Author's Note: Oh yeah, there was supposed to be a plot in here somewhere, right?

Nathan/Audrey musical selection for the day: "Cosmic Love" by Florence + The Machine.

Thanks to everyone for their lovely reviews!

The calm she instilled in him never lasted long after they left his house. As each day wore on Audrey watched Nathan's shoulders drag toward the earth and tension build in his jaw, the cords of his neck bulging and leaving her with a constant, aching need to smooth them away that was hardly ever appropriate in the workplace. At this rate she figured he'd grind his teeth to the gums in a matter of months. She tried being flip and irreverent but he rarely smiled. Even attempted sincerity once but that just made him uncomfortable.

It was far worse when they were at a crime scene. He panicked every time Laverne called in a disturbance, and they'd nearly had another screaming match when he tried to bench her. The way he searched for Guard members around every corner almost made her wish she had stayed behind. He was simultaneously hyper aware and thoroughly distracted and that was a terrible combination for a cop. She was used to him putting himself in harm's way without even thinking about it, but now he was just waiting to jump in front of a bullet for her and she couldn't stand the thought of that.

It took four days to work up a better plan than dragging him into a supply closest every time he got insufferable. (That had been fun, but the effect hadn't lasted nearly as long as she'd hoped, and she suspected from Joan's disapproving looks that the receptionist was on to them.)

"Think you can handle things at the station without me today?" she asked over breakfast.

"Aren't you feeling well?" he asked, his brow furrowing with concern.

It was an easy lie, but one that could easily backfire. He might offer to stay and take care of her, and then she'd need a new excuse tomorrow.

"Actually, I thought I'd spend the day with James. We've got a lot to work out, you know."

"Right." She could read his skepticism at her choice to spend an awkward day bonding instead of going to work. "You'll be careful?"

It took a lot of willpower not to roll her eyes. She understood why Nathan was worried and she was attempting to be patient, but he was driving her crazy. "We'll stay at the Gull. You may have noticed that Duke has a lot of guns. We'll be safe."

Her insides squirmed at the way he studied her but she tried to look casual even as she took in his appearance and committed to it memory – the hair she loved to run her hands through which always looked half mussed nowadays, the intense blue eyes overflowing with reverence, the broad shoulders and strong, strong arms. These past few days, despite the state of the town and Nathan's near constant anxiety, had meant more to her than anything else she could remember. She nearly gave up on the plan and followed him to the station, the possibility of losing this too much to fathom.

Except he was already crumbling at the thought of spending a day without her. She could see it in the way his arms were pressed too tightly to his sides, his hands clenched. The tiny gesture sucked the air out of the room, because she couldn't bear to see him set off by such a small thing and she wasn't going to be able to stand being expected to be constantly at his side much longer.

With renewed resolve she started toward him. "You better get to the station. Everyone'll blame me if the boss is late." She braced her hands on his shoulders and pushed herself up on tiptoes to kiss him – not hot and heavy like each night they returned to the safety of his house – but slow, tender, and filled with sentiments she didn't say often enough – and some never at all.

She resisted the urge to press her forehead against his and breathe him in. She'd give herself away if she acted too clingy so she let him go and stepped back before her body overrode her good sense. "Have a good day."

"Say hi to James for me."

She watched his truck drive away before she retrieved her cell phone from the bedroom.

Nathan's trusty cleaner answered on the second ring. "Dwight."

She was surprised by how glad she was to hear the kind, hulking man's voice.

"I need a favor."

"Audrey. You are back."

He sounded relieved but only mildly shocked. "So the word's already out, huh?"

"There were rumors. But I thought Nathan would be in a better mood if they were true."

She snorted at the man's candor. "That's kinda why I called. I need you to get me a meeting with the head of the Guard."

"That's a bad idea." Steel had flared up in the man's tone, reminding her that the gentle giant wasn't always so gentle. "They're real angry that you didn't stop the Troubles. You need to stay out of their way."

After all she'd seen and done, she wasn't about to be cowed by Dwight Hendrickson. "It's too late for that. Nathan and I ran into them the day I got back when they ambushed Alistair at the bank. Bernie said he was going to kill me. Nathan's been on edge ever since."

"How's it going to help him if you get killed sooner?"

"I'm not going to get killed." She was mostly sure of that. But there was some tiny part of her that had wanted to hold on to Nathan this morning and never let go that knew he'd be wrecked for good if this went south.

"This isn't the sort of man you mess with. Things have been bad here."

"So I've heard. Look, talking the Troubled down is kind of my specialty. And Bernie said he wasn't going to kill me until I understood what I'd done. I haven't been back long enough for that – but I can't delay this. I just have to make him see that killing me isn't actually in the Troubled's best interest."

"How are you going to do that?"

"I'm working that out."

"This is damned risky, Audrey." But she could tell she was wearing him down against his better judgment. There was a weariness in his tone she'd gotten used to hearing in Nathan's voice. Keeping the town together had worn these men down to their bones.

Her fault, Bernie had said.

She had to fix this.

"I know. But I have to do it. The Barn's destroyed and I need to find another way to stop the Troubles. And I can't do that with Nathan freaking out every time I leave his sight. I can't live being smothered – not even by him."

There was a long pause, until she heard him sigh. "I'll see what I can do."

She felt a rush of gratitude, relief, and anticipation, all wrapped up together in a way that set her stomach churning. "Thank you. So what can you tell me about Bernie Smith? He took over for Vince, right? What's his Trouble?" Nathan had been very thorough about everyone else on his list of Guard members, but he'd glossed over their leader, only telling her it didn't matter because she needed to stay clear of him. As if that wouldn't stoke her curiosity.

"Anything he reads comes true."

She realized almost instantly why his last name had seemed so familiar, aside from being so common. "Nathan and I have seen that before. Haven got hit by the ten plagues of Egypt because some guilty father had been reading a Bible. TJ Smith." It had been one hell of a day, Nathan dying outside with countless others while a woman with all her memories watched her talk down a man about to kill himself in front of his infant son. It had been so hard to stay composed when her mind was swimming with the consequences of her failure. Even then she'd known she couldn't stand the loss of her partner.

It was also one hell of a Trouble. TJ had thrown the whole town in chaos, and it had been completely unintentional.

The potential devastation if someone knew what they were doing was almost unimaginable.

"TJ was Bernie's brother. His house was hit by one of the meteors. Everyone inside was killed. TJ, his son, and his in-laws."

Audrey closed her eyes against the weight of the loss. Good, innocent people, one of them a baby. Her fault.

"Bernie was an English teacher at the high school. His first day back after the funeral, he read a passage from King Leer. The whole class started going crazy. One kid actually blinded someone before another teacher heard the screaming."

"He didn't know he was Troubled before that?"

"No one else did, anyway. He was fired, of course. Some of the parents wanted to run him out of town. But others … the ones who were Troubled themselves … they rallied around him. He started making speeches about the injustices the Troubled faced. Started recruiting his students into the Guard. Instead of staying in the shadows he openly challenged the Rev's men. Took the Guard public. And made no qualms about killing anyone in his way."

There had definitely been something deadly and a little manic about the man lurking in what was almost charm. "Did he have a history of violence?"

"No. I went to school with him. He was top of our class. Smart. Funny. Didn't let his popularity go to his head much. Went to Williams College and then came back home to teach. He was a good guy once. But you know how the Troubles can change people."

"Yeah." She'd seen it again and again, how tragedy and desperation could strip away humanity when inhuman abilities were introduced. But she'd also seen people fight it – a girl who refused her thirst for human blood, a man who gave his life to save the world from a time loop.

"He's dangerous, Audrey. He thinks he's on a Crusade, and he doesn't care who gets hurt. He turned Nathan into the town's scapegoat. It was ugly. This is a bad idea."

"I have to do this. For Nathan. And for me. And for this whole town. I was going to leave, you know that. I went into the damn Barn to fix all this. The fact that Bernie lost his family and became a killer is my fault."

"Letting him kill you won't fix this."

"Getting him to not kill me just might. Just get me the meeting, okay? Sometime today if you can."

"I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks."

She'd never had much trouble putting herself in danger before. It was part of being an agent. Part of being a cop. Part of trying to get to the bottom of whatever was happening in this crazy town. But she wasn't used to having anything to lose.

For the first time she had someone to live for who wasn't herself. Nathan needed her and she needed him. Keeping two people safe was a lot more challenging than keeping one person safe.

She couldn't let that paralyze her. She was tough, dammit, and this was too important to screw up.

She grabbed her keys and headed to the bed and breakfast.

Duke had given her James's room number after he'd helped him settle in. It was just a few rooms down from where she had stayed what seemed like a lifetime ago. The Gull had been comfortable, cozy, a space that was hers where she could put down roots. The b&b had just been a place to sleep and store her clothes.

She knocked, unable to fight the impulse to case the area for anyone suspicious. Apparently Nathan's paranoia was catching. She hated the way she felt exposed in broad daylight in one of the quietest parts of town.

Was this how Duke felt, searching for tattooed men everywhere? The thought made her smile, and James chose that moment to open the door.

"Luc—" James stopped his greeting mid-word, looking abashed. "Sorry. Habit. You don't even look that much like her."

"You're the only one who's ever said that." It was reassuring in a way that made no sense. She still couldn't decide if she was jealous of her former selves for the lives they'd led and the time they'd spent with Nathan and James. It all gave her a headache even when it didn't make her nose bleed. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah." He stepped aside and she followed him. His room was arranged the same as hers had been, and just as bare of anything personal. All the feelings she'd had when she looked at the photo of Sarah and her baby came surging back as he offered her a chair by the window. She wasn't used to the instantaneous maternal affection, which was both soft and fierce simultaneously. Most people had months to get used to the idea of having a child. She'd acquired an adult son without any of that buildup, and she'd missed every formative experience of his life – yet as he scrutinized her now with a look that was a perfect mixture of her and Nathan she knew she now had two extra people to live for.

"I've been working on rewriting the journal, but I'm not finished yet."

She shook her head slightly, trying to clear her thoughts and give him her full attention. "Oh. Thanks. That's not why I'm here though."

"Then why?"

She hated how skeptical he was in her presence. Audrey Parker knew all about people who turned out not to be what they seemed. Eighteen years of foster care had taught her that too good to be true always was – but it had taken plenty of mirages gone bad to make the lesson stick. Her son should never have been in that situation. "Look, I know this is all super awkward. I have no idea how close you and Lucy were. I remember almost nothing about her or Sarah. I don't know what I said or did that made you think I could possibly be willing to kill you to save myself. I don't know if I'll ever get those memories back, and I'm not sure I want them. But Audrey would love to get to know the impossible son she brought into the world. So I was hoping we could start over?"

It was crazy how much she wanted him to agree. It had been easy to put off this conversation when she had Haven's problems and Nathan's nerves to deal with, but sitting in this drab motel room she knew she had another priority to juggle.

"We could try."

She grinned. As if it was contagious, his lips quirked upwards into a smile as well.

"Great! If you're anything like me, you're probably going stir crazy. So maybe we could start with you helping me with something."

"Will it get me out of this room?" he asked eagerly.

She nodded. "How much do you know about the Guard?"

"Lucy was scared of them. And you, Nathan and Crocker were pretty upset they'd taken over the town."

She'd have to find out what Lucy knew – but it was just one of many questions she needed to ask and today probably wasn't the day for that. "Those are the important points. Their leader threatened to kill me because I didn't take the Troubles away, and now Nathan is wigging out. I've got to convince the Guard to give me a reprieve so we can find another way to stop this."

"Nathan's desperate to protect you, and you're going to walk right into the lion's den." Though his words were accusatory, his tone was more curious than anything.

"I'm doing this for him. He's driving himself crazy trying to protect me, but the Guard is too powerful. If they want me dead, it's only a matter of time until they succeed. So I have to convince them it's in their best interest to keep me alive."

"Is it?" She had no idea where his head was at, and it was throwing her off. She was used to telling people what they wanted or needed to hear. Since she couldn't figure that out, there was only the truth.

"I think so. I want to stop the Troubles. I'm not going to kill your father to do it – but there has to be another way, even if I have to magic another damn barn. Sarah was on to something. Lucy might have known. But I need some space and some time to figure it out. If they kill me and I'm the only one who can stop this, then they've just damned themselves for eternity. I don't think they want that."

He was silent for awhile before he finally nodded. "What do you need me to do?"

"I don't want to put you in danger. But I need someone close by – just in case. If this goes bad, someone needs to tell Nathan."

"You want me to tell my father I let you get killed." This time his disapproval was obvious.

"I'm not going to get killed." She really, really wished people would stop bringing that up. "Look, I can't ask Nathan. He can't see this objectively, and he and Bernie have a history. And Duke's terrified of anyone with a Guard tattoo because his babysitter told him once that was the last thing he'd see before he died."

"Weren't you Duke's babysitter?"

She hadn't expected to be derailed mid-rant, and it took a few moments to even comprehend what James had meant.

"His other babysitter. Did Lucy really spend that much time watching Duke?"

"Seemed like it."

"Huh." She really couldn't picture herself watching children when she was trying to solve Haven's mysteries and keep herself from disappearing. "That's weird. Anyway. I need backup. I figured since you used to hang out with Lucy you'd be kind of used to this sort of thing. And because you have my Trouble, you should be relatively safe if anything strange goes down."

"Where are we meeting him?"

She smiled at his implied acceptance. She hoped all the grinning wasn't creepy, but she couldn't seem to help it.

"I've got someone setting that up. We might not know for a few hours."

"Not much to do around here." This bitter tone she understood perfectly. It swirled inside her every time Nathan tried to keep her chained to a desk, even for her own good. There were takeout containers spilling from the trashcan and a tall stack of newspapers on the desk.

"You've been stuck in this room since we got back, haven't you?"

"Pretty much. Nathan suggested I lay low. I am supposed to be dead."

But it was a beautiful day, and Audrey was tired of laying low. "That's it. We're going out."

"Isn't that a bad idea?"

"Probably. But we're going on an extremely risky mission in a few hours anyway so we're already ignoring Nathan's advice. Might as well get some fresh air in the meanwhile. You with me?"

"Absolutely."

She laughed as she gathered up his bedspread. "We may need this."

"We're not supposed to take that out of the room, are we?"

"I wasn't supposed to let it get turned into a cocoon and then have Nathan cut me out of it either, but that happened. Marge'll get over it."

"What?"

"I'll tell you once we get out of here."

They stopped at Haven Joe's Bakery for sandwiches and cupcakes to go. She tried not to meet anyone's eyes but it still felt like everyone was staring. They judged her for being an outsider before. Now she felt like a pariah. Joe practically squeaked when he recognized her, but she paid the bill quickly and hurried back to the car.

"So, we're going to try and stay away from people, okay?" She didn't know who actually knew what and what was just in her head, but it would be safer to work that out after she'd appeased the Guard. She'd contemplated where she could take him, and the first place that came to mind was the beach. There was so much history there – some of it his own – but she kept circling back to that photo that seemed to have started all this. It was probably best not to bring him back to the place where he'd thought she'd killed him.

So she took him up to Tuwiuwok Bluff instead. They spread the bedspread out and had a picnic while they watched the water churning below. "This is one of the first places in Haven I saw this time around," she revealed. She could remember that day so clearly – the maddening, attractive man she'd been paired with and his even more aggravating father, all the bells going off that things didn't quite add up and the single word running through her head to describe the town – quaint. "I was an FBI agent chasing a suspect who escaped from prison and ran back home to Haven – and Nathan was the local cop I got paired with. The man was found dead on the beach, so we came up here to try and figure out why he fell."

"Sounds romantic."

"It really wasn't," she said with a laugh. But it had been more than just an investigation, even then. There had been something about Nathan that had intrigued her. His face hadn't been bad to look at either.

They'd come such a long way.

She told James about the early days of their partnership, before things got dark and complicated. He told her of his simple life back in Colorado. Hiking, skiing, becoming a carpenter like Paul Cogan. He didn't mention Arla much, and even though Audrey wanted him to be honest with her she was grateful, because the loss of Claire and all those other innocents still hurt.

Listening to tales of his childhood was bittersweet as well. She was glad that he'd grown up happy and loved in a place where there were no whispers of dark times full of impossible happenings. But she couldn't help imagining herself and Nathan into all his stories with vivid, heartbreaking clarity.

At some point her distress must have become obvious because he looked at her face and stopped mid-sentence. "This is bothering you. I'm sorry."

"No," she answered automatically, but his immediate skepticism sent her backpedaling. "I mean it is, but it isn't your fault. It's just…" She looked down at the half eaten box of cupcakes and stared at her frosting covered crutch as she tried to gather her thoughts.

"In one of the first cases I worked with your father the harbor master had this baby. And the moment Nathan saw it his whole face lit up. I'd never seen him not be serious but there he was babbling nonsense at this tiny little baby and I couldn't even wrap my mind around it. It was uncomfortably weird. And this woman ended up having three babies in three weeks so Nathan kept running into them. But every time I saw him transform into a pile of goo I couldn't help but think, 'he will make an amazing father.' It just isn't fair that he missed out on that. Because of all the men in the entire world there's no one who deserves to raise their own child more than Nathan Wuornos."

"It's not too late," James said. But he was almost thirty years old – sixty, technically – and even if he and Nathan got close it wouldn't be the same. She tried to figure out how to tell James that when he shook his head with a strange half-smile.

"I don't mean me. You two are still young. Well," he clarified, "you still seem young, anyway. You could have another baby. I wouldn't feel like you were trying to replace me or anything."

She gaped at him, suddenly overwhelmed by the thought of her and Nathan with a baby and a life lived without interruptions so strongly that she couldn't breathe. She had never let herself contemplate this. She hadn't known him well enough during Beattie's baby incident and she hadn't felt any echoing maternal feelings of her own to want to cast herself in a mother role, even with him as the over-doting father. By the time she found out she was James's mother thinking of Nathan at all was painful, and the revelation than Nathan was his father had been overshadowed by her impending departure. She'd given up on the idea of having any sort of normal life the day she found out she was Lucy Ripley – and before that she'd been too busy to realize that she wanted one.

They couldn't bring another child into this crazy world, with enemies lurking around every corner. The future was a luxury they weren't afforded. They couldn't count on nine months, let alone eighteen years.

"We couldn't," she muttered, but she couldn't stop thinking of a tiny little child with his eyes and her blond hair – a color that was hers and not Lucy's or Sarah's – and the way Nathan would look at it, like it was absolutely the most incredible and precious thing in the entire world. And it would be. And God, how she wanted to give that to him.

"If this works, and the Guard leaves you alone, and you put a stop to all this … maybe you can."

She let herself consider that. Growing older with Nathan by her side – not staying the same age while he skipped right to his sixties. A house full of kids. Juggling baseball games and parent teacher conferences and late nights at the station. Going on dates and vacations and doing all the everyday things most people took for granted. Being a family, with no expiration date hanging over their head. Years full of memories that were undoubtedly her own. Having a boring, normal, blissful life.

Even before Haven, Audrey Parker had never expected to have that.

But the thought that maybe, just maybe, she could set some spark ablaze inside her.

It also sent her launching into James's arms. "Thank you," she whispered into his shoulder.

His arms came around her, loose but strong. "Anytime. Mom."

She had to keep hold of him a little bit longer so he wouldn't see her blink tears out of her eyes.

Later when her phone rang part of her resented the interruption, but she felt ready. Today would be the first step toward a future that had eluded her for too long.

"Whatcha got for me?" she asked Dwight.

"He'll see you at four today. At the Haven Public Library."

"Figures. Least the librarian will step in if we get too disruptive," she said lightly.

"The librarian's not going to step in even if he shoots you. He spends most of his time holed up there. He wants you to go in alone, but please tell me you've got backup."

She glanced at James, who was listening avidly to her half of the conversation and not even trying to hide it. "I've got backup."

"Nathan has no idea you're doing this, does he?"

"I won't tell him you set up the meeting."

"That's not what I'm worried about." He did sound worried, but Audrey felt revved and hopeful. She had too much to fight for. There was no way she was giving up this time. "I'm not sure Nathan could handle losing you again."

It hadn't taken thirty-three phone messages to convince her that he couldn't. "I know. That's why I need to do this." They'd spent too long being afraid. It was time for them both to start living. "Thanks for getting him to the hospital after I left." She'd never be able to pay him back for that, but she'd have to figure out a way to try.

"Course. He's a good man."

"I know. I'll take care of him."

"Be careful."

"I'll see you later."

And she would. No trigger happy bookworm was going to stop her from going home tonight and telling Nathan exactly how much she'd enjoyed flouting his rules.

She watched her son pack up the remnants of their picnic. "Ready to win us some freedom?"

He offered her a hand to help her rise. "Ready."

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