I'm so terribly sorry that this took so long! Anyways, here's my next chapter. Please drop me a few reviews, I do love hearing some feedback(:
thank you!
~nightfall26
"I don't understand why you're so closed off to everyone, Zuko." Her gaze was piercing and accusatory, and all I wanted to do was crawl under a rock and hide from her. She was asking things about me that I had never told anyone besides my Uncle before. Secret things, things that required trust and patience and forgiveness within myself. It would take years for me to be able to have that much confidence in another person.
"Zuko, it's okay." Katara placed a hand on my shoulder, moving her thumb in circles across the tight muscles beneath her hand. I felt myself relax- just a little- and I sighed.
"I wonder every day if my mother left because of something I did. I wonder if Azula turned into a power hungry mad woman because of me. I wonder why my father hated me so much. I've even wondered what my purpose is, and why I'm here, and if my life matters even a little; if at all." I paused after that last sentence, allowing it to hang poignantly in the air between us. My eyes slid shut in expectance of an awkward cough from the girl next to me.
Instead, a small hand slipped into mine.
"We're more alike than you think, Zuko."
"The port of Ba Sing Se is ahead, sir! Go check the cargo!" The shouting roused me from my dream, and I snapped awake without falling off of my crate. Miraculously. I slipped down the side of it, finding an open box to slip into to hide in while the cargo hold was searched.
I'd dreamed about her again. The memories just wouldn't stop, would they? I rubbed my scalp, shutting my eyes in the darkness and trying my hardest to let go of the emotion the dream had brought about. When it was safe, I crawled out of the box and to the nearest window. Sure enough, there was Ba Sing Se. It was easy enough to exit the ship without the crew noticing and slip into the crowds of the city. It was colder here than in the Fire Nation, I'd forgotten that. The breeze skimmed across my scar, a strange but not painful sensation.
"Alright, Katara. I'd like to know where you're hiding." I muttered, pushing through the masses of people. Where was the last place I'd seen her when we'd been in the Earth Kingdom?
I distinctly remembered a tea shop, so I took a deep breath and plunged farther into the crowd to find someplace familiar.
Six tea shops later, it was just about two, and I was growing more irritated by the moment. Why did she have to be so great at hiding? Pushing through these crowds was tedious, and I had to keep my hood up around my face, which was making me sweat something terrible.
"Come on, Katara. Cut out this nonsense." I muttered to myself, ducking into a shaded alley way to sit down in the shadows and have a breather. Across the street was yet another tea shop, this one similar to all the others I'd searched today. With a heavy sigh, I pushed myself to my feet and jerked my hood back up around my face.
Katara.
I was down to my hands and knees, scrubbing the floor with all of the energy I possessed. It wasn't as if I was about to give up, even though my hands were red and raw from scrubbing and my knees were sore. It didn't matter that my eyes were smarting, and that I was sweating from the heat. It was work. It paid well. And it was far better than a brothel.
"Katara, the floor looks just fine, my dear. Come up and have something cool to drink and take a break." Madame Shu, the owner, was a sweet woman who had seen many winters. With a sigh of relief, I dunked the sponge back in the bucket and pushed myself to my feet. The air was stinging the redness of my knees, but I ignored it. I was looking forward to the glass of iced tea waiting for me up on the veranda.
"Have you found a place to stay?" Madame Shu asked, fanning herself and adjusting her heavy, brocaded robe. I nodded as I sipped at the iced tea in my hand.
"I'm staying over at the South Mountain Inn." I replied slowly, leaning back in my chair and closing my eyes for a moment. The breeze felt good on the sweaty nape of my neck. As I retreated into a relaxed daydream, the little bell for service rang downstairs. Somebody was here. It was two o'clock, hardly anybody came into the shop at this hour. Tea time didn't start till at least three. So I lurched out of my chair, waving at Madame Shu to sit back down and relax, and tried to put some spring into my step. Trotting down the stairs with a false smile plastered onto my lips, I readied myself to take orders.
A tall man with dark hair stood with his back to me, looking over the menu, I supposed.
"Can I help you, sir?" I asked sweetly, sweeping my hair away from my face. He shook his head. The way his black hair moved reminded me of a time where I'd been able to forgive anyone I wanted. His shoulders rose and fell, signaling a shrug. The movement was fluid, feline. Again, oddly familiar.
"Are you sure?" I prompted, noting the unusual way he was acting. He was wearing Earth Nation robes that fit him well. I could taste an inferno all of a sudden, hear the shouts of a tortured soul begging for retribution. I waited, the silence pulling at my every nerve. If he spoke, then I'd know.
"I'm alright, thank you. I just wanted to look at the menu."
The voice, however, didn't match my memories.
And as he turned to face me, upon seeing there was no scar ripped across the flesh of his face, I drooped a little.
This wasn't him.
This wasn't Zuko.
I was so discouraged that I found myself trudging back to the inn with tears in my eyes. It was weird that I missed him so much, but then again, that was one of the reasons I'd left in the first place. These thoughts, these memories, they were all so hard to bear sometimes. I couldn't go a week without dreaming about fire and destruction, of pain and death. I supposed that the war had scarred me in my own way. Aang often had found it difficult to bear, my suffering. He found it odd that I craved the safety of my own independence over depending on him.
Sometimes it was nice to be alone, to have a room all to myself that was neat and quiet and organized. Other times I was lonely. Other times I wanted the noise back, the ruckus, cooking for all my friends and trying to get grumpy Zuko to crack a smile.
But a lot of times, I just wanted Zuko.
The door to my room always took an extra few seconds to unlock. The doorknob was stiff, and the lock was rusted. When I finally did get the door open, and nothing but darkness greeted my tired eyes, loneliness hit me like never before. There were days when I missed Aang. There were days when I missed the comfort of being held in someones arms, no matter how wiry and childish they were. I missed the feeling of safety and protection. Sure, I could defend myself in a fight, and sure, I walked tall and proud of who I was, but things weren't the same. I was cautious in dark alleyways. I locked my door tight every night.
There were rumors of gangs walking the streets looking for fights, looking for the irresponsibility of dark crimes and taunting words. I shivered sometimes, picturing how dangerous things could get for me if I let these things slip out of my control. The occasional nightmare often woke me up late at night. But all the same, I found myself sitting in the same chair staring out the same window far too often. I could think about how I missed Aang, yes, but I'd be lying to myself.
Now most of my thoughts had returned to the danger zone of where they had been when I'd left Aang. I daydreamed about flames licking my heels. I felt the burn of his touch and the spicy, husky smell that surrounded him. The hiss of the tension that had existed between us crackled in my wildest daydreams, his eyes dancing just beyond my own. This was dangerous for me. Passion had never been in my vocabulary until I'd met Zuko- until I'd kissed Zuko. I wasn't sure if he held that moment as high as I did, or if he even remembered, but the moment was burned into my mind forever.
"Come on Zuko, let's get you back to your room." It was a bad night. Mai had been yelling at him for the better part of the day, accusing him of all the things that he had done wrong. In his bitter state, he'd turned to his stash of sake in the kitchen. I'd found him a bit of a mess some hours later. He was blubbering on about how much he respected me and how much he loved me in between bouts of how much he hated Mai. It was an odd conundrum, and I wondered if this was really what went on inside Zuko's head.
Not that I minded being inside Zuko's head.
All the same, I was curious as to why I was coming up in his drunken conversation so often. I helped him stagger back to his room, his arm slung about my shoulders and his feet dragging slightly.
"Katara, you've got to know that I adore you." He slurred, running his pointer finger up the length of my arm. I laughed a little to myself.
"Of course, Zuko. We're best friends." I kept the response light and cheery. Zuko, however, had other plans. He wrenched himself from my protective grip, spinning me around so that his hands were on my shoulders and somehow I was pressed provocatively between his body and the wall.
"Zuko." I could barely manage a glare. The way he was looking at me was so serious and so passionate and so...so... intimate. I'd never seen him look at anyone this way, let alone me.
His lips were trembling.
"Katara, I know I'm really, really drunk right now," He sounded less tipsy than before, somehow.
"But I think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and Agni, if I could, I'd love you forever." The words, while slightly slurred and a little silly sounding, resounded in me. Aang had never said any of these things to me- and he couldn't. Not without blushing, anyways. I stood there for a moment, reeling with shock and grasping for something to say in return.
"I know you're gonna try and tell me some kind of crap about how I should be in love with Mai, but I'm not anymore. I haven't kissed her in ages." Zuko's voice was getting steadily more intense, and I found that my knees were shaking just the slightest bit. In the depths of my mind, I'd always found Zuko devastatingly attractive, but that was something that just wasn't said. Or thought about for that matter.
Before I could come up with some dumb reply to his emotional rant, his lips were on mine and his hands were on my hips. A small gasp burst from me, but his hands slid up my rib cage and back down to rest on my hipbones, silencing me. We spent the next few moments locked in an embrace that made me feel more than I'd ever been able to in my entire life. His mouth was warm and loving against mine, taking his time, tasting the kiss with every fiber of his being.
I forgot about Aang.
Instead, all I could think about was how he tasted like cinnamon and fire.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't remember any of that night, considering how drunk he'd been. But the smallest voice inside of me was telling me that he remembered it as clearly as I did. Maybe that's really why I left Aang- guilt for thinking of other men in his presence. Not that Aang could really be considered a man. As I walked through my empty apartment, I dropped my sweater to the floor and sighed. I didn't turn any lights on. I didn't even bother to do much, actually, besides sit down at my usual spot and sigh heavily.
Shivers danced down my spine as I recalled the moment I had earlier today. Really, honestly, I'd thought that had been Zuko. Part of me was grateful that it wasn't him; but most of me was aching for his presence.
As I stared out of the window, the only thing that disturbed my thoughts was how cold loneliness was.
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~nightfall26