Author's Note: Day five is over with. Only three more days until I get a day off... I almost put the phone in the mini fridge today at work when I was closing, so I think my brain needs a rest. But I did write some! I've also been working on my one-shot where Aspen meets Steve in the 40s. Considering I'm maybe halfway done and it's 34 pages already, I'm considering just turning it into a fan fiction rather than a short one-shot. I'm just having so much fun writing it! I love researching the WWII era and my Captain America wii game is actually giving me some really good ideas for things that Steve did but they didn't really show at all in the movie. Like he infiltrated a castle on the Danish border. How cool is that? Why did they spend so much time on that damn star-spangled man with a plan song when they could have gone into the (as my friend calls them) montages in more depth?

So I saw some CA shirts advertised in the Sunday flyers for Target and may have gone and purchased one. It's a girl's shirt so it actually fits me unlike my guy's CA shirt that is too big. It's got the shield...and is pretty awesome. Yeah.

Alrighty. Enjoy! As always, I really appreciate you reading! Thank you for the wonderful reviews! I love hearing from you - it totally makes my day!

19 – Finally Home – May 18, 2012

For how little sleep Steve had gotten in the last few days, he still couldn't get to sleep after he returned to his apartment. It seemed empty without Aspen, and he found himself wanting to reach out to make sure she was still there. Maybe it was the fear of losing her he'd felt the last few weeks, but not being with her made him anxious even though he knew she was safe at home. Part of him was disappointed she hadn't asked him to stay. He didn't know where they stood, but right now wasn't the time to find out. Aspen was in mourning. It was natural that she would need her space. He'd seen how much her mother had wanted to stay with her and seen Aspen's hesitation. Aspen was used to living on her own, taking care of herself. It had taken her a long time to let Steve start looking out for her. She wasn't quite ready to let her mother back in yet.

He wished more than anything that he could have saved her father. Somehow. Everything had happened so quickly. Just like when Bucky had fallen to his death. If he had only reacted quicker, done something different… He knew blaming himself would do no good but Aspen's one chance at having her family back together had been taken away from her in that split second. It seemed so unfair when she had already suffered so much. He worried about how she was coping. Even though both his parents had died at a young age, Steve still remembered the loss he'd felt. He'd grown up not knowing what it was like to have a family. Bucky had been his only family, his one true friend. And then he had lost Bucky too. He knew how Aspen felt because he had lost everyone too. It became a sort of nagging fear and you began to worry that everyone would be taken from you eventually. From the moment Aspen had walked into his life, he had been somehow terrified of losing her. He realized he needed to tell her how he felt while he had the chance. Working for SHIELD was a dangerous job. Either of them could die on a mission. As soon as the dust settled he would tell Aspen how he felt. He hoped she already knew, but he needed to say it out loud.

He finally fell asleep with that thought, practicing the words he would say to her in his head until he finally gave in to his exhaustion.

…

The next morning he had every intention of going to pick up Aspen before their meeting at SHIELD headquarters, but at 7:30 am, he heard a knock on his door. He pulled his T-shirt over his head and padded barefoot to the door. Aspen stood there, two cups of coffee in her hands. Her bruises still stood out against her skin, and he felt a stab of guilt.

"I couldn't sleep after five," she told him. "So I went jogging. Then I stared at the wall for an hour, so I decided to see if you were up." She handed him one of the cups, and he stood aside so that she could enter, feeling suddenly self-conscious. "Sorry, did I wake you?" Aspen asked, looking up at his ruffled hair.

He ran a hand through it nervously. "No, I was already awake. I had trouble sleeping too."

Aspen sat down on one of the barstools at the kitchen counter setting down her cup. She looked tired. He could see bags under her green eyes, and today there was no sparkle in them. They looked sad the way people's eyes get when they've had too much sorrow to shoulder. He wanted to reach out and take her hand, but he held back, giving her space. Instead he took a sip of the coffee.

"I have to tell my mom about my decision today," Aspen said softly. "She called me this morning before I came here. She was worried about me. She wants me to move back to Portland with her, put this all behind us. She's even trying to convince Hannah – my grandma – to move back there with us."

"That was a fast decision."

"She wants to get back to a normal life as soon as possible. I don't think she realizes yet that it isn't possible." She sighed. "My entire life, this was all I wanted. Even one parent is better than none, but I guess I outgrew that wish or something. I realized somewhere along the line that I can't be happy with a normal life. I can't go back to Portland and pretend that none of this happened. I don't want to pretend that it didn't happen. She thinks turning a blind eye to all of it will erase the past."

"She's just desperate to give you the life you deserve," Steve told her.

"You think I should go with her?" Aspen turned her green eyes on him. He could see emotion stirring behind them now. She didn't look very happy with his words.

"I think you should do what makes you happy," he returned.

"Right now I don't feel like I have a right to be happy," she told him.

"I know it feels that way, but you always have a right to feel happy."

"Then why do I feel so guilty?" she asked.

"Guilty? What for?" he asked, confused. Did she blame herself for her father's death? He knew she must feel some guilt, but it hadn't been her fault.

"For feeling a burst of happiness every time I'm close to you, every time you look at me. I just want to be with you right now and forget everything else, but I feel guilty because I should be mourning the father I never knew. It's selfish to even be thinking about myself right now. I haven't cried since he died. I just accepted it and moved on. What's wrong with me?" She was close to tears now, her green eyes glimmering with them as they threatened to overflow the corners of her eyes. Steve stood, astonished, not knowing how to respond. Then he set his coffee cup and took her hands in his. She looked up at him, a silent sort of desperation in her eyes.

"You are anything but selfish," he told her. "You went to all that effort to find your parents, placing yourself in danger."

"And you."

"I chose to come. Maybe we're both selfish because I can't stop feeling happier than I've been in longer than I can remember whenever I'm around you. I wanted to wait to tell you all of this, but I feel like you need to hear it. I spent a lot of time living in the past. I was confused about what I was feeling, how I felt about you. Then I realized whatever chances I had before are gone. But I have a chance right now. With you." Aspen met his gaze steadily, but he couldn't read the emotion behind her eyes. He plunged on before he lost all confidence. "I think I've felt this way for a long time, I was just too conflicted to recognize it. I hope I'm not wrong in thinking you have feelings for me too, but tell me if I am. I've never told a girl anything like that before, so I might just be going about this all wrong-" He cut off as Aspen leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. He closed his eyes and leaned into her, forgetting everything else for a moment.

When she pulled away, he rested his forehead against hers for a moment. She reached up and touched his face. "You're one of the first people I ever truly trusted, ever let in," she said softly. "When I'm around you I remember that there is some good left in the world, that there are things worth fighting for. When everything in my life was looking pretty grim, you woke up in the 21st century and befriended me. For the first time in a long time I remembered what it was like to have something to wake up for in the morning, something to look forward to. I never want that to end. I don't want that feeling to go away because we get too busy to see each other or drift apart." She tightened her grip on his hand. "I don't want to lose you."

"You won't," he promised. "I'm not going anywhere."

Aspen leaned forward and buried her face against his neck, putting both arms around him. He pulled her close, breathing in the scent that clung to her sweater. "I'm not going anywhere either," she said. "This right here is home. Being with you is home."

"I would never ask you to choose me over your mom."

"I know that. It's not like I'll never see her again if I stay here and she moves back to Oregon. We'll keep in touch. Once we've found each other, we can't go back. She'll know where I am." Aspen pulled back though she kept her arms around him. "So what does that make us?" she asked, a smile sliding over her face. The emptiness he had seen in her eyes was gone, replaced by a warmth that set his heart aglow. That he could make her happy even in the darkest times astounded him. She had the same effect on him though.

"Whatever you want us to be."

"Just together is good."

He smiled. "Why don't I cook us breakfast?"

"Is this going to turn out like the dinner you cooked me?" she teased him.

He grimaced. "Better hopefully. I have one of those boxes with pancake mix."

"Eggs? Milk?" She pulled away and hopped down from the stool, going over to the refrigerator. He caught her by the waist as she pulled out a carton of milk.

"I thought I was cooking you breakfast," he said.

"Alright." She set the milk down and twisted out of his arm. "I'll let you cook." She sat back down with her coffee, but the smile didn't fade from her lips. He set to making the pancakes, feeling a sense of satisfaction when they turned out looking correct. Aspen sat still as he set a plate in front of her as well as a bottle of syrup and a fork.

They ate in silence, each deep in their own thoughts. Steve's head was still buzzing with their conversation. He couldn't believe he'd gotten the nerves to tell her how he felt. He was just relieved she felt the same. This was a new experience for him. He'd hardly ever dated in the past, usually just a double-date with Bucky and usually both girls were more interested in Bucky. The sudden interest girls took in him after the serum had always made him uncomfortable. Girls like Peggy and Aspen didn't look at him differently for it though. They liked him for who he was, valued more than just his physical strength.

He wanted to take Aspen out, do something nice for her like normal couples did, but he would wait until after her father's funeral. He would never try to take up that attention. He just didn't want to see her so lost. He needed her to know that he was there for her and always would be.

"Thank you for looking after my mom while I was gone," Aspen said, bringing Steve back to the present. "She told me that you defended her even though you were putting your own life at risk."

"I couldn't just let Stewart beat her up. He was a bully." He noticed that Aspen was staring at him like she tended to do when he did something that most people wouldn't do. To him it was instinct to protect those in need. He didn't see another option other than helping them. You're just so good, Aspen had told him before.

"She really likes you, you know," Aspen said with a smile. "Even though her entire world had just been torn apart, she wanted me to know how much you did for her."

Steve was about to say he wished he could have done more, but they'd both already voiced that the night before. They couldn't go back and change the past. There was only moving on, and he knew how hard that could be.

"She's very proud of you, you know," Steve told her. "Of who you've become."

Aspen looked surprised. "Even after the mess I've made of my life?"

"I don't think you've made a mess of it. You've spent your life trying to fix what happened to you as a child, what happened to them. It's one of many selfless traits you have," he added.

"Selfless? I guess I've never seen myself as all that selfless. I've spent my entire life trying to find what I want – my family, some semblance of normalcy. I've spent far too much time thinking about myself."

"I don't think that's true. You didn't have to reach out to me, but you did. I can't tell you how grateful I am for that. You even reached out to Loki when he was lost and alone in this world. You kept fighting for him because you don't give up on people. You never gave up on your parents. You risked your life to protect them." He hated to think that she didn't see this in herself. Her green eyes were distant and thoughtful.

"I'd like to be the girl you're describing," she said. "Maybe I just need to see it with my own eyes. I want to help people. That's part of the reason I can't just give up this life and go live with my mom. I can't turn my back on the world just to gain what I've always wanted. That would be selfish."

"Aspen, if that's what you want, you should take that chance," Steve insisted. "This is your family we're talking about. The one you grew up without."

"At least half of it," she replied sadly. "I do want a family, but I have one. Just being able to see my mom and dad again was something I never thought I'd have."

"I'm sure she'll understand your choice."

"Are you? I'm not so sure." She sighed. "But if she's truly proud of me, she'll eventually accept my decision. I know we've only just been reunited, but I'm not going anywhere."

They lapsed into silence. Steve poured another round of batter and served up two more pancakes. Aspen chewed slowly, staring at her fork as if it fascinated her.

"I've been meaning to ask but I didn't want to bring up a sensitive topic," Steve started. It was something he'd been wondering but hadn't wanted to press Aspen about. "How did you get the Eye from Odin's vault? Did Loki help you?" He tried to push back the hint of jealousy he felt whenever Loki's name came up.

"He did," Aspen said, watching him carefully as if she knew exactly was going on in his head. "I –er– helped him escape the Asgardian dungeons. My…powers helped." She clenched her fist, and Steve wondered how she was coping with the serum. He thought back to when he and first been injected with the Super Soldier Serum. He'd hardly known how to use his own legs. It had taken a long time to get used to. Of course he'd been enlisted to help sell bonds. There wasn't much use for his strength then besides pleasing the crowd.

"Did you have trouble breaking into the vault?" he asked, trying to picture Asgard and what would lie in Odin's treasure vault.

"Not breaking in." She hesitated, and Steve could tell something was bothering her. "The Tesseract was there in the vault. Among other things."

"Glad to know it's somewhere safe." The thought of Loki getting anywhere near the Tesseract again gave him chills.

"I just kept imagining these things falling into the wrong hands," Aspen said. Steve knew she was thinking about Stewart, but his thoughts were still on Loki.

"What happened to Loki?" he asked. This had been nagging him for awhile.

"He wanted to come back with me but his father caught up to us. He must have been captured, but I didn't see what happened before I fell through the portal."

Steve felt a surge of relief followed by an anxiety. Would Aspen have allowed him to come back if Odin hadn't intervened?

"I told him 'no'," Aspen told him as if reading his thoughts. "And that Fury would fry me if I allowed him to come back."

Steve smiled at this. "I can't see what he would want with our world. I think we sent him a clear message before."

"He's rather negative toward the Avengers," Aspen said with a frown. "He didn't think saving you was a good enough reason to break into the vault."

"That doesn't surprise me."

"He did help a lot though. His illusions are useful. Also…I was in pretty rough shape when I got there."

Steve felt a stab of worry. "How so?"

"I started coughing up blood. I blacked out for a few hours. Loki was actually quite kind to me. I might have been found and thrown into the dungeons myself if he hadn't helped."

"Why did he help you?" Steve asked, fearing the answer. "If he didn't think saving me was a good reason to help."

"He helped me because I told him I was dying."

"He still cares about you," Steve said.

She gave him a curious look. "You're not jealous are you?" she asked, a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth.

"Jealous? Of Loki?" he asked. "No."

"He said the same thing when I asked if he was jealous of you," Aspen said knowingly. "You don't have to worry about him," she added. "I care about him strangely enough, but my feelings for him before were spontaneous and not well-thought out. Basically they were a bad idea. We parted as friends. That's enough for me."

"You're so willing to forgive," Steve said. "I'm not that forgiving. It takes a lot for me to be able to see the good in a guy like Loki."

"Well he did give you a hard time in Germany and New York," Aspen reasoned.

"Well never mind about Loki. I'm just glad you're safe. How are you coping with your powers?" he asked.

Aspen sighed again. "It's like being high on caffeine or something. I just feel so alert and aware of everything around me. Everything is magnified and I can sense things I never could before. I keep trying to tone it down, but then it's like a dull throbbing in the back of my head. I'm going to see if my mom can create a serum to take it away. I don't want this. I just want to be normal."

"I'm sorry you had to be injected with it," Steve said softly.

"I can't deny it helped me retrieve the Eye," Aspen replied. "But I feel inhuman right now, and I hate it."

"I know the feeling. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I was normal, but then I think about all the people I wouldn't have saved. The serum was a gift. It gave me the ability to do what I'd always wanted to do."

"It helped you save the world. Not that you couldn't have before."

Steve ducked his head. "I had some help."

"Always so modest." Aspen stood, rinsing her plate in the sink. She put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and turned to survey him. "What did I do to deserve you?"

Steve took a step toward her. "Everything," he said. "You don't have to prove anything. You don't have to work to deserve me. Don't ever think that." He hesitated, still unsure of the boundaries. This was a new century. He'd seen the way couples acted around each other in public. He wasn't comfortable with that, but it didn't mean he had to keep his distance from Aspen altogether. He wrapped a hand around her back and pulled her to him, his heart beating quickly at her closeness. She leaned up and brushed her lips over his, resting her hand over his heart. He kissed her back, overcoming his shyness and letting instinct take over. What would have frightened him more than anything before now felt natural. Being with Aspen felt natural.

When they pulled apart, Aspen's face was glowing though he could see the lingering sadness in her eyes. That wasn't going to fade any time soon. It had taken a long time for him to heal over the loss of Bucky. It still hurt. He understood that loss, but he wanted to keep her as happy as he could. She deserved happiness after all she had been through. It was time for a new start.

"What can we do to keep your mind off of everything until the meeting?" Steve asked her, tucking a strand of her red hair behind her ear. He let his finger brush her face noticing the light freckles dotted across her nose and the way her eyes matched the leaves on the summer trees outside.

"Besides this?" she murmured. Steve felt his cheeks grow red. She seemed to sense his embarrassment and took a step back. "We can move slowly, you know," she said. "I'm not exactly an expert at relationships. In fact, I have a pretty bad track record." She grimaced. "I never want to make you feel uncomfortable."

Steve smiled at her. "I appreciate that," he said. "It will just take some getting used to. Things move a lot faster in the 21st century."

"I'll warn you if I ever get the desire to take your hand in public," she teased him.

The entire idea of being with Aspen still astounded him. It was so new and yet they'd been holding off for so long, not quite brave enough to tell the other how they felt.

"Honestly just sitting and talking about anything besides the last few weeks would be wonderful," she said.

"You've got it." They moved to sit down on the couch, Aspen sitting cross-legged next to him, knees against his leg. They talked about everything they could think of that had nothing to do with the sad things in their lives. It was like opening a door into the other's life, spilling out details they'd thought unimportant before. He wanted to know everything about Aspen and she wanted to know everything about him down to his favorite color and his favorite song from the 30s. The swelling happiness in him only grew when he realized that Aspen was truly opening up to him. She trusted very few people in her life and right now he had the feeling that he knew more about her than anyone else. Every mundane detail was just another part of what made Aspen so special to him.

When a quarter to ten came, they set aside their empty coffee cups and headed out to Aspen's car. Steve squeezed her hand. "Whatever happens," he told her. "However people react to your decisions. I'm with you."

She gave him a small smile. "That's what's kept me going for the last few months," she replied.