She would lie if she said that she wasn't afraid of giving their relationship a second chance, but she quickly understood that she didn't need to. Even though he was the more determined out of the two of them, he didn't see her slight hesitation as a problem. She wanted to give it a try, to see if perhaps her best friend was right and she didn't manage to make a life for herself because Myles was the one for her. She was open to this possibility, even though it scared her a little. Would she be able to open herself to him completely again? She was afraid that it could turn out almost impossible for her doubts to vanish. He was, of course, a grown-up man now and his decisions weren't - or at least shouldn't – be influenced by his parents, and it was definitely easier to think of some possible future when they were both working and didn't need to worry about means for life. Yet, a part of her couldn't help being convinced that their world might be too different and their time apart could be a sign. On the other hand, finding him again so unexpectedly after such a long time, could also be an evidence that there were some plans for both of them together and she felt totally divided.
Myles could see that and even though he didn't have such doubts himself, he accepted hers and tried his best to give her as much space as she needed. At the same time, he was doing everything he could to show her, that there was no need for her to be afraid and he could sense her slowly overcoming that. It was probably the most visible in their goodnight kisses, which followed all the dates that they had gone to. At first they were rather short and gentle, but as time passed they were slowly getting longer and the passion inside them was increasing, not to mention it was getting more and more difficult for them to part. Yet, she was still somewhat apprehensive and even though he felt like he desired her even more and more every single time, and it was starting to get really difficult to ignore, he didn't dare to cross the line.
He was very sure, that Toni was the one he was destined to spend his life with. He loved her, of that nobody could have any doubts, but when he thought about himself, his actions and feelings, he realised that there was something different about them now, that he was with Toni again. He just rolled his eyes at Bobby's comment, that he was acting a little bit like Jack around Sue, but he now started to think that perhaps the man was at least partially right. Knowing what he felt, he definitely wasn't going to be the biggest coward in the universe and waste a couple of years before making a move, and definitely wasn't going to be so lovey-dovey or make out in every possible place at any free moment. Still, he noticed that now, when Toni was back in his life, he pretty much had eyes only for her. Not that he was completely blind to other women, and he could see that they were obviously beautiful too, but more than a couple of times already, he found himself comparing them to Toni, and she was always turning out on top. His feelings for her, now that they were completely free, exceeded what he felt towards any other woman, who was present in his life at one point or another. They could be a little different than what he remembered feeling, but it was surely because they matured and changed.
Neither of them had any doubts about this little fact, because it was pretty much inevitable. Myles could see that Toni wasn't this sweet, open, talkative and somewhat naïve girl anymore. She was obviously a little introverted and even if she was the one to start conversation with him, she didn't continue chattering until he interrupted or voiced his opinion. She seemed a little distrustful towards people, and guarded herself quite well. It wasn't easy to get through all the walls, that she had built around herself during all those years, but he was happy that she was willing to try to let him in. Toni, on the other hand, could see that while he has always been somewhat eccentric, he became even more so. He had more 'little' quirks than she would have ever imagined and there were some things, which she simply didn't understand but didn't say anything. Despite the loud protest, which would surely take place on his side if she told him that, he seemed to be getting more and more similar to his mother as the years passed. She remembered Mrs. Leland as very bossy, demanding person, who expected everything to be adjusted to her likes, wants and needs and even though it wasn't to this extent, Myles was a little like this, too. He still didn't have even a little bit of sense of humour and his like to give lectures about things didn't disappear – perhaps, it might have only increased. Overall, even if slightly different, he was still the same guy, who she fell for almost twenty years earlier and she still found his ways endearing.
He smiled, when he returned home after work and went into the garden to find her working there. His vacation time finished and he couldn't spend his whole days with her anymore, but he was still happy with the hour, which she stayed for after finishing her job. The teasing, which he experienced after his friends found out that he gave her a key to his house, even though it was truly for the very innocent reason of not being dependent on his presence in the house in order to work, finally ceased and he was actually surprised that they didn't find another reason to pick on him. He was quite certain that if only they wanted, there was a lot of things they could find, but was happy that they obviously didn't want to.
"How about you finish for today and help me eat the Chinese-food that I had brought home?" he asked and smiled, when he saw her eyes light up.
"How did you know? I actually thought today that I would eat some Chinese..!"
Just a few moments later, they found themselves in his dining room, eating and talking a little. It was a little awkward conversation, because they pretty much didn't have much more to share about their lives apart, there was nothing truly interesting in what she has done that day – and whatever she did, he obviously noticed when he looked at the garden, while he couldn't really talk about the case his team was working on.
"You know, you never really elaborated what this friend of yours… Lucy, I believe? …Meant with that comment…"
"We've been in relationship some time ago, even though I now can't really understand, how did it happen? Anyway, it was probably the longest relationship I was in but there was something missing… We were friends, though, and we worked together and I really cared about her, and even though I knew that it wasn't exactly that, I was sort of afraid of finishing things between us… She did that when she found out that I cheated on her…"
"What?!" exclaimed Toni, but before she could continue he started to talk again.
"I am not proud of it! It was a mistake, which I admit to making and regret, but one that I can't change… I really am not this sort of guy…"
"How can I be sure, that you're not simply telling that to me now? How can I know that I won't suddenly find out that you're cheating on me with someone?"
He groaned, when she felt the change in her attitude towards him. He decided to be honest with her, and now wasn't sure that it was a good idea, anymore. It seemed like this one confession suddenly made her take a few steps back in overcoming her doubts about this relationship and he had absolutely no idea what to do or say to make her see, that she could trust him.
"I don't think there is a way, which would allow me to make you absolutely certain of it… It's a matter of trust, but you have to know that what the two of us share is something special… Do you really think that I'd simply destroy it?"
"I… I don't know…" she admitted, biting her lip when she noticed that her words hurt him, even if he didn't really show it outside.
He could look completely calm or indifferent, sometimes he was hiding behind anger or other emotions, but she learnt quite well to read his emotions even if they were visible during a very short moment. Now, she could see that he felt terribly disappointed and probably also a little sad, and she felt really bad that she caused it.
The rest of the time they spent pretty much in silence and she sighed heavily, when she stood in the door to the house and instead of a goodnight kiss, she received a brief hug. Cursing once again that there was such a big height difference between them, she made him lean down and while she stood on the tips of her toes, she cupped his face with her hands. It made him automatically lean down and she closed her eyes, pressing her lips against his.
She sighed, when she felt his arms close around her waist and he pressed her to his chest, while the kiss continued and was slowly getting out of control. She let out a moan, when she parted her lips to let his tongue in and heard him groan, when she started to work on unbuttoning his shirt. Before she knew that, she found herself sitting on the small shoe cabinet right besides the door, while his lips travelled from her lips to her jaw, down her neck and his hands' exploration was getting bolder, setting her whole body on fire. She gasped, when she felt his hands gently brush against the outline of her breasts and she had a really hard time remembering anything around besides him.
"Myles..." she spoke, urging him to stop.
She could feel quite well, how much he wanted her, and she couldn't say that she didn't desire him as well, she wasn't ready to take that step with him, yet. She was certain that it would happen soon, because it was really getting more and more difficult to stop, to resist him, but she couldn't help feeling that they were moving a little bit too fast and it was a little overwhelming.
"I'm sorry." he immediately said, as if oblivious to the fact that he was now without his shirt on because she got rid of it at one point.
"Don't…" she interrupted, seeing that he wanted to say something more. "I want you Myles, don't doubt that but I just… It's all happening so fast, so many feelings at once… It's a little overwhelming... I don't want to be with you and then, wake up in the morning and think that we could have waited a little bit more before taking this step once again…"
"Of course." was everything he said before he pulled her close, holding her tightly against his chest as he hugged her. Even though he couldn't help feeling disappointed and somewhat frustrated, he understood what she meant and definitely didn't want the mentioned scenario to happen. If she wanted a little more time, all he could do was respect this wish.