Chapter 57 - The Three Arghs
[A/N: My most humble apologies for the delay in getting to this chapter. I hope you find it worth the wait.]
ARE YOU SURE THIS IS ADVISABLE?
"Honestly, Grandfather? No I am not."
Susan had been surprised by her own response when Jonathon had broached the idea of tutoring young Jessica Knäcke. She was not normally so… impulsive when it came to demands on her personal time. In fact, from her past dealings with her Grandfather, she had learned that the safest first response to any request of her assistance was usually no.
Not that she didn't normally end up dragged into doing so, regardless, but still.
It was only afterward that she realized how problematic the situation was. She was, she unashamedly admitted, an incredible teacher of young children. She was able to intimidate them into obedience while at the same time dazzling them with wonder that no other teacher could reasonably manage.
Because, of course, she cheated. And the realization brought a frown. As much as she insisted all that she wanted was to be "normal," the reality was that without the abilities she had inherited from her grandfather, she would not have been able to perform such heroic feats of educational finesse.
And now, she found herself in a quandary, because it was one thing to use her tricks on a roomful of barely potty-trained (and in some cases precariously so) children. It was quite another to do so on a teenage girl and young man. So she had left a message for him at Fidgett's, and received a note the following day that he was available to meet her there.
Thus she found herself, as usual invisible to the staff and other patrons, seated in an oversoft chair smelling of tobacco and brandy, across from her grandfather.
BUT YOU ARE GOING TO DO SO REGARDLESS.
"That is why I wanted your advice, Grandfather.
Death, had he eyebrows, would have raised his left one at the suggestion. Instead, his skull tilted slightly, giving the distinct impression of slight surprise.
AND WHAT INSIGHT DO YOU BELIEVE I HAVE IN THIS MATTER?
"How did you do it? When you became 'Good Old Bill Door'? How did you resist the temptation to… to cheat?"
Death rubbed the back of his skull with one bony hand, with a sound like two blocks of wood moving across each other, and leaned back in his chair.
I BELIEVE YOU MAY BE MAKING ERRONEOUS ASSUMPTIONS OF THE MAGNITUDE OF MY SELF-CONTROL, SUSAN.
"Oh."
Death nodded. YES. I SPENT SOME TIME AS BILL DOOR. BUT I FOUND THAT, DESPITE MY BEST INTENTIONS, IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO CHANGE WHO I AM. AND WHAT YOU CALL "CHEATING", I WOULD CONSIDER AN INTRINSIC PART OF MY NATURE.
"But-"
YES. BUT. Death sighed, which was always somewhat disconcerting in someone whose ribcage did not rise and fall on any regular basis. I UNDERSTAND YOUR WISH TO BE AS NORMAL AS POSSIBLE, BUT CLEARLY YOU'VE COME TO TERMS WITH YOUR ABILITIES IN TEACHING THE YOUNGEST HUMANS. PERHAPS, Death peered at her through dark eyesockets, YOU SHOULD STOP CONSIDERING THIS AS CHEATING AND ACCEPT THAT THIS IS HOW YOU SHOULD BE PERFORMING THE TASK.
"So… you are saying I should teach Jessica and Jonathon just as I would my other students?"
Death fixed her with an undecipherable look, part humor and part sadness. I HAVE SEEN MY SHARE OF HUMANS, OF ALL AGES, PASS THROUGH MY DOMAIN. I FIND THAT I MUST DEAL WITH THEM VERY DIFFERENTLY DEPENDING ON THEIR AGE. THE YOUNGEST TEND TO ACCEPT WHATEVER THEY ARE TOLD, NO MATTER HOW FANTASTIC.
There was the impression of a frown. AS THEY GROW OLDER, THEY BECOME LESS FLEXIBLE IN THEIR THINKING, AND MUST BE HANDLED MORE CIRCUMSPECTLY, OR WITH MORE EXPLANATION.
Susan stirred her tea quietly for a few moments as she absorbed this. "So, don't deny who I am, but don't do what I do for my young students."
ESSENTIALLY. I HAVE FOUND MIXING WORK AND FRIENDSHIP TO BE PARTICULARLY PROBLEMATIC.[1]
Susan frowned, and felt her hair attempt to adjust itself slightly. "This is going to be difficult."
UNDOUBTEDLY.
Jessica and Jonathon were unsure what to expect for their first tutoring session.
The first surprise had been the location.
Susan had vetoed the bakery almost immediately. Too many distractions, she had said. Likewise, her own quarters were unsuitable. And the school where she taught the young children would not be appropriate either. For one, it did not seem ethical to use, and for another, the seats would have left Jonathon gnawing on his own kneecaps the entire time.
In the end, they decided that Myria's residence would be ideal. It had ample empty rooms, was private, and would provide excuses to visit Myria as well. They discussed this with Roustam, who had a spare room fitted to accommodate its planned purpose.
"Oh wow… you are serious about this." Jessica remarked as she surveyed the room. There was a blackboard on one wall and a small but intimidating wooden desk to one side of it. Directly facing the blackboard were two sets, and only two sets, of desks and chairs, with inkwells and quills already placed.
Susan, standing before the desk, felt a moment of angst. Was arranging this in a familiar manner a mistake? Should I have gone for something more informal?
She looked at Jonathon and Jessica's combination of amusement and surprise, and decided it was too late to back out now. Walking over to her desk, she sat down in the chair, and immediately felt better. Things were always easier to manage when you sat in a seat of authority with heavy furniture between you and those on the receiving end.
"Jessica. Jonathon. Take your seats please."
Jessica shot Jonathon a look, and got a shrug in return.
"Okayyy.."
Susan's face tightened. "Jessica, when we are in this room, I am not your friend, Susan. I am your tutor, Miss Susan. And you will respond with "Yes ma'am, or no ma'am, or remain silent."
Jessica started to snort, saw a gathering storm on Susan's face, and swallowed it down. She managed to catch Jonathon's eye as she did so, and got a "what have we gotten ourselves into" look in return.
"Um… yes ma'am?"
"Much better. Now please, take your seats. We will start with an evaluation of your knowledge of the fundamentals. Reading, writing, and arithmetic. From there, we will assess your knowledge of history, society, and the arts."
Jonathon coughed.
"It is considered polite to raise one's hand when one has a question, Jonathon."
"Oh. I mean, yes ma'am." He sat down and raised his hand tentatively.
"Yes, Jonathon."
"What about dealing with peers and such?" He always felt a combination of nervousness and anger when circumstances forced him to deal with nobs. As much as he hated to admit it, he was worried he would do something that would make him look as brutish as they probably assumed him to be.
"Ah yes, the niceties and particularities of moving among polite society. We can most certainly cover the basics of this as well." Susan made a face. "But I believe you will find, young Jonathon, that such society is in reality anything but polite. The truth is, there are four categories of 'polite society' you will likely meet."
"The first, those who are of old money, believe that society should function just so. They will despise you regardless of how carefully you apply the formalities, because you didn't inherit your wealth from your great great great grandfather who, incidentally, pillaged and murdered his way into it in the first place."
Jessica snorted at that, and for her troubles received the most uncanny look from Susan she had ever seen. It made her want to sit very still. Preferably in a chair located on a completely different continent.
"The second," Susan continued after a moment, "are those of old money who couldn't give a fig for the formalities and niceties, and will be wary of you if you try."
"The third are those who came into money recently and are, frankly, trying far too hard to prove themselves belonging. They are easy to spot, as they look like they are about to have a nervous breakdown at any moment and are afraid to laugh or touch a piece of silverware unless they see a peer do so first. They are more or less despised by the prior two as sycophants[2]."
"And the fourth?" Jonathon got a treatment, similar to the one Jessica had just received, and resolved that patience was preferred to being on the receiving end of that particular look.
"The fourth, is that which I hope you will become. Those with wealth, who understand the proprieties, but are perfectly willing to ignore them when the situation warrants it. The first group of peers will still despise you, but the second will respect you. The third group will envy and fear you, and wonder why you aren't drummed out of the club."
"Now," Susan picked up a piece of chalk from her desk, "if there are no further questions, we shall begin."
The next three hours consisted of Susan writing questions on the blackboard or querying Jessica and Jonathon with specific questions, or asking them to demonstrate their abilities at the blackboard. It turned out both better and worse than Susan feared.
Both Jessica and Jonathon appeared to have a solid grasp of addition and subtraction, and could do multiplication with some furrowed brows and chewing of tongue.
Division and fractions were also passable, as long as they were allowed to do so using analogies involving slices of pie or ingredient proportions. She was even able to get across the idea of matrices by using the example of a cake sliced into a grid.
Their knowledge of geography and history were sparse enough to make one weep, and they would need days of instruction on handling formal introductions and formal dining. There were also the basics of managing employees to work through. That, Susan decided, would do well to include Myria as well. She determined to enlist Roustam to do an introduction along those lines, considering his experience was likely superior to hers in that respect.
By the time they found themselves outside the door at the end of the three-hour session, Jonathon was wondering whether his suggestion wasn't backfiring on him.
"My head hurts."
"This was your idea, cousin."
"Yeah. And that makes it worse."
"Oh come, the two of you, surely it wasn't that disagreeable."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Oh do stop. We aren't in the classroom now, it's just Susan again."
"Yes Susan."
Children, Susan huffed quietly to herself, they are the same, no matter how old.
Her musing was interrupted by Myria, who had heard them leaving the room.
"How did the instructional session pass?"
"Fine." Jonathon responded, more or less automatically.
Jessica snorted again, and was relieved when she got away with it.
"Myria…" Susan eyed her carefully, "you appear… different.
Jonathon turned from Susan to Myria, and realized Susan was correct. It was subtle, and he'd been seeing Myria almost every day, so he hadn't noticed. But now that Susan mentioned it…"
"Myria, have you… have you gained weight?"
Myria beamed. "I have decided to become more massive."
"You've decided…"
"Yes. I am enjoying the bread, and I have noted that many humans that enjoy eating have increased percentage of fatty tissue. I have decided to allow my body to retain the additional caloric input in order to experience this."
Jonathon's eyes widened. "You… but…"
"Jonathon, would you excuse us for a moment?"
"C'mon Jonny. Let's let Susan explain a few things to Myria." Jonathon looked hunted for a moment, then allowed Jessica to lead him away, shaking his head.
"Myria, it is time you learned something about human nature…"
Susan and Myria found them in the downstairs sitting room.
"Jonathon, Myria has something to tell you."
Myria took a deep breath. "Jonathon, I apologize if I surprised you with my comments. I did not mean to alarm you unduly."
"That's… okay. So does that mean you're not going to… decide to change your appearance?"
"I can not promise that, Jonathon. But I will consult you prior to making any dramatic changes. But I have determined that I no longer wish to be what Susan referred to as "twiggy" and instead become somewhat more curvaceous. I hope you do not find that objectionable."
Susan coughed. "That's not the point I was making. Jonathon understands, of course," Susan gave Jonathon a very pointed look that promised a long discussion, "that he does not have final say regarding your appearance, if how you look makes you happy."
"But at the same time," she continued, "since you are in the remarkable position of being able to change your appearance voluntarily," Myria missed a quite envious look that flashed across both Susan and Jessica's faces at the same time, "there is no harm in consulting him beforehand so you at least know what impact it's likely to have. Is that understood?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Oh, do stop it."
Several more days passed, filled with sporadic visits from Mister Sharps who repeatedly hinted that a joint shopping trip would make him absolutely giddy with happiness, and further tutoring.
Mister Sharps' hints were quickly quashed by Roustam. The tutoring sessions progressed as expected.
By the end of the first week, Jessica and Jonathon were reaching what Susan considered a 'minimally acceptable' level of proficiency with maths and she felt it was time to discuss a bit of geography and sociology.
And this is where her quandary lay. With her younger students, she had no qualms about popping the classroom off to Quirm, or Djelibeybi, or Howondaland. True, they brought home wild stories to their parents, but the tales were never taken seriously. Children and their imaginations, right?
This was different. And she was unsure how to effectively teach this subject otherwise without it becoming a drudge for all involved.
"We… should begin our lessons that involve more… unconventional tutoring methods."
"Yes ma'am."
Susan paused. This was as difficult as she had imagined it. Should she pull the bandage off all at once, or slowly peel it back? She surveyed the two carefully, and came to a realization.
"Would you both join me outside for a moment?"
"Are we going somewhere?"
"Perhaps. But please, no more discussion until we are outside."
Once in the hall, she felt some of her tension release. Yes. This is the right way to go about this.
"Miss Susan, wha-"
"No. Jessica, on this side of the door I am not Miss Susan. I am your friend. And I am here to ask for a favor."
Jessica peered at her suspiciously. "Okay, what gives?"
"Jessica, do you remember once, you asked me about my… little trick, and I asked for your patience?"
"Yeah. You were pretty insistent on that."
"What are you two talking about?"
"This will become clear, Jonathon. Jessica, I believe it is time that I provided some more explanation, and in the process I will ask for your understanding."
Susan swallowed past a throat suddenly tight. "You know I am a very private person, Jessica. I don't have many friends."
"Apart from us, you mean."
Susan smiled. "Yes. Apart from you two, I have not had close friends since my boarding school days.[3]" Susan frowned. "Part of the reason is because of my family, and what it means for me."
"What, do you have a mad uncle or something? Grandfather in prison?"
"It is much more complicated than that." She felt her hair attempting to puff out, mirroring her unease. "When I agreed to tutor you, I did not consider how it might complicate our relationship as friends. I now realize that for me to perform the task effectively, I would need to betray more of my peculiarities than I would have liked."
Jessica shot Jonathon a look. A sight of Susan nervous was… uncanny.
Susan, uncharacteristically, found herself with the intense urge to chew on a fingernail, and quashed it completely. Drawing herself up stiffly, she forced her way through it. "So I find I must ask, if you discovered that I was… not quite human, how would it affect our relationship, your friendship with me?"
She almost fell backward when they both burst into laughter. "Are you mad? Is this a joke?" Jessica grasped Susan's arm gently. "Susan, Jonny is engaged to a gods-knows-what, you apparently can turn invisible and throw a poker hard enough to nearly impale someone from yards away and you terrify ghosts. It's not like we didn't already realize you aren't quite vanilla."
Susan felt a slight smile creep across her face. "There is that, I suppose. Still…"
"Susan," Jonathon interrupted, placing a hand on her other arm, "Myria would be dead if it wasn't for you, and probably Jessica too. I promise you, no matter what you tell us, we're not going to stop being your friends."
Susan took deep breath. "Thank you both. I pray this is the case." She put one hand to her lips and gave a low whistle. "And so, I believe it's time you met Binky."
She felt a bit of satisfaction at the confusion in both their faces, which was multiplied tenfold when they heard the sound of a horse shifting quietly behind them in the second floor hallway.
[1] Umm… do I really need to explain why that would be the case?
[2] Jessica wasn't sure what a psychofant was, but she wasn't yet ready to show her ignorance. It definitely didn't sound like a good thing.
[3] She remembered Princess Jade and Gloria Thogsdaughter fondly, though they had not corresponded in years.