"C'MOOOON!" the Scotsman roared, as the demons scuttled at him in their droves. He discovered that placing cubes on a certain button lit up the room a bit more to let him see his enemy. However, there was now a limit to the cubes, and some of them turned out to just be more demons. If he wanted to open the door, he had to take off the cube and let the lights go out, and have the pathway prepped beforehand.
This required battle.
"Ya think you can outsmart me with your many measly eyes?!" the Demoman howled, opening a portal to drop a whole bunch of them down into a pit, where they flew apart like the weak plastic beasts they were, twitching and writhing most disturbingly. He laughed as one landed on its back, legs flailing uselessly before another dropped spider smashed it perfectly on center. He ducked as another wave of bullets aimed for him. As long as he kept moving, he was fine. These things didn't shoot much and aimed even worse.
They were designed for unsuspecting targets, for ambush.
Now they tried to beat him by cornering and numbers.
"I have only th' ONE eye!" he snarled with a grin, "And ye're not gettin' the bloody drop on me, are ye?!"
A portal burst destroyed the dispenser nest these things crawled out of.
"I'll make bleedin' ladies' necklaces out of those pretty puny eyes!"
There were only a few left guarding the bridge of light, too close to it to safely use a portal, and too close to him for him to portal away.
He gritted his teeth, hearing the music of his ancestors fuel his battle thirst as he charged, using the gun as a makeshift bludgeon.
"Cheap play, you cruel drunkard..." a spider-thing chastised as it fell.
He saluted it with a smirk, "Gonna glue ye back together in Hell, lassie!"
He then went pick up his cube, ready to make a dash for it for when the lights went out.
Then he blinked as he met a new problem.
The bridges of light were the only things he could make out, the rest of the maze-spread chasm to the door was heavily darkened, and hard to see on the more solid platforms. He went across carefully, and then the light bridge behind him shut down, letting him only go forward into the dark jungle course, which was beginning to peep here and there with those demonic red eyes.
"Come into our parlour?"
He growled, ". . . Bloody Hell!"
He charged in.
"Your lot's bloody eyes are gonna decorate me bloody crown fer when I dominate this bloody hellhole, ye devi-i-i-ils!"
This woman was hard to pursue, the Spy thought wryly to himself. He never knew how easy he had it, simply needing to kill an enemy to get the job done. Here, he had to keep the enemy alive, and she was making it most difficult. She could not make portals to everywhere, but with those blasted boots and her incredible agility, she could escape to places he could not reach so easily.
Not to mention that she kept killing him at every turn.
Twice it was shooting him with that gun.
Once he'd made the mistake of stepping on a portal surface, and promptly, and inexplicably, fell to his demise.
Another few times she'd found a crowbar of all things and beaten him to death with it, as she was doing now.
Now, it seems that instead of feeling the need to flee, she was becoming more interested in keeping him dead.
To his horror she seemed to become fascinated with the effort.
. . .
"Madam, if you'd—" Florp. "AAAAAHHHHH!"
. . .
"I must insist that you—" CHUNK! Thud.
. . .
"I really don't think this is—" Flip. "MEEEeeerrr—" Shplack!
. . .
"Perhaps if we compro—. . . I do believe I am on fire. I have no idea how you did that." Thump.
. . .
"Fire! FIRE!"
. . .
"WILL YOU STOP IT?!" he finally screamed as she raised the crowbar again.
She paused, an eyebrow lifted, as she tapped the bloodied crowbar impatiently against her boot.
He backed up, hands still raised, keeping his knife sheathed.
"You..." he gasped, many Respawns having taken their toll, making him slower, clumsier, "You, you want to go to Her on your own terms, oui? I am fine with that, but at least let me go with you, that I may in part fulfil my task?"
She glared, and looked to where he'd concealed his knife.
He shook his head, "Non, non, no more crossing on my part, here, look."
He took it out and tossed it off the catwalk, and they both waited until they heard its clatter.
He smiled, "See? I will be a perfect gentleman." He'd reclaim that blade upon his next Respawn anyway.
Still, the monstre was not satisfied. She lunged forward and menacingly knocked the crowbar none too gently against his collar.
"It cannot be helped, madam!" he protested, shoving the filthy piece of metal away, "And it burdens me more than it would burden you, understand? Besides, this way, er, this could probably be an advantage for you, hm? It 'Condition's' me, but perhaps I could be a double-Spy?"
She frowned, and then tugged him up and shoved him forward, making him walk in front of her.
"Or, I could be your hostage, yes, I suppose this works too..." he sighed, letting himself be prodded along.
Perhaps the fille decided he was less of a nuisance with her than without her.
Merde, this was a most difficult task. He'd just have to wait until she let her guard down, and then incapacitate her.
Direct confrontation was no good, neither was pursuit.
He smiled a smile she couldn't see, being behind him.
'Courtship of the enemy' was such a troublesome business...
Scout waited around the corner, hearing the heavy footsteps of that thing.
"Hiding will not help you," it said, "I can find anything I wish to."
A few bullets sprayed the corridor in front of Scout, and he growled to himself, shifting.
"If you submit like good Inferior things, I will execute you swiftly."
"C'mo-o-on you big, fat load of smartmouth..." Scout snarled quietly, portal gun at the ready.
He figured out—yeah, you heard him right, he figured out somethin'!—that these things could not take baby steps, or turn easily, like tanks. So it was like one stride equalled such and such panels. So, if he judged it right, the thing would next step on the panel right—there!
He shot a red portal before it stepped on that panel and quickly shot another yellow right above it.
Its foot stumbled right into the portal, and it fell forward in an awkward slump, motors protesting as its leg tried to boost itself off of nothing. Its foot and leg twitched awkwardly above its head, and Scout grinned. Yes!
"Well played, for prey." it commented, searching around for him with that freaky red eye.
He snarled, "Good game face for a freakin' Godzilla!"
He shot the red portal somewhere else, and watched the connection snap, severing its leg.
"Woohoo!"
To land right next to its head. Dangit, he'd been aiming for the head!
He gulped as it scraped along like some ugly caterpillar, guns twitching at him.
"Off with your head." it said calmly.
He ran as it shot at him.
"Covermecovermecovermecoverme!" he yelled, keeping its fire on him.
He heard the Pyro's muffled yell, and then a rapid series of purplish portals kept trying to crush the giant sentry thing with its own foot, and hilariously failing. "Don't land it on me, don't land it on me!" the Scout swore, until it finally crushed the giant sentry.
Scout paused to take a breath, hands on his knees, and the Pyro strode up, holding up its hand.
He looked up, and sighed, "Ah, yeah, sure, whatever..."
He high-fived the pyromaniac, who gave a fist-pump, and they got to the next round of stupid elevators.
The Heavy scowled darkly as he watched the workings of his 'comrades', the Medic and the Engineer conferring over a design table.
Science was not a credit to the team.
He had some hope, maybe, that Engineer would put some corruptions in the designs, perhaps bring them to their advantage.
He did not, but the Heavy had discovered some loopholes to the designs he hoped his truer teammates would exploit.
There were some that could be exploited on this end as well...
He found a more isolated computer, and entered his codes the Woman had given him.
He wondered why She bothered giving him access codes...
Perhaps She thought She could outsmart him?
Maybe...
He looked up the dispensaries for the 'Turret-Rex' sentries, tracking that, indeed, there would only be one per chamber...
He chuckled quietly, his massive fingers typing another command into the tiny baby keyboard.
He wondered why more than two couldn't be allowed, and so, he'd find out. This would probably not do so well for the testing teammates, but it would not do well for anyone else either. He chuckled again as he pressed Enter.
Sabotage...