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Chapter 9

"I'm so glad we decided to go for a walk, before we go to luncheon," Isobel said to Lord Merton taking in the scenery as they strolled through the park.

"Yes, so am I."

At the tone of his voice Isobel looked back at him, her brow frowning a little.

"You look at little distracted," she commented. "Is there something on your mind?"

"There is actually," he said.

"Well, why don't we take a seat," she gestured to the bench up ahead, "and you can tell me all about it," she said smiling.

He pondered the decision for a moment, but then realized there was no point in waiting with the proposal until they got to the restaurant.

"Yes, that sounds like a splendid idea," he agreed smiling.

Smiling in return she let the way to the bench and sat down with him doing so as well.

"So what's on your mind then?" she asked.

"Well," he started slowly, "there is actually something I'd like to talk to you about."

"I'm all ears."

"That's good, but I don't exactly know how to start," he said smiling a little.

"Well, when one often finds oneself in such a situation, it's usually best to just get straight to the point," she encouraged "At least that's what I would do. Best to be straightforward really."

"Yes, I do believe you're right," he said suddenly smiling more than before.

"That's good. So what is it that you'd like to talk to me about?" she asked.

He took a deep breath before exhaling slowly. "I want to talk about taking the next natural step," he said and then without any hesitation added, "Therefore after our many months of courtship, I wa…"

"WHAT?" He jumped a little in his seat at her sudden outburst."COURTSHIP?" she exclaimed completely shocked. "You think we've been courting?" she asked in disbelief.

He blinked confusedly at her question. "Yes, of course I do. Don't you?" he asked surprised.

"NO!" she exclaimed horrified at that thought. "No, I most certainly do not!"

"But I thought we had been courting these many months. I had expected that you'd thought so as well, and that you'd then agree to marriage."

"MARRIAGE?" she exclaimed more shocked and horrified than before with her eyes nearly falling out of her head. "You want us to get married?" she asked still not believing what she was hearing.

"Yes, very much so, and I thought you felt the same," he said still surprised.

"I don't!

"You don't? You don't wish to marry me?" he asked completely taken aback.

"No, most certainly not!" she answered shaking her head vigorously.

"But I don't understand," he said confused.

"Nor do I so at least we agree on that!" she said then continued before he had a chance to speak. "I don't understand how you could think that I would agree to marriage, when I don't even understand how you could think that we'd been courting," she said still utterly astounded.

"But we've been spending so much time together."

"So you automatically assumed that meant we'd been courting?" she asked aghast.

"Well yes," he said nodding slowly in the process. "That and the fact that I've sent you flowers occasionally."

"That still doesn't mean that we've been courting!" she said firmly.

"It doesn't?" he blinked still completely clueless.

"No, it most certainly does not! I thought you merely sent those as a friendly gesture. I thought it was just your way to thank me for my company!"

He shook his head still not understanding. "So if you believe that we haven't been courting, than just what did you assume was happening between us?"

"Nothing! I definitely did not assume that! I thought we were merely spending time as friends!"

"But….but….but I sent you flowers …" he said trailing off still not quite sure what to say next. "Do you normally receive flowers from men, who are just your friends?" he asked raising an eyebrow questioningly.

"I do actually," she said making him blink in surprise. "I have a couple of male friends back in Manchester, who send me a bouquet of flowers every year on my birthday, on my wedding anniversary, and one at Christmas," she explained calming down in the process.

"Really?" he uttered astounded.

"Yes really," she said nodding."They started doing it, after I lost my husband. They were all friends of his, you see. Well, they were friends of both of us, and we were friends with their wives as well. And I do believe their wives started the tradition of sending me flowers. But one lost his wife seven years ago, while the other lost his wife five years ago, and they still continue sending me flowers."

"And now that they've both lost their wives, you don't suspect that it's more than just a friendly gesture?"

"Good heavens no," she chuckled heartily.

"Why not?" he asked furrowing his brow.

"Why should I, when it's something they've done for years?" When he merely shrugged, she went on. "Besides, I think it's just something that happens automatically, and that neither men are really aware that they're sending me the flowers," she said shrugging. "There's always a hint of surprise in their voices, when I call to thank them for the flowers, though they're pleased that I'm happy to have received them. So you can see why, I don't believe it's anything more than a friendly gesture."

"Yes, I suppose," he said. "But do you also spend time with them, like you've done with me?"

"Oh yes. I always visit them, whenever I go back to Manchester," she said smiling."I'll either visit them at their home, or we'll go out to luncheon or tea."

"Oh, I see," he said still trying to comprehend what was happening."But that could actually also make people assume that you were courting them. Or make your friends believe that you were courting them."

She chuckled heartily again. "Not where I or they are concerned. It's perfectly natural for us to spend time together without us believing that we're courting. And I don't see why anyone else should believe so either, or why they should even care. Besides, no one can see us, if I go to their homes. And people, who are merely friends, do go out together in public," she explained.

"I suppose they do," he said with a shrug. Then after a pause he added. "But you really didn't think there was a possibility that we were courting?"

Tilting her head to the side she furrowed her brow and spoke calmer. "How could I, when we haven't done any of the things that usually involve a courtship?"

"What do you mean?" he asked confused.

She blinked a little not really believing that he was asking her something, which she thought was plainly obvious.

"Well," she started slowly, "for one thing when two people are courting, they usually address each other by their Christian names. Then after some time, some form of endearment is usually used affectionately to address each other with."

"Ah yes of course," he said nodding.

"Touching one another would also be normal in a courtship."

He blinked rather hard at that. "Touching?" She nodded in response. "What do you mean by that exactly?"

Isobel looked at him for a moment, as if he'd grown an extra head. However, after a moment she started explaining carefully.

"It's quite normal in a courtship for the man to offer the woman his arm and for the woman to accept, when they're out walking. Handholding is also quite normal," she explained further.

"Oh yes," he nodded understanding. "Naturally."

"Then there are the more intimate touches," she explained like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"In..intimate touches?" he stuttered eyes widening in the process.

Seeing his reaction Isobel quickly and carefully explained. "Intimate yet innocent touches such as caressing one's cheek or hugging." Seeing him relax immediately, she carefully went on. "And of course kissing would be part of a courtship as well."

"Ah yes," he said smiling a little nervously. "That would naturally all be part of a courtship."

"At least they are to me."

"As I assume they are to most people," he said. "It just didn't happen quite that way with Lady Merton and I."

"I'm sorry to hear that," she said sympathetically.

"Thank you," he said smiling in kind, and then after a moment added, "I can see now why, you thought we hadn't been courting."

"Oh I am glad of that," she said smiling and sighing a little that he understood, but also out of relief.

They sat quietly for a few moments lost in their own thoughts, both gazing out at the park in opposite direction.

"I know you said, you didn't want to marry me. But would you consider it?" he suddenly asked, which caught Isobel off guard, making her snap her head back to his.

"What?" she asked completely surprised. "But I…"

"Please just hear me out," he quickly but gently interrupted.

"Alright," she said calmly nodding slowly.

"In all the time we've spent together my affection for you have grown quite strong." Her eyes widened at his revelation, but she remained silent as he carried on. "The truth is that I never felt this way about Lady Merton, as I'm sure you're only well aware of by now." She nodded in response as he continued. "I will be a good, caring, and faithful husband to you, and I will make sure that you never have to want for anything. So with that in mind will you consider marrying me?" he asked smiling hopeful.

"But I don't love you," she replied gently.

"No, not at this present moment, I realize," he sighed a little sadly, but was still determined not to give up. "But with time you might come to think differently. I don't expect," he added quickly, when he could see that she was about to open her mouth to speak, "that you'll ever love me as much as you loved your husband. But I would hope," he continued more gently, "that you could grow to love me in some way, and that you'd be happy with me."

She sighed hating to let him down, when he seemed to care so much. "I could never marry for companionship," she said shaking her head gently, "which is what our marriage would be based on. But more importantly I could never enter into a marriage, where I would be required to give a part of myself to you, which I wouldn't be willing to give freely."

He knitted his brows in confusion. "I'm not quite sure I know, what you mean."

"By law a husband has the right to demand that his wife attends to his needs by performing her wifely duties. In other words he has the right to demand that she makes love to him, even if she isn't willing to do so freely," she explained carefully.

"Oh," he said blushing and looked away. "Yes, of course. I understand that now."

"And," she went on gently, "while you may think that I would grow to love you, I know I never could. My heart belongs to someone else, you see."

He closed his eyes at her final rejection, and nodded his head slowly. "Of course it does. You still love your husband deeply after all these years."

"Yes, I do," she replied softly. "He'll always have a special place in my heart. But…" She stopped herself immediately, when realizing what she was about to reveal.

She looked away hoping that he hadn't noticed. But seconds later she felt his eyes on her.

"But?" he prompted. "You love someone else?" he asked surprised.

Not really wanting to reveal her secret, she also felt that she owed him the truth. Turning her eyes back on him she nodded.

"Yes. I'm in love with someone else," she said honestly.

He blinked surprised by her answer. "Goodness," he said and blinked a couple more times."I had no idea."

"Nor does he," she said softly looking away again.

"Forgive me for asking," he said gently. "But why does he not know?"

She shrugged. "We're very good friends, and I don't wish to ruin that. Besides," she added, "I know that he doesn't love me," she said smiling sadly.

"Then he's a fool, if he doesn't love you."

She looked back at him. "Like I'm a fool for not loving you?" she asked smiling a little.

"No, you're no fool," he said with a shake of his head and a soft smile on his lips. "I thought that we were courting and that you cared for me, like I care for you. That's the difference."

"Perhaps," she said shrugging. "But," she went on, "he's no fool either. At least not to me he isn't," she said making him nod in understanding. She then smiled apologetically at him. "I really am very sorry, if I've let you on," she said sincerely. "If I'd known how you felt, I would have stopped it long before it came to this."

He shook his head dismissing her apology. "The fault is entirely mine. I know now that I should've made my intentions more clear. You're not to blame at all."

"I want you to know that I'm very flattered by your affection and proposal." He smiled at that."And I am really very sorry that I'm disappointing you by not reciprocating," she said kindly.

He shook his head. "Please don't be. As I said the fault is mine entirely. And while I am sad that the outcome is not the one, I hoped for, I very much appreciate your honesty."

"I'm glad of that," she said smiling at his kindness. There were a few moments of silence between them, before she spoke again. "And with that in mind, I think we should go our separate ways."

He blinked taken aback. "You don't wish to go to luncheon?" he asked completely surprised.

"I don't think it's a good idea considering, what's happened between us. Do you?" she asked gently.

"No, I suppose not," he said sighing deeply but managed to offer her a little smile.

"I really am sorry, when you've made such lovely plans," she said smiling apologetically. "But I really do believe, it's for the best." He nodded in response. "Perhaps you could find someone else to go with you. I know it would be short notice, but I'm sure you can find someone. I would hate for you to cancel. You deserve to have a good meal in an extravagant restaurant, when I've disappointed you so."

"Not sure I'd really want to go, or that I'd be much company to anyone to be honest. And whoever I would find would not be as pleasant company as you," he said honestly, "But," he said hurriedly as he saw that she was about to apologize again, "it might be a good idea to go." He took a moment to consider it and then nodded. "Yes, I think I will go, and I'm sure I can find someone to come with me."

She sighed in relief. "I'm very glad to hear that," she said smiling.

He merely managed to smile a little in return.

"Can I take you anywhere before we part ways?" he asked.

"Thank you that's very kind of you, but I can make my own way back," she answered. "Besides, I think I'll walk around for a bit and maybe get a bite to eat, before heading back. Since I so rarely go to London, I want to take advantage of the beautiful scenery."

"I understand," he said offering her a kind smile and stood up when she did.

She reached out her hand for him to shake. "Goodbye, Lord Merton. I've enjoyed getting to know you, and I wish you nothing but happiness. And I truly hope you find it."

He took her hand and shook it. "So this is goodbye for good then?" he asked sighing a little sadly letting go of her hand.

"I think it's the wisest and the most sensible thing to do. It would be too awkward for us to spend time together after this, I believe."

"Yes, of course. Of course, you're right," he said nodding. "It would be very awkward." He sighed again but then managed to smile a little. "Goodbye then, Mrs. Crawley. I wish you nothing but happiness as well."

"Goodbye, Lord Merton," she said smiling sympathetically.

He gave her a nod and after another moment of looking at each other, she turned to leave to go in one direction. Seconds later she heard him turning in the opposite direction and leaving as well.

She took the path on her left, knowing that the trees would allow her to be hidden away in case he'd look back in her direction. When she knew that she was safely hidden away from his sight, she stopped to take in what had happened. As she replayed it all in her mind, her eyes widened and she pursed her lips still being shocked and surprised of how, he'd thought that they were courting.

After another moment of thinking about it, she smiled at how truly flattered she'd been that Lord Merton had felt that way about her and at her age. But her smile then turned into a sad one, when she thought of whom, she'd rather have declaring his feelings for her. However, knowing that Richard would never feel the same way about her that she did about him, she sighed deeply and continued walking.

TBC