Author's Note: ...I fought it for so long, but last night I made a tumblr account... It's not going to take over my life! I will not let it! If you want to check my page out my username is ivorysword same as here. There's so far a lot of Steve things and then some of my photography.
Okay, I realized I forgot to give you a hint for my next stories in the last chapter so I'll give you two. (If I can type because right now it's a little iffy. I just spelled 'right' 'write')
A Game of Winter will lead up into The Winter Soldier and include the movie though I have no idea how that's going to go yet. (I really haven't plotted it at all yet...) It will also include more of Steve and Aspen's missions. In A Game of War when Steve meets Aspen she's working as a photojournalist and teaching a photography class at the school he takes art classes at.
30 – Nightmare – June 26th, 2012
Steve decided it was time to stop punching his sandbag and head home. He took a quick shower in the locker room and changed into his street clothes before heading out to his motorcycle. He hadn't seen Aspen since earlier that afternoon, but he figured she'd probably be home by now. She'd texted him earlier to let him know Clint would be crashing at her place and asked if she could stay with him a little longer. He didn't mind at all. He'd thought at first that it would feel strange having Aspen stay over, but he found that his apartment felt empty without her. He knew she still craved the independence her own apartment gave her, but he wondered if she would ever consider moving in with him permanently. He'd looked into this and found that it was a normal thing that happened frequently in the 21st century. In the 40s you wouldn't find a unmarried woman living with a man (at least not without lifting some eyebrows), but times had changed, and he was ready to move forward if it meant he got to spend more time with Aspen. He'd been trying to get up the courage to ask her, but he hadn't yet. Whenever he looked back on when he had first met her, he realized it was only a few months ago but after all they had been through together it felt like much longer.
Aspen's car was parked on the street, but Steve didn't see any lights on in the apartment. He turned down the narrow alley he usually parked his bike in. Two figures were illuminated by the bike's bright headlight as he pulled in. A tall man had someone pinned up against the wall by her throat. Aspen. The moment he saw the bike, the man tossed Aspen to the ground and took off. Steve was off the bike and at Aspen's side in a second.
"Aspen!" He cradled her head as her eyes opened dazedly.
"I'm okay," she croaked. "Go after him. Go."
Steve felt conflicted, but Aspen was already sitting up. He tore after the man, letting his adrenaline help him pump his legs faster. He saw the figure jump a fence up ahead. Steve leapt over the fence and landed on the other side. The short yard connected with the street. Steve stopped, looking around. The figure had vanished. Steve knew he couldn't have gone far, but nothing moved. He turned back. Right now Aspen's safety was his priority, and leaving her alone in the dark alley had been against his better judgment.
He found her sitting against the wall, holding her side. In the light of his bike, he saw that a spot of blood had soaked through her shirt. "You're bleeding." He bent down and scooped her up. She looped her arm around his neck, pressing her head into his shoulder. He snagged the keys to his bike, cutting the engine and carried Aspen up to the apartment. He took her into the bedroom and laid her down on the bed, switching on the bedside lamp.
"How bad is it?" he asked. In response, Aspen shrugged off her jacket and pulled up her shirt so that he could see her stitched up side. Two of the stitches had torn, but the bleeding wasn't heavy. Most of the skin had healed up leaving an ugly scab. Steve got a clean washcloth and wet it down before sitting next to Aspen and dabbing the wound. She sucked in her breath as the cloth made contact with her wound. "Sorry." Steve gently cleaned it until the blood stopped flowing. "Those stitches are nearly ready to come out anyway," he said. "But we need to bandage it so it doesn't bleed again." He grabbed a first aid kit he kept under the bathroom sink and pulled out a bandage. "Can you sit up? I'm going to wrap this around the injury."
Aspen sat up with his help and held her shirt up while he wound the bandage around her lower torso. A few spots of blood dotted the bandage, but it would stop bleeding under the pressure of the bandage. He tied it off, and Aspen dropped her bloody shirt. Steve grabbed her a fresh one from his dresser. "It'll be a little big," he said apologetically. All of the clothes Aspen had brought to his apartment were sitting in the laundry basket on the washer, forgotten after everything that had happened. She took it gratefully, and Steve turned around while she changed, giving her the privacy he felt she needed.
"What happened?" Steve finally asked when she had changed into his shirt.
"I was threatened," Aspen told him. "And so were our prisoners."
"Barney and Wagner?" He furrowed his brow in confusion. "Why would he threaten them?"
"He's afraid they'll give away valuable information. Whoever Zemo was working for knows we have them. He sent an order out for them to be killed if they gave away anything. Also the agents who got the information out of them."
Steve felt a twinge of fear as he remembered how the man had held Aspen by the throat. "We should tell Fury about this," he said.
"No!" He looked down at Aspen in surprise. "Not yet. He might not let me interrogate Barney if he knows that I was threatened," she added.
"With good reason," Steve argued.
"I'll be fine. I was just caught off guard tonight. It won't happen again."
"I'm not willing to take that chance," he said, sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Please, Steve. I need to do this for Clint."
"He wouldn't want you doing this if he knew you'd been threatened either."
"What if you're with me at all times when I leave the house and SHIELD headquarters? We won't give them a chance to hurt me again."
"I still think we should tell Fury."
"Just give me a week," Aspen pleaded with him. "If I can't get anything out of him by then we tell Fury, and I'll step back if he tells me to."
"I still don't like it," Steve said. He stood and left the room, needing to clear his head. He knew Aspen had good intentions, but he was afraid she was going to get hurt again. Getting tangled in this business meant they were all at risk, and next time Aspen might not be so lucky.
An hour later he reentered the room to find Aspen curled up under the blankets seemingly asleep. He lay on the edge of the bed without saying anything. He found himself replaying Zemo's words about Aspen in his head while sleep eluded him. I'm not sure she appreciates your protectiveness. She finds it overbearing. I wonder how long this will last, the two of you. She will eventually grow bored. We all do. He knew Aspen was desperate to prove herself and to atone for the mistakes she made earlier in her career with SHIELD, but she needed to realize that she was risking her life. Steve wanted to protect her because though she could look out for herself, she also had a tendency to put herself at risk for others. She might argue he had the same tendency, but he supposed they could both look out for each other. Whatever the case, he knew he was never going to convince Aspen to give up. Her brave determination was part of what he loved about her. She never gave up even if she was putting herself at great personal risk. He just hoped this wouldn't end the same way as Iceland.
…
It took Aspen a long time to fall asleep and when she did her dreams were plagued with dark figures. She was back in the alley, spotlighted by a round light. She could see nothing outside of the light, and her eyes burned from it. She could hear someone shifting in the darkness and tensed. She reached for the closest weapon and found that she now held Steve's shield. The metal was scratched and dented though and as a shot rang out in the night, she realized this wasn't his shield but a cheap replica. The shot went straight through and hit her in the side. She let go of the thin metal, and it clattered to the ground, a smoking hole in the middle. Aspen put her hands to her side and they came away red. She looked up and saw Wagner standing above her holding a massive gun.
"I guess the Lady America was no match for the great Zemo after all," he said.
"Zemo is dead," Aspen said, gritting her teeth against the pain. It brought her to her knees.
Wagner laughed high and cruel. "You really think that the powerful Zemo would be so easy to defeat?"
"What do you mean?" Aspen asked. She could hardly get the words out. Her side was on fire.
Wagner leaned close, putting the gun under Aspen's chin. "Cut off one head, two more shall take its place. You will be too dead to see how this ends, however."
Aspen waited for the shot to come. When it did, her eyes opened wide, and she found herself sitting up in bed breathing hard. Steve awoke next to her and sat up too.
"Are you alright?" He put a hand on her back, warm and reassuring.
She turned to look at him, trying to pull herself back from the nightmare. "Is there a chance Zemo didn't die?" she asked.
Steve's eyes widened in surprise. "Why do you ask that?"
"I had this dream, this nightmare. Wagner, he said that Zemo wouldn't be so easy to defeat. He said that if you cut off one head, two more would replace it." She shook her head as tears pricked the corners of her eyes.
"It was just a bad dream," Steve assured her, but the look in his eyes told her he was worried. "There's no way Zemo could have survived that fall."
"But it was too easy," Aspen told him. "Nothing is that easy."
He gave her a wry smile. "We got lucky. But that mantra." He frowned. "That's what Hydra used to say."
"It is?" Aspen strained her brain to remember where she'd heard it before. "I didn't realize. I don't remember where I've heard it."
Steve frowned at this. "Probably in a file on Hydra or something."
"Maybe." Aspen felt disconcerted by this.
"It was just a dream," Steve repeated but it sounded like he was trying to convince himself. "If this whole situation is giving you nightmares, maybe you shouldn't-"
"Interrogate Barney further? No, I have to. Like you said, it was just a bad dream." She lay back down. Steve stayed sitting for a moment longer and then did the same. Aspen shut her eyes tight, but she could feel him watching her. She didn't want to face his worry, so she pretended to be asleep. In truth she only slept for a few hours that night, too afraid of falling back into the nightmare. Her side twitched uncomfortably, and she could almost feel the bullet slicing through her skin and setting her side on fire.
…
Aspen was still fast asleep when Steve woke up the next morning. The memory of her nightmare came rushing back to him along with the words 'Cut off one head, two more shall take its place.' Was there a chance that Zemo hadn't died? No one could survive a fall like that, but Aspen was right, it had been too easy. Of course Zemo was old and desperate. It was always possible that Steve had just gotten lucky, caught him off guard. Something still nagged at the back of his mind though. He didn't like the idea of Aspen going back in to interrogate Barney. This time he was going in with her. Fine, she could talk to Barney alone, but he was going to be right outside to make sure nothing happened to her. He felt uncomfortable not telling Fury about the threat and wished Aspen hadn't put him in that position, but he knew how stubborn she could be. Maybe he could convince her not to go in today after what she'd been through the night before. He could contact Clint and tell him about the threats. Aspen hadn't asked him not to tell Clint, and Steve knew that if Clint was aware of the attack, he would never let Aspen question his brother. Not wanting to wake her, he got slowly out of bed and dressed.
"Is it morning already?" He turned around, shirt in hand. Aspen sat up slowly. His eyes went to her side, but he could see no blood on the shirt.
"Yeah." He tugged the shirt over his head. "How are you feeling?"
Aspen took a moment to answer. "I'm not really sure," she said finally. "Last night…that dream…it felt so real, but I think I overreacted. No one could have survived that fall, you're right. There's no way. I was just upset and got caught up in my dream. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize," he said. "We all have bad dreams now and again."
"I need to get going. I don't even have clothes." She grabbed her bloody shirt from the night before and headed to the laundry closet in the hall.
"You're still going in today?" Steve asked, leaning against the doorframe and watching her as she shoved her dirty laundry into the machine. "I don't think that's a good idea."
"What, I should tell Fury I can't come in because I had a bad dream?" she asked, letting the washing machine's lid slam. Steve knew she was frustrated with herself and with the dream, but it didn't mean she needed to lash out at him.
"You're recovering from a bullet wound that nearly killed you and you've been threatened by thugs working for who knows what rogue organization. I think that's plenty reason not to go in," he told her. "At least today. Fury wasn't the one who asked you to question Barney after all. He's not expecting you to do it."
She turned to face him, green eyes flashing. He braced himself. He'd seen her give Clint this look before, but it was the first time he had faced it. "I can't just sit at home and twiddle my thumbs because I got hurt. That's not what agents do! I need to be able to prove that I can handle this. If I back out the second things get dangerous, I'll never prove that I can become a good agent."
"Who said you needed to prove anything to anyone?" Steve asked, crossing his arms over his chest defensively.
"I need to prove this to myself," she said. "I chose this life. I knew what dangers came with it. I can't just take shortcuts and expect myself to learn something. Sometimes pain is necessary."
"And I suppose you think you almost dying was necessary too?" He realized they'd both raised their voices but right now he didn't care.
"If that's what it takes. Are you still hung up on that? I didn't die! It was a freak accident."
"Am I still hung up on that?" he repeated, taking a step toward her. "Do you think it was easy for me watching you get shot, being powerless to do anything about it? Do you think I didn't nearly go crazy waiting for the doctors to tell us if you were going to make it or not? You didn't see the blood. You didn't sit covered in it in the waiting room realizing you never had the chance to say goodbye. So yes, I'm still hung up on that."
Aspen's eyes widened in surprise and a retort didn't come. She seemed to remember herself and looked down, her cheeks reddening. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "I didn't even think about what it did to you."
"You're always ten pages ahead," Steve told her. "Aspen, sometimes you need to slow down. There's a difference between doing a job and being reckless."
"You think I'm reckless?" He couldn't read the expression in her eyes, couldn't tell if she was still angry.
"Sometimes you can be. Rushing back to interrogate someone after being threatened. I just worry about you, Pen. I realize this job is dangerous and that I can't be holding you back or worrying all the time, but the thought of something happening to you and not even being able to say goodbye…" His eyes slid to the bruise on her neck where the man had grabbed her last night.
"That's not going to happen." She closed the space between them, placing her hands on his crossed arms. "Steve, look at me." He looked down into her green eyes. "I don't plan on dying anytime soon. I know anything can happen, but we can't live in fear of that."
He nodded. She was right. If he lived in fear of her dying every time they went on a mission then they were both in the wrong business. He let out a breath, and Aspen put her arms around him. He slid his hands around her back, holding her close. "I'm sorry," he said.
"No, I'm sorry. I'm tense and upset over my dream, and I took it out on you. That wasn't fair."
"You can get carried away sometimes." He said it teasingly, and Aspen smiled up at him.
"I know." She winced. "Sorry."
"Don't apologize," he said again, leaning down to kiss her forehead.
"What, I can't make it up to you?" she asked playfully, leaning up to kiss his jaw.
"Well, don't strain yourself," he teased back. "Or I will have to keep you bedridden." He realized how that sounded, blushing violently. "I mean…keep you here…not at work…you know what I mean," he scrambled to correct himself.
Aspen started laughing against his cheek. "You are too cute sometimes," she told him, kissing his cheek before pulling away. "I'll let you off the hook." He watched her walk into the kitchen and get out a bowl and box of cereal. She looked back at him. "Are you just going to stand there all day or do you want breakfast?"
He shook his head and followed her into the kitchen. Sometimes he didn't quite know what to make of her.
…
Steve thought Aspen was going to argue again when he insisted on coming with her to interrogate Barney, but she didn't. Instead she pulled on a jacket and a scarf that covered the bruises on her neck, and he drove her to SHIELD headquarters, keeping a sharp eye out for anyone who might be following them. Aspen headed straight down to the detention block. She stopped and faced him before they reached Barney's cell.
"I need to do this alone, but maybe you can see if you can get something out of Wagner."
Steve nodded. He decided that pointing out the fact that this was exactly what the attacker had told her not to do was pointless. Instead he continued down the corridor until he found himself in front of Wagner's cell. The Austrian was sitting on his cot looking down at a crossword puzzle. Steve used his SHIELD card to gain access to the room, and Wagner looked up. His face split into a smile when he saw the Super Soldier.
"Ah, company at last! I was beginning to think they'd forgotten about me."
"They've been too busy going through your artifacts," Steve told him. "You had a lot of stolen items."
"Ah, yes, my collection. I'm less than happy to have SHIELD agents pawing at my treasures, but I guess it's better than having them destroyed. How are you getting along with my thief? Take it from me, he'd take his secrets and mine to his grave."
"How did you find him?"
"You think I'll tell you that? I'm not stupid. You aren't going to trick me into answering anything."
"No?" Steve took a seat across from Wagner.
"Please tell me you're not going to threaten me. I really don't respond well to threats. They don't agree with me. What's another word for a fencing sword?" He tapped his pencil against the crossword.
Steve could tell he wasn't going to get anywhere with Wagner by simply questioning him. He needed to find a way to catch him off guard. "There's one thing I've been wondering," he said on a whim, hoping that his instincts would serve him well.
"Oh?" Wagner looked up from his crossword with a bored expression.
"How Zemo survived that fall." It was a shot in the dark, but the range of emotions that flitted across Wagner's face in the following seconds was worth it. Surprise then fear told Steve he'd hit upon something. Then Wagner composed himself.
"Not even the great Zemo could survive that fall," he said with a chuckle.
"But he survived somehow, didn't he?" Steve persisted, but Wagner's face was a mask again. "Who was he working for?" Wagner smirked but didn't reply. "There are men out there looking for you, you know," Steve said, leaning forward. "They want to kill you. One of them threatened Aspen last night. If you don't cooperate, what's to keep us throwing you out on the streets for them to find? They didn't seem too keen on giving you a second chance." He watched Wagner's smirk slide.
"You're bluffing."
"I'm not. She can show you the bruises if you'd like." Steve stood. "I'll ask again. Who was Zemo working for?"
"Why should I tell you? It's not like SHIELD is going to grant me clemency."
"They might. They'll give you a better chance than the men outside will. They'll actually give you a chance anyway."
Wagner seemed to be weighing his options. Much as Steve hated to admit it, the threat of the men outside of SHIELD had done the trick. He had no idea what SHIELD planned on doing with Wagner, but he knew they were more keen on giving second chances than their enemies. He thought Wagner was about to break, but instead the Austrian began to chuckle. "You really think I'm going to spill everything to SHIELD because there are some big men outside waiting to beat me up? I will tell you this – you've caught someone's eye. He would like to meet you, and he doesn't care about disposing of anyone or anything that gets in his way. If that girlfriend of yours tries to step in and protect you, they'll do more than give her a few bruises. They'll snap her neck. They don't care about casualties. They also know that I'd take their secrets to the grave. You don't stand a chance." He smiled up at Steve, his eyes dancing. "Ah, épée, that's the word." He scribbled the four-letter word onto his crossword puzzle. "Zemo had a few of those."
Steve felt something snap at the threat to Aspen and Wagner's indifference. Before he knew what he was doing, he had his hand around Wagner's throat, and the Austrian's feet left the ground. He choked and grasped against Steve's hand. "Don't threaten her," Steve said.
Wagner's eyes widened. His face was turning red as Steve pressed him up against the wall. He tried to speak but it came out as a choking sound.
"You're making a mistake," Steve told him before releasing him. Wagner dropped to the floor, coughing and holding his throat. He glared up at Steve.
"You're too cocky, too sure of yourself," he managed to spit out. "It will be your downfall. You underestimate your enemies. You think they are gone, destroyed, but they are only waiting for the right time to strike again. Cut off one head, two more shall take its place. I think these words have meaning to you."
Steve felt a jolt at the words. "What do you know about Hydra?" he asked.
Wagner shook his head. "You will fail," he said, laughing. He pulled himself to his feet. Steve nearly shoved him against the wall again, but he knew it wouldn't solve anything. He checked his anger and took a step back.
"I don't plan on it," he said. "You're not the only one here who has information we need."
"Don't imagine Trickshot's any chattier than me," Wagner warned.
Steve turned from the room, leaving Wagner chuckling behind him. The man was infuriating, but it would do no good to lose his head over it. He edged toward Barney's cell to see how Aspen was doing. To his surprise, she was sitting chatting avidly to Barney while he sat watching her. His expression was carefully tooled to be passive, but Steve saw his eyes watching Aspen curiously, wondering why she was taking the time to talk to him. Then he saw Steve watching and his expression instantly went on guard. Aspen noticed the change and looked back at Steve. She gave him a smile and held up a finger asking him to wait. She exchanged another word with Barney and left the cell. After the door slid shut behind her, she looked up at Steve.
"How did it go?" he asked.
"I have this idea," she said. "Let's go upstairs." He followed her to the elevator, leaning back against the wall as it carried them up. They came out in a hall Steve had never been down before. Aspen walked slowly, and he kept pace with her. "So you know the idea of using objects from a person's past to help them remember things? You show them something that sparks a memory."
Steve nodded slowly not quite following. "What from his past could you show him? He's seen Clint."
Aspen shook her head. "Not an object in this case. I had a different idea. Same concept."
"I'm not following."
"When's the last time Barney saw Clint?" she asked. "I mean before he got brainwashed."
"The mansion where he worked a job. Where Clint shot him."
"Right, so I was thinking, what if we took him there, played out that night again?"
"That sounds risky," Steve said.
"It will be a controlled environment. I think he might respond to that. He's clearly had his memories wiped, but they're still in there somewhere. We just need to reach them."
"I wish we knew what had happened to him."
"Me too."
"So where are we going now?" Steve asked as they approached a set of doors at the end of the hall.
"To see Clint. I need him there."
"You'll need Fury's permission."
"I know," she said, and Steve was glad she wasn't going to go behind Fury's back on this. "I'll ask them both." She pushed open the doors, and Steve found himself in a large training room. Clint stood in the center of the room, bow aimed at a target. He didn't acknowledge them until he'd shot his arrow. His aim was impressive as always. He turned to look at them.
"Pen, Steve," he greeted.
"Clint, I have an idea that might help your brother get his memories back," Aspen told him. "I've spoken with him, and it's not getting me anywhere. I think he believes there's a chance he does have some repressed memories. He realizes he doesn't know who he is – not before he was Trickshot anyway. There are gaps and missing pieces. But me talking to him isn't helping him break through. What if we were to put him into a memory, the last memory he has of you." Clint just stared at her. "Marko's mansion," Aspen elaborated. "That last night you saw him." Steve saw Clint's eyes harden, and he was afraid he was going to reject Aspen's idea.
"You want me to relive that night that I shot my brother and thought I'd left him for dead?" he asked her.
"I know it's going to be hard, but I think that could spark some memories for him," Aspen said.
"Pen, he didn't even know it was me."
"He might have. Anyway, if he remembers his past, he will remember you."
Clint didn't look convinced. "We don't know how far the brainwashing goes. He might not remember anything."
"So you're giving up?" Aspen asked.
"No. Damn it, Pen. Okay, I'll do it." He ran a hand through his short hair looking distressed.
"It will be okay, I promise," Aspen said, taking his arm and giving him a pleading look. Clint calmed down under her touch. He gave her a long look and sighed.
"Okay, Pen. I trust you. You know I do." Steve could see the relief behind Clint's eyes and realized as a spy and an agent he'd kept secrets his entire life. To be able to open up about his past to someone like Aspen must have been a relief. Even the most secretive of people had some secrets they needed to share with someone. Keeping those emotions bottled up inside for so long wasn't healthy.
"We need to okay this with Fury, but I wanted to ask you first."
"You think he'll say yes?"
"I'm not sure." Aspen bit her lip. "Hopefully." She was about to turn away when Clint grabbed her upper arm.
"Wait, what's that?" He tugged her scarf down, and Steve saw that part of the bruise had been exposed. Aspen tried to pull away, but Clint held onto her, gently pulling off the scarf with his free hand. "Who did this to you?" he asked.
Aspen wouldn't meet his eyes, so Clint turned to Steve. His grey eyes were dark with anger. "Someone attacked her last night," Steve said. "I got there just in time." Clint swore, gripping Aspen's scarf in his fist. "They warned us that if our prisoners said anything they would kill them…" He looked at Aspen. "And anyone they talked to."
"Damn it, Aspen, you should have said something to me."
"You would have stopped me from talking to him then."
"Damn right!" He paced across the room before coming back. "This is serious, Pen."
"I'm okay," Aspen tried to assure him.
"And you just let her come back," Clint said, turning on Steve.
"Don't make this his fault!" Aspen said, grabbing Clint's arm as he took a step toward Steve. "I insisted. You know how stubborn I can be. Steve hasn't left my side since."
Clint was still glaring at Steve, but he gave a curt nod. "You know taking Barney out of here is dangerous."
"I know, but we need to do this. We can't tell Fury about last night though. He'll never let us go."
"With good reason."
"Clint, we have to do this. Barney is your brother. I'm not giving up."
Clint gave her a long look. "Me neither, but we play this safe."
"I agree."
He sighed. "Alright." He handed Aspen her scarf. "Let's talk to Fury."