They are still learning... I'm sorry I've kept you waiting for so long. Apologies for any mistakes still in there, the end is hot off the press, so to speak...

Their honeymoon had been arranged shortly after the wedding date had been set and since in Violet's opinion Cora needed to get to know the country she was going to live in for the rest of her life, they were headed for the south coast of England. What Violet hadn't said publicly was, that the Granthams had distant relations and acquaintances all around Robert's and Cora's honeymoon location, who were instructed to keep an eye on the young couple. And especially on the young bride of course. Robert knew that, but didn't really care, he was actually glad that they weren't going to an all too foreign place. He was in enough trouble as it was.

The journey was uneventful, if rather quiet, for they were both caught up in their own thoughts.

One of the reasons Robert had decided to propose to Cora instead of courting one of the other girls who would have been technically suitable, was, that she had the ability to make him laugh. More than once he had found himself involuntarily and rather inappropriately giggling over her remarks or laughing outright about some of her tales. And he had made her laugh, too. He liked her laugh and it pained him, that he obviously had made her sad. Today she hadn't even smiled yet and Robert feared their relationship had lost its former ease forever due to his actions last night. To his slight surprise, he felt rather helpless at the thought. And it frightened him.

His father had been right. He was angry, even furious, with himself. He still was at a loss as to what exactly had went wrong last night, though. Of course he should not have lost his control like he had, he should have gotten fully undressed for once, he should have waited a bit longer perhaps, but on the other hand, her body had been ready for him. So what was the problem? He couldn't figure it out, but being angry all the time wouldn't help, he knew that. This was his, their, honeymoon for God's sake.

When he finally risked a glance at his wife, who was gazing out of the window, his anger suddenly drowned away and he was overcome by a feeling of tenderness for Cora, who, he realized, had no close friends in this country. Only him, but he had hurt her. Yet, she was still so very beautiful. Robert wanted to touch her, to hold her and tell her, that he was sorry for whatever he had done wrong and that everything would be alright. But he didn't dare touch her again and his feelings confused him anyway. So he decided to stay where he was and leave her to her own thoughts.

Cora was naturally unaware of the emotional storm that was raging inside of her new husband but not less confused. While she marveled at the English landscape, which was so much greener than anything she had seen at home in America and which soothed her in a way, her mind returned again and again to the night before.
Yes, it had hurt, yes, she had been shocked by seeing Robert loosing control so utterly for the first time and by the sudden realization that she was now a "proper" woman, and yes, she had curled up and wept terribly afterwards. But on the other hand, there had been pleasant moments, moments where she had felt excited, like when he had sucked at her breasts or when his weight had accidentally pressed onto a certain spot of her womanhood, moments where she had felt a curious need to touch his skin and an urge to feel his body against hers.
Nothing had changed in her feelings for him. She was still in love with Robert Crawley and when she finally risked a glance at her husband, who was gazing out of the window, she wanted nothing more than to touch him and to be held by him and to tell him that there was nothing really to be angry at, that she wasn't blaming him for anything, but he had looked so irritated the whole morning that she didn't dare touch him and decided to stay where she was and leave him to his own thoughts.

The fact that their honeymoon had been arranged by his parents meant that they had a proper suite waiting for them. Two bedrooms, two bathrooms and one sitting room with a beautiful balcony overlooking the sea.

Although they never spoke about what had happened in their wedding night, they managed to recover at least parts of their former relationship surprisingly well over the next few days. While they walked through parks, dined at the finest restaurants, visited shops, where Robert bought flowers, dresses and jewelry for Cora, went to the theatre and took long evening strolls on the promenade afterwards, they discovered to their mutual relief that the chemistry was still there. They talked, laughed and even had rather silly moments together.
At night, though, their ways parted. Robert didn't have the courage to risk their fragile happiness and Cora didn't dare ask him into her bed because she was still a bit afraid that the pain might return. And anyway, it wasn't her place to ask. So she waited for Robert to make the first move.

By the end of the first week, Robert finally found the courage he needed. To his surprise he missed her body, or rather his body missed her body. He had found himself lying awake at night, not being able to get her out of his mind. The soft curves of her breasts, her slender waist, her perfect skin and her wonderful lips. He had dreamt about her, inappropriate dreams which left him waking up in the morning with a raging erection, having to take care of himself.
"Try again and be gentle," his father had said. Robert had to snort at the thought. Easier said than done.

Remembering the dreams and his morning activities, he wasn't really sure, how he would ever be able to control himself but at least he felt ready to try again. This fine Sunday evening, after having enjoyed a particularly delicious dinner, they had decided to sit by the fire for a while, which engulfed their sitting room in a warm and comfortable light.
When Cora put down her now empty glass and was about to say Good Night, Robert finally managed to ask her.

"Cora?"

"Mmh?"

"You know, we have to... at some point... I mean, my parents would be... if we don't... and I, I would be...," he stammered, his eyes fixed at the remains of the fire, which had died down by now.

"Robert?"

"Yes?" He finally turned his head to look at her.

"What are you talking about?" Cora genuinely didn't understand, what he was trying to tell her.

"Would you mind terribly, if I came to you tonight?" There, he said it.

A thousand thoughts suddenly raced through Cora's mind all at once. Finally he had asked. But she wasn't ready, or was she? Did she really want him to come to her, like she had thought during the last few days? Or had she just convinced herself that she would like him to? What if the pain came back? But she had missed the warmth of his body, her body had longed for his naked skin, his touch.

"Cora?" Robert's questioning and almost fearful tone brought her back to the reality of the sitting room.

"No. I wouldn't mind." Cora blushed and lowered her gaze.

"Well," he said, a bit awkwardly, "till then," and went to get changed into his pyjamas.

"Yes, till then," Cora whispered to herself and went to get changed into her night attire herself.

When her maid had finished her task and left for the night, Cora sat down on the edge of her bed and waited. She thought briefly whether she should continue reading her book, but decided against it. She wasn't able to think about anything else than what was about to happen. Robert had been nothing but a Gentleman during their honeymoon, but there had always been a curious kind of distance. He had never touched her beyond a certain point. They had kissed each other goodnight, but it had never gone much further than this. One evening she had tried to initiate at least some intimacy by caressing his face, cupping his cheeks in her hands and kissing him softly on the mouth, but when she had started to fumble at his collar and to kiss his neck, Robert had tensed considerably, clasped her hands in his, apologized and bid her goodnight.

A knock on the door startled her out of her reverie.

"Come in," Cora willed herself to keep her voice steady, inside of her though, the fear came creeping back slowly. After Robert had entered her bedroom he took a few steps towards her, stopped, turned around, stopped again and turned around again and then started to look around the room while fumbling with his dressing gown.

'Don't lose control, be gentle, don't lose control,' his inner voice repeated like a mantra.

"Would you... I mean, do you want to...?" Cora looked at him expectantly, again unable to understand what he was trying to say.

"What do I want?" She whispered, her resolve faltering faster than she had expected.

"Erm... the lights, do you want to turn out the lights?"

God, the way she sat there in her nightgown, her hair open, practically flowing around her shoulders, her porcelain skin glowing in the candlelight and blushing more and more with every coy look she directed at him, it was almost too much, even now. Robert felt his body reacting to her nearness, and to her state of undress, much faster than he would have liked.

'Don't lose control, don't lose control.' He felt as if he had an angel sitting on one shoulder, who tried more and more desperately to warn him, so that he might get it right this time, but at the same time there was this little devil sitting on his other shoulder, who could barely contain himself and made him imagine unspeakable things.

"If you want me to," Cora said, blew out the candles, laid back on her bed and waited for the things to come. Only when she heard Robert's faint sigh she realized that it might actually have been a serious question he had asked and not the order she had taken his words for. But on the other hand, if she remembered their wedding night, it probably was for the best.

She could hear him undress and then she felt more than she saw him climb into bed beside her. There he was, so close now, warmth radiating from his body. Cora felt his hand caressing her belly softly through her nightgown and his lips beneath her ear, starting to trail gentle kisses up and down her neck.

"Cora," he breathed heavily, "you're so beautiful."

After a short while of being unsure of what to do now, or if she should do anything at all, Cora managed to push her fears aside, took Robert's face in her hands and found his lips with her own. She had always enjoyed kissing him and although she didn't have anyone really to compare him to, she instinctively knew that he was a good kisser. He had always been tender and affectionate and if she didn't know it better she would have used the word 'loving'. This night was no exception.

After a long while of exploring each others mouths, Cora finally started to let herself get lost in the sensations of being this close to him again and her hands began to wander along his naked chest. When she, rather accidentally, touched his nipples, he groaned into her neck and she could feel him pulling her nightgown up and rolling on top of her.

And there it was again. His manhood between her thighs.

Suddenly, all the memories of her first time came flooding back at once and her body clamped shut like a shell.

"No. Robert. Stop. Please. Robert." She just couldn't do it.

"What?" His head jerked up from her neck and he tried to look into her eyes, which wasn't that easy, what with the darkness of the room and his current state of mind.

"What's wrong? Have I hurt you again?" He didn't understand. He wasn't even inside her yet.

"No, no," Cora whispered in a tearful voice, "I just can't... I don't..."

A slightly frustrated sigh escaped Robert as he let his head fall softly onto her shoulder. Taking a deep breath, he placed a gentle last kiss on her neck and just when Cora reached for his cheek, he got up. Apparently he had to finish this somewhere else, and soon.

"I'm so sorry, Robert, God, I'm so sorry," was the last thing he heard as he found the nearest door and went through it.

A tidal wave of guilt rolled over Cora as she watched him leave. So it was her fault. He had been so gentle this time, hadn't he? He hadn't forced himself onto her in any way, he had tried. It was her fault. Everything was her fault. Now he never would want to touch her again. Now he would want to divorce her for sure.
After a few minutes Cora could hear a deep guttural groan permeate her crying and she realized what Robert had been doing next door. The fact that 'next door' was actually her bathroom registered only briefly in her guilt ridden mind as she curled up in her bed, not really expecting to be able to sleep but not wanting to see Robert's disappointment when he would pass through her bedroom either.

When Robert was finally able to open his eyes again, he realized that he had involuntarily escaped into Cora's bathroom. He let out another sigh. What a mess. This was much more complicated than he had thought. His parents would be furious, well, if they ever knew. How would Cora and he ever be able to have children if this wasn't working? But on the other hand, in the end, it was his fault. He knew it now. Everything was his fault. If he had actually listened to his father a week ago, everything would be different. If he hadn't hurt Cora that much a week ago, she wouldn't be so damn afraid of him.
That he was now standing in Cora's bathroom only added to Robert's frustration and feeling of guilt. How cold and unfeeling would it look when he just passed through her bedroom now to reach his own bed? But there was no way around it, he couldn't very well spend the night in Cora's bathroom. The moment he opened the door to her room, her crying registered in his ears and he became aware of her curled up form in the bed. Robert suddenly felt himself rooted to the spot.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't just leave her like that, after all, he was the cause of her current misery and she had no one. Not here in this town, not at home at Downton, not in this country.

So Robert did something what would make both of them wonder for years to come. He put his pyjama back on and crawled back into her bed, which Cora didn't seem to notice until he put his arms around her trembling body and held her as close as he felt able to.

"Robert, I'm so sorry," she sobbed and tried to turn in his arms.

But Robert held her fast.

"Shhhh, Cora, it's not your fault."