Hey everyone! I hate to complain,but I really need you guys to review. I have 54 chapters once I update this and only 88 reviews. Call me greety,call me vein, but most people with that amount of chapters are in the hundreds. Now I know some people barely get 4, but all I ask is for your opionion. I mean is my writing that bad? So I will continue to write chapters, but I wont post them until I get a couple more reviews. I feel like I keep giving but no ones taking. I really enjoy everyone who reviews, you guys are the best. And if you review I will go read your stories and review, I try to stay humble and nice.
I could feel the muscles in my jaw fall, like they were tired of working. I felt a knot in my stoumach when the words finalized in my brain. This wasn't what Jared normally talked about when we were about to fall asleep, this was something he would usually want to sit down and talk about. Did he feel like rushing something this important just because a piece of my past was trying to enter my present. I could feel him become eager, I havent answered yet. If that was even a question, it felt more like a statement. Yes, I want a family with Jared but I want to enjoy being young. I was to feel as youthful as I can, but that was being vein. Jared wanted a child, a gift of our love that he very well deserved. I took in a deep breath as I turned to look at him and his cautious face. It looked as if the wrong word could shatter everything he has been trying to hold in. The walls he built up around himself after years of being hurt were turning hallow, as he was feeling what love actually was. I couldnt help but feel guilty for making him wait for an answer for something that I already gaurenteed to myself. Having a child with Jared was something many girls most likely wished for. They didnt know Jared for who he really is though, his actual personality. His looks were phoneminal, but his personality blew my out of the water. He was so cold, but yet so loving. Its like the best things in the world swirled in his brain while the worst things pressed thorns into his sould. He was this warm presence that I could feel from miles away, a feeling I could never get over. Something that faith has intended both of us to feel and never let go of. My eyes met his, as his told me a story of him. He was an open book that only I understood at this point. I knew this poker face he was so good at wouldnt last for long, and I shouldnt keep holding him off. I was mesmeorized by everything about him though, this all felt like a privelage rather than a normal relationship. This is the relationship little girls snickered about with each other when they try on princess dresses at an over rated fake tea party. Not that I was ever one of those girls, I was a free spirit. I was the one trying on the black dress and my mothers peircing red lipstick while I blew kisses into the fake cameras that snapped simple clicking noises.
"Why would you even feel the need to ask? Of course." I answered. I shouldnt even have to ask myself if thats what I really wanted. I was intouch with my soul, and it didnt argue with me. It wrapped around Jareds, like they were bound to be together. They meshed into one as our bodies warmed each other. No one will ever understand what we feel for each other. It felt like we were old souls that rekindled after many years of mourning one another, forever yearning the touch and warmth of the other. This was a feeling the books couldnt speak out, because it was something no one could put into words. The right words for this were never once described, because they were never created. A feeling like this glued your tongue to your mouth, as if this was something sacred. Some heavenily that should be kept from everyone who takes advantage of the one they love. I cant help but wonder if something like this is actually real. Can we really love each other so much, even if there is so much hate around us. Everyday people are killing each other over matters that could be discuessed over simple talks. We speak so much hate out of our mouths, how is it so easy to speak love. When something good does happen we wonder why something better never came along, why we never got what we wanted. But the truth is, what we want is something diffrent than what we need. We dont need guys showing up at our doors with flowers, we need someone who will care for us in our worst times. Im talking those nights when you feel like no one cares. We need a simple star in our dark atmosphere that clouded our simple bodies. The bodies that are made from love, but so easily feel hate for each other. But this was the feeling of love that was intended for everyones bodies, a feeling anciecent lovers would have been jealous of. The story of Romeo and Juliet could never compare to what Jared and I had, their souls havent touched each other and mended one anothers burdens. Is this what Ian and Wanda felt? This strong pull that every writer would be jealous that they couldnt come in contact with. They couldnt grasp what was happening, therefore their stories ended in heartbreak. Or they had to create some fantasy that left girls on their toes, thinking we should lose a shoe to get a guy to notice us. We can never notice the spark in someones eyes because ours are so cold that we tend to be vein. Hurt is such an easy feeling that we think we should enjoy, some poeple even live off of it. Being numb is fine until you feel your heart swell with warmth. I could be anywhere with Jared, even a galaxy a million miles away. A place far away from everyone else, far away from our problems. So many people speak of paradise, but they have never actually witnissed it with their bare eye. Our mothers tell us when we feel something so strong, that we run. Why does everyone tell us that when someones rude to us they actually like us? Because everyone wants us to think love can come that easily. That emotions are that easily explained. The truth is emotions are called emotions because we can never explain them, we cant take out the hollowness of hurt and cant take away the heat of love. I cant describe how I feel to anyone because they will never truly understand where Im coming from. Like when Wanda and I fight, no one understands our bond. Everyone fights, but it takes fighting with someone you care about to realize how vein you might be. We think asking someone how their day is should save someone from their deepest demons. Most of the times it does nothing but leave a helpless feeling in your body. I tried to shake the thought as I fell asleep next to Jared. Our bodies were intertwined, kind of like our souls. Our aouras were enjoying one anothers company, we never wanted to leave each other. I didnt care if we stayed here forever and lost everything we owned, because the materialistic things could never satifsy the feeling I am feeling. Each thought was taking me higher over the dwelling feeling of being beside the man I love, and the man Im ready to start a family with.