Ducking Around
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John was doing paperwork, tapping away at his light screen, filling out reports, a headache throbbing painfully behind his right eye. His teeth ached from clenching them. Dorian usually did all their paperwork and John just signed his name, but his android partner was out for a week of maintenance. He missed him in the office and the bedroom, but right now he missed him in the office the most.
John heard a small beeping noise coming from inside his desk and he opened the top drawer, rummaging through the collection of electronics within, determined to find which one was noisily running out of battery power. None that he could tell. The beeping continued but as he listened, it sounded less like beeping and more like peeping.
He opened another drawer to find a little baby chick, bright yellow, looking up at him from a nest of shredded paper.
"'the hell is this?" John asked, looking around for clues.
He stared at the little yellow thing in annoyance. It probably had lice or other little bugs. Birds were filthy things.
"Uhh, anyone lose their tiny chicken?" he asked the room.
Valerie Stahl gave him a curious look and came over, cooing at the little thing. "Oh John, it's so cute," she mewled.
"You can have it," John said. His hands moved to pick the thing up but his desire to not touch it held him back.
"Oh," Valerie said, "Thank you John, but no. No." She laughed at the absurdity. "I can't take care of that little guy. I'm too busy."
John balked as she returned to her workspace. He was too busy, too. "Paul?" he asked, pointing at the chick.
"Aw hell no," Richard said, smirking in disbelief and turning back to his MX.
John glared at the bird. It peeped up at him. Unsure of what to do, he slowly shut the drawer.
"Peep, peep."
John sighed and leaned his head down, his fingers laced in his hair. If this was a prank, it wasn't funny. He heard a thump in the lower drawer and sat up. He opened it hesitantly, peering inside. A little bunny munching on greens peered up at him, floppy ears twitching in fear.
"Seriously?" John asked the universe. What next?
"Peep, peep."
John wasn't sure what to do. He didn't want these animals. He didn't wish harm on them...he just wished they would go away, or die. "Seriously, who put woodland creatures in my desk?" he demanded.
An MX nearby felt compelled to inform him that chickens were not woodland creatures.
John grumbled, kicking the desk. The bunny thumped around in response to the loud noise.
The peeping increased. He opened the drawer and did a double take. There were more chicks now, at least a dozen. They started to overflow, multiplying out of the drawer in a wave of fuzzy, fluffy, yellow adorableness. John stood up in shock. The bottom drawer opened under the pressure and bunnies began hopping out one after another. Everyone was staring at him.
He stumbled back, tripping over a lamb and crashing to the ground. It gave him an innocent, indignant look. He shoved at it gently, shooing it away.
A sea of ducks waddled by, crowding around his head. "Fucking seriously?" John shouted, jerking to move his face away from the filthy creatures.
The animals seemed drawn to him, covering him. "Get off, get away!" he said, writhing on the floor in a frenzy. "Fucking, what is, ah, fucking, happening. Jesus." His legs felt dead under the weight of the critters.
He twisted, finding it impossible to get up. Everyone was looking at him. He could feel his breath catching in his chest and his cheeks burning. He was panicked.
Captain Maldonado stepped out of her office and ear-piercingly shouted, "Kennex!"
John woke in a cold sweat. He was in his bedroom, in his bed. Dorian pulled him close. "You had a nightmare?"
"Yeah," John said, patting his chest. "I dreamt you were gone and I had to do my own paperwork. It was terrible."
Dorian kissed his temple.
John stared at the ceiling, mopping the sugary drool off his mouth with the side of his wrist. No more Easter candy after midnight.