Molar Expedition
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John woke up on Monday morning and felt as though his lips were fused together with thick, sticky saliva. His teeth were coated in filmy sugar residue and his mouth felt heavy and gross. "Uhhhgh bleuuurgh," he said, rotating his mouth unpleasantly.
Raising a pajama-clad wrist, he dragged across his lips and face, smearing residual, candied drool off his chin. "I need a toothbrush," he croaked, wincing as his back teeth ached with sharp, shooting, almost magnetic pains.
He looked around for Dorian, thinking back on the night before. The Easter basket on the bedstand filled with a half-eaten chocolate bunny, several slowly-hardening marshmallow peeps, and a scattering of jelly beans tangled in plastic green grass. It made his stomach perform a barrel role.
The groggy detective slid to the edge of the bed and hoisted himself up and into the bathroom. He rubbed over his teeth aggressively with his toothbrush and gargled with listerine until his cheeks burned.
Dorian was in the kitchen, chopping away. They had one more day off for the Easter holiday and John had a nice clean mouth.
"Morning sleepy head," Dorian said, using the back edge of his knife to slide chopped celery into a bowl. He set down the cutting board and wiped his hands on his apron before handing John a bowl of oatmeal and a cup of black coffee. "Sugar?" he asked.
John looked a little green and waved his hand, palm out, to say no. He sat down and stared at the oatmeal before pushing it away and focusing all his energy on the coffee.
John rubbed the sand out of his eyes and slid his tongue around his teeth, self-consciously probing each one. "I think I need to make a dentist appointment," he said miserably.
Dorian walked over and gave John a deep kiss, his synthetic tongue passing through John's mouth in a way John wasn't accustomed to. It was hard to get into the rhythm of the kiss. Before he knew what was happening, it was over.
When Dorian broke away his face flashed in blue running lights. "Yep," he said, "You have two cavities."
John stared with his mouth open in shock and fury. He stood up and dumped the oatmeal over Dorian's head, milk and oats running down the DRN's face and neck.
"What did I do?" Dorian called after John as the human stormed off to shower.
Because Dorian isn't so smooth all the time...