Chapter 19 - All Klatch Breaks Loose

"Jessica?"

"Mrmf."

Myria sighed. Apparently this was going to be an ongoing problem. She again needed to visit the privy to attend to bodily functions. And Jessica was again asleep with at least three limbs draped over Myria.

After some struggling and complaints from Jessica, she managed to extract herself with more grace than the previous morning, and made it to the privy without becoming intimately acquainted with the floor.

I must obtain my own lodgings; this is becoming less than comfortable.

They say that the early worm catches the fish, or something along those lines. Lord Vetinari: Patrician, Tyrant, and ThudMaster, found that anything said by "they" was on the whole profoundly untrustworthy, but often contained a kernel of truth.

For example, it always paid to be aware of information before anyone else. Vetinari's network of spies, informants, and various miscreants trying to save their own necks was very efficient in this respect. Sometimes so efficient that Vetinari would learn of events before the perpetrators themselves had even considered doing them.

As such, we can't say he was surprised when Drumknott brought a particular item to his attention.

"Milord, I thought you might find this item in The Times of interest."

Vetinari scanned the newspaper clipping quickly before setting it down on the desk and steepling his fingers. "Hmm…"

"I also note, Milord, that yesterday you asked me to pencil in a meeting for today with Mister Slant, representing Lord Rust, and a second with the Duchess of Sto Helit and Lady LeJean."

"I find your memory for trivia to be astounding as always, Drumknott."

"Yes Milord. Shall I have them notified that they wish to meet with you?"

"That would be fortuitous. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Indeed Milord."

"Uh oh."

Sergeant Angua looked up from her desk to see Captain Carrot waving a news clipping in her direction. "What?"

"Commander Vimes isn't going to be happy about this." He handed the paper to Angua, who read the article with an increasingly sinking feeling. "Do you think he's seen it?" Carrot continued.

Angua laughed without humor. "No."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because he hasn't yelled for-"

"CARROT! MY OFFICE! NOW!"

"He's seen it."

Feddleman noted that Lord Rust's spittle quotient was already approaching a five on the "Mad Dog" scale. Not that he needed any visual confirmation considering that the bell ringing from Rust's office was approaching a sort of antiharmonic cacophony that could shatter crystal.

Please tell me the butler was not stupid enough to bring him the article in The Times.

As soon as he had opened the door, the sight of shredded newsprint all over the floor told him all hope was to be abandoned.

"FEDDLEMAN! Get me Slant! NOW!"

Madame Frout always found visits from Susan disturbing, because they happened so seldom. Not that she would have wanted more frequent visits either. The thought gave her a slight feeling of vertigo. Oh dear, no.

"Madame Frout, I am afraid I will need to take a short leave for some hours today."

Oh! Frout felt a moment of joy, but managed to catch herself before it reached her face. "Of course. How terrible. Shall I arrange for a substitute for the day?"

"I don't believe it will be required. I will tell young Melanie that she is in charge of the class for the day. I'm sure everyone will be on their best behavior." Susan considered. "Well except for Jason, but that can't be helped."[1]

Madame Frout shuddered. The fact was, Susan was right. It was unnatural the way her class behaved… and behave they did! They were the most well-mannered and intimidating group of children she had ever been exposed to. It was simply uncanny. "I hope you are not… ill?"

"No nothing important. It seems a friend of mine requires my assistance."

Madame Frout's mouth said, "Ah, very well then." But her face said: You have friends?

Yes. Yes I do, Susan thought with some surprise as she left the school. It may have been her expression, but several dogs made a point of vacating the area as she approached.

Then again, it might also have been the neatly rolled newspaper clenched in her right hand.

When Myria returned from private ablutions, Jessica's Aunt Rosemarie grabbed her by the arm and waved something in front of her. She could tell it was important by the fact that Rosemarie's eyes were wide and her face somewhat pale. She felt a certain pride that she was getting better at reading expressions.

"Myria! Have you seen this?"

"I am seeing it now."

"Silly goose. I mean have you read it?"

She handed the article to Myria, who began reading with growing unease. Finishing, she carefully set the paper down on the table before sitting down herself. "I believe I may have further difficulties." Her head felt fuzzy and light. It was an odd sensation, almost pleasant if it wasn't for the fact she also wanted to throw up.

"Let me get you some mint tea."

"Yes. Thank you. That would be most appreciated."

"WHO IS MYRIA LEJEAN?"
Possibly Wealthiest Woman in Ankh Morpork Throws City into Uproar!
Kidnapping Ring Threatening Peerage? Or Personal Vendetta?

Sacharissa Cripslock – Staff

The Times has reason to believe that the kidnapping of young Jessica Knäcke of Body Street, and the vandalizing of one of Lord Rust's properties on Kings Way do, in fact, share a common element.

Through careful investigation, our staff has discovered that a visiting noblewoman, one Lady Myria LeJean of Genua, was not only newly resident in the house on Kings Way at the time of the burglary, but apparently has some sort of relationship with the owners of the Body Street Bakery, and is even now receiving deliveries at that location.

A source at Bullworth's Exclusive Designes, known throughout the city for the Lady Venturi line, confirmed that they were "pleased to deliver two very lovely designs to Lady LeJean yesterday" and The Times confirmed firsthand that they were delivered to the Body Street Bakery by courier.

This reporter attempted to interview members of the Watch and the Knäcke family regarding the presence of several watchmen on apparent guard duty at the Bakery as recently as yesterday. Young Jessica Knäcke, who seems to be well recovered from her prior ordeal, was kind enough to speak with this reporter, though she offered no explanation for the presence of the Watch. She did, however, provide some rather delicious cakes, which this reporter can recommend with a clear conscience.

Corporal Stroud of the Watch had no comment and attempted several times to prevent this reporter from entering the bakery, going so far as to inform our photographer that photos of the business were "not allowed". In addition, he did not offer this reporter cake, nor tea.

These strange events certainly add fuel to the rumors that the Watch has in its custody a "breathtaking quantity of gold" recovered from the Kings Way crime scene, according to one inside source. In attempting to confirm the circumstances behind the alleged burglary, this reporter tried to speak to Lord Rust and was informed only, through his representative, that the gold was "most clearly Lord Rust's property". Lord Rust's representative would provide no further specifics.

In light of the lack of cooperation from those directly involved, The Times can only provide our loyal readers our own questions. Does the gold, if it truly exists, belong to Lord Rust or Lady LeJean? Why would Lord Rust maintain such a quantity of wealth in a residence he is providing for lease? Is the Knäckes' relationship with Lady LeJean the cause of young Jessica's recent kidnapping?

This reporter also spoke to a high-ranking representative of the Thieves Guild, who on promises of anonymity assured us that the alleged Kings Way burglary was not a sanctioned activity and that at this time both Lady LeJean and Lord Rust were "fully protected" and that they would view any further unlicensed activities "with extreme prejudice".

Even worse, is this an isolated event, or is there a particularly brazen criminal gang in operation in Ankh Morpork, ready to prey on wealthy visiting peers?

The question remains. Are our own citizens at risk, or is the presence of round the clock guards at the Body Street Bakery a sign that the miscreants and malefactors are still intent on Lady LeJean? Only The Times will tell!

[1] In point of fact, Jason would be on his best behavior as well. It just happened that his best behavior was still, in the grand scheme of things, the social equivalent of pulling the legs off of frogs. We blame his parents.