Author's note: First of all, don't freak out my sweet Carylers. This is a Caryl fic, all the way. I won't disappoint you in the end and neither will Carol, promise! I also don't plan on making you endure anything intimate between Carol and Tyreese. This isn't that type of story. Stick with me, even if this chapter is a bit boring… Terminus is close ;)
"Tonight I'm gonna dance for all that we've been through. But I don't wanna dance if I'm not dancing with you. Tonight I'm gonna dance like you were in this room. But I don't wanna dance if I'm not dancing with you." – Holy Ground - Taylor Swift
When Carol woke the next morning Judith was still sleeping softly beside her, but Tyreese was gone. They had made a pact to never go anywhere alone which caused her blood to boil as she climbed from the tent. She felt foolish for getting angry when she saw Tyreese sitting outside, working on a fire to start breakfast.
Carol must have had an angry scowl when she emerged because Tyreese was grinning at her. "I always keep my promise," he said, knowing exactly what was on her mind.
She smiled back at him and nodded, "Sorry, I'm not used to a man who does as he's told." They shared a laugh and she sat down, staring into the fire as the kindling caught and the flames grew. The sun was coming up, but it was still a bit cold. They would eat breakfast and wait for Judith to wake before they packed up and started travelling for the day. Her mind wandered to Daryl as the fire cracked and flickered before her. He never would have listened to her. If Carol had slept in Daryl would have gone hunting, brought back fresh meat and had it cleaned and cooked, waiting for her when she got up. And she would have been mad at him for a matter of seconds before she looked at his shy smile and melted.
Carol snuck a peek at Tyreese, concentrating on cooking something in a can that would soon be breakfast. He really was an amazing guy. They had been together for quite a while and she had yet to find a flaw in the man. He was polite, friendly, strong, brave, compassionate, loving, caring, forgiving… and the list went on. She saw small glimpses that he could have a temper, but it was related to Karen's murder and she could hardly blame him for his reaction to that.
If circumstances were different Tyreese would be just the kind of man she would want to spend her life with. He really was a dream catch. He was everything she wished Ed had been through years and years of abuse. From what she could tell, Tyreese was pretty much perfect.
But he wasn't Daryl. And the heart wants, what the heart wants. Daryl had many of the same character traits as Tyreese. He too was brave, strong, caring… even sensitive in rare moments. But there was so much more to him that she loved. He was brooding, mysterious, guarded and damaged. She related so much to his pain that she couldn't help but gravitate to him. Whether it was empathy, understanding, or just a sense of kinship in past misery, Carol loved Daryl's flaws as much as she loved everything good about him.
Tyreese separated half the can into another container and handed it to her. It was some kind of spaghetti stuff and Carol wrinkled her nose. But her stomach protested with a growl and after the first bite she polished off her portion hungrily. When he noticed she was finished Tyreese passed her a tube of toothpaste. He already knew about her teeth brushing obsession and it became a morning ritual for them both, after breakfast, just like it would if life was normal.
What Tyreese didn't know was that she already had developed a routine back at the prison. And every morning when they brushed their teeth together all she could think of was Daryl. The first run Daryl went on, once they were settled, he had returned with a few gifts for her. A brand new toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo and body wash. He had no idea about her compulsive need to brush her teeth and the level of excitement he was about to elicit when he gave her the gift. Carol had made him go immediately with her to the bathroom and brush their teeth together the second she realized he had brought back his own toothbrush as well. And that very night, before bed, she went to his cell and made him go with her again. After that they met every morning and every night. And each time Daryl went on a run he would somehow return with a new tube of toothpaste. It became their special little thing.
So now, the second she started brushing Carol half expected Daryl to be there beside her, teasing her about her technique. He thought it was funny how she cupped water in her hand and lifted it to her mouth to rinse. And she thought it was incredibly strange how he leaned in close to the tap and used his toothbrush to flick water into his mouth. One day they tried each other's method and ended up in a fit of giggles.
Carol pushed away the memories and focused on the task at hand. Tyreese was already rinsing with water from a bottle when she finally started brushing. It always felt a bit weird to have clean, fresh breath when she was wearing the same clothes she'd been in for days, almost weeks. But it was a delightfully weird feeling. At least there was one part of her that felt clean each and every day.
They started to gather things up when Judith began to whine inside the tent. Carol went in and got her, changing her diaper quickly before feeding her a jar of baby food and offering her a bottle. She realized early on that Tyreese had been watching her every move. She assumed it was just an admiration, or thankfulness to have someone to help him look after the baby. But when she caught his eye he smiled at her and Carol realized the admiration was far beyond appreciation of her motherly skills.
Part of her felt flattered, but there was also a sense of terror. Her heart wasn't available. Or was it? She pushed that thought away quickly. As long as Daryl was still alive she was taken, whether he knew it or not. But what if she never found Daryl? What if they made it to Terminus and he wasn't there? Again, she pushed the thought away. She would find him. She had to.
A few minutes later they were packed up. Tyreese was taking the first shift carrying Judith on his back. He never complained. If Carol didn't insist on taking a turn he would have carried her the whole time. Carol lifted her back pack and put it on, following Tyreese towards the tracks. The day before they had finally saw a map and signs for Terminus again. It had been days since they had seen one previous to that and Carol had started to worry they were going the wrong way. But the section of tracks must have been missed somehow and they were still headed in the right direction. Carol was confident they would arrive within a couple of days.
Travelling with a baby was difficult but they managed. They always stopped for a couple hours in the afternoon so Judith could nap after they fed her lunch. It was a nice break, but also frustrating knowing they were getting close and a few more precious hours of walking would have been preferred. Sometimes Carol and Ty napped too. Other times they sat and chatted quietly.
Carol had something pressing she had been wanting to ask Tyreese for days, particularly since she noticed his growing affection for her. It seemed like the right time to finally ask so she took a deep breath and started. "Tyreese, I need to know something."
He looked at her, concern in his brown eyes. Her tone was serious and he knew she had something important to say. "Okay…" he said, waiting for her to continue.
Carol looked away, then back to meet his eye, "Why did you forgive me? How could you forgive what I did?"
Ty blinked at her wordlessly. He had to have known she would ask someday. He seemed at first like he was prepared to reply, but took a while to choose his words. "I saw what you went through with those girls. I saw it rip you apart, break your heart… yet you held it together. You're the strongest person I have ever met." He reached for her hand and Carol let him take it. It was comforting, nothing more. "I know when you told me what you'd done you were prepared to die and I actually admired that. But I also knew that you carried the guilt of that decision in your heart. You did it because you were trying to save other people, and you didn't regret your decision, but you weren't okay with it either." Tyreese gathered his thoughts. "I also know that Karen would have died, whether you killed her or not. I guess in a way you were showing her a little bit of mercy and I am thankful for that."
He squeezed her hand. "I said I'll never forget what you did and I mean that. But I'm not sure if you understood at the time exactly what I meant when I said it. I can't forget. Neither can you. But I owe you for what you did. I would have let her suffer until the bitter end. I don't even know that I could have put her down when she turned." Tyreese's eyes filled with tears. "You have an inner strength that no one could ever match. You're a survivor. You've taught me so much. How could I not forgive you?"
Carol didn't know what to say. They sat in silence for a moment before Tyreese continued. "Will you ever forgive yourself? I don't just mean for killing Karen and David, I think you've made peace with that decision, whether you ever completely forgive yourself or not. But the girls… it wasn't your fault…"
They had never talked about what happened with Lizzie. Once they made the decision that she had to die that had been the last they spoke of it. Carol felt tears sting her eyes. She still wasn't ready to talk about it with him. She shook her head and looked up as a tear rolled down her cheek. Tyreese understood. He pulled her into a warm hug. "When you're ready to talk, I'm here to listen. Or maybe when we get to Terminus there will be someone else you would rather talk to about it…"
Carol felt guilty. She knew if Daryl was there in that exact moment she would talk to him. She would tell him everything and he would listen quietly. He wouldn't judge her, he would just let her get it out. He may not have said anything in reply and she still would have known exactly what he was thinking just by looking at his face. They had that type of connection. Tyreese would have felt obligated to say something. He would never have understood that she didn't need him to say anything at all. Most people don't get that. But Daryl knew. And she needed that.
When Tyreese released her she needed time to herself. "I'm going to lay down until Judith wakes up," she said softly. Carol unrolled a blanket and laid it on the ground then curled up on top of it. Even with everything Tyreese had said, she still couldn't understand how he could be falling in love with the person who murdered his girlfriend. It didn't make sense. But he was falling in love with her. She could see it, plain as day.
Carol closed her eyes and fell asleep quickly. She dreamed about Daryl, as usual. They were back on the Greene's farm and Sophia was still alive. Daryl had found her in the woods and brought her back. It was a beautiful dream, giving her a glimpse of what it might have been like with Daryl, her and Sophia as a little family. When Judith's happy squeals woke her up Carol had to fight off the ache in her heart. She didn't often dream of Sophia, so the images of Daryl and Sophia together, alive and happy were heartbreaking.
They hit the road again and walked until almost dark, giving them just enough time to set up camp in the last of the day light. "I think we might be there tomorrow," Carol said, smiling. She had no idea what to expect when they arrived at Terminus, but if Daryl was there, that was all that mattered. She prayed for Tyreese's sake that Sasha was there as well, and obviously she hoped Rick and Carl were there to reunite with Judith.
Tyreese surprised her when he spoke, "I hope he's there." She was confused, assuming he was talking about Sasha, but he had said "he." Tyreese continued setting up the tent. "Daryl, I mean. I know you miss him a lot. I hope he's there."
Carol thought she had hid her feeling for Daryl quite well, other than the one conversation they had. "Oh, uh, thanks. I do miss him. He helped me through some tough times, "she stammered. Tyreese gave her a knowing look, indicating that he wasn't completely buying what she was offering, yet he didn't press.
They ate supper, put out the fire and climbed into the tent to sleep. Judith cooed for a bit between them, but before long she was fast asleep. "Night," Tyreese whispered.
"Night," she replied, closing her eyes. Carol had just fallen asleep when she heard Tyreese mumbling in his sleep. She quickly switched spots with Judith, knowing that sometimes when the dreams were bad Tyreese thrashed. When he started getting really agitated Carol tried soothing him. "Hey, it's okay, shhhh," she said softly, rubbing his back gently. He seemed to calm down a bit at first, but got worked up very quickly again.
Finally he woke with a start, confused and disoriented. Carol watched his face as he started to realize where he was. He rolled over and looked at her. Before Carol realized what was happening Tyreese brushed her cheek with his large, surprisingly soft hand, and started to kiss her.