The result of Katniss's injury meant she had to stay off her foot for two weeks. That was good news for Cato because it meant he got to carry her around everywhere. He loved it. He loved being close to her at all times, loved being able to dote on her. Katniss was thoroughly annoyed with it, or so she pretended. He knew her better to believe her constant protests. She was like him in that way, always needing to put on a brave face, always needing to be the one who's fine.
Sometimes he would look at himself in the mirror and barely recognize the face that stared back. Of course, there were the physical changes, the new scar on his face, the whip marks on his back, his lack of a leg. But invisible changes in him were the ones that really mattered. A year ago, he would have never imagined this life, even in his wildest dreams. He would have never imagined he'd be living in a completely different district, engaged to the woman of his dreams, fighting this constant battle with the Capitol.
All he had wanted was to win and get back to his family. And now his family had nearly doubled in size. They brought him joy, but it also meant he had more to lose. And Katniss, the single greatest thing in his life, was the biggest surprise of all. He had never even dared to imagine falling in love before, it just wasn't a possibility for him.
But then there she was. She had appeared out of nowhere, just a girl from 12 trying to save her sister. And she had stolen his heart the moment he laid eyes on her. And now he was a person he didn't recognize. Everything centered on her, his every move, every word, it was all for her. He would do anything, be anything she wanted. He had spent the past week caring for her, waiting on her every need, and he could honestly say there isn't anything in the world he would rather be doing.
Maybe it made him pathetic. Maybe if the man he was a year ago could see him now, he would have laughed in his face. Maybe this was just the person he was always meant to be. He didn't care. He was not who he was then, and he'd never go back. He splashed water on his face, watching as the water ran down his scars. He had always hated the marks on his body before, but the capitol brushed all of those away. They had reinvented him, made him brand new again. And now, the only scars on his body were the ones he was proud to wear, because he got them protecting her.
He walked back into the living room, where his family waited for him. Katniss and Haymitch sat on couches across from one another, a stack of playing cards being shuffled in Haymitch's hands.
"Oh, Cato, you're back. We need a mediator for these two." Evelyn smiled at him.
"She thinks we cheat." Katniss pouted at him. He took a seat next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and placing a kiss against her temple.
"Oh, I know you cheat." Her mother answered, a coy smile on her face.
"Name one time we ever cheated." Katniss crossed her arms.
"Yesterday." Prim answered.
"The day before that." Alice joined in.
"Oh, and the day before that." Prim finished. Cato laughed at his sisters, placing a hand over his mouth to hide his smile.
"You two are lying! Haymitch and I would never cheat!" Katniss threw her hands in the air, "Cato, tell them!"
"Don't look at me." He put his hands up in defense, "I'm not getting involved in this."
"You're the mediator, dumbass. You have to be involved." She flicked the side of his head.
He smiled at her; his heart full of love as he sat in this room. "Fine." He answered, "I cannot confirm or deny any past incidents of cheating, but I'm here today to ensure that all game rules of-"He looked around the room, waiting for someone to tell him what they were playing.
"Go fish" His mother answered.
"Right, go fish, I am here today to ensure that all of the rules of go fish are followed to the highest order." He finished, trying to keep a straight face.
"You're a dork." Katniss teased, before turning towards her mentor, "Deal the damn cards, Haymitch."
The world outside of their little village might be cruel. There were forces in this world preying on them, waiting for the perfect time to strike, to fill their lives with pain and heartache. But for this moment, by the warm light of the fire, with his family around him, Cato couldn't help but thank his lucky stars that he ended up where he did.
The afternoon passed as it always did on the weekends. Someone, this time it was Cato, would accuse her or Haymitch of cheating. They would argue, and eventually she would get so bored of it that she threw her cards down and announced she was done. Then, another pair would play a game, usually her mother and Cato, and she would watch. Only tonight, her mother and Mila had slipped out of the house early, on the pretense of going to fetch a recipe for dinner from one of Mila's books.
Katniss's mind was preoccupied, and she could barely pay attention to the game of speed that Cato and Prim were engrossed in. Tonight was the night. After dinner, she would ask Cato to take her over to his house. He would, of course, he probably wouldn't even ask why she wanted to go. He'd just be happy to carry her somewhere.
Her mother and Mila were setting everything up now, they had snuck most of her's and Cato's clothes over this morning after breakfast. The painting and decorating had been finished this week. They'd lay out blankets and pillows around the fireplace, the loaf of toasting bread that Alan dropped off yesterday would be set out on a board. They'd light candles and place the special surprise that Katniss ordered for Cato right after he woke up in the hiding spot they'd agreed upon. It would be perfect, and by tomorrow, they'd be married in every way that mattered to her.
Then why the hell am I so nervous?
Her stomach was rolling over and over again, her mind going a million miles an hour. She knew Cato loved her; they were engaged to be married already. She knew he would do anything for her, and he would be thrilled that she was sharing a tradition from her home with him. He fit in like a glove here in 12, and sometimes Katniss forgot that he was originally from 2. It was utterly insane for her to be sitting here questioning herself.
But the afternoon wound down to a close, and her mother and Mila returned with a recipe for rabbit stew, Cato's favorite that his mother had created not long after moving here. They had pulled the meat out of the icebox and began cooking, giving her a sly wink to let her know everything was perfect. Still, her emotions seemed to coil around her like snakes.
Cato's eyes were on her as they sat around the dinner table. She kept up with the conversation, poked fun at Haymitch with her sisters, nodded along as her mother and Mila spoke of their plans to bring some food to the Seam the next day. But her leg wouldn't stop bouncing and she was forcing herself to take a few meager bites of stew.
The next thing you eat will be toasting bread, fed to you by Cato's hands, as he pledges himself to you forever.
"Are you okay?" his whispered voice in her ear pulled her from her torturous thoughts.
He slipped his hand under the table to grab hers, concerned blue eyes staring over at her. She nodded, trying to control the shake of her hand as she lifted a mug of tea to her lips.
"What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" He teased.
If only you knew.
"Can we go over to your place after dinner?" She blurted. It was all she could do to keep everything from pouring out of her mouth.
"Sure." He answered, giving her hand a squeeze, "You probably need a change of scenery, being cooped up in here is driving you mad." And then Haymitch called his attention, and she was left to her thoughts once again.
Maybe it wasn't the toasting that had her so nervous. She was the one who had suggested marriage in the first place. Her mind flashed back to that shower on the train, the feeling that had washed over her as she finally let go, the look on his face as she asked him to marry her. She thought of that stage in the Capitol, where he poured his heart out in front of the entire country, placed a ring he had spent hours designing on her finger. There was no doubt in the world that he wanted to marry her, that he would love the surprise she had laid out for him.
But rather, it was the traditional wedding night that had her gulping down scalding hot tea with shaking hands. Still, it's not like she hadn't thought about it before. It had crossed her mind plenty of times, during heated kisses in their spare moments alone, in the nights spent wrapped in his arms on the train, in every side look and brush of his hand across her back. But she knew he had done it before, and she hadn't.
What if I do something wrong?
What if it isn't good?
What if I ruin everything?
She almost wished she had done it before, just once. Even if she wanted Cato to be her first, she wished she knew what to expect, had some kind of idea of the right things to do. She wanted desperately for everything to be perfect, but she had no idea how to be perfect. She should have done it before, found some odd moment alone with him to break the ice. Having her first time ever on the night of her wedding left her no room for error, not when it had the potential to ruin the entire night. Cato would never say it, he would never make her feel bad about it, she knew that.
But it has to go well, it just has to.
"Why aren't you eating?" His voice pulled her from her thoughts.
Because I'm about to either throw up or pass out if we don't get this started soon.
"I'm not that hungry." She answered.
"Makes sense" He poked her side, "You ate like it was your last meal at lunch"
The hot mist from the shower wafted into the bedroom as she stepped out of the bathroom. She had scrubbed herself clean in every way she could imagine. She had tried to remember what her prep team did to her, used the fancy products they had sent her home with, lush lavender scented soaps with creamy lotions and oils. On any other day, they sat unused under the sink. She preferred the goat milk soap she had used her entire life, the wild lavender sprigs from the woods that her mother compounded into rich oils to use as perfume, and the lotion that Prim had bought her as a present from the grocers after she returned from the games. But today, none of that felt like enough.
Her mother was standing next to her, helping her to limp along towards the bed. A box, so pristinely wrapped it had to be from the Capitol, sat in the middle of her bed. She turned furrowed brows towards her mother as she sat down on the bed.
"That came for you a few weeks ago from Cinna. Cato was just starting to get better, and I thought it would embarrass you, so I hid it." Her mother answered.
"What is it?" She pulled the box towards her, slipping her nail through the tape her mother had used to re-secure the wrapping.
"It's- well…" Her mother started to answer, and then the box was open, and Katniss's face was beet red.
"I thought you might want it, for tonight I mean." Her mother stumbled over her words.
She should have said something anything, but the thought that tonight was the night hadn't occurred to her before. There had always been something in the way. One of them was always half dead, or they were on national television, or being carted around to each district barely getting a moment alone. When they were in 12, they lived in separate houses filled with their families. But tonight, all of that would change, their wedding night.
"I'll- uh" Her mother stuttered, "I'll let you get dressed on your own." She heard the woman hurry out of the room, nearly tripping on her way to leave, and the door shut behind her. All the while, Katniss's eyes were glued on the soft trims of see-through lace in the box in front of her
Something possessed her to reach her hand in, and she was surprised at how soft the material was. There was at least 10 different sets in the box, and Katniss couldn't bring herself to remember what they were called. Of course, she owned bras and underwear. Most of it were threadbare hand me downs from her mother, and the rest were the soft cotton Cinna had designed for her. Usually, she rejected wearing Cinna's designs all around 12. Being in her old clothes made her feel more like herself, the same as using her old soap. She could pretend that she was still just a girl from the Seam who hunted in the woods, not a victor living in a mansion won with the blood of 22 innocent children. But the bras, it was her secret. She always wore Cinna's bras and underwear. It fit better, she told herself. If she was being honest, it made her feel pretty.
Some sour voice in her brain whispered that she didn't deserve this, the delicate lace and soft silk. She was a huntress, and more than that a murderer. She didn't deserve to feel beautiful while most of the people in her district starved.
But it was her wedding day.
She sifted through the fabrics, each set different from the last. One in black lace with small threads of gold woven throughout, another in red with straps she couldn't even begin to figure out, another in grey silk, until finally she came to the last one. Soft ice blue silk, lined with delicate white lace, strands of sparkling silver woven through. It reminded her of Cato, and Katniss knew Cinna well enough to know that it was exactly what the designer had in mind when he made it. She made the decision to wear it in a heartbeat, not allowing herself any time to think about it before she slipped it on.
She held onto the wall and limped over to the mirror. More times than she could count, she had looked in the mirror and been unable to recognize the person staring back at her. But this time, it was her own eyes she saw staring back at her. She was still that girl from the Seam, but at the same time she was that girl from the capitol. The girl on fire.
The person she saw in the mirror was the other half of Cato, his protector, his best friend, the love of his life. There was a strength in her eyes, determination set on her face, and still she was soft. Cato had thawed her out and set her on fire all at once, and now she was going to marry him. She would be his in every way that mattered, and he would be hers.
And it was in that thought that she found the confidence to get dressed for the day, and call Cato to help her down there.
Somewhere through the day, that confidence had disappeared. It came unraveled, and with that so had she. She reached in the collar of her sweater, brushing her fingers against the soft lace there. She had been mortified upon first opening the box and had even questioned if Cinna knew anything about her at all. But her designer, in his constant wisdom, had clearly known her better than herself.
"I just want to get out of here." She said to Cato. Her nervousness faded out of her body with each passing breath.
"Your wish is my command little flame." He smirked at her, before turning angel eyes towards her mother.
"Evelyn, thank you so much for this delicious meal. Katniss is feeling cooped up in here, may we be excused so I can take her for a change in scenery?" He asked with charm lacing his voice.
Of course, he had no idea how unnecessary it was. But still, her mother nodded politely and motioned for them to go.
Cato moved so fast she barely even registered it. One moment, she was sitting at the table placing her napkin next to her plate. The next, Cato had wrapped a coat and scarf around her and whisked her outside. He had a bright smile on his face, the flush of his cheeks from the cold was lit up by the soft glow of the outside lamps at dusk. Katniss found herself smiling, running her fingers through his light blonde hair.
"Where to, madam?" He smiled down at her.
"Your house." She answered.
"You do realize my house is the exact same as yours?" He teased.
Not anymore.
"Shut up and walk." She flicked the side of his head.
The cold air was refreshing, and with every step he took her confidence seeped back in. She pressed her face into his chest, her smile growing as she listened to the soft pound of his heart.
"Looks like Mom and Alice left some candles burning" He frowned as they came into view of the house. The door opened with a woosh of warm air and unknowingly, Cato took his first steps into their home.
Here goes nothing.
Surely, he was dreaming. There were candles everywhere, illuminating every inch of the space. And the house didn't even look like the same house. The walls had all been painted in a shade of green that looked just like the forests surrounding them. There was brand new furniture, a new sleek black piano in the corner, a roaring fire simmering in the fireplace. Photos were hung on the wall, of his family, Katniss's family, and finally photos of them. There were photos from just after the games, photos from the victory tour, but the ones that shocked him the most were the candid photos of them in 12. He saw himself, smiling in the meadow as Alice and Prim filled his hair with flowers, a shot of them walking the girls to school from behind, a photo of them sitting on the porch of Katniss's house. He had never seen that look on his face before, pure love as they looked at one another.
"Katniss, what- "He stuttered over his words, "How?"
She was looking up at him, a mischievous smile on her face as she answered, "I've been planning this for weeks now. Our moms did most of the work, and Haymitch. Your mother had him over here covered in paint day and night, but this is our house now."
"Our house?" He repeated, his eyes glancing around the room in awe.
And it was as if he could see it. Every detail, down to the hunter green blanket thrown across the couch and the piano in the corner, looked like their home. It looked as if they had spent years decorating the place themselves, debating over couches and paint swatches. He could see the vision she had created, their home, free from the listening ears of the capitol. Tiny little feet running through each room, jet-black hair and ice blue eyes with gummy smiles, Katniss walking through the door with her game bag on her shoulder. She had built their future, and he had been completely unaware.
"Yes, our house." She answered, pressing a soft kiss on his cheek.
"Katniss" There was a lump in his throat as he tried to get the words out, but it was as if his mind had gone blank.
"There's something else." She said, interrupting him.
"Good god Katniss, I don't know how much more I can handle." He breathed.
"You haven't even gone upstairs yet." She smiled.
"You did the upstairs too?" He asked.
"Of course, but that's not what I was going to say." She said.
He looked down at her with furrowed eyebrows, and he was sure she would be his undoing. Whatever he had done to deserve this, Katniss with her surprise houses and more tricks up her sleeve, he wasn't sure. But here she was, like something out of his wildest dreams.
"Let's go sit by the fire." She said.
He slipped the coat off her shoulders, realizing that he hadn't even bothered to put shoes on her or a jacket on himself. She had wanted to leave, and he was far too focused on making her happy. He slipped his boots off and walked into the living room. He had barely even noticed the little alcove set up there, with soft pillows and blankets piled around. A tray with a loaf of bread sat on a silver tray, a matching knife and pokers placed perfectly alongside it. He placed Katniss down, placing a kiss on her forehead before plopping down next to her.
"Wanna tell me what's happening right now?" He smiled, looking into her eyes.
"Oh, well, we're going to get married now." She answered, as if it was the most nonchalant thing in the world.
He was sure his face blanched. Suddenly, his mouth felt very dry, and his hands shook. It was just like Katniss, always sneaking up on him. He never got the opportunity to spoil her or sweep her off her feet. He never knew what to do with himself. She was always out of left field, swooping into his life, stealing his heart, asking him to marry her.
"We have a tradition in 12. Obviously, we still do the usual justice building weddings with the white dresses and all of that. But after that, the bride and groom go to their new house, and their friends and family light a fire for them. This- "She pointed to the loaf of bread, "it's a special type of bread. It's filled with nuts and seeds and all different types of dried fruits. It's said that each one of the fillings represents a different prosperity for the couple. You know, pepitas for unconditional love, raisins for wealth, I can't remember them all. Anyways, they say their vows to one another while they toast a piece of this bread over the fire. Then, they seal the vows by feeding the bread they toasted to their partner. Nobody really feels married until their toasting."
He was at a loss for words, truly. He just gaped at her with wide eyes. He couldn't believe his ears. She was sharing something with him, something that mattered deeply to her, a tradition from her home. In her mind, this was their real wedding. The one at the Capitol, just like their proposals, would be just for show. In this spot, in this beautiful house she had made them, in front of a roaring fire, they would say their vows.
"I get it if you think it's stupid." She frowned, picking at the blanket underneath her, "I just thought it would be nice to have something just for us, you know?"
That snapped him out of his shock, "No, I love it!"
He reached forward and lifted her chin up, forcing her to look at him as he spoke, "I love it. All of it. The house. The- what did you call it again?"
"A toasting." She answered.
"Yes, the toasting. I love it. There's nothing I want more in this world than to call you my wife." He said honestly.
The smile that spread across her face seemed to make the world stop turning. She was radiant in every way with the soft light of the fire flickering across her face. Cato almost felt the need to pinch himself. There was no way that this was real, that his life had led to this.
"I guess I'll start then." She answered. His heart pounded in his chest in nervous excitement as Katniss began cutting a slice of the bread.
She placed it on the poker with steady hands, a soft smile on her face as she held it over the fire. Almost immediately, the sweet smell of cinnamon filled the space. As her eyes turned back to him, the moment felt utterly surreal. Every moment he had spent by her side flashed in his mind. The good, the bad, and everything in-between.
"I never wanted love. I never wanted to get married. I spent my whole life telling myself that I would never do it. My heart was closed off the moment my dad died, and I had no interest in ever feeling pain like that again. All I cared about was keeping Prim fed and happy. Beyond that, I was barely even my own person." She began, a solemn tone in her voice as she checked on the bread. She took a deep breath, swirling the poker around in the fire as she did. Cato placed a hand on her knee, offering a silent comfort as she was poised to continue.
And then she turned her head and looked at him, and the love in her eyes took his breath away.
"But then you were there. At the worst moment possible, just before we were about to go into the games, you showed up out of nowhere. I had never put myself first… I was always thinking of Prim or my mother, or Gale. I was last in my mind, and then you were there… intent on saving my life before you even knew my name. I asked you why, and you just looked at me and said, 'Because you deserve to live'." She took a shuddered breath before continuing, "I don't think you realize how much that meant to me. There aren't enough words to describe it. I spent years building my walls. Every brick, every reason to keep them up, had been perfectly placed. You came into my life like a bull in a china shop, knocking down every wall in a matter of seconds. You woke me up, you showed me who I was beyond the people I love. You saved me from myself long before you ever saved me from anything else, and before I knew it, I was in love with you."
She took the poker out of the fire, the bread perfectly toasted in a golden-brown color. She placed it on the tray to cool, smiling down at it for a moment before lifting her eyes to meet his once more.
"You're kind. You're loyal. You make me laugh harder than I ever have before. You're brave, sometimes to a fault. And despite all of the horrible, evil things around you, you're kind. You have a goodness inside of you, unlike anything I've ever seen before. It's so deeply rooted inside of you, it's in every word you speak, every move you make. I know you can't see it, and it's so hard for you to look past the things you were forced to do to survive. But that gentleness, the man who lets our sisters place daisies in his hair, the man that would take a whipping for someone that hates him, the man that spent hours searching in the freezing cold just to make sure I was okay… that's who you are. My hero. My protector. The other half of my soul." She pulled the bread off the poker, tears in her eyes as she lifted it to his mouth. He was sure he was crying as well.
"And so my vow to you, my husband, Cato Hadley, is to spend every moment of my life showing you what a good man you are. I will protect you from physical harm, but I will guard your gentle heart with my life. I will stay by your side, no matter what happens… I will never leave you. I will love you even when I hate you. I will give you the life you deserve, the Sunday dinners with the family, the slow mornings with breakfast in bed, the children, the iced tea on the porch as we watch our grandchildren play in the yard. I vow to you, with everything in me, that I will find a way to make this world safe for you. It's with these vows and all the love in my heart, that I pledge myself to you until my dying breath."
The bread was warm, filling him with fire from the inside out as Katniss placed it in his mouth. With every bite, a new burst of flavor promised him something else. A long, happy life with Katniss, and a world free from the terrors that haunted them. He could see it now, blurry but on the horizon. With his last swallow, he could feel her soul intertwine with his irrevocably.
"I love you." Was all he managed to say.
Katniss placed her hands on his cheeks, fire trailing over them as she brushed his tears away. She leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on his lips that seemed to wash away all of the darkness inside of him.
"I love you too." She whispered, offering a comforting smile, "Your turn."
How the fuck am I going to top that?
He took a deep breath, preparing himself mentally as he copied what she had done. He sliced a piece of bread, carefully placing it on the poker. He watched as the flames licked the edges of it for a few moments before finding the composure to start.
"For as long as I can remember, there was darkness in my life. I spent so long fighting against it, trying as hard as I could not to let it poison me. When I was younger, I had my mom and eventually Alice. They were the light in my life… and when I left for the Academy suddenly that light was gone." He breathed, slowly turning the bread in the fire.
"I spent so long in the dark, holding on to tiny slivers of light in my memory. When I volunteered, I had thought that I just had to make it through the darkest part to finally get to the light again." He met her eyes then, "And it was like I blinked and suddenly the light was back. From the moment I saw you on the reaping tapes, you snuck into my heart and lit up the dark with your fire. You might think I saved you, but I swear to you Katniss… you saved me first. With every moment I spent with you, the darkness faded a little more. The ice around my soul melted with the flames of your touch, and I knew… from that very first day that you were the missing piece of me." He took the bread out of the fire, blowing on it a few times to cool it down before placing it in his hand.
"I don't need to make a vow to protect you until my dying breath. I made that vow pretty much the moment I saw you… but I will promise you that I will always find a way to be the light in your darkness. When your flames falter, I vow that I will always be there to stoke them again. Through sickness and health, richer or poorer, victor or loser, I will always be there. I'll take care of you until I'm gray-haired and 100, I'll never let you take the weight of the world on your shoulders alone again. I vow to love you with every torn shred of my heart until death do us part. And so to you… my wife, Katniss Everdeen, I vow to you the moon and every damn star in the sky if I have to go up there and get it myself."
He watched as Katniss ate the bread, her tears flowing freely down her cheeks just as his had. He wiped them away in the same way that she had, sealed with a kiss that held all of the love he could never put into words.
"Hadley." She said, against his lips.
He cocked his head at her, pulling back to meet her eyes, "What?"
"My name is Katniss Hadley." She insisted, a soft smile on her lips.
He was sure that if he smiled any harder, his lips would split. He had always hated his last name. He hated the reminder of his father, being associated with the vile man. But now, with Katniss making it her own, she had given him an opportunity to reclaim his own name. Together, they would change the legacy of his name.
"There's just one more thing." Katniss said.
"You're going to be the death of me woman" He huffed, hiding his face in his hands. She grabbed his wrist, pulling his hand down in front of her and placing a small velvet box inside.
"Katniss" he breathed, "You've already given me so much."
"I'm not done yet." She answered, a proud smile on her face, "Open it."
The soft velvet brushed against his fingers as the box flipped open, and inside were the most breathtaking things he had ever seen. Two rings, one small and thin and the other large and thick.
Wedding bands, a voice whispered in his head.
Both were made up of ice blue diamonds and rubies, with gold and silver weaving throughout each design. With no discernable end or beginning, the metals were bound together with the same strength that he and Katniss were. Irrevocably connected.
He lifted the smaller band out of the box, the encrusted jewels sparkling in the light of the fire as he slipped it on Katniss's finger. She smiled down at it next to her engagement ring, the tears still streaming down her face. She lifted her face to him, with nothing but honesty and love written there, and promised "Forever."
And then she lifted his ring out of the box, and as it slid on his finger like a glove, he knew that every moment of his life had led up to this. Every ounce of pain, every moment of joy, every drop of blood spilled, it all led here with her.
And so, he met her eyes with his, and with every scar and beat of his heart, he meant it when he whispered, "Forever."