With that, the Time Lord from Gallifrey leapt courageously into my kitchen, his sonic screwdriver whirring like crazy. Donna and I followed, much less enthusiastically. I was still terrified by the thought of those Biscuit-men returning to kill me like they had so painfully attempted to do today.

The Doctor was flying around the room, opening and closing all of the cabinets and checking every corner, while simultaneously shooting off questions. "You're sure your mum would have put them away in here? There aren't any other options? Good, good. Now where is your mother? Ah, look, she left you a note! 'We're out of noodles. Gone shopping, be back in a jiffy.' Well, let's hope it's a good sight more than a jiffy. At least now we know she hasn't been eaten alive!"

Donna shot the Doctor an angry look and patted my back. "Not that it was ever an option, mind you."

I started to shake. "M-mom? What if she comes back? Will they eat her too? We have to warn her!"

I grabbed the phone and started pressing buttons, but the Doctor wrenched it out of my hands. "What are you going to tell her, Jeremy, that crisps have begun attacking and there's a strange man in the house helping you get rid of them? What will she do then?"

"She'll come back... But we can help her, we can protect her!"

"Wrong," said the Doctor. "I would do my best, but there is no way I can assure her safety against the Biscuit-men, even if she is with me. Her best chance is to stay far away from here. All of us right now are in extreme peril just standing in this kitchen. That's why we need to find that chip bag." He flipped open the cupboard where Mom kept the trash can and jerked out the metal container. There, sitting on the top, was the crumpled, dirty Crunchies bag.

"That's it!" I cried, shrinking backwards. "That's the bag!"

The Doctor picked it up, slowly and carefully. I held my breath, almost expecting the tiny mutant chips to jump out of it at any second. "Hmmm, there's definitely nothing special about this bag, just a normal piece of plastic. Not alien at all." He opened the top and peered inside. His face immediately lost all color. "It's empty."

"Doctor." Donna's voice sent a chill up my spine. It was a voice filled with pure terror. I followed Donna's line of sight, and when my eyes found what she was staring at, I almost passed out. Above our heads, on top of almost every ledge in the kitchen, a small army of Biscuit-men was standing. Their tiny white eyes stood out glaringly in the dark kitchen.

"Donna, turn on the light," said the Doctor's voice, slowly and softly. "But don't make any sudden movements. We must not startle them."

I squinted when the light hit my eyes, but forced them to stay open. I was utterly relieved when the Biscuit-men didn't immediately jump down and kill us all right where we stood. "Alright, everybody," said the Doctor calmly. "Move out the door." Donna and I shuffled backwards, herded on by the Doctor. "That's it, nice and quiet. Don't act threatening at all."

"Why aren't they attacking?" My whispered voice sounded incredibly loud in the tense silence of the kitchen.

"I'm not sure," said the Doctor. "My only guess is that they haven't been given the order. However, from what I can tell, you were the only one who was attacked thus far today. That means that the Commander hasn't given the master order yet, and that this bag of crisps might be a rogue unit, not expressly following commands from the top… That or they were given express orders to go after you for some reason. Either way, any threat to them might immediately result in our deaths. And from what I can tell, most of this unit has been reduced to crumbs, which is not good news for us. Crumbs are smaller and quicker, and they're the ones who normally do the actual life-taking."

By this point, we were almost to the door of the kitchen. It was eerie to see all of the cheese-puff eyes staring at us, following our progress, and yet the owners of the eyes never moved a muscle – or whatever it is that chips use to move.

BANG! At the sound, everybody – alien, human, and mutant alien chip – jumped at least ten feet in the air. "RUN!" cried the Doctor as the army of Crunchies gave a shrill cry and threw themselves off of the ledges in our direction. I gave a highly unmanly shriek and started to sprint towards the direction of the front door, but I tripped over Donna's feet. Immediately, I felt thousands of little pinpricks all over as the tiny aliens landed on me. Most of them moved towards my mouth, which was open in a scream.

"Close your mouth!" The Doctor's voice boomed loudly over the Biscuit-man war cry. Fighting all of my instincts, I followed his instructions. The crumbs and cheese-puffs amassed around my sealed lips, but they couldn't get in. I felt the Doctor's hands grip under my armpits and pull me to my feet. "Keep running!"

I stumbled over the edge of the carpet, but didn't lose stride. I was running for my very life. In front of me, I saw Donna pushing my startled mother out the door. I assumed it had been her slamming the car door that had caused the Biscuit-man attack to erupt. I was glad we had intercepted her before she had entered the kitchen and been suddenly attacked by small crumbs. She probably would have lost her head completely and we might not have been able to get her out alive.

Almost blindly, I followed the Doctor out the door. He slammed it behind us and soniced it with his flashy screwdriver. "That'll hold 'em for a few minutes," he declared, stowing the screwdriver back into his coat pocket. When he withdrew his hand, it was clasping a small key. "To the TARDIS, everybody!"