Thanks for the patience, everybody! One Relay down and three to go.

Nathan/Audrey song of the day: Clarity by Zedd

I dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life
Fight fear for the selfish pain, it was worth it every time
Hold still right before we crash 'cause we both know how this ends
A clock ticks 'til it breaks your glass and I drown in you again

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

Between the bizarre cases and unanswered questions they scrambled for some semblance of normalcy. Life in Haven was a three ring circus on the best of days and an outer circle of Hell on the worst. But there were hours when the world seemed to forget her importance and leave them alone, and Audrey cherished those more than any gift she'd ever received.

The sex was phenomenal, of course, and there was plenty of that. But she liked the quiet moments too, the both of them in his bed after a long day, sharing a pillow while she trailed her fingers lazily up and down his arm and they smiled at each other in the dim light like fools.

Intimacy had always made her uncomfortable. Maybe that started hundreds of years ago when her parents shipped her off to a hostile continent to pay their debts. Maybe the Barn always chose identities for her like Audrey Parker, who learned at a young age that anyone who wanted to get close had bad intentions, but few even bothered with that. But all the fortifications she'd built came crashing down when Nathan offered himself to her with wide eyes and a desperation for human contact more profound than her own. While trying to give him everything he deserved she found that she wanted it too. She'd spent so long believing that no one could want her the fact that he did was an enormity she couldn't comprehend. But she craved every piece of evidence, and she collected it diligently, whether they were working a case or hiding from the world.

But she was still Audrey Parker, relationship wrecking ball.

Her fingers found the tattoo on his forearm. All the times and ways she'd touched him she'd consciously avoided it, but something drew her to it tonight. She was never any good at just letting things be. Her curiosity slayed felines wherever she went. There was so much they'd never spoken of, and once again the time clock on her life was counting down. She hadn't brought it up because she hadn't wanted to fight with him, but she didn't want this to hang over the rest of their time together, either.

He tensed but she persisted, tracing the men at the points of the maze. It had taken on such sinister implications for them all, but the symbol itself looked harmless enough. She supposed secret societies were supposed to be subtle. Weren't they all standing outside the maze of life, unsure how to navigate its twisted passages?

Apparently copious amounts of sex and spooning made her philosophical.

It didn't make her any more tactful.

She liked the quiet moments, but she ruined them anyway.

"Did you sleep with Jordan?" she asked.

The smile melted from his face, leaving his features blank and unreadable. As panic crept over her words started tumbling from her mouth so she wouldn't have to wait in silence for his answer. "Not that it matters, really. She's gone, and obviously you chose me and—"

"Yes."

She didn't understand why it hurt so damn much. She'd been nearly certain of that, the way the two of them had been together. The way Jordan had acted when Nathan had died. They'd been a couple too long for them not to have slept together. And it wasn't like Audrey's jealousy even made sense, because she'd had him every way possible since she'd been back and she knew without a doubt that he'd choose her over Jordan every time. But she hated the fact they had ever been together. Her stomach churned, but instead of retreating she twisted the knife deeper.

"Did you feel anything?" She hated herself for asking when she already knew the answer; it was catty and hurtful but she needed confirmation anyway.

He pushed himself up with one arm. Ran the other hand through his hair, agitated. "No," he said, dark as one of Marion's storms. The room crackled with anticipation. After the thunder shook them, what would the lightning show?

"Not just physically. I never cared about her. I wasn't trying to get over you. Maybe that makes you feel better. But it makes me sick."

It made her sick too, the self-loathing in his voice and the images his words conjured. She wanted to take back the questions, shut Pandora's box, find some shelter from the lashing winds. But she didn't stop him, because she'd always been one to stand and fight rather than hide.

"I used her. I knew exactly how desperate she was to feel somebody, so I took advantage of her Trouble and mine. I made her think I actually cared, and the whole time, God even when I was inside her, all I could think was how I needed to save you."

The truth was like some grotesque, twisted creature in the bed between them. She wanted to beat it to death, bury it far away, and erase it from her memory. But she had no right. He was trying to blame himself, but her role in his corruption had never been more obvious. His indiscretion was because of hers. Once again she had taken love and turned it into something vicious.

She wanted to scream, because she'd never meant to do this to him. He'd just been too stubborn to let her go. And she wanted to throw up, because she didn't want him to be capable of this.

He was still talking, whatever restraint that usually stopped up his words destroyed with their innocence. "Then I cheated on her with Sarah. But every time I was with her I felt like I was cheating on you. And I'd sworn to myself I'd never treat a woman like that. I never thought I was the kind of man who could."

She didn't think he was the kind of man who could do that either. Is that why it felt like she was swallowing glass? Or was she just being selfish again, hating the thought of him touching another woman, spending all his time naked with Jordan when she was contemplating her approaching mortality – or immortality, more likely – completely alone?

She blinked the tears away, determined not to let them fall. "She tried to kill you," she offered lamely, but they were both too smart to believe that absolved him.

"Doesn't matter. She just wanted to be normal again. Duke killed her right in front of me and I didn't even care. I was sleeping with her for a month, and I didn't mourn her once."

His voice was practically a wail, and she could sense him pulling away emotionally just as he'd moved to the edge of the bed to put physical distance between them. But she wasn't going to stand for it. As much as she wanted to flee from all this ugliness, she'd only go if she could drag him with her.

"I kissed Duke in Colorado," she admitted. As a different fire flared in his eye she reached out and clamped a hand around his arm, demanding. "You can't be mad at him! I started it, and then I stopped and he was a gentleman about it – well, for Duke anyway – but it happened and I want you to know."

"Why?" She couldn't get a read on his tone of voice and thought maybe she'd miscalculated. She needed him to see she wasn't blameless in all of this. But maybe bringing up Duke had been a bad idea.

"Because he was there. He was there, helping me, and he kept telling me I should live out whatever life I had left and I was so tired of being lonely. But it was wrong. I knew it almost instantly. He wasn't the one I wanted to be kissing. Going any further would have broken all of us, and there wouldn't have been any time to fix it, and I couldn't do that to either of you. You were both supposed to look out for each other while I was gone."

He sighed like something inside him was giving up, and she ached down to the marrow of her bones. She wanted to go back to a few minutes ago, when they'd been so happy. Why did she shatter everything she loved?

"He's in love with you," Nathan whispered.

It was so incomprehensible she laughed, despite everything. "Stop it. Duke flirts with everyone."

But Nathan was solemn in the moonlight. "He admitted it. After you went into the Barn. I could see it all over his face."

The pieces clicked into place as the truth sunk into her soul, and she wasn't sure how she hadn't realized before.

"I didn't know." But maybe she should have. The revelation cast clarity on all his actions since she'd come to Haven. She'd thought it was his past with Nathan, however tumultuous, that kept him involved in their little drama. She never thought he'd seen her as anything more than a friend and a casual flirtation.

"He wouldn't try anything…" She was certain of that. There was nothing devious in his motives.

She wouldn't be able to handle it if there was.

"I know. You should just be careful. Don't string him along. I know what it feels like to want someone you think you can never have."

Her hand reached out to link with one of his, and he didn't pull away. Her stomach started to settle as she realized the implication of his words. "You're looking out for him," she teased softly.

"Am not," he answered petulantly.

"Are too. I knew it. You secretly like Duke."

He looked horrified at the notion. "Do not."

"Yeah you do. No hiding it now. I'm on to you." She tugged on his arm, urging him to settle back into bed. The storm was passing. Maybe the rain would cleanse them all.

He laid back down but kept his distance. She stared at him, trying to figure out what to say, but all she could manage was to squeeze his hand.

"How can you even look at me?" he asked after a few minutes.

"Because this is my fault. Not yours."

"Damn it, Audrey. Let me take some responsibility!"

But she wasn't going to lose him, not even to himself. "Fine. Sure. Long as I get my share. I could have stopped all this. After Duke told me about the Hunter I should have admitted that I wanted to start something between us but I didn't think it was fair when I would be gone in forty-six days. You would have told me that was your choice, and you'd rather we make the most of the time we had, and we would have been far too busy screwing our brains out for you to have even met Jordan. Maybe we would have found a way to keep me here, and maybe we wouldn't have, but you wouldn't have had to sell yourself to Jordan for information she didn't even have. Instead I just moped around making us all miserable. I made choices for you, I made choices for Duke, I completely ignored what I wanted and I fucked us all up. If I could go back in time and change it all I would. But I can't. And you can't either. I hate that you slept with Jordan and I hate that it was because of me. But we already wasted so much time because of that. I just want to put it behind us. Because I love you, and I forgive you. If you need a day or two to wallow I can give you that, but you don't get to pull away and let that woman ruin us. I won't stand for it. Because all we have for sure are the next five months, and we're going to make the most of every minute, you hear me?"

"Yes ma'am." The response was instinctual; Nathan had learned fast that it was best not to argue when she got bossy. But she could practically see him processing her words, that sensitive, skeptical mind of his considering whether to accept them. She willed him to understand how much she was willing to forgive him for. If he didn't care that she'd cursed an entire town how could she not be as open minded? There was something dangerous about her love, if history was to be trusted, but she'd embrace that as long as it was him it protected.

Perhaps it was her scowl that convinced him. After a few seconds his face relaxed and he leaned forward to kiss her on the forehead.

There was something so tender in the gesture her heart nearly burst. His lips lingered a few seconds, and then his head sank to the crook of her neck. She raised a trembling hand to run it through his hair, closing her eyes to focus on the feel of his warm breath on her throat, the fluttering of damp eyelashes against her skin.

She might have comforted James like this if their lives had been less chronologically confused. It might have been maternal affection that surged inside her now, demanding she protect this man at any cost. Whatever it was she embraced the feeling. Anyone who wanted to get at Nathan would have to go through her first.

There was another feeling blossoming inside her, the one she always felt whenever he held her in his arms, that she'd searched for all her lonely life and never found until she met him – relief.

They were going to be okay.

"I'd never cheat on you," he swore, the promise punctuated with the whisper of a kiss against her throat.

She stilled her hands and tried not to let her body betray how much she wanted him to do that again. "Damn well better not. I've got a gun and I know how to use it."

She felt his body contract in a silent chuckle. Her hands began to wander once more, and one of his made its way to her back.

"If Duke ever kisses you again I'm going to punch him in the face."

Now it was her time to laugh. "Seems fair."

They resituated once he'd pulled himself together, her ear to his chest so his heartbeat could lull her to sleep. Jordan didn't matter. As long as Audrey was still here after their six months were up, no one else in the world would ever be this close to him again.

She would make sure he had everything he ever dreamed of, and then she'd come up with a way to top that.

Without meaning to, her hand came to rest on the tattoo, covering it.

His voice startled her back into awareness, dry and sardonic. "I could get it removed. Wouldn't even hurt."

She shook her head, knowing full well he could feel the shifting of every strand of hair against his sensitive skin. "I think you should keep it. As a reminder that we can rise above our mistakes."

If she had anything to say about it, they'd rise like phoenixes from these ashes and set the whole town ablaze.

A couple conversations I think these two really needed to have! I'd love to hear your feedback.

There was meant to be another scene with this one, but if I didn't post this today you'd probably be waiting another two weeks so I figured a shorter chapter was better than nothing.

And of course, Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there!