VI

September 9th, 2010 – Brooklyn.

Originally, Felicity had planned to take Jesse out for dinner, though eventually she figured it would just be best to order in after Jesse had become increasingly distant as time wore on. She now found herself sitting in the living room, watching some foreign movie alone. Jesse had retreated to his room, not having said anything since he got out of the car. Felicity worried but she figured it would be best to leave him be.

Meanwhile, Jesse curled up in his bed, getting reacquainted with the feeling of a mattress as opposed to an old futon on cement ground. He was still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that this was happening. It was all so fast. First he had been picked up by none other than Ed, then it just so happened that one of his childhood friends was in the same business as him and then to top it all off, the police had declared him dead. It was looking as if things were coming up Jesse.

This was it – this was the new start he'd been longing for.

But then it hit him.

None of this made any sense. He didn't deserve any of this. He was a murderer. He had helped ruin so many people's lives. He was a monster. Jesse clenched his jaw, trying to overcome the shakes that were wracking his body. He was so disgusted with himself that he couldn't even bear being in his own skin. This little series of happy coincidences were all just cruel punishment – showing him all the things he could never have.

Where had his life gone? He used to be a regular street tier cook. It wasn't glamorous but it sure as hell beat being locked up in a lab with a tether around his waist, forced to endure endless hours of torture and ridicule. It was him, Emilio and his chilli pepper infused crystal. He didn't need any of that 'blue sky' shit. He was just fine before. Greed had turned him into a monster. It had eaten his soul and locked him in a cage that he couldn't escape. He did it for the money but he had no idea that it would ever become something so horrible. He hated himself for being weak and easily manipulated. Maybe if he had really, truly backed out, things would have been fine. But no. He let Walt mess with his head. He let him win again and again.

Just as he felt tears forming in his eyes, he heard someone calling his name. Felicity.

"Jesse? The pizza's here!" she called from the foyer.

He sobered up quickly, rubbing his eyes with back of his hand. She had lent him some clothes to wear. A pair of sweatpants she said belonged to an ex of hers and a large t-shirt she got free in the mail for getting a new gym membership. Slowly, Jesse got up from the bed, breathing slowly before making his way downstairs.

Felicity was there to greet him in the kitchen. Two boxes of pizza were piled on top of each other on the island, along with a bottle of beer and a Sprite. As soon as she noticed his presence, she waved, giving him a small smile. "Hey, everything alright?"

Jesse nodded. The last thing he wanted to do was to worry her. He wanted to stay in her life for as short a time as possible. He didn't want to risk ruining her life like he had done to just about everyone else who was important to him. The more he thought about it, the less he understood why she was doing all of this for him. At first, he had figured it was just business and he was just another customer – but Felicity wasn't stupid. She had probably figured out that he had absolutely no money left to his name. She opened up her home to him – she had taken him to get a haircut – she bought dinner for him.

"Why do you always do this?" he asked.

Felicity shot him a confused look as she cracked open the beer and slid it to him. "Do what?"

Jesse only stared at the bottle before looking back to her. "You're always going out of your way to help me. I… I got it when we were kids but… Now? You have no reason to help me – you have nothing to gain from helping me… It's been ten years we haven't spoken a word to each other and you just let me walk in and you give me a place to stay, clothes, food? What do you want from me?"

She shook her head. "N-Nothing! Jesse, I'm just doing this because we're friends."

"Bullshit!" he yelled, startling her a bit. "Or… Could it be…? Because you're afraid of me? Huh? Is that it? You're too afraid to just tell me to get out so you're pretending to be my friend, you're helping me so I don't hurt you, hm? Is that it?"

His voice just kept getting louder and louder as he rounded the island and cornered Felicity where the kitchen counter intersected. "You're just waiting, aren't you…? Waiting until I drop my guard… Then you're going to call the cops on me, aren't you?"

She just kept shaking her head. "Jesse! Snap out of it! I told you! We're friends! I give a shit about you, that's why!"

"You've made a mistake. I've killed people, Fissy. You don't want me here. I'm dangerous. I'm a criminal. I can hurt you…" he mumbled, more to himself than to her.

He had both hands planted firmly on either side of the counter. Felicity stood in the middle, her face not showing a hint of fear or anxiety. Jesse just kept on rambling about being dangerous and how he should have never let her into his home. "I'd be better off dead and you know it… I don't deserve to be helped… I've ruined so many lives…"

Felicity was about ready to slap some sense into him but instead, he broke down crying. Jesse crumpled into a sobbing heap, pulling his knees towards his chest as he hit his head on the island. Felicity gulped as she lowered herself down to his level. She wrapped her arms around him hesitantly, only to have him instantly shrink away. In all the years that she had known him, there was really only one time that she had seen him cry and that was when his parents had forced him to move in with his aunt and even then, it had been more out of anger than actual anguish.

Regardless of how much he tried to move away, she just kept pulling him back into a tight embrace. She stroked his hair slowly and rubbed small circles into his back. "It's going to be alright, Jesse… I promise. I'm here for you, no matter what you might think… Nothing's changed. I swear."

"I-I don't want you to get hurt because of me…" he mumbled between loud breaths.

"Trust me… That's the last thing you're going to have to worry about with me. Everything is going to be fine. I'm here for you, alright?"

Jesse wasn't too keen on becoming attached to someone again, let alone becoming dependent on them. He was too careless with Jane – she was in recovery and he had taken all that progress away from her. He had gotten too comfortable with Andrea – he played house without even thinking of their future. To let another person in would be to risk destroying their livelihood – or worse, taking it all away. He didn't even really think of Felicity in the same way as he thought of Jane or Andrea but he couldn't stand the thought of messing up her life too.

"You're gonna start over, Jesse. Okay? No one's going to get hurt… You'll get a nice apartment, a nice job, a nice name… Who knows, maybe you'll start a nice family and settle down in a nice neighborhood… You can put all of this behind you, Jesse. It's over. The nightmare is over…" Felicity soothed.

Soon, his sobbing began to slow down. He inhaled ragged breaths and kept his head buried in his arms. Felicity still held him, resting her head on his as she waited for him to calm down. She really had no idea what to do. When Jesse had been forced to move out, he was angry. He cried as he threw things all around his room, he smoked like a chimney stack and eventually became too tired to wreck everything and just settled on crying. He sobered up pretty quickly – said he wasn't a pussy and that he didn't need his bitchass parents anyway. Then he was indestructible yet again. But now, what would Jesse be? He had lost his super powers a long time ago – that much Felicity could tell.

As soon as he began to breathe normally, Felicity stood up. She extended a hand out to him which he promptly took. She hauled him up and offered him a weak smile. She could still see the pain in his eyes. She pursed her lips as she stroked his arm and let her hand slide all the way down to his. Felicity squeeze his hand lightly.

"You should really eat something," she advised.

Jesse nodded slowly, realizing that he hadn't had more than a few scraps of food in days.

Felicity took the two pizza boxes and put them on the coffee table in the living room. She also took out an entire six pack of beer and set it out on the table. Plopping down on the couch, she patted the space beside her and nodded as if to tell him that things were really going to be okay. She saw the reluctance on his face before he finally joined her on the couch. He took a slice of pizza before curling back up into a fetal position.

As children, Felicity always took care of him whether he liked it or not. She never did it in front of the other kids, though, because they were all in the stage where they thought everyone had cooties. But as they grew older, Felicity stopped caring about what other people thought about their friendship. She tutored him on all the hard subjects – which in most cases, was just about everything – and even brought him a lunch when he wouldn't have time or money to buy his own. But the strangest part was that she would always do it without asking for anything in return. Rumors would fly and there was endless speculation about the status of their relationship – but there was no relationship. They were always just friends.

So now, as he sat beside her, he wondered just what the hell was going on in her head. He had never been able to understand her. Maybe it was just because he had never met a genuinely good person before. He stopped believing in good people a long time ago.

"I'm glad you aren't really dead or anything," Felicity suddenly said.

"…Yeah, I am too."

"I mean… When I first saw your name on TV, I could hardly believe it. Well, a part of me did, to be honest…" she admitted, draining her Sprite.

"Well, here I am," he mumbled as he put his lips to his bottle of beer.

He paused.

"Not drinking?"

Felicity froze for a split second before shaking her head. "No."

He was a bit surprised to hear that considering she had always been able to hold her alcohol pretty well. Nevertheless, he continued eating, savouring the feeling of a full stomach for the first time in months.

Once they had finished up eating, they cleaned up the leftovers and parted ways to get ready for bed. To Jesse, the entire day had felt like a dream. But it wasn't. This was all really happening. He braced himself on the washroom sink as he stared at his own reflection in the mirror. He took in a deep breath. Felicity's voice rang in his head. It's going to be alright. The nightmare is over. It took everything he had to force himself to believe her. Tonight he would go to sleep in a real bed and wake up in the same room. Tomorrow would be the beginning of his new life.

Just as Jesse was getting into bed, there was a small knock on the door. He froze for a split second, fear rising up in his gut before he remembered that the only other person in the house was Felicity. The door creaked open as Felicity poked her head in.

"Oh, you're still awake," she spoke softly.

"Yeah, I guess," Jesse whispered.

"Well… I just wanted to say good night and sleep well," Felicity said, offering him a tiny smile.

"Uh, oh, yeah, good… Good night."

And with that, Felicity slipped out of the room, her footsteps echoing into the distance.