get away with it. All good things come in threes...
He knew he could neither encourage nor persuade her with words that usually worked for heroes... those self-righteous wanna-be heroes. In short, Gryffindors. Of course it wasn't Raven's intention to save the world, or change it; she wasn't aiming for the Greater Good, either. All she ever wanted was a life less full of risks for Severus and herself... well, and probably for her friends, too.
That was exactly what Regulus had to remind her of. And so he gently tried to push her in the right direction.
"You know, the Dark Lord is going to punish Severus for your failure. He will torture him to death or worse if you don't act-"
WHAM! Resolutely, Raven's arm shot forward. Without further hesitation and in a smooth movement she almost seemed to smash the ring with her dagger.
Her immediate reaction came as quite a surprise to Regulus, although he had half expected it. Nevertheless, it was impressive.
Then he heard a long, ear-piercing scream- but it was only in his head and not for real. Soon, it faded into an inaudible, deafening silence that made him close his eyes.
When he opened them again, only an instant later, the ring was strangely still intact, still recognizable as a golden ring with the coat of the Peverells, and Raven was standing there, holding the dagger in her hand, shaking like a leaf.
"You alright?"
"No. I mean, yes." She inhaled audibly, then heaved a sigh that sounded as if a great burden had been taken off her shoulders, and then she laughed. It wasn't a happy laugh, though. "Bloody hell! That motherfucking bastard! He almost managed to convince me that I was wrong- can you believe it?"
"I know. I guess we all experienced the same."
"No. You did a great job, you and Sev, when you destroyed the first two. You acted sophisticatedly in every way, whereas I- well, I behaved like a total sissy."
"Come on, Raven, that's not true and you know it. Without you, we wouldn't be here at all, and Sev and I would be marked with Lord V's ghastly tattoo-"
"Instead, you have a true-to-life portrait of Kreacher tattooed on your arse," Raven snorted darkly.
"At least it was done by a true artist and came with no obligations." Gently, Regulus took her arm and lead her out of the Gaunt Shack, into the summer sunshine. Almost at once, she seemed to relax. "Anyway, don't worry about having hesitated because that happened to all of us. You're definitely not a sissy. It's just the evil spirit of Lord V messing with our determination, trying to question our motive, our belief... the faith we have in friendship- or love. In the end, he failed."
The warmth of the sun on her skin dispelled the chill in her bones. "Thanks, Reg. Thanks for putting me straight again. I guess I owe you-"
"Hey, that's what friends are for. Glad I could be of avail for once. Usually it's you, willing us on with your optimism."
"Hm, but I wasn't very optimistic today, eh?"
"For a moment, you weren't indeed. Fortunately, I knew how to... encourage you."
"Yeah, you did well." Now, she offered him an honest smile, one that reached her eyes. Then she walked a few steps away from him, from the darkness of the shack, enjoying the warm sunshine. After a moment she turned around again and shot him an inquisitive glance. "So what about you and Edie? Didn't you say you wanted to keep your place a secret?"
He chose to not reply to that. Wasn't it just a rhetoric question anyway?
Only an instant later, she was back by his side, placing a hand on his arm."But you are aware of the dangers of letting Edie into your life, aren't you?"
"I'm not a fool Raven. I'm pretty much aware of not having chosen the most suitable love interest, but does one really have a choice when it comes to love?"
"No," she replied quietly, thinking of Severus. "And it was not my intention to blame you, anyway. I know how you feel about her and I'm actually glad that things are finally beginning to develop agreeably between the two of you. Just try to be careful, alright?"
"Believe me, I know what's at risk."
"I bet you do! You're a helpless romantic, Blackie."
"Ha! Says the right person when if comes to being helplessly involved in a whatever or not romantic relationship with our dear Severus."
Raven sighed. She really didn't want to talk about Sev now, it was too frustrating. She still missed him so and that short meeting yesterday had simply not been enough to still the longing; it had merely rekindled it. And it bugged her tremendously that she couldn't even tell him about today's success- although she wasn't really happy with herself, cursing her hesitation and Lord V's evil spirit for causing it, she had nevertheless managed to destroy the bloody Horcrux.
"Merlin, I could really use a drink now. Can we please go and have a drink, somewhere?"
-o-
They decided to not visit the Hanged Man again, although it was the nearest place to get a drink. Distance, however, didn't really matter to wizards. They knew other means of transport than Muggles and so Regulus and Raven were back in her flat in London only an instant later. And since Raven still seemed to be a tad exhausted from fighting her own demons, personified by the Dark Lord's Horcrux, Regulus had taken her there by Side-Along Apparation to minimize the risk of her Splinching herself. To his surprise, she hadn't offered much protest.
One glass of cheap red wine later, she was mulling over their situation, still regretting the fact that she couldn't contact Severus or communicate with him.
What was all the trouble worth for if she couldn't tell him?
"What's bothering you?" Regulus asked.
"The fact that it would be supportive to Severus, especially in his recent position at Hogwarts, to find out we succeeded in destroying another Horcrux today. Alas, there's no bloody phone box there, and all our oh-so-sophisticated ways of wizarding communication are being monitored. Hell, I can't even sent him a bloody owl, since they are being intercepted. Total control for a little illusion of safety that doesn't exist in our world anyway."
"Well, there are other ways of communication than owls."
"Like what? Like the fantastic Flee Network? Forget it! It's not safe either."
"I know. I was thinking of something else..." Regulus fell silent, recalling holidays at Grimmauld Place, some years ago when he still had a brother. It was the year before Sirius had run off to stay with the Potters, before he'd been blasted off the family tree. That year, Sirius had preferred to stay on his own, in his Gryffindor decorated room, sulking that he wasn't allowed to meet with his Gryffindor friends. Father had thought that would cure him of his renegade behaviour, but father's educational method had failed. Somehow, Sirius had still managed to stay in touch with that annoying Potter boy, although not a single owl had arrived for him.
Of course, their parents hadn't noticed. They hardly ever noticed those little details. The boys were expected to behave decently and as long as the house-elves could fix the problem, and the family's reputation wasn't bruised, they chose not to bother.
But Regulus had started to wonder and so he'd taken up spying on his brother. It happened more out of curiosity since it was clearly not his intention to tattle on Sirius to his parents; he could still recall the times when they were thick as thieves... before the wheels of expectation had driven them apart...
"Sirius used a Two-way-mirror to communicate with bloody James Potter when they couldn't meet during the holidays."
"Of course!" Raven exclaimed. "I heard they used them when they were in different detentions." And now she even remembered Sirius at Hogwarts with a mirror in his hand, talking to it. Probably telling himself how very good-looking he was, she had thought then, and she had winced at his enormous vanity, clearly overestimating his appearance. Now, however, she was beginning to see things in a different light. "Two-way mirrors, eh? Yeah, that makes sense, I guess. They can't be monitored, can they? Where can we get some?"
Regulus shrugged. "I have no idea. As far as I know, you can't buy them- at least they're not at sale at Borgin and Burkes, and that's the most significant place if you want to buy... um, unusual magical artefacts."
"Borgin and Burkes sells Dark Arts stuff, and Two-way-mirrors aren't dark stuff," Raven gave to consider.
"True, but they're not really Ministry-approved either," Regulus reminded her.
She heaved a sigh. "On the other hand, the Ministry is not the most reliable measure of all things."
"Decidedly not. It's a zoo, and I hate having to work there."
"Severus hates working at Hogwarts, too, and yet he has to."
"I know, I know. We have to play our roles in this game. It just sucks."
"Anyway," Raven changed the subject before she could lament that there were better things to waste her time with than dancing scantily-clad in a dingy club in Knockturn Alley- on the other hand, she was so much better off than the boys because she had chosen to do the dancing job and it still left her enough time for other... activities. "I could use a pair of these Two-way-mirrors. How did Sirius came by his?"
"If I may hazard a guess, he and Potter made them. They were always very inventive when it came to breaking the rules, testing out their limits and annoying other people."
"I remember." The 'Fat Crow' was still ringing in her ears and she recalled several other humiliations by the Fab Four, the Marauders. No matter how hard she tried, she really couldn't comprehend why they were the Good Ones while she was evil only because she was a Slytherin- well, no one had ever said, 'You're evil,' to her face, but the fact alone of being a Slytherin was enough to qualify her as not acceptable for Auror training. It was mightily frustrating.
Then she started thinking about Sirius and when she'd seen him last. It was a long time ago. He had never visited the Red Lantern again, nor had he been to Knockturn Alley recently- in fact she hadn't even seen his motorbike parked at his usual spot in the past few months. Therefore, the chance of meeting him any time soon (and asking if he could perhaps produce a pair of Two-way-mirrors for her) was less than little.
"He won't tell you," Regulus interrupted her thoughts, having figured out what she was mulling over.
"Well, perhaps... on the other hand, he fancies me."
"He merely wants to shag you, that's all.".
"I know. But I can handle him."
"You don't have to. There are other ways."
"Amuse me."
"Well, how does Dumbledore contact our dear Sev when he needs his immediate service?"
"He sends his annoyingly overbearing phoenix Patronus... Oh no, Blackie, you can't possibly-"
"Why not?"
Because... Well, of course, they hadn't learned the Patronus Charm at Hogwarts. It was advanced magic, advanced Defence against the Dark Arts, and the majority of their teachers had surpassed each other with incompetence. All but one.
Raven knew that although the Patronus Charm was mostly used to drive off Dementors, it was also a messenger spell, and she knew that already even before Professor Steel told her about its Dementor-dispelling effect. She still recalled mother's pretty, silvery raven...
But instead of being eager to learn that spell (which now would have been the perfect solution for their current communication problem) she had managed to distract Professor Steel every time the tough Auror had tried to make it the topic of their private lessons. The reason for her irrational behaviour reached back to an event in the past, several years ago, when her aunt Drusilla had been murdered.
Way back then, she had been eager to learn, and mother had tried to teach her. Alas, it had gone wrong...
-o-
'You just have to think of a happy memory, something positive that gives you joy and hope, and then you simply speak the incantation, Expecto Patronum'. Mother said, and it sounded much too easy for a spell that was supposed to be advanced magic.
It wasn't hard for Raven to think of something happy, but when she spoke the incantation, nothing happened.
'Try again, darling,' mother encouraged her gently, claiming that her efforts were going well and that she had almost mastered a non-corporal Patronus- whatever that meant.
But the diffuse light shooting from the tip of her wand wasn't even halfway close to mother's pretty, silvery raven of light, so she thought it a total failure.
'Try another memory, perhaps,' mother encouraged her again, with the same gentle tone in her voice that spoke of the great faith she had in her daughter.
And so Raven tried once more. She didn't want to disappoint her mother (although Mrs Lestrange never saw it that way), but it never really worked the way it should- then, finally, her happy memory, combined with the power of her wand, created a puff of energy and light that seemed to form into something... enormous of obscure shape.
Startled, Raven's focus wavered and the light disappeared before it could take on a recognizable profile...
-o-
She had never tried again in fear of what she might conjure up. After all, she was a Slytherin and it was said that Slytherins weren't capable of casting a Patronus- of course, that was nonsense. There was also no reason to believe she could possibly conjure up something evil, and yet she used that excuse to tell Regulus that his idea was bound to fail.
"Bullshit!"He said, surprise in his voice. "When has the fact of being Slytherin ever stopped you from acting contrary to what people expect you to do? You like Muggles, you disrespect the Dark Lord- hell, you destroyed one of his Horcruxes today. And yet you possess the nerve to tell me we can't cast a bloody Patronus Charm because we're Slytherins? What's wrong with you, Raven? Is it still the influence of that bloody Horcrux?"
Raven shook her head no and heaved a sigh, wondering how to change the topic, how to distract Regulus, who was much too clever to get fooled by lame excuses. She smelled a chance when his glance- although he was still waiting for an explanation- suddenly drifted over the table to a rather official looking file that was lying next to a pile of books. Instinctively, she tried to hide it, but that only seemed to spark his interest even more.
"What's that?" He picked up the file and began leafing through it, then his eyes widened. "Is that really an official Muggle police record?"
"No!" Raven snatched it out of his hands and placed it on the kitchen counter behind her back. Sometimes, she really hated his curiosity although it came in quite handy now since it took his mind of the damned Patronus topic.
"Well, it looks rather official. And who is Mark Feld?"
"Otherwise known as Marc Bolan..." She mumbled quietly, and no, she didn't want to explain how she had come by the official police report of his accident- or, to be more precise, a copy of it.
But, apparently, Regulus didn't care for an explanation. He merely wondered, "Why are you so obsessed with his death?"
"Why? Because he died much too young. Alright, he was a rock star, and most of them do die much too young. But I simply know his death wasn't a bloody accident, caused by drugs, or booze, or circumstances. He was killed by the Dark Arts, and one day I will be able to prove it. One day, I will find out what really happened, and then I will come up with evidence instead of speculations."
"Hm," Regulus pondered over her words, "but why would someone- presumably a Death Eater, since you mentioned the Dark Arts- kill a Muggle rock star? Well, except for the obvious reason, meaning him being a Muggle?"
"But Marc wasn't just a simple Muggle. He- well, I wouldn't say he knew of our world, but he was definitely... amenable to it, as his lyrics prove. Magic and wizards, unicorns and dragons, seers and sages weren't just fairy tales to him; he believed in their existence due to his instinctive intuition for the supernatural. Therefore, and because he was about to restart his career, someone must have thought him a threat to the wizarding world."
"Well, but if you're right, doesn't it mean that that someone had access to the Muggle world? Which, in my humble opinion, would rule out any of the Death Eaters- or could you imagine the Dark Lord listening to the Muggle wireless, checking Muggle rock music for lyrics of some magical content?"
"No, of course not!" Raven chuckled ever so slightly at the idea. It was absurd. Nevertheless, someone with close connections to the Dark Lord and his elitist circle of pure-blood bigots must have taken notice of Marc, there was no other explanation to his mysterious accident. Not unless she wanted to chime in to the choir of those dunderheads accusing his girlfriend, since that was the most popular and easiest solution.
Meanwhile, Regulus had focused his attention on the pile of books on the table, and he took off one by one, reading the titles aloud. They ranged from Anatomy: a Beginners Guide over Auror Training: Part Two and Famous Crimes Stories to The Guidelines of Forensic Science.
He cleared his throat."You're so set in your beliefs, and you're spending so much time and energy with all of this- crime, Auror training, anatomy, forensic science- I just don't get that someone like you could take a flimsy excuse for granted, like the one with Slytherins and the Patronus Charm." .
Her mood suffered a setback because it was apparent that Regulus hadn't yet given up on the Patronus question.
"It doesn't work," she hissed through clenched teeth.
"Ah, so you tried it already?" Regulus asked and added, "I almost thought so. What went wrong?"
Raven rolled her eyes and ruffled her hair; she still didn't really want to talk about it but there seemed to be no way to talk herself out of it. "Well, theoretically, I know how to do it .Mum tried to teach me once after my aunt and uncle were murdered. But apparently it needs more than just theoretic knowledge..."
"Of course, it needs practice, like each and every charm or spell."
"Are you trying to be smug, Blackie? It simply didn't work."
"Ah, it can't be that hard, eh?" He said after having persuaded her to explain how the Patronus Charm worked. "Especially for you. I mean, one would reckon you'd merely have to think of dear Sev to come up with a happy memory, and boom!-there's an overgrown bat-shaped Patronus."
Whatever it was that her wand had emitted way back then, years ago, it definitely hadn't resembled a bat. Not even an overgrown bat, although overgrown it had been indeed. But thinking of Sev had not triggered that... something. Being in love was apparently not enough to cast a decent Patronus. Well, at least not if the love was unrequited, and the happy memories were tainted with the image of bloody St Lily...
Meanwhile, Regulus was up on his feet, brandishing his wand and you could see he was eager to master the Patronus Charm. Or, perhaps, he was merely trying to prove Raven that it even worked for Slytherins. Anyhow, his efforts seemed to be successful.
First, his wand only emitted a puff of light, shining and bright. It was sufficient enough to go for a non-corporal Patronus, something that Raven had managed as well, way back then. But just a little later, after speaking the incantation aloud once more, the light at the tip of his wand seemed to take on a shape-
Regulus laughed out happily when a silvery fox appeared and started frolicking through Raven's kitchen.
"Merlin's hairy bollocks!" She commented dryly. "The canine influence seems to be prominent in your family."
The fox disappeared. Regulus glanced at her, pensive and silent for a moment, mulling over what she just said. Then he shrugged. The analogy was there, of course (his brother's Animagus form was a big, black dog) but he didn't care because he hadn't been thinking of Sirius when casting his Patronus; his memory had been of a much happier nature. And so, as confident as he was momentarily, he encouraged Raven to give it another try. She couldn't possibly fail.
-o-
His reasoning made sense to her; it was true that she wasn't as tainted with the Dark Arts as he, who had grown up in a typical Slytherin home and who had adopted the typical Slytherin's way of life at Hogwarts, simply because it was familiar to him. But he had changed, and he could cast a fully-fledged corporal Patronus now, and it was looking so very fucking easy how he manoeuvred his bloody silvery fox- vixen?- through her kitchen, a happy expression on his face.
It was almost encouraging enough for her to try it again. Perhaps she's simply been too young when mother had tried to teach her? Besides, Raven's collection of happy memories had grown in recent years-
And yet, they were still tainted. No matter how often they had shared the bed, Severus had made it quite clear that there was no future for them. Because he would always love bloody St Lily.
So, to not feel like a total loser, Raven finally tried another memory, one that had nothing to do with Severus. And indeed, something happened. She could feel the energy as she aroused that enormous... thing- monster?- again, watching it growing, and this time, her curiosity won. She let it happen. Then, she had been scared. But now, reconsidering what memory had triggered it, she thought it pretty unlikely that something evil could derive from it. After all, it was a happy memory, unadulterated by a hapless love story...
The spark ignited at the tip of her wand, and what she had feared to see was taking shape. She watched it growing, becoming more and more concrete until it almost filled her kitchen.
Regulus gasped. Her mother had gasped, too, way back then. Probably fearing for her house and all its interior. Then, Raven had stopped, startled. But today she let it happen. Call it curiosity or perhaps even a certain recklessness- or, perhaps, she was now old enough to simply know her happy memory couldn't possibly give birth to a horrible monster.
In the end, she laughed out loud. So much about the fear of conjuring up a terrible beast! She wasn't a failure. She was a Slytherin, and she could bring to life a rather wonderful, though rather unusual, corporal Patronus.
"Bloody hell!" Regulus breathed as he watched her monstrous Patronus chasing his pretty silvery vixen through the kitchen. "What the fuck is that? It's not a dragon, isn't it?"
"Of course it's not!" Raven chuckled cheerfully while trying to master that beast, making it less sizeable and therefore easier to handle. "It's a dinosaur, the ancestors of dragons, and this particular one is a Tyrannosaurus Rex- commonly abbreviated to T. Rex."
Now, Regulus was laughing too.