A/N:

Today is a double update day so if you didn't just read about some inked body art and such, hit back one chapter :)

(Thanks for beta'ing, Trogger, and *whispers to readers* Please be 18)

And without further ado...

Chapter 18: Answers In Silence

I shift us so she's on her side, sliding an arm under her neck and holding her into me, and she hooks her leg over my waist, drawing me closer. I brush my knuckles in a line between her hips, and I'm just opening my mouth to tell her that we don't have to do this if she's not ready when once more, her hand covers mine. Her breathing picks up even further as she leans her forehead against mine before very tentatively, she guides my fingers inside the top of her panties, sliding my palm down until I'm cupping her.

My arm under her neck pulls her a little closer and she sucks in a breath as my fingertips cautiously explore, my cock hardening further when I find how deliciously wet she is. Her whole body is trembling and she's a symphony of gasps and whimpers as I circle her entrance with the tip of my middle finger, but her pleading whispers cut off into a string of white silence when my finger dips inside of her.

I moan deeply at how wonderfully silky and warm she is, but she's also shockingly tight and it makes me want to roar with possessiveness and promise that I'll be gentle, but I don't know how to say that to her. The only thing I can think to do, that I want to do, is kiss her soothingly as I stroke slowly into her, feeling her adjust to me. And when I curl my finger and her head falls back, her body straining against me and legs parting wider, it feels like she heard me. Like she's vowing her trust in return.

She bites her lip and fully enraptured, I watch her as I make another pass against her front wall, and then one more before I find it and her body jerks, her hands gripping me tightly as she contracts and her shout is suddenly ripping through the room. My fingertip coaxes her to ride it out with measured circles, craving every pulse of her that I can bring into existence. And when I finally let her orgasm wane she gasps and pants, running a hand through her hair before she wrenches my mouth back to hers.

Her hand claws at my lower back as she rolls against me, riding the finger I still have buried inside of her because I can't let her go. Not now, not yet.

"I need you," she whispers against my lips, and I smile.

"Need you first," I whisper back, and she shakes her head in a daze. "If we're going to do this, we're going to do it right."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she pants, and I kiss her hungrily.

The truth is, even with one climax down she's still way too tight for me right now, and I won't dare risk hurting her. She's going to have to get a little more relaxed before we take that last step, and it's the best excuse to take my time and enjoy every part of her. Because if that weren't the case, I'm not sure I'd be able to wait.

I pull out of her and flatten my hand between her hips, easing her onto her back before faintly stroking a fingertip under the band of her panties. "I'm going to take these off," I tell her quietly and she bites her lip, but still nods. I smile and lift a kiss from her lips, then begin to draw the pink lace down her long legs. And she lifts up a bit to help me, but after I fling them off the end of the bed I glance back at her and she looks so nervous, a warm flush rising from her bra covered breasts into her cheeks.

I make sure she sees that I'm looking into her eyes and nowhere else, cupping her cheek in my palm as I bend down to her, teasing my tongue across the crease of her lips. She surges to life when that mystery switch flips on, forgetting everything about being exposed before me and instead is one hundred percent concerned with how tightly she can wrap her legs around me and just like that, we're fine.

When I'm confident that she's comfortable again, I let my hand drift and I begin to feel every inch of her: how soft she is from delicate ankle to creamy thigh, caressing her hip and smoothing my palm over the raven that cries for her, but I leave her bra on because it's slow steps with my girl and I won't rush her. But I still need to taste her skin, so I worship every inch between her neck and shoulder, trailing my tongue back down her collarbone until I find the hollow that has haunted me.

It's better than I imagined.

Though that only makes me need the rest of her even more because it feels like I've been waiting years for this, and I begin to kiss my way down her chest. But her breathing picks up the lower I go, so I slow down and tell myself that I'll never have her again, to capitalize on every single second that she's mine and I would have done that anyways, but it helps a little in getting me under control. Thankfully, by the time I reach her hips she's arching under me, her hands on my shoulders subtly pushing me down to where she wants me and it's the cue that I've been impatient for, the one that says she's ready.

She sucks in a breath when I hook an arm under her knee, squirming even more as I begin to kiss the inside of her thigh. And I listen for her voice, waiting and waiting for any command to stop, but none comes. Thank fucking God.

I slip a finger into her and her back arches almost clear off the bed, and just because I can't help it, I teasingly pet the spot I found and she curses, her hands leaving my skin to tangle in her own hair.

Oh, honey.

I smile wickedly and lift the pad of my finger away from her front wall, and she blows out a breath like she can't decide if she's frustrated or relieved. I clue her in when I gradually give her another finger to stretch her more, and she squeezes me while brazenly rolling her hips. Yeah, that's what I thought.

Honestly, the only thing I care about is making her feel good and if she wants it, I'm more than happy to give it to her. As if I would deny her anything. So I gladly curl my fingers again and blow a stream of air across her clit and she comes hard and fast, and I'm more addicted to her than ever.

My fingers continue stroking smoothly into her without giving her time to settle, my hand gripping her hip to hold her in place because she squeaks and jumps like I expected she would when I flick my tongue over her clit, tasting her for the first time and that's when my primary reason for existence completely changes.

Because it's slow and luscious and hazy as I start to search and touch and try to define her, but I can't figure out what the words are for this or if the ones I need even exist, and I don't even know what words are anymore. I'm completely sunk in the knowledge that my mouth is on her body, her clit between my lips and her taste on my tongue and I can feel all of her, enjoy all of her, openly given with no restraint as she holds me to her, begging me not to stop.

I'll never stop.

I'll live my life between her legs with my name on her lips, and I'll do whatever has to be done, whatever she wants me to do, to make sure it stays there. Because what was cautious has now become desperate, primal and dirty and I suck and flick and stroke faster and harder and before I know it I'm biting her clit and she's loving it and she's so close, fuck, I'm close, and it's too much and not enough and it's my hand gripping her thigh too tight and her nails digging into my scalp and I wrench her closer as she thrusts her hips into me and then she's screaming and coming and I want it, I want it all.

And it's almost impossible to stop because I don't want it to end, but I can tell when she can't take much more and I make myself tighten the leash on my restraint, running my tongue over her tenderly to sooth the place where my teeth were and bringing her gently down. And when breath and light have a place in the universe again I have already finished my languid ascent back up her body, my cheek resting over her pounding heart as she strokes her hands over my back, her legs wrapped around my waist and holding me to her.

"You win," she says breathily after a minute. "You totally have a doctorate."

I chuckle lightly and pull her legs tighter around me. "You're barely through orientation, babe. Hang in there."

"Oh God," she moans dramatically, shaking her head. "I can't come any more."

I lift my head and grin smugly. "I'll take that bet. Ten pickles says otherwise."

"Oh, you are so on," she giggles, then works her arms underneath mine to grip my shoulders from behind, pulling me up over her so she's fully under me.

I brace my weight on my elbows as I look down at her, brushing her hair back from her face before kissing her languidly. Her moans rumble down my throat and her grip on my back tightens, her sexy little foot rubbing the back of my calf.

"Why are you still dressed?" she mumbles, one of her hands sliding around my side to sneak down my stomach, and I flinch at her nails accidentally tickling my abs.

"Priorities," I reply quietly and she smiles against my lips, slipping her fingers into the waist of my jeans and pushing my zipper the rest of the way down. I pull back so I can watch her eyes as her fingers wrap around me, and just before mine roll back, I see hers widen.

"You really weren't kidding," she whispers with a grin, and slowly, I shake my head. "Lucky me," she breathes and I can't help but to chuckle, but it melts into a moan when she begins to stroke me.

I drop my forehead to her neck, trying to keep my shit together because that feels incredible and she's had me with a near-constant erection for like 24 hours and I haven't had sex in forever and my stamina has to be totally fucked because Elena is stroking my cock. Good fucking God just thinking that has me groaning and thrusting my dick in her hands.

Sweet and gracious woman that she is, she nudges my jeans the rest of the way off with her wondrous powers and I know from the cool air flirting with my skin that somehow I am naked, and I want inside of her. Now. I drop my hips and yank them back when I brush against her and realize I'm not wearing a condom, and that is the cruelest sort of cruel.

"Not yet," she whispers and then I'm on my back, Elena's hair draped over my shoulder and pooling on my chest and when I run my hands over her spine, I'm a little confused because when did she take her bra off?

I forget that bras exist when she kisses my nipple and flicks her tongue over it, and Christ, that barbell…

I admit it, I'm praying for it, and I feel a little guilty but I still want it and—

Sweet mother of God she has her lips around the head of my cock and her fingers wrapped around my shaft, and she's stroking me with that tongue ring as she takes me deeper and I don't know what the hell is happening but I know that I don't want it to stop because there are no damn words for how good this feels.

There are sounds coming from my mouth that I don't want to pay attention to because I've never made them before and they're almost embarrassing, and I realize one of my hands is desperately gripping the pillow above me and the other is brushing her hair back from her face so I can see her and she's so beautiful, she's the sexiest thing I've ever seen and holy fuck does she know how to use that tongue ring.

"Elena," I grit out and she moans, squeezing me tighter at the base of my shaft and I don't know why I'm trying to stop her.

She hums again as she takes me deeper and my hand tangles in her hair, my eyes fluttering closed with my head thrown back and my teeth gritted and she feels so fucking good.

Dammit, it's too good…

"Elena," I plead, but she ignores me and continues stroking me with her tongue and teasing me with that damn barbell and I can taste her on my lips and when I look down at her my body jerks and oh shit. "Fuck!" I burst out as searing heat surges through my cock and pumps out of me, and I'm faintly aware of a hand on my hip, holding me in place as she drinks me down because I can't stop coming.

It finally ceases but Elena doesn't, if anything it just spurs her on more and I fucking love her for it because I have to be inside of her and I'm nowhere near done and yeah, that still feels just stupid incredible and I'm going to buy her as many barbells as she wants in every color of the rainbow and with whatever shapes and designs she wants on them because she needs to wear her tongue ring, like, all the time. But just around me. And definitely when we're in bed.

I breathe a smile when I realize how absurdly lucky I am, because she's not once.

She's mine.

And the thought chokes my throat closed because it's just…it's so good.

"Hey," I whisper around a moan, and she makes one more long pass before she leaves a kiss on my tip that will live in my memory for the rest of my days before she peeks up at me. "Come here," I tell her and she blushes, prowling her way back up my body.

I sit up when she straddles my hips and I shiver when I brush against her, but I need to take just a second to do this first. Her smile is wide and eyes are calm when I cradle her cheek in my hand, leaning my forehead to hers and holding her other palm against my chest, over my heart. I swallow tightly and I wish I was braver, that I could explain what's happening in my chest right now, but she always sees through me and this seems to be no different because she bites her lip before quietly breathing, "Really?"

"Oh yeah," I tell her strongly, rewrapping my other arm around her shoulders so I can kiss her as passionately as I need to, making sure she feels it, knows it.

That everything about this, us, is different.

But as soon as I'm sure she knows what I'm saying, I'm reaching for my bedside drawer.

"Damon?" she says timidly, and my head whips towards her. Her brow is furrowed and a boulder sinks in my stomach.

No, no no no. She can't do this to me.

I shake my head and keep my voice low and steady. "You don't-"

"Oh no! I still want to," she assures me with a smile. "I just…"

"Just what?" I ask and cup her cheeks in my hands.

She touches her forehead to mine, covering my hands with hers. "Just us."

I balk, then try to hide it with a smirk. "I wasn't getting a toy, babe, just a condom. Unless you want a toy, although we'd have to go out to get one and I'm not really looking for us to leave this bed anytime in the next month, but if that's what you want I'm sure we can find a store open somewhere in this city…"

She huffs a laugh. "Not tonight."

"Okay," I nod and reach back for the drawer, and she stops my hand again. I swallow nervously, and she gently turns my face back to hers.

"You don't ever…"

"Never," I say seriously.

"Okay," she says softly. "I'm not worried, but I want you to be comfortable and it's your decision."

I blow out a breath and look at the mark on the inside of her arm. "Sure we're okay?"

"We're great," she smiles. "For three years. And this is more effective than anything you're going to pull out of your drawer of debauchery."

I laugh lightly and study her eyes, and she's so relaxed. I mean, there's excitement and anticipation and she's still firmly in the Craving Sex setting of her personality, but she doesn't look like she's hiding anything. Because it's Elena, I remind myself. Honest and sweet and pure. She'd never lie to me, I know she's not the kind of woman that traps men and I don't have to ask to know that she's clean and…

Fuck it. I trust her.

I fist pump, and she giggles adorably before she hugs her arms around my neck, kissing me hungrily.

"Slowly," I whisper over her lips and she nods, lifting up. I support her weight as best as I can while trying to get her focused on my hands and mouth and everything at once because this is gonna be one hell of a tight fit.

She gasps when I quickly slip two fingers into her and stretch her just a little bit more, stroking myself once with her silk. I rock my hips up and her head falls back with a moan when the tip of my cock slides against her, and I'm so glad that I came once already because there's no way I would ever last more than two seconds since we're doing this without anything between us.

"Kiss me," I breathe and she does, her parted mouth grazing against mine as she carefully lowers herself, and I feel her stretch around me. My heart stutters and eyes flutter and she sucks in a breath and I lift her up, then slowly bring her back down and she slips around me more smoothly. "Better?" I whisper unsteadily and she nods, her tongue running across my bottom lip. And gradually, she sinks all the way down until I'm buried inside of her and my whole body is shaking.

I'm so fucking screwed. Sensitive doesn't begin to cover it and I can feel everything in a way I never have before and in one night, she's ruined me. I'll never be able to go back to a world of latex after this, not when she feels this good.

Three years, she said that thing in her arm is good for three years and thank Christ for medical technological advancements and for OBGYNs and for skin against skin and for fights about negative STD tests and for a girlfriend that apparently hates condoms and I have to remind myself that if I tell her I love her right now she'd never believe me and God, she's so warm.

"You're shaking," she whispers as she cradles my jaw, lifting a kiss from my lips. She rocks her hips once, and my eyes roll back with a moan. "Different?"

"Better," I breathe, opening my eyes enough to see her smiling at me and I hold her tighter. "So much better."

"Yeah," she agrees and presses her mouth back to mine, gasping into me as she begins to start a rhythm that fits mine seamlessly. And it shouldn't surprise me when that happens, because she fits into my hands, my life, with an assured click like it's all so plainly obvious, and it just works.

It's her arms pulling closer when I crave her skin against mine, and when I need to taste her, she arches and leans back as I trail kisses across her body. She'll come back and take control, riding hard and fast until she drapes her head over my shoulder, my hands and arms holding her protectively as I thrust up into her.

It's a flawless balance of give and take, and as intense as it is, somehow I still need more.

I roll us so she's under me, hooking an arm under her knee and when I plunge my hips deeper, it's a whole new color of beautiful. And she knows, because the harder I drive the louder she gets and the higher that knee comes until her calf is propped against my shoulder, and I'm feeling the whole long line of her leg as her hands cling to my back and shoulders, growls rumbling out of my throat and vibrating into hers as I surge forward and thrust again. Until she tells me exactly what she wants, and it's like she read my fucking mind.

I pull out and sit back, gently turning her over and she flips gracefully, rising to her knees before she pushes back against me. I smooth my hands up her entire back as I bend to kiss her spine, goosebumps racing up her skin as she rubs her ass against me. One extended moment, taking the time to wrap my arm around her and hug her body sweetly before I lean back and settle my hands on her hips, and then I slam into her, her head whipping back with an eager shout and restraint, reason, everything is just gone. My strokes are long but ruthlessly quick and she's grasping at pillows and practically screaming between begging for more and I don't deny her. Everything that I have to pleasure her with, it's all hers.

Her walls start to flutter and squeeze me but I want to see her, so I slide my hands under her and gently lean her back against my chest so her head is resting on my shoulder. Her back is completely bowed with her knees on the outside of mine, and she's beautifully on display for me when she reaches behind her and threads her fingers through my hair. I watch over her shoulder as my hands cup her breasts and tease her hardened nipples, my palms running down the soft lines of her stomach as her muscles flex with each roll of our still connected bodies, petting her thighs greedily and everywhere else I want to feel her and the whole time listening as her moans intensify with every thrust I give her.

One of my hands slides until I carefully begin to circle her clit, and she gasps and flinches and I know she's sensitive, but I need to feel her come for me again. And she whimpers when I whisper it to her, but her free hand covers mine and my fingers slip between hers, and at her pace, we begin to touch her together.

And I don't know if it's the way her silky fingertip nudges me here and there, sliding me against this spot and circling another, or maybe it's just that she's showing me what feels best to her with no inhibition, but regardless it's driving me crazy in the best way and I know it's doing immeasurable things to her. Because when our joined fingers tease her clit and I thrust deeply without warning, she climaxes fiercely, gorgeously, and as I revel in each throb of her pleasure, I can't hold my own off any longer.

I leave her clit to lock my arms around her: grasping her shoulder so she's secured against me and my other palm covering her raven because whatever that pain is, she will never hurt like that again. I let loose with every instinct I have to be faster, stronger, to protect and to claim her and I'm drunk on the fact that my scent will take root deep inside of her and she welcomes it all, urging me on with promises that she wants me and I grit my teeth through my shout as I explode inside of her. I clutch her to me as I give myself in a way I've never done before, trusting her with the most basic, primitive part of me and she takes every fear and uncertainty and makes it disappear as if it never existed, caressing my skin comfortingly as she covers my arms with hers.

For a long time, we don't move. I can't. And I don't want to. In reality it's probably not that long at all, but every breath is labored, every kiss I press into her skin is special. And when we do start to calm we're both careful, more tender than I've ever been with anyone before. It's a gentle moment to feel each other, to know and let it sink into the space that becomes truth.

Slowly, I lower us down and lay beside her, checking over her skin with light grazes of my fingertips where I'm worried I held her too hard, but she only smiles and lazily kisses me, reassuring me that she's fine. I snuggle her into my chest because even though I followed her lead, I'm still not sure if this was too soon for her and I won't ever regret it, but I'm a little worried that she will. And she totally busts me. Like fucking always.

More kisses and teasing whispers that I should look a lot happier for a guy that just got laid, and she shrieks and giggles when I tickle her, telling her she's got a long way to go before her tab is paid in full. I finally let her catch her breath and she rolls onto her stomach with her chin propped in her hand, confessing that even though she knows it's an environmental monstrosity, she can't help but to swoon over my car. And she "may" have had a dream or two about us having sex in it, but she's not willing to specify the details. Only that it was the stuff of legends. I laugh smugly at the first part but bite the inside of my lip at the last, and then she crawls on top of me, telling me the dreams didn't begin to compare to the real thing and for such a cocky guy, I'm a little insecure.

More tickling, more kissing, more laughter and more everything that I love about this woman.

She somehow resists giving me too much shit when I suddenly realize like an hour later that we're talking while still on top of the comforter and I don't want her to get cold, so I very ungracefully tug and yank and bitch at the black fabric until I finally give up and stand, pulling back the blanket and sheets so she can slide underneath them. Which I should have just done in the fucking first place because all the lights, and the TV, were still on. I shut everything off and double check the deadbolt on the front door before I crawl in bed beside her and she comes right to me, kissing me happily before she rolls over and burrows down, my body curled protectively around hers.

I kiss the back of her neck and hug her closer, already starting to fall asleep to the rhythm of her steady breaths. And I'm not sure why I do it, but maybe it's because everything is about as perfect as I could ever imagine it being and I fully believe that I could ask her anything, tell her anything, and it would be fine. And that's probably a product of being blissed out on endorphins after having crazy fucking fantastic sex with the only women I've ever loved. Who knows, maybe it's because I'm beyond exhausted and that's all it is. But whatever the reason, I'm barely awake when I say her name.

"Hmm?" she murmurs and I yawn, nuzzling deeper into her.

"The blond guy in the photo," I whisper, my words slurring and fading off into the dark space that's filling the rest of my apartment, and I'm so tired that I almost forget to finish. "Tell me you don't still love him…"

And I don't remember hearing her response because I think I fell asleep before she said anything, but I still got an answer anyways.

Because when I wake up a few hours later, she's gone.

A/N:

*Goldnox walks on stage, microphone in hand, clears throat*

*Goldnox winces at all the confusion on the faces of her beloved readers, their feels fighting btwn sexy times and then devastation from me pulling the rug out from under them with no warning*

*Goldnox opens her mouth to speak, then slowly starts to smile*

*Goldnox drops mic and walks away...*

SEE YOU NEXT CHAPTER! *BLOWS TONS AND TONS OF KISSES*

-Goldnox (the meanest bitch of all time)