Ugh so I had this chapter half written on my phone and I went to change the song and it deleted it, I almost cried, it was so good. -.-

My lungs felt like the air was getting sucked out of them, like they were closing. I couldn't help but feel my mind race as I thought about Nate. He was the first kid I ever had feelings for, he basically showed me what it was like to really like someone. I can remember him showing up at my door for our first date with a handful of flowers, going out to parties. All the times I used to tell Wanda that I was going to give myself to him, but I never did. The way I felt when he left, so empty and cold. I suddenly felt the numbness shiver down my spine, letting me feel it all over again. The heartache began to make its way to my mind when I shut it out. I couldn't let myself think about these things when my husband is standing right in front of me with soul searching eyes. I knew if I didn't say anything I had the possibility to hurt Jared, and make him rebuild every wall I have broken down. Did I want to throw this all away just so I could get some closure? Is closure what I really wanted? Or did I want something more? I could feel acid rise up my throat at the thought of me trying to leave Jared for Nate. The way Nate left me so quick and left me all alone. It took me months to get over him, to let myself fully be able to like someone again. I took a sharp breath in as I grabbed Wanda's arm and led her to my room. When I glanced back I seen Jared's head fall down, maybe in shame. I could feel my heart stop, the hurt was radiating from him. I just tore the bridges I had taken so long to build. I could feel something deep down inside of me start to feel upset by the way Jared just have up and walked back into his office. I led Wanda to my room and I knew she was worried, I could see it in her eyes. Was I really willing to screw my marriage up for a mistake like Nate? Images of us kissing flashes through my head like an old movie clip, and all of these feelings started to give me a headache. I knew Nate still couldn't be in my heart, there was no possible way. I had shut him out, Jared was the only one who owned my heart. I felt someone tug on my arm and I looked up to see Wanda. I was quickly pulled back to reality, and the throbbing feeling in my head got worse.
"Melanie, what the hell happened back there?" Wanda's tone was a little harsh. I knew I needed her to be a little rude though, I couldn't be soft about this.
"Wanda, he called and he wants to meet up like old times." My mind was starting to argue with itself, the pain could have brought me to my knees. I wouldn't actually go and meet up with my ex would I? Look what Jared did with Lacey. But that was before we fell in love with each other.
"I don't care, do you see that man out there? He loves you. And he basically broke Into tears when you walked away from him." She quietly yelled as she pointed out of my door. Guilt quickly rushed through my veins as Jared's smile flashed into my head. The way he held my hand, and they he pulled me close when I was the littlest bit upset. I could feel tears start to form in my eyes as I looked down, why was I being so stupid?
"Your right." I murmured as I looked down, quickly wiping the tear that had lingered at my chin. I was willing to break the man I loves heart just because I was selfish. No, I couldn't. I couldn't ruin my marriage because some screw up wants to use me.
"I am damn right, but I need to talk to you." She said as she looked away. I could see tears start to form in her eyes and threaten to fall. I knew something was horribly hurting her, and I knew it wasn't Ian. Her and Ian barely fought, and no one minded it. They weren't that couple that no one wanted to take out in public, they were the opposite.
"What is it?" Suddenly, I forgave her. I had gotten my payback on Lacey. I knew Wanda never cried without telling me first, that would be ludacris.
"I got into something bad." She said as she began to sob. I couldn't register what she meant for a second, it was all a blur. I don't exactly understand what she means.
"Like?" I asked as I pulled her into a hug. She needed me, even if I fully didn't forgive her. Well I did, but the trust wasnt fully there. I mean it's not that a good bit isn't, but there is some missing.
"These pills, Ian's friend had them, and I took some." She said as she began to basically break down completely in my arms. I couldn't help but tear up, she never meant to hurt Jared and I. She was under something more powerful than the sober mind. She wasnt herself, and because she messed up she had to deal with it.
"Wanda it's fine, you stopped right." I asked as I made her look at me. I couldn't hate her over this, I could only make sure she got better. I could only watch over her like the sister I always claimed to be to her.
She nodded as she wiped the tears away, her phone began to ring. She answered it, it was Ian. She quickly finished their conversation and hugged me telling me she had to go. I knew Christmas was in a week basically, so I walked over to the closet and grabbed her gift and handed it to her. I felt her pull me Into a hug as she began to cry again.
"I never meant to hurt anyone, I love you Mel." She said as she began to walk out the door.
"I know, and I love you too sis." I said as tears of my own began to form. I needed my best friend back in my life, but most of all I needed my husband. I heard the door shut so I knew I should make my way downstairs to talk to him. I slowly crept down them, cursing at every noise they made. I wouldn't blame Jared if he was mad at me, I basically ignored him. It wasnt even that though, he knew I talked to Nate. I'm not even sure if that is what he would be mad at, he most likely thought I was hiding something from him. I mean maybe a little bit, but nothing that he thought. I walked through the living room and he wasnt there. I took a deep breath in as I made my way to his office, I could hear it start to rain. It wasnt a normal kind of rain though, it was an ice mixture. I couldn't help but feel it in my heart, I had been so cruel. I grabbed the doorknob slight and opened the door. He was turned facing the window in his office, with a glass in his hand. I didn't even have to look at the desk to know what he was drinking, but it wasnt something strong. You see when Jared gets upset, he basically drowns himself in alcohol. That's how I know he's clearly upset at me, he didn't so this much, it was a rare occasion. I walked towards him, I was nervous. I know he would yell or anything, but I knew I was going to have to explain everything that just happened.
"Jared?" It was barely a whisper. My nerves were taking over my voice because I couldn't get it any louder. It was stuck in my throat, like something was blocking it. I looked at him through clouded eyes to see him turn and put his glass down. He looked upset, but mainly hurt. I had hurt him because I wanted to be selfish. I had succeeded, and now I was going to have to make up for it.
"Yes Melanie." I was In trouble, Im not even going to doubt myself. I knew I messed up, and now I have to fix it.
"I'm sorry." I tried to choke out, but by this time he was already half way out the door. He slammed it, and I could feel my body jump from the noise. I could feel more tears well up in my eyes as I quickly sat on the floor and began to sob. This was all my fault. It was 10 minutes give or take some time before I stood my shakey legs up and tried to walk to the living room. It was already getting dark outside due to the fact that winter was here, I walked up to Jared but he ignored me. I could feel tears start to form in my eyes again as I reached for his hand, only for him to pull it away. What have I done?

HAPPY THANKSGIVING:)
This is a little early short sweet treat!
Please everyone who loves Jelanie videos go visit my youtube!
xsweetcravingsx
You won't be disappointed! Do you make youtube videos? Tell me I'll subscribe. :) you guys are all my friends,hehe