Author's note:/

I made this chapter pretty quickly, already had ideas and stuff. However the next one will take longer to write. It will be the last chapter and there will be two alternative endings. One will be explicit; the other will have no explicit scenes. It will take longer to write because I have never written anything as smutty as it will be. If anyone has ideas on how to write it, you could private message me and if I go with your idea, I'll give you credit in the last chapter. I am not very learned in troll sex so I'll need all the help I can get. Have fun reading this.

This is the trainedArsenist, over and out.

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"SPEAK OF THE FUCKING SHEDEVIL!"

She's messaged you! She never messages you! Maybe, just maybe she knows what you need. You just can't trust anyone these days. What if Sollux told her? What kind of world do you live in where you can't even trust your best friend with a lousy conversation? Certainly not one you would want to be a part of. Better see what she wants though. Hopefully it all goes to plan, the plan which you haven't exactly made…

- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] -

AG: Heeeeeeeey Karkat.

AG: How's my nu88y 8uddy going?

CG: WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?

AG: Oh Karkat, I thought you may have gotten kinder with age. Maaaaaaaajor delusion.

AG: ;;;;)

CG: SHUT YOUR FUCKING SARCASM CHUTE AND TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT.

AG: Ok Karkat. I'm going to level with you. You're in trou8le.

AG: An anonymous source has alerted me to your impending doom today.

AG: And I, however much it pains me to say this, would like to help.

CG: WHAT!

CG: WHO TOLD YOU THAT?

CG: FUCK DAMN IT SOLLUX!

CG: I'M GOING TO KILL THAT DUAL EYED MOTHERFUCKER.

AG: Calm down dork.

AG: It wasn't that hopeless hack.

AG: Although who it was shall stay anonymous.

CG: HMMMM…

CG: YOU'RE LYING.

CG: BUT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

CG: WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU GOING TO HELP WITH? AND WHY?

AG: You are such an idiot.

AG: I have decided to help you escape the culling 8y, I can't 8elieve I'm saying this, 8y 8eing your kismesis.

CG: BUT WHY? YOU COULDN'T POSSIBLY HAVE A REASON. YOU HAVE SO MUCH HATE THAT ANYONE WOULD'VE BEEN YOUR KISMESIS BY NOW.

AG: Yeah I guess. 8ut everyone is already in an o8sidian rel8tionship.

AG: And I don't want to get culled myself.

CG: OH. SHIT OK THEN.

CG: I GUESS THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE.

CG: I WAS ACTUALLY GOING TO MESSAGE YOU ABOUT IT BUT WHATEVER.

CG: HOW DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS?

AG: I don't know. Is your lusus 8eing cra88y at the moment?

CG: NO MORE THAN USUAL. STILL A PAIN IN THE ASS THOUGH.

AG: I think I'll risk coming to your respite 8lock then. That's good with you right?

CG: YEAH.

AG: Cool I guess

AG: I'll 8e there in 20 minutes. Gotta 8eat the drones. Then I'll 8eat you.

CG: BLUH BLUH STUPID BITCH. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.

AG: See ya l8r loser. ;;;;)

- arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] -

Fuck. This is actually happening. And she contacted you about it! That was a major twist in the plot of your short, insignificant life. What are you going to do? You've never had a kismesis before, even if just out of necessity. And, uh, reproduction. How does that work? You watch a lot of rom flicks, but none of them are explicit, no sex. You hope she knows a thing or two. Oh dear Horrorterrors! You've got to clean up; the place is a mess. Wait. Do you have to clean up? What's the protocol for kismessitudes? You think it is to disrespect the other as much as possible. You leave your respiteblock as it is and go to pace through the rest of your hive.

What to do, what to do…. You definitely have to get your crabdad out of the way, maybe he could go gambling with Gamzee's goat-dragon or something, whatever lusii do when they're out. That's item one ticked off the "How to Get Slightly Less Screwed" list. Another item would be that of what to wear. You suppose you'll get this shitty red turtleneck sweater you have. She really hates it for some reason. An extra box ticked.

OH SHIT. OH SHIT. OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT. It is well known that a kismessitude will often involve biting and scratching. What if she bites or scratches you and breaks the skin? Your mutant blood would be there, in the open, obvious for her to see. The ridicule you would go through. The amount of blackmail that she'll give you. After she gets bored of that, she may just tell the black queen and you'll be culled before you could even think of running. What are you going to do?

You look through your seeing glass and find a small speck slowly getting bigger as it comes moves closer to you. Oh no. You'd recognise the grey trench coat anywhere. IT'S VRISKA! ALREADY! You race down to your lusus.

"GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT. GET OUT NOW. GO TO GAMZEE'S LUSUS AND SMOKE CIGARS AND PLAY POKER AND WEAR HATS AND SHAVE AND WHATEVER ELSE LUSII DO!" You shout, almost screeching as you push him towards your back door. He garbles some crabby nonsense as usual, although he's frothing at the mouth. That's never a good sign. "I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK YOUR DUTIES ARE, JUST GET OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR A HORN-GRINDING HOUR OR TWO" You shove him out behind your hive. He falls and looks pained. You feel a sharp twinge of guilt but put it away and run up the stairs to your wardrobe. You start flinging clothes from your drawers all over your room, searching desperately for that stupid red sweater. You find it right at the bottom of your third drawer. A shrills ringing sounds throughout the hive. The doorbell. She's here. You turn around. Your respiteblock is even more of a mess than before. Possible extra points? Possibly overdoing it? Who cares.

You race down the stairs, quietly though; you don't want her to here you. You walk casually to the front door. You turn the knob and slowly pull back the large, metal door. She's standing there, leaning heavily on her right leg. She was wearing her usual grey trench coat, although it was buttoned up. You look her up and down twice. After a wild, hopeful, possibly panicked thought you punch both of her eyes.