Chapter Two

In his dream, Yami stood in a hallway.

It was dark, and smelled like rotten wood.

I pass out and all I get is a hallway? He thought, This is the highest level of bullshittery.

The former Pharaoh walked down it, eventually hearing voices.

"I SAID THE PHARAOH'S SOUL, NOT SOME KID'S!" Shouted a raspy, snake-like voice, "AND WHERE THE HELL IS MY MILKSHAKE, LUCIUS! WIZARD GOD, YOU ARE SUCH A FAILIURE!"

"I-I-I-I-I'm sorry, My Lord..." Came the shaky, terrified voice of the cloaked man whom Yami had attacked. Apparently he'd lived, "It won't happen again..."

"Good." The snake-like voice said, "NOW GET ME MY DAMN MILKSHAKE!"

"Y-yes, M'lord..."

The cloaked man, Lucius, scurried by, not noticing Yami.

The latter frowned.

People never ignore me. My sexiness is too much to do so.

The spirit looked in through the doorway Lucius had scurried out of, seeing a man throwing things around like a small child.

"Fucking Lucius." He growled, "If he doesn't get me it next time, I'll wag my finger at him and issue a stern warning. That'll show 'im."

His red, snake-like eyes turned to Yami, and he froze.

But the man yelped, jumping up on a chair.

"SPIDER!" He shouted, raising his wand, "AVADA KEDAVERA!"

A green blur shot towards Yami, and he ducked. The next thing he knew, a spider was falling on him, and he shrieked.

"Yami." Came Kaiba's voice, "WAKE-UP DUMBASS!"

Yami's eyes shot open, seeing Kaiba glaring down at him.

"What?" The Pharaoh demanded, uninterested.

"It's, like, noon. How long do you need to be passed out for?"

Yami shrugged.

"I dunno. Why do you need to wear such over-extravagant clothing like AN ASSHOLE!"

"We-"

Kaiba stopped, frowning.

"I win." Yami said proudly, swinging his legs off the bed and standing up.

"Good morning, My Pharaoh." Said the Dark Magician.

"Oh, you're still here." Yami said, "Lovely."

The monster looked unimpressed.

"Could you please send me back?" It asked.

"Back where?" The Pharaoh asked, looking in the mirror to fix his hair.

"To the stone tablet I was imprisoned in." The monster said, sounding annoyed.

"Can't say I recall that."

"Bu- Then how did you summon me?"

"Trading cards." Yami said. "That's how you fix all of life's problems."

"So... You don't know how to send me back?"

"Nope." Yami said, "Which sucks, because you get increasingly more annoying as the days go by."

"Honestly, what is with the hair?" The mirror demanded.

Yami shrieked, leaping into Kaiba's arms.

"DEMON MIRROR!" He shouted.

"Get off." Kaiba said dangerously, "Or I will hurt you."

"But de-"

Kaiba dropped him.

The Pharaoh hit the ground with very little dignity.

"Ow." He whined, standing up and rubbing his butt, "Asshole." He snapped, glaring at Kaiba.

"I told you to get off or I'd hurt you."

"I hate you."

"I hate you too."

"SQUACK SQUACK MOTHAFUCKAS!"

Two owls flew straight through the window, and Kaiba- and read this well now- screamed.

He leaped right onto a chair in the corner, huddling into it.

Yami walked right up to them, where they sat on the bed.

"They're just owls." Yami said, "They're kinda cute."

"They're birds." Kaiba said quickly, "They're birds, and I don't like them."

"Get a hold of your dignity!" Yami said dramatically.

"Oh, like you have any left after I dropped you!"

"OH LIKE YOU HAVE ANY LEFT AFTER YOU WERE BORN!"

"Normally, I'd smack you for that." Kaiba said, "But you are really close to those things."

"They have letters..." Yami examined, taking them off of each of their legs. The birds flew off after.

Kaiba cautiously got off of the chair and took his letter.

It read,

Dear Mr. S. Kaiba,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, into 5th year. Professor Dumbledore has deemed it necessary that you and your associate Yami come for safety from the Death Eaters despite how many times people have broken in here. A representative from the Order of the Phoenix will show up in approximately half a chapter to help you.

Your book list is attached, along with all other necessities.

Sincerely,

Deputy Head Mistress, Minerva McGonagall.

"How very convenient." Yami said.

"Agreed." Kaiba said, "We don't really have a choice though."

"I believe a magic school would be a great idea for you, Your Highness." The Dark Magician said, "Perhaps you'd learn some discipline."

"Shut up, talking card." Yami snapped.

"I am not a card." The monster said, sounding miffed.

"Yeah, okay." Yami said, uninterested.

"Discipline would be a good thing for you, none-the-less."

"Why the hell do I need discipline?" Yami demanded, "Who do I have to listen to?"

"You'll have to listen to teachers once you get there."

"I never listened to Yugi's teachers. I gave one a Penalty Game."

"Your Highness!" The monster scolded, "That is awfu-"

"Yeah, okay. Whatever."

The Dark Magician looked like he wanted to kill him, to which Kaiba could agree to.

"Excuse me?" A tall, balding man stuck his head in, "A Tonks is here to see you two." He said, "Said Dumbledore sent her."

"Oh thank god." Kaiba said, "We can leave."

Yami walked over, the Dark Magician following him.

"Still mad at me?" Yami asked arrogantly.

"Yes." DM said, "Quite, actually."

"For the record, several thousand years of darkness and silence can drive anyone insane."

"I understand that." The monster said, "But a Penalty Game? That's quite extreme, don't you believe?"

"Maybe." Yami said, shrugging, "I don't really remember what I did to her, though. I remember burning a guy to death."

DM's eyes widened.

"That is awful!"

"You're awful." Yami grumbled.

The balding man led them down to a pub, where there were several weird-looking people.

"I have a question." Kaiba said, "Why is it August if we came here on a school field trip?"

"Shut up, Kaiba." Yami said, "I can't hear you over the plot-hole."

A/N: I noticed the plot hole after I uploaded the other chapter, so, naturally, I made a joke about it.

LOVE ME

Kaiba shrugged, not bothering to worry about it.

"Well, you do have weird hair!" Said a pink-haired woman, coming right towards them, "Dumbledore told me to just look for the one with the weird hair." She grinned, "Wait a sec."

She pressed her lips together, and her hair morphed into Yami's.

"Sick..." Yami whispered.

"How the hell did you do that?" Kaiba demanded.

"I'm a metamorphagus." She said, shrugging, "I can change my appearance at will."

"That is awesome." Kaiba said.

"Yeah." She said, grinning, "Tonks, by the way."

"Yami."

"Kaiba."

"It seems we're all one-name people." She said.

"You would be too if your mother named you Seto." Kaiba grumbled.

"My mother named me 'Nymphadora'." She rolled her eyes, "Who names their kid Nymphadora?"

"I don't know my real name!" Yami said loudly, causing the other two to look over, "That's why they call me Yami. Because we don't know my name."

"Oh?" Tonks said, "You don't know your name? Why?"

He shrugged.

"Dunno."

"Do you remember anything about yourself?"

"No. Why?"

She looked scared.

"Did someone Oblivate you?" She asked.

"I have no idea what that means. And I'm pretty sure I took my own memories. Or so I'm told."

She looked confused now.

"But, wh-"

"Look." Kaiba said, "I don't think it's a good idea to question him, or anyone, about him. Never works out. Can we go buy our things now?"

"Oh." Tonks said, "Right. Let's go."

…

"So we neeeeeeeeeed..." Yami dragged his finger down the list, "Plain black robes, potions ingredients-"

"Ooh!" The Dark Magician said, "I like potions."

"Will you shut up?" Yami demanded.

"N- I mean.. Yes, of course."

"Good. As I was saying, books- boring-, an owl, cat, or a toad. And a wand."

"No owls." Kaiba said quickly.

"Pussy." Yami laughed.

"I hate you."

"I hate you to, babe."

"What?" Kaiba demanded.

"Jokes."

"Yeah, 'cause you're in love with Yugi."

Yami's face lit up.

"Wh- what? I AM NOT!"

"Yeah, okay." Kaiba said, "I believe that about as much as I believe that Marik and Bakura aren't in a relationship."

"THAT'S NOT FAIR!" Yami shouted, "THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY GAY FOR EACH OTHER! I DON'T LIKE YUGI LIKE THAT!"

"Yeah, alright."

"I hate you."

"I hate you, too."

Tonks stood there awkwardly.

"Am I missing something?" She asked.

"Pretty much." Kaiba said.

"Let's get your robes first." Tonks said, "You have money?"

"Uuuh..." Kaiba pulled out his wallet, "I have about 300 dollars in here..."

"We're gonna have to transfer that."

"Wait what?"

"Wizard currency." Tonks said, "I'm not going to give you the math, because no one ever bothers to figure it out."

Kaiba shrugged, and they headed down the cobblestone street.

Kaiba had to admit, it was brilliant.

The chaos was exciting, much less boring than Domino, and all the different clothes all over the place made it a flurry of different colours and it was beautiful.

A snowy white building broke into view.

"Woah." Kaiba said, looking over the heads of people.

Yami was jumping up and down, being 6 inches shorter than Kaiba.

"What- are- you- looking- at?" He asked, a word coming out with each jump.

"Short ass motherfucker." Kaiba laughed.

"Well, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." Yami snarled.

"I slept in a chair, thank you very much, because someone was a dumbass and exerted himself way to far."

The Dark Magician flew up and sat on the edge of a roof above a shop with a broom in the window.

"What the hell are you doing?" Yami demanded.

"Goblins run those banks." DM said, "Goblins and Shadow Magic don't get along."

"Why?" Kaiba asked.

"It's a long story that involves the invention of pizza, a Roman emperor, and stairs."

"Come to think of it, I don't want to know." Kaiba said, "Let's go in."

…

Inside the bank was beautiful.

A crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling, and small, long-fingered creatures sat behind the counters.

Tonks led them straight to a counter that read, "Transfers".

The goblin leered down at them.

Kaiba walked straight to the front.

"From what currency?"

"American dollars." Kaiba said.

"Place it on the scales." The goblin sneered.

Kaiba did as he was told, placing the bills on the scale.

"Reminds me of the Scales of Truth..." Yami said quietly.

"The what?" Tonks asked.

"The scales that weigh your soul when you reach the afterlife..."

He said it almost wistfully.

Kaiba then remembered that he'd been dead for 3000 years. You'd want to move on a long time before that.

"Whatever." Kaiba said, not daring to show emotions. Being the anti-hero, it was his job.

The bills dissolved upwards, and 29 gold coins, and bronze and silver coins, 13 of each.

"Huh." Kaiba said.

The goblin placed Kaiba's money into a pouch and handed it to him.

"Have a nice day." It said.

"Thanks...?"

They left, Yami having no money on him.

"You'd think Yugi'd bring some money, but no." He said, shrugging.

The Dark Magician flew down to join them.

"Children were throwing stones at me." He said, straightening his hat, looking very annoyed as he did so.

"Children are irritating." Yami said.

"Yes they are." Kaiba replied.

"Now for robes." Tonks said loudly, as to catch everyone's attention.

"Okay."

"Geez."

"No need to be so rude."

"Fucking bitch."

…

Ayyy

I updated

Finally

Happy now?

JK I love you guys

Pls don't hate me

Just as a note, I used a converter on the HP Lexicon to figure out how much Kaiba would have

I suck at math

K thanks love ya'll BAI