I'm so sorry for the wait, I did this while I got my hair done!
It was a week after the incident that some how made my life fall in a downward spiral. People were calling me and asking me if I was okay, they were outside rushing to come in. I had numerous letters telling me how many people admired my parents and felt sympathy towards me, but no one really did. Maybe some of then knew what it was like to lose both parents at one time, but for others it was just words. Jared's parent have been here for us this whole time, even if it was hard for them. It's hard for Jared too, to see me so empty. I feel numb in a way, like every cell in my body was sent into a freezer to stay there. I was half falling apart everytime I seen a sympathy note. He tried any way he could to make me feel a little better, but nothing helped. Today was the day we had to go to the funeral Jamie and I arranged, this was going to be hell. I snuggled deeper into Jared's arms, hoping I could stay in bed forever. This was the only place I felt some what safe, some what surreal. He made me feel like the broken could be fixed, but it would take time. Apart from this and losing my child, I was barely holding on. I hated opening my eyes to see I had another day, the only that kept me sane was Jared and Jamie. They were little beans of light in the dark hallow tunnel my soul was stuck in. I could feel his hands draw light circles on my back, I didn't even realize I was crying. I tried to calm my breathing when I looked up at him. He looked tired, my nightmares probably didn't help when I would wake him up at night. He told me not to worry, but I did, tremendously. I sighed as he kissed my forbear lightly whispering into my hair, words I didn't pay attention to. I was ashamed of myself, I was so weak. Of course, knowing I had to back to their house and take their belongings. Tonight was a hard enough time, it was going to break my heart a little more.
"Mel, your strong. I know we can get through this."
I tried to believe his words, but your mind is a spiteful thing. I sniffled a tear as I slowly sat up, I needed to get myself composed and look some what strong infront of people. I know they could feel the same way I do, but this is just bad. Jared literally has to shove food down my throat, I feel numb inside and out. He's been so easy on me and supportive, he's like an angel. I slowly stood up and walked over to the bathroom to shower and make myself look some what healed. It was maybe an hour later due to my slow movement and I was now ready to get dressed. I wasn't anticipating saying goodbye to my parents for the last time. I picked out a black dress, and slowly slid it up my body. Jared walked in not much later and got dressed, he wanted to eat before we went early. I had to get it all organized as I grabbed the disk that held what little memories we captured on camera. My hands were shaking as Jamie walked out and hugged me, he's been staying with us. I draped my arms around him as we walked to the car, trying my best not to cry. I knew I would see Wanda and Ian there, they were also a big help. Wanda's been there for me since day one, she's been a little too supportive. Jared and Wanda and Jamie are these angels god literally sent down to me. I sighed as we were in the car and in out way to lunch, I guess we slept in longer than I thought we would. My fingers shuffled nervously as I moved my hand to hold jareds, I needed a little more support. Even a small gesture made my nerves calm a little more, even his gracious smile I loved seeing everyday. We finished lunch and I felt some what better for a small amount of time. We were now walking into the funeral home and all of a sudden all my walls came down around me as Jared tighten his grip on me, my life's falling down.