Easter Miracle
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John awoke groggily and ran a hand over his face, smearing the sleep off and yawning in his bed. He could hear Dorian in the kitchen, noisily making him breakfast. This was Dorian's M.O. He would get increasingly loud until John dragged himself out of bed. The fucking android thought he was so fucking smart.

John twisted and stretched, scooching to the edge of the bed. He tucked his head down and ran his fingers across the back of his neck and up through his hair, and up…and up. "the hell?" John said, sitting up as his hands explored the long, furry growths protruding out the top of his skull. He fumbled up onto his foot and hopped over to his leg, attaching it and nearly tripping as he dragged it along before it could calibrate, desperate to get to the mirror. He looked at himself, wide-eyed, in the bathroom. Sprouting from his nest of messy hair were two long, floppy ears.

"Dorian!" John shouted. He yanked on one of the ears hard and then yowled in pain. He cradled the ear and cut loose with a long, bitter streak of expletives.

"What is happening in here?" Dorian asked, coming in to see John in his sleep shorts, a furious, panicked look on the man's face. Dorian took a step back when he saw the ears. "Woah, John, you have bunny ears." He sounded shocked.

John wasn't buying it. "What did you fucking do to me, Dee?"

"Nothing," Dorian said, reaching out to touch one of the ears, his fingers gently tugging. John batted him away in frustration. "They are real, Jo-woah!" When John turned around, Dorian spotted a fluffy, puff-ball of a tail at the base of his spine, just above the waist of his sleep pants.

"Now what?" John demanded, turning back around right before Dorian's fingers could reach the adorable appendage.

The android's face was flashing blue. "You have a tail," he informed flatly, keeping his emotions under control. However, all he wanted to do was put his hands on that cute little button of a tail.

John spun in a circle trying to see his own backside then settled for turning toward the mirror and raising on his toes so he could see. "Motherfucker," he spat.

"What is happening to you?" Dorian asked, finally poking at the tail, much to John's annoyance. "I can't find any similar situations in my searches."

"the fuck should I know," John said, tugging on his new parts furiously.

"It's an Easter miracle," Dorian declared.

John's brows were stitched into deep, dark slants. However, there was something about him that seemed way less angry. Dorian observed him intensely and decided it was the ears. They made him cuter than usual, softer, and silly.

John's face flushed red. He turned back to the mirror and worried the ears on his head gently. "I can't go to work like this," he complained, on the verge of a whine.

Dorian agreed.

John continued to curse wretchedly.

Suddenly, with a little sparkle in the air, a plump little fairy appeared. She wore a dress of shimmering pastel colors and her hair had little juts of twigs, flowers, and leaves. Behind her was a silvery mesh of wings.

Both John and Dorian looked at her with saucers for eyes.

"Well this wont do at all," she said, her arms folded. The sweet creature wore a livid scowl. "You are the worst one yet, young man." She had a wand in her hand and as she waved it around to emphasize her words, glittery sparkles trailed from the tip.

"The fucking hell is that thing?" John asked Dorian. Dorian shook his head, he had no idea.

John reached out a finger to poke the tiny woman and got rapped with the sturdy little wand. He drew his hand back, hissing in pain.

"I am a sprite of spring," the haughty little creature said, adjusting her bodice, "And I am here to fix a mistake."

"So it was you," John accused, raising up a little, "Look I don't know what the hell you are, but if you don't fix it right fucking now I'm going to-"

With a wave of her wand, John's voice disappeared. He gripped at his throat and gasped and sputtered noiselessly.

"That's better," she said, tapping her chin. "Hmmmm I wonder if it would work this way?" She teetered her head gently as if weighing her thoughts, "Nah, no one wants an Easter Bunny that can't talk."

John mouthed the words Easter Bunny incredulously. Then he started to pinch his own arm, as if attempting to wake up.

Dorian watched, drinking it all in, and slipped a hand behind John to calm him, brushing over the fluffy tail a few times, which John had to admit was obnoxiously soothing.

The magical woman continued, "I sent my intern out to pick a good Easter Bunny and the best she came up with is you. I can't have a foul mouthed bunny spoiling the holiday with his sour mood. I don't know what she was thinking; you aren't even good with children!"

John was fairly helpless at this point. He sat on the edge of the bathtub with his arms folded.

The fairy sighed, "You were a terrible choice." She gave him his voice back with a warning look.

"What kind of psychopath goes around just turning people into mythical creatures?" John demanded, his voice cracking a little.

"Most people consider it an honor," she said stiffly.

"How long does it last?" Dorian asked, sliding a hand up one of John's silky-soft rabbit ears. John shivered at how good that felt.

"For a few days, usually," she said, flipping her hand out toward him, annoyed. "But I will turn him back now. I need to find a new bunny in time. Someone less...like him."

John stood up and clapped his hands loudly, close to the little sprite's wings. It terrified her and she flew to the ceiling by the corner. "I heard enough," John said, "take away these stupid ears and tail and get the hell out of my bathroom!"

The little creature gave him an indignant glare. "I was going to, but now you are on your own!"

Dorian interjected, "You can't leave him like this permanently."

"It will wear off in a few days," she smirked, "And then you'll be back to your old boring self."

"You're fucking kidding me," John said, exasperated.

"Oh," the fairy grinned, "when they do fall off, it's going to itch like crazy." And with that, she was gone.

"I think I would have been a much better choice for the Easter Bunny," Dorian said, indignantly, after her departure. He folded his arms and pouted.

John was headed for the kitchen to get some scissors, muttering that he could take care of this himself!