A/N: I was originally planning on making these two separate chapters, but decided to combine them, so it's the longest chapter so far. I liked it better as one longer chapter. It's a little different than the others for a little change of pace, but I'm happy with the way it turned out. Anyway, some of the characters are owned by C.S. Lewis and Disney. Now onward and upward…

CHAPTER 8

I look out at the moon from my spot on the chaise lounge by the fireplace in Caspian's study. It's extraordinary clear and dim, so dichotomous of the blinding sun, always passing in slow motion through the vastness of the sky. In some ways, I wish my life was like that-just passing by, so sure and steady, not questioning my purpose or plan. Lately, answers do not come easy and my heart is at war with my mind.

I have a book in my hand that I've been trying to read for the past hour, but I've finally given up after I found myself re-read one paragraph three times because I'm too distracted to even remember the last sentence. This isn't the first time I've been distracted over the past few weeks. I think back over the special moments that I've had with Caspian. I don't understand how we can be more focused and in sync with each other than we ever have before while also seeing each other much less than we ever have. I crave him to the point of restlessness. We have no choice but to be apart for days or weeks at a time. In the past month alone, he had to be away for two weeks to visit Cair Paravel. Then for the past two weeks, I haven't seen him for more than an hour a day because he has been working extremely long days dealing with land disputes. Apparently some Telmarines are trying to manipulate him by lying, saying they had agreements with Miraz while he was ruler. And today, for example, he was supposed to have lunch with me but his duties kept him away all day. He had sent Molly to tell me to meet him in his study tonight, but was already now three hours late for that too. I want him more than anything, but he's committed to something he cannot change. There are no easy answers, just mounting frustrations and heartache. I can't stop the questions in my mind. As far as I know, we are still at peace in the land, so how will I handle it if this is what his schedule will always be like? What if it's like this almost every day as King? Would I ever be ok sharing a life with someone like that, even if it is Caspian?

Maybe I'm overreacting. I know there are probably hundreds of girls who wish they could be in my position. I'm lucky to have what little time that I get with him. At least that's what I have to keep telling myself. I fall asleep on the chair, endlessly debating against myself in my mind.

I wake up to the sound of the door clicking shut. Opening my eyes, I look to the clock above the fireplace. 1AM.

"Caspian?"

"Yes, my love. It's me," he says quietly, walking over to me. He kisses me gently then sits down on the end of the chaise lounge, facing me.

"What happened? You were so busy all day," I say, unable to cover all the sadness in my voice.

He leans forward, rubbing his face with his hands. He has clearly had a long and stressful day. "I know. I'm sorry I had to cancel our plans. There were some more issues that I had to take care of."

"I know, but I really wanted to see you. It's been days. We live under the same roof and I hardly ever get to be with you."

"Anna, you know I can't help it. These things have to be done and I'm the only one that can do it. Please don't make me feel worse about it."

"I just—I've been waiting here all day for you. And I'm sick of never seeing you. It's been like this for weeks and is only getting worse."

"I know. And trust me. I'd be with you instead if I could. Besides, it should calm down in a few months."

"That's what you said a few months ago."

He sighs deeply. "Yes, that was before all these Telmarines tried to lie about agreements they claim they had with Miraz. I'm working with the council to get it sorted. I'm doing my best. I'm sorry. I know how hard this is for you. It's hard on me too."

"I just don't know if I can do this forever. And if this is how I feel now, how will I ever be Queen? I'm not like you."

He starts to look worried. "I'm glad you're not like me. I love you for who you are. Where is this coming from? You've never said anything like this before."

I start to avoid his gaze. "I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I'm so frustrated. If this is how it's going to be for you when you're King, then…." I can't bring myself to say the words.

Tears start to form in his eyes. "What? You'd leave me? Just like that? I can't stop my duties, Anna. You know that. I'm sorry that I have to keep this country together. And I love you. I need you."

"Yes, because again, it's all about you."

"All about me?"

"When will I get what I want?"

"I thought that a life with me is what you want." He just stares into the fire for a minute. "I have another busy day tomorrow. I probably won't see you. Although that's probably for the best anyway," he says in an even voice. With that, he stands up and walks over to the door. He pauses for a moment and turns around to look at me and says in a voice that is barely audible, "I really missed you today," then he walks out and closes the door.

My stomach sinks in instant regret.

I throw the book I had across the room, and then lay my head back against the arm of the chaise lounge and don't even try to stop the relentless stream of tears that are now cascading down my cheeks. I dissect our conversation in my head, knowing that I had just blown everything way out of proportion. Why do I always have to let my frustrations build until they come out and make a mess of things? Am I frustrated? Yes. But do I want to break up with him? I can't even imagine that, even though that's what I implied. Shit. I fall asleep on the chair, knowing that I deserve to feel every ounce of guilt for the things I said.

I wake up again the next morning to the sound of the door opening. I sit up to see a relieved Molly come through the door. She walks over and sits in one of the chairs close by.

"Good morning sunshine!" She greets cheerfully.

"Hey," I basically croak.

"Wow! Aren't you in a great mood this morning? I just went to your room and got nervous because you weren't there."

"Yah. I didn't mean to stay here all night. I guess I fell asleep."

"That's a good observation," she says, trying to joke with me. I don't even smile. "Ok. So, next question…what's wrong with you?"

I think for a moment, gathering my thoughts. "I'm a complete idiot. That's what's wrong."

"Tell me something I don't know." I can't hold back a little bit of a smile and send a death glare at her.

"I'm a horrible person. I was really mean to Caspian last night."

"Mean?"

"Yah. I don't know. I've told you how frustrated I've been with him being gone so much lately," she nods. She's the one person I've been talking to about everything up to this point. "Well, I haven't really said anything to him about it until last night and then I said everything at once. I don't know why I always keep everything in. He didn't even really know what to say. I'm so stupid."

"I'm sure you can go talk to him about it. He'll understand."

"I really hurt him, Molly. I even threatened to maybe leave him," I say quietly, horrified to even say the words out loud.

"What? Whoa. You really were upset," she says, surprised.

"I know. But instead of telling him like a normal human being, I just got angry and said things I regret."

"Well, I wasn't there to hear everything that you said to him. But I do know Caspian. You know that you mean the world to him, right? He'll forgive you." I feel a little better, hearing that from her. She continues, "Please talk to him soon though. I saw him this morning. He looked like hell."

"Maybe I'll go see Dr. Cornelius first. He might have an idea of when I can go see Caspian."

"Good idea. Now go back to your room and I'll bring your breakfast," she says, pulling me up from the chair.

After I eat and change, I go straight to the Professor. He always knows just what to say. I find him reading a book in his study.

"Professor! Do you have a minute?" I ask.

"Anna, my dear. I always have time for you. Come, have a seat," he says warmly. I sit in the chair across from his desk. He gazes at me, "You look troubled. What's bothering you?"

"Well, a few things. I hate to bother you, but I know I can trust you with this."

He smiles, "Whatever it is, of course I will try to help."

"It's actually about Caspian. And me. It's my fault, really. You see, we've been keeping it a secret-we've been courting for a few months now. But please don't tell anyone…"

He looks extremely pleased with the news. "Whatever you say will not leave this room. I can assure you of that."

"Thank you. Anyway, we're in love. But it's been so hard on me with him gone all the time. You know what it was like when we were growing up. We've been inseparable practically our entire lives. I know that I don't want a future with anyone else, but I'm so afraid that as King, he'll be gone even more than he is now. And besides that, I can't see myself as Queen. I've never even thought of that possibility until now. It's terrifying. Queens are brave and strong. I'm just an orphaned girl who just happened to be lucky enough to grow up in the castle."

He smiles encouragingly, "My dear Anna, if only you could see yourself as others see you. Now, I'm not sure if you'll remember this story or not, but when you were both five years old, I took you both into town for the day for a festival that was around for a few days. Without me even telling you to do so, you both held hands as we walked. You wanted to stay together, and you were like that for the entire day. Townspeople would try to talk to you, but Caspian would always step in front, protecting you from even the remotest possibility of harm. You two have a stronger bond than most people will ever see in a lifetime. And that my dear is one of many examples that I have of you two. You have always looked out for each other, and you cannot stand to be apart. You two, in a way, became your own family. And I think that's why it's hard on you now. You will have to adjust, but sometimes, caring for someone is worth the sacrifice."

I sit for a moment, digesting his words. He continues, "Here's a recent example-do you remember several months ago when we went to meet the Ethanites at Cair Paravel?" I nod. "Well, when it all started, we needed to leave quickly, but all he could think about was you. He was furious at me for not letting him say goodbye to you but unfortunately, we didn't have time. And of course, he did end up leaving Destrier for you, but that you already knew. You see, even facing uncertainty and danger, he thought of you first. He loves you, Anna. And even when it seems as though his priorities lie elsewhere, I assure you-you are first."

I feel a lone tear escape down my cheek. I know that he's right. "I know. Maybe I'm just being selfish for wanting him all to myself."

"It's ok to want something like that," he says, then pauses for a moment. "You know, you always resist change at first. But when you accept it, you learn and grow from the experience. This next journey for you won't be any different. And I have faith in all your abilities, including being a leader of this country."

"I just don't know if I can be Queen…"

"Anna, you love this country and its people. You are smart. And your support of Caspian makes him a stronger person—and vice-versa. You will work through it together. Besides, I know that there are many that already admire and respect you for who you are. They would be grateful to have a Queen like you. And I am so proud of what both of you have become."

I wipe the tear off my face. "Thank you. I guess I've just felt really alone. I'd be stupid to let Caspian go, huh?"

"I had always hoped that you two would end up together. You've always been so good for each other. Like I said, I know for certain that he will do anything for you. You would be wise to be patient. Work with him, and talk to him about how you feel."

"You're right. You always know what to say."

"I only tell the truth, my dear."

"So do you know where I might find him today?"

"I believe he will be in the throne room."

"I'm nervous to go talk to him. I really hurt him yesterday—or technically early this morning."

"Don't let that fear overwhelm you. He will understand."

I get up from my chair and step around to give him a hug. "Thank you for listening and for your encouragement."

"Like I said before, my dear—I always have time for you."

I leave his study feeling more secure and confident than I did when I entered. Now to just find Caspian….

I walk to the throne room, thinking about how lucky I am to have such wonderful men in my life. I don't really deserve either of them.

I get to the doors of the throne room in the mid-afternoon and the guards confirm they are still in session. It isn't until I return at dusk that the guards finally nod that it's ok for me to go inside. Thankfully, they didn't go as late today as they did yesterday. I quietly open the huge black doors. At first, I think I may have missed him because he's not on the throne. But then I see the curtain is drawn back by the balcony, and I can see him leaning against the stone balcony watching the last of the sunset. I move quietly across the stone floor and don't stop until I lean up against the balcony too, just a little space between us. He glances over to look at me for a second, but I think he guessed it would be me. He just lets out a deep sigh then looks back at the beautiful dwindling sunset. I know I'm going to have to speak first. It was my fault anyway.

"I know that you didn't think that you'd see me today. But I wanted to come apologize." I pause, trying to make sure my words are clear. "I'm sorry about what I said to you last night."

"What are you sorry about?"

"What?"

"I said, what are you sorry about? I need you to be clear. Anna, I don't know what's going on in that head of yours unless you tell me."

"I know. And that's my fault. I know that I need to work on that. It's just…I've been so frustrated. I hardly get to see you, especially these past few weeks. I don't know. I guess I was just so used to seeing you all the time. And I started to get scared, thinking that it'll always be like that. I can't see myself just waiting around all day."

"That's what you're scared of? I know I've been busy lately, but trust me. I don't want that either and I won't always be this tied up with my duties. We've just had a few big issues come up lately, mostly land disputes and law modifications. I'm here by necessity and duty, not by choice. I really would rather be with you than anywhere else."

"I know. I don't know what my problem was last night. It was so much at once and I what little time we have together has been so perfect, so I never wanted to bring it up. And I don't want to leave you. I shouldn't have even implied that. I don't think I could ever leave you. We've been through so much together, and…I need you," I say, looking over at him. He already looks like a huge weight has been lifted, and the stress between us was diminishing. I walk over and turn his body a little so I can wrap my arms around him in a tight hug. I nuzzle my head into his neck, and it is comforting as always to feel him wrap his arms tightly around me too. We stand like this for a few minutes, watching the last remnants of the orange sun dip slowly beyond the horizon. He pulls back and places a finger under my chin, tilting it up towards his face.

"I love you. And you're the most important person in the world to me. Never forget that…" He says, and then presses his lips against my own. Every ounce of anger, hurt, and pain melts away in that kiss. I don't think my heart can hold any more love for this man. We finally pull away and he holds my head in his hands. "Please talk to me if you're feeling apprehensive about something. I want to be the one that you talk to, and I'm here for you, no matter what."

"I know. The only thing I'm nervous about is being Queen."

"You need to stop being so nervous about that. There is no one else that I would want by my side. And it's just one of those things that you can't really prepare for. But I know that you have what it takes. I have to say—I'm a little nervous too, even though I've grown up knowing that I'd be King one day. But I trust in Aslan and his plan, and it's a good feeling to know that I have the support of the Narnians and Telmarines. Plus, we won't be alone. We have each other, the council, the Professor. Besides, everyone loves you."

I pull him into another hug. "Thank you. For being you. You always know what to say to make me feel better."

"Well, I have known you quite a while. And I love you and hate to see you hurting." He bends down and gives me another kiss. "Now come on, let's go get something to eat. I'm hungry."

We make our way down to the kitchens to find a group already there. Molly, the Professor, Glenstorm, a few other familiar faces from various stations and of course Ty are hanging around. I notice the extra happy looks on Molly and the Professor's faces, seeing the two of us together again. On impulse, I almost kiss Caspian, but then remember that Molly and the Professor are the only two that know about us yet. We'll have to tell our news soon so we don't have to really sneak around.

Molly comes up and gives me a hug. "Everything good?"

"Yes, everything is good. We just came down to eat."

"Here, go sit down. I'll bring you guys something."

We don't intend for everyone to follow us into the casual dining hall, but that's what happens. Caspian and I are the only ones that haven't eaten yet, but Ty brings a huge barrel of mead in for us all. We sit around eating and drinking for a fun few hours. Later in the evening, Caspian even challenges Glenstorm to a footrace, which is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Caspian's fast, but not as fast as a Centaur with four legs. Glenstorm is usually so serious, so it was fun to see him cut loose too. I sit and watch the mirth around me, and realize how different the castle is with Caspian in authority instead of Miraz. Now here we are, months later, with Narnians and Telmarines together enjoying each other's company. And I can see the way everyone looks up to Caspian, respecting him as a leader and a person, without the fear. Even us all being in this room tonight shows that he's not so above the servants and soldiers that he won't connect with them on a basic human level. It's beautiful to watch.

It's getting pretty late, and most of us are at least a little tipsy. Caspian and I just get really goofy when we've had a little too much to drink. He suddenly jumps up from his spot on the bench and grabs my hand, pulling me up to follow him. He yells, "Goodnight!" to everyone, then he pulls me behind him at a run, and I hear their laughter behind us.

"Where are we going?"

"I don't know. But I don't want to leave you yet!"

We continue to run through the castle until we end up at a familiar place—his bedroom.

"Really?" I ask.

He rolls his eyes. "You know you love my room. Come on!" He says and pulls me inside.

He goes over and starts a fire in the fireplace, although it takes him a little longer than usual. I just go sit on his couch, watching him. Then he goes over to his wardrobe, opening it widely. "Oh yes—these are nice." He says. I burst out laughing when he turns around. He has started to try on the most ridiculous outfits from his wardrobe and is now sporting a rather hideous, large hat that was given to him as a gift a few years ago. He's never worn the thing—thankfully. I jump up from my spot on the couch. "My turn!" I say excitedly. For the next hour, we play dress up in the most outlandish combinations that we could imagine. It's been a while since we laughed that much.

The alcohol has now burned through our system and we start to get sleepy, so much that I can barely keep my eyes open. I curl up in his bed, under the soft sheets and covers. I smile, registering the smell of Caspian from all around me. He follows right behind, lying beside me, so I readjust and fall asleep almost immediately on his chest.

It's mid morning by the time I first start stirring. I wake up stifling, but thankfully without a hangover because I didn't drink quite enough to have a massive headache. I sit up, remembering where I am. I mentally chastise myself—it won't be good for me to be leaving his room with the clothes I was wearing yesterday. I look down at myself. I'm actually still wearing most of Caspian's clothes from our antics last night. I have on horrid dress robes over my own clothes. I look over at Caspian, who is also now finally waking up. I bend down over him and press a kiss to his lips.

He opens his eyes, "Oh—I was wondering who was in bed with me."

I punch his arm hard. "Who did you think it'd be? You better not have other women…"

He sits up and holds a hand on the back of my head, pulling me into another kiss, which I eagerly return. We've never slept in the same bed before.

"You're the only one I've ever had over. That's quite the way to wake up. And you're so presentable." We both look down at my outfit and laugh.

"Hey, you look pretty great too!" He's wearing the most horrible blue suit over his clothes.

"Why did you keep all of these?"

"I didn't realize how much I have. I kept throwing them to the back. I mean really—who gives these things as gifts?"

"I think they just wanted you to look bad."

"Well, you look good in my clothes no matter what."

"Thank you, my darling," I say then pull him into another kiss. I was going to stop, but it feels so good. I wrap my arms around his neck and continue to mould my lips against his. It's awkward the way we're sitting, so without really realizing what I'm doing, I climb up onto his lap, straddling him on his bed. I relax, feeling so complete here in his arms with our bodies so close. I have to bend over a little to press heated kisses down his neck. I feel his arms tense and he moans in my ear. I'm enjoying myself so much that I don't really realize how out of hand we've gotten until my hips buck forward and I graze his hard manhood. I tense immediately then disentangle myself from him, sitting on the bed beside him. "I'm sorry. I got a little carried away."

"It's ok. We needed to stop anyway. We haven't really talked about it since we've been together, but I want you to know that I feel the same way. I want to wait for marriage."

"Yah. That's what I still want too."

"I can't wait to marry you," he says, looking at me like I am his greatest goal in life.

I bite my bottom lip. "We haven't really talked about that either," I say.

"You and me getting married, you mean?"

"Yah."

"Well, I think we've just been thinking it and talking about it without really saying it. But I want to marry you more than anything, even more than becoming King. I'm so in love with you. Even when you're dressed like that," he says, and we laugh. He gets serious again. "I want to marry you before the coronation."

"That's less than six months from now."

"I know. I just want you to be completely mine, and I want everyone to know it. And we can be crowned King and Queen on the same day. I want to share everything with you."

"That sounds perfect," I say as he leans in for another kiss. "Are you going to be in trouble for being late today?"

"Probably. But I don't care. We needed this. But it'll be better soon, I promise."

I give him one last kiss then carefully sneak out of his room. Thankfully, there are no guards to see me leave. I walk back to my room, dreaming of the possibilities of my life with my Prince. I know it'll be better than I can even imagine.

A/N: As always, thanks for reading! Just wait and see what I have in store for the next chapter...there's a lot of water involved :)