A Pearl in my World
The evening was a series of fits and starts following Caroline's afternoon visit. This woman, with the uncanny ability to lose Kate just as quickly as she'd found her, had once again left Kate in a state of immeasurable sadness. Kate could no longer plumb the depths of those sea blue eyes, save Caroline from being swallowed up by treachery. The effect that Caroline had on Kate bordered dangerously close to disintegration. She'd been there before, with Carly. She let out a deep, audible cry, "Oh God, Carly." Kate couldn't recall the last time she'd let herself think about that time in her life, when she'd discovered that monsters could come disguised in human form. Kate felt deeply empathetic towards Caroline's awakening and utter dismay about the evils of the world when she'd sat before Kate and retold bits of her night with Gillian and the humiliating things Gillian had confessed to enduring in confidence with Caroline, " …he just penned her down and she took it because she couldn't do anything about it." Caroline's mortification, Gillian's nightmare, Kate's dreams of a life beyond loss. Ironically, all that Kate truly desired was to have Caroline back in her shelter, back in her bed, back in her arms and talk about the good times she cherished when Carly was alive. She imagined comforting Caroline with the fact that Gillian had made it out of a Hell with her life whereas Carly didn't. It was all too difficult for Kate to calibrate.
She made a go at idling the racing pace of her mind and heart by tidying the dishes left to dry from last night's supper with Lawrence, but the agitation proved insurmountable. The Greco-blue plate leapt from her unsteady grip and shattered against her Corinthian floor. She soon followed; slumped against the wooden counter, shattered and scattered amongst the ruins of the ill-fated plate.
Kate found herself on the floor of her kitchen studying her hands in much the same way she'd studied them as she had found herself slumped against the wooden pew in the chapel at Carly's funeral those so many significant years ago, asking them for answers. It came naturally to her, using her hands to rouse the spirit of joy, of memory, and sometimes melancholy in other's hearts; but in that moment in time, she desperately wanted to know why her hands could not save a life.
Maureen, I miss you. I just can't explain. I'm never going to see you again…I wish you could meet my new friends.
It was Kate and Carly and Christy, as thick as thieves, gathered around the record player Kate's dad had gotten her for her very own on her sixteenth birthday. Every day, after school, listening repeatedly, emulating a razor-sharp 3 piece-band led by a sublimely exquisite Nigerian chanteuse called Sade Adu. Kate was the band, Christy was backing vocals, and Carly was always lead vocalist…never mind that she wasn't even Nigerian, she was Gaelic, but it all made perfect sense. Promise was a magical madness of music between the three of them until Jessup set his sights on Carly…
And Maureen, with the boys you could tell at a glance. You'd say he looks good…let's hope he can dance…
In the beginning, Kate put it down as simply being jealous of Jessup's obsession with Carly and Carly's utter delight in his lavish attentions. He was the handsomest lad in all the land according to him and his well-heeled mum, but all Kate saw was a pompous little shit whose self-esteem you couldn't find even if you looked for it under the belly of a snake. She was sure that he was not the man that could ever shed a tear. Kate looked on, helplessly, as Carly became an artful dodger. Ditching school, begging off invitations and fabricating a life less ordinary. When Carly did turn up, it was always only to seek refuge, a respite…and, in that sense, Kate did not want to badger her for whys; why the garish make-up? Why all of the lies? Why do you recoil at the slightest attempt of an embrace? Kate was gutted watching the life draining from Carly's once sparkling emerald eyes. That pain was soon to be surpassed the day her mum called her into the sitting room; she had never seen her mum so crestfallen and lost for words. Jessup had taken Carly's life and then his own. Kate was inconsolable.
Where are we going tonight? And what will you be wearing? Shone like a souped-up car in that rent-a-go-kart town. And I miss you Maureen, I miss you girl.
Kate realized that she was sitting on the floor in her own kitchen, racked with grief, a multitude of irises from Caroline's bouquet watching hopefully over her.
A heartfelt "Thank You" to all that continue to follow and offer words of encouragement to this fanfic! To all of the contributors…you give me the sweetest taboo.