This chapters a longish one so I hope you like it...
Disgusting
After I finally regained control of myself I started to go home, no one else would be there. Mum was working, Joe and Freddie were probably at the hospital, Ziggy would be working and Jason and Robbie would be at college.
The house was silent, it was strange, the house was practically never quiet, let alone silent. I couldn't look at the bottom of the stairs, I felt sick whenever I saw them.
I was soon up in my room, trying to make sense of the days events. I had never flipped out like that before, yeah, I'd been angry before and yeah, I may have been in a couple of fights, but I had never just flipped out practically unprovoked and walked out of school. It was as if I had changed in the space of a few days, and I had, I was a different person than I was at the beginning of Friday, and that worried me, what if I never got back to how I was before.
My stomach rumbled, distracting me from my thoughts. Food, I hadn't eaten properly for days, and I didn't want to, but my stomach persisted, maybe i could have some fruit, just a little bit, it wouldn't hurt, would it?
I went down to the kitchen and opened the cupboard to look for some apples or something, but something else caught my eye. A pack of Milkybar buttons, my favourite, a whole bag of them. Before, I would have just taken them, I wouldn't have cared, but now, well, I was, scared, if that was the right word. How could I be scared of chocolate? It was stupid!
I was so hungry, so fucking hungry though, and the sight of them had intensified that feeling. But they were bad. Milkybar buttons were bad for me, and I didn't deserve them! I didn't deserve anything!
Fuck it, was the only thought that ran through my head as I pulled the bag out of the cupboard and ripped it open. I ate them all, every single one quite quickly, but I wanted more, I needed more!
I ate loads, I stuffed my face with cherry bakewells and custard creams and oreos and whatever I could find. And it wasn't until I looked at all th eempty wrappers on the side I realised what I had done.
I was disgusting, I was actually disgusting! Why had I done this? I wasn't allowed any of what I just ate but I had it anyway, I was being selfish. I grabbed all the wrappers and chucked them in the bin. I felt sick. All of that food was inside of me and it made me feel sick, I was disgusted with myself. I couldn't do this. I felt sick rise in the back of my throat and I rushed over to the sink, vomiting the contents of my stomach up. It was disgusting, the amount of shit that came out of me, it was a waste, I was a waste.
I hated it, and I hated me. I hated everything and I didn't know what to do.
I was sat in my room when Robbie and Jason came home, I had cleaned everything up downstairs but they would probably be wondering why there was a lack of food in the kitchen.
I waited half an hour before making my way downstairs to see them sitting infront of top gear. I sat down quietly and they both turned to look at me before Robbie started to talk, "Everyone was talking about you today."
"Robbie!" Jason exclaimed, "Not everyone was talking about you, just a few people and the news got to us-"
"Actually," Robbie interrupted his twin, "Pretty much everyone was talking about how you smacked some year 11 boy and stormed out of school."
"Great." I sighed, shaking my head, this was just what I needed. I should've expected it though, it was in the middle of school!
"Chlo," Jason started, "Why did you hit him?"
I just shrugged at that, I couldn't exactly go into details, could I?
"Well there had to be a reason." Robbie said, but before I could reply mum came through the door.
"Chloe Roscoe! I would like you to explain to me why I got a call from Mr Blake while I was at work telling me that you were bunking!" She yelled at me. Great. Just great.
"I wouldn't exactly say I was bunking, more-"
"I don't want to hear any excuses! I want you to tell me why!" Mum cut me off. Jason and Robbie sniggered at me, I swear I could've killed them, but one thing I did know was that they wouldn't tell mum I'd hit someone, because I could tell her some of their secrets which she wouldn't be pleased about.
"I was just stressed." I ended up saying.
"And that means you can walk out of school?" She asked, but it was obvious she wasn't expecting an answer. "Right, you're grounded, for a week, and if you get into any more trouble it'll be a month. Don't you think I have enough to deal with right now?" She walked out then, and I went up to my room. She was right. I was making more trouble for her when she already had enough on her plate. I was making everything worse.
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