So, I completed my mission, scaring some of you with almost killing Thomas in that last chapter. Gotta say, it feels great XD I know, I know, I'm a bad guy, but it really just felt like the right thing to do. Though it wasn't the jumbscare I wanted, it worked out just fine.
Alright, on to the chapter!
What doesn't kill you
"You son of a bitch! Do you have any idea bad you scared me back there?!" Ash shouts, drawing the attention of everyone within ear's reach, I'm sure. I'm almost glad that I can't see right now, as a mad Ash… kinda looks like a pissed of lion, combined with a raging bear… and that's only the start. She squeezes my hand so hard I could have sworn it would break again, and it hurts just as much. I am not really sure what's going on here. One minute, she is all "I am so glad you are okay" and the next it's more of a "I'll kill you for almost dying!" thing. Women… I mean, come on!
"A- Ash… What did I do?" I try to get my hand out from her grip, but she's strong as hell, while I could only just lift my arm the last time.
"You scared the living shit out of me, that's what you did! You made me think I'd lost you! You have any idea of how long you have been in a coma?!"
"I- no, of course I don't! If you didn't notice, I haven't really been capable of asking before now!" I shoot back. For some reason, the tender moment we just had moments ago, has been replaced with me having to defend spending Talos knows how long in a coma. What the hell just went wrong?
"Two weeks! You haven't moved a muscle for two weeks! We all feared the worst, Nic almost lost it and Jane has been spending all her time drinking her senses to shit because of you. If it wasn't for Roku, you would have died back there!" I can hear something in her voice is starting to break, thickening with emotion.
"Do you think I wanted to end up like that? I was almost killed. I don't know if you have personal experience with it, but being blown up, hurled across a room and then being almost melted by a zombie-Asari, kinda fucking hurts!" There is a pause, where none of us say anything. I can't see her face, but I could guess she is about to shout at me again. It seems to be her way of dealing with emotions she can't just shoot away.
"I… I…" she starts, her voice low and with tones of regret. At first, I don't believe my own ears. She actually releases my hand, putting it down on the bed.
"Ash… I… I didn't mean to-" I try. Fuck, just my luck that she's been keeping watch for days and I start...
"...Don't. I was… why do I always start fucking shouting at you? I keep taking my problems, my rage, my fears, out on you."
"Ash, it's okay…"
"The Hell it is! You almost died down there, and you wake up to me shouting at you? What kind of a person am I to do that?!" Her voice sounds more broken now than anything else. If possible, she sounds just as destroyed as after my suicide attempt. It tears at my insides, like someone just plunged a hook into my body and started tearing around in there.
"Ash…"
"I mean, what if you had died down there? I would have killed Jane, yes, killed her. She would be responsible for your death, and I would be left alone… again."
"Ash, listen-"
"And what if you had been left with irreparable damage, or brain-dead, and with the intellect of a toddler? I would have-"
"Ash, for Mara's sake, listen to me!"
"Who's Ma-?"
"Listen Ashley, you can't go around blame yourself for things you don't have control over. Yes, I could have died, but I didn't, and as a matter of fact, Jane saved my life down there, so killing her would be a pretty douche thing to do. And no, she would not be responsible for my death. She just told me to shoot the tendril-things, but I used grenades on them, to blow them up instead. If anything, blame that Asari-woman, the green one. She was the one who tossed me back into the blast radius."
"Asari? You mean Shiala? She seemed shaken, not the type who would throw you into the blast radius… and she wasn't green. Other than that, I haven't seen any Asari on Feros."
"I'm not really sure if it was an Asari. Unless, Asari are normally born out the ass of a giant plant. But, wait... I didn't see any normal Asari either… where was she all the time? We could have used her help…"
"Same as Nihlus. She was a prisoner of the Thorian… but she works, or worked for Saren. I don't really know the details." Now, I'm downright confused. Green Asari attack us, normal Asari just appear out of nowhere, apparently, and… if she worked for Saren, why was she still alive?
"So… she worked for Saren. Did you kill her?"
"Oddly enough, no." I'm glad to hear her voice returning to normal. Man, that girl has a temper.
"Funny… let me guess; she offered info on Saren?"
"Probably. I was too far gone at that time to really pay attention to it. For some reason, Nicolai really gave her the stink-eye. Like she should be put to the torch or something…"
"Weird…"
"You can say that again." Ash sighs.
"So… are you… alright Ashley? I mean, I really can't see if you are missing both legs or if your head is all wrapped up in gauze… help me out here?"
"No, I'm fine. Got a few scrapes and bruises during the combat, but nothing like you."
"Yeah, I noticed my head is wrapped up."
"Not to mention your arm." She says, a faint chuckle is evident in her voice.
"Wait… what exactly is wrong with my arm?" I say, lifting it. The right one, mind it; "I can move it just fine."
"Well… The one you have left." She says with a weak chuckle. It takes me a moment to process what she just- WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!
"A- A- Ash… Wh… what do… why are… what do… what has… what did you mean by… 'have left'?"The sound of her breathing suddenly stops.
"You… you didn't know?"
"Know what? The doc only said not to touch it!"
"Fuck… It… it is not there anymore Thom…" At her words, my right hand flies at the speed of light to grab my left arm… only to catch air. Frantically, I fumble for what has to be there, for the strong fleshy arm that has to be there. Why isn't it there?! I grab for the air towards the place where it should have connected with the shoulder. All I feel is a stump that goes a few inches out from the shoulder, and thát's that. My… my… my… my arm… what…
WHAT THE HELL?!
"ASH! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY ARM!? WHERE'S MY ARM!? WHERE'S MY FUCKING ARM!?" I scream, panic settling in. No no no no! This cannot be real! It's a dream, a nightmare, just like the visions! I wake up, and I still have my arm! WAKE UP, WAKE UP!
"Thomas! Calm down! Please, don't… I mean, calm down!" Ash's hands are on my body, holding me down while running feet can be heard from outside. The door opens and the feet are inside the room.
"What happened!? Has there been a relapse?" It's the voice of Doctor Emhart. Just the guy to scream at now.
"Emhart! you son of a WHORE! Why is my arm gone?! What happened to my arm!?"
"I would ha-"
"Why the hell didn't you tell him that you amputated it? What, were you just going to take the gauze off his eyes, then say "Whoops, by the way, you are missing something"? What the hell are you thinking?!"
"Now just a-"
"And how am I supposed to get back out there huh? I am missing a fucking ARM!"
"If you two would just-"
"Why the hell couldn't you just use medi-gel or something? This is the fucking twenty-second century, not the fucking Stone Age!" I continue shouting. I guess the guy is about wishing he hadn't taken of my mouth-gauze now. Well, too fucking bad for him, I want answers!
"Mister Fisher! Miss Williams! If the two of you would just kindly shut the hell up, I could answer your questions!" I quiet down. Alright, then let's hear his defense…
"Spit it out." Ash says.
"Geez...Well, seeing as your arm was beyond repair, and the medi-gel and antibiotics were only serving to keep the infection and internal arterial severing at bay, we had to remove the arm to save your life. We simply don't have the technology to threat damage that severe. Now, we do have, on the other hand, a ready supply of synthetic limps. If you would prefer, we could also grow you a new arm, but that process would take at least two full weeks."
"What do you mean by 'synthetic limps'? Am I going to look like a geth with that thing?"
"Lord no! It will be like… a very hard and very strong arm, just made from plastic-polyster, carbon-graphene and silicon-fabric. All in all, it will feel like a normal arm, move like a normal arm, and be just as sensitive as a normal arm. Just, it will be a hell of a lot stronger." This causes me to ponder. Could I actually accept a… a fake arm?
"Thomas, would you be okay with… I mean, wouldn't that be… can we even afford such a thing?" We?
"Ash… why… you don't have to-"
"Shut it. I'm not letting you pay your ass off when I'm around. Face it."
I… well, do you even have such money… how much is the arm by the way? God that sounds weird…"
"Not expensive at all. The funding will actually be coming from the Navy's own account, seeing as you were decorated with the Purple Heart while-"
"SAY WHAT?!" I almost scream. I can't see the guy so I just shout at the direction of the last word. Purple… I mean… how can… what did I do to… how did I deserve… what IS the 'Purple Heart' by the way?
"A… medal. It is awarded to… soldiers injured in active… service."
"…Wow…."
"He… what exactly did he do? I mean, isn't that for those for are wounded while giving blood for… oh…" Ash says. She seems as much in wonder as I am.
"Look, I don't know what he… you, did that earned you that medal, but I'm guessing that it had something to do with why you are here." Emhart says.
"And you are sure this isn't some pen-pusher who messed up? I mean, plenty of other people are injured, and they did much cooler stuff than me…" I am not sure whether to believe this. I mean… me? The Purple Heart is what you always see people receive when they risked their lives for their comrades.
"Well, considering the fact that we have a lot of those on this station… I guess that could happen. But still, most people who survive getting a Purple Heart are usually more… positive about it. You almost sound pissed."
"I- I'm sorry, but it… it's just a lot to take in right now… I am not sure if I can believe it…" I manage to stammer. I am getting a cold-sweat all over my body, and I'm almost shaking. I bet this is all some mistake. Better not get my hopes up… though it could be sweet if I was actually given a medal for something real-life…
"Yeah, I know the feeling." Ash says. For a second, I'm not sure what to make of her comment, but it dawns on me what she means.
"Yeah, but you did accept it… after some time." I mutter.
"Sure, but I didn't lose my arm… or my family…" A nervous cough from Emhart makes me turn my attention back to him… wherever he actually is.
"Ehm… since the Navy actually paid for the arm, we had it manufactured right after we… removed the destroyed one. I'll go get it now… if you are ready. Should also give the two of you some time to… talk." And with the sound of a door sliding open, his feet leave the room. There is a short pause, where neither I nor Ash says anything. Finally, she breaks the ice;
"So… you're a war-hero now?" She says, a slight laugh in her voice.
"I guess so…" I shrug; "But don't start worshipping me now."
"Ha! Oh my dear Thom, I would rather force you to eat your medal, than fall on knees before you." She laughs, then adds; "Actually, that might be kinda fun to see."
"Nah, I think Nic would be mad. He could think I don't like his food anymore."
"He has only cooked for you four times while he was on the Normandy. Hard to get fed up with someone's cooking that fast."
"You've got a point there… Ash… can I… ask you something?" I say. My voice is pretty hesitant, so she probably thinks it is something bad.
"Why so nervous all of a sudden?" She says, her voice slowly losing the laughter it had a moment ago.
"Well… it is something you said earlier…"
"Oh God, I didn't spill the secret to the doc, did I?"
"What? No. It's… well, actually, it's more like two things I want to ask you about. And I'm kinda glad the doc left for me to ask them."
"If it is about me wanting to snap Jane's neck, then don't worry. You survived, and she saved your life you say." I nod. She continues.
"Then I'm going to give her a chance… at least until we have been on Virmire… God, that still sounds so weird to say… to know the future… but what did you want to ask me about?"
"Well… you actually almost answered the first question tight then and there, but… how are you… you know, coping… with the whole 'future knowledge' thing?"
"I'm fine." That came out a little too fast, if you ask me.
"I didn't…" Roku mutters.
Sigh…
"Ash… are you sure you are fine with it? I mean, remember when you were told of what Jane had been forced to do on Virmire?"
"Well, that was… something else. I mean, a completely strange woman suddenly tells me that she left me for dead. How was I supposed to cope with that?"
"Hmm… some would probably say, either faint or just handle it better. But I honestly don't know if I would have handled it much better."
"Really? You always seem like you are in total control, like nothing can surprise you."
"Hell, that's because I know what to expect. When… when Roku first brought me here, from my… well, my corpse on Earth, 2011… I was scared shitless. And when I woke up, realizing where I was… well, you saw the mess on the floor on Eden…"
"Right… I just assumed it was because of the booze."
"Ash… just because I'm allowed to drink, doesn't mean I get drunk every day. Hell, I think at that time, it must at least have been, what, a month since my last hangover? At any rate, I wasn't drunk… probably just Roku fucking with your equipment."
"So… how would you have handled the Virmire thing… you know, if you were the commander in that game you talked about?" Namira! I wasn't really prepared for that one! I am not telling her about the time when I in Genesis had her… no!
"It's really just a game… nothing to become really hyped over…" I say. My arm almost starts moving towards my neck on its own, but I manage to hold it down. Not gonna show nervousness now…
"Thom, it's not just a game, it is the future… well, possible future of this universe as we know it." She mutters; "Fucking Hudson, could at least show up to shed some light on this mess...
"Well… there would be a lot of fighting, which will be much easier now that we have both Tequila and the Delta-guys."
"What else?" I can hear the squeaking of the chair. She is probably trying to sit more comfortably. Somehow, I think she would be a little pissed if I told her how cute she had sounded when she was snoring only a few hours ago. So I decide not to. Besides, I have some more pressing concerns at the moment…
"And… and then there would be a place… a place where the person playing the game, controlling Shepard… would have to make a… a choice…"
"I know that. I at least gathered that much from Jane before I smacked her… sorry about that, by the way…"
"Sorry? For... what?"
"Well, for hitting the 'real' commander Shepard… must have been difficult for you… well, and Tengberg… but mostly you."
"Ash, to me… they are both the 'real' Shepard. Hell, I'm surprised there wasn't an option in the game to have a brother and a sister Shepard. John and Jane Shepard, sounds almost too alike to be a coincidence, right?"
"More like a movie...I guess… but again, how would you have handled the choice?"
"Between you and Kaidan? I am glad to say I never had to. Didn't really play the first game, so I never experienced that scene myself." Okay, so that was a half-lie, but how am I supposed to answer her? Just give her the "Oh, I mostly killed of Kaidan in Genesis, but I did remove you a few times as well." I wouldn't be able to do that.
Not now, and not in a million years.
"But… never mind, I am not going to press it, if it would make you say something you don't want to…"
"Thanks… I think. Perhaps when all this shit is over, and we have kicked Saren's indoctrinated ass back to whatever hole he crawled out of, and the Reapers are sent whining back to dark-space… then I'll have an answer for you."
"I guess I can accept that for the time being… but what was the second question?"
"You haven't really answered the first one yet… don't try to play me for a fool, Chief." I smirk. At least, I think I'm smirking. Itøs hard to tell when my face is as dry and stiff as wood, as well as a sour taste in my mouth. Gods, I need to brush my teeth...
"Fine… if you really wanna know, then I'm just… I'm not not-okay with all of this, but I'm not okay with it either. I think it's mainly the part of being viewed as a fictional character that gives me the creeps…"
"You do know that at least they don't hate you like certain other people we might meet along the way… you had quite a fan-scare back in my time."
"Weird to think about… so many people knowing me…"
"Yeah, and like you said, watching you bathing." I chuckle. This conversation is developing for the better now. I wouldn't really mind though.
"That… is not what I wanted to think about… disgusting really…"
"If it helps, I never watched it… considering there even were such scenes…"
"Not sure if I should take that as a sign that you are a gentleman… or your way of saying I'm ugly…" She says, a faint laughter evident in her voice.
"Well, unless you changed dramatically in the time I've been here… then take the gentleman-option." She chuckles at my answer, probably thinking I'm sounding like an overconfident idiot, trying to score.
"So I'm not ugly in your eyes?"
"Ha ha ha... way to bait, Ash… I'm not that good at these kinds of talks… I'm actually surprised I haven't started mumbling or sweating yet… but… if… no, that sounds wrong… eh…"
"Cat finally caught your tongue?" She asks, a bit of her cockiness hearable in her voice. God I love that voice…everything she says in thát tone just holds... sensuality.
"Well… to eh… to put it like this; If someone called you ugly, they would have to go see a doctor."
"Why? Bad eyesight?"
"Hmm? Wouldn't know about that, I would just beat them up for it." I chuckle.
"A man of violence now, are we?" She huffs in amusement, finger brushing my chin below the gauze. The sensation sends a small chill through me.
"Not really, but there are, as far as I know, two types of people in this reality I beat up, or try to beat up. One is anti-Quarian racists… which is also why I can't go near C-Sec for a while yet… and the other is douche bags who insult people."
"Huh? What happened at C-Sec?" She asks, slight confusion and curiosity in her voice. I can perfectly well imagine the confused expression on her face, which is actually rather cute, at least form what I can think of.
"Ach, nothing big… just assaulted some Turian ass-hat who called Tali a suit-rat… pretty sure I'll be arrested if I walk in there again…"
"Wow… not really the modest guy, are you?" She says, sounding a bit exasperated.
"Well, I did give him a chance for realizing that I did not like the word 'suit-rat', but he didn't seem to catch it… so, naturally, I... handed him the palm of my hand. Felt a bit like smacking a plate of steel…"¨
"Just like Grissom said…"
"Who said what now?"
"Grissom… can't really remember all his ventures, but he travelled the galaxy, describing the different races. He said something about everything on Palavan being made of silver, except for the Turians. They were made of steel."
"Sounds like a cool guy."
"Yeah, I think he also started Grissom Academy, orbiting Elysium. Though I'm not sure if they simply named the place after him…"
"And Grissom Academy is...?"
"Shortly put, it's a big school for the best and brightest humanity has to offer. Ranging from biotic adepts to artists to mathematical savants… I think they have about… two- or three-hundred students at all time. Supposed to be a pretty impressive place."
"Yeah, I can imagine… but weren't we talking about you just a minute ago?" I ask, changing the course of the conversation.
"I told you, I'm fine. Just a bit weirded out by all this gaming and future-stuff. Hell, who wouldn't be?" She says, sighing.
"Mmmmmm… I see your point there. So, I won't ask again, unless, you know, you wanna talk about it later." There is a pause when I have said this, where none of us speak. The squeaking of metal and plastic tells me that Ash is leaning back in her chair, perhaps lying down a bit.
"Perhaps. What was the second question?" Second… questi- oh, right!
"Ehm… do you… remember what you… eh, when… earlier, you said… you called me your… eh… when I was out throwing up, after the first nightmares or hallucinations, or whatever they were, and just before now…" Great, perfect time to start flustering and babbling like a complete moron! I never could do these talks before, why the fuck can't I just do óne single talk now?;
"well, eh… some hours ago… you called… you said… eh… he, he… … …"
"Said what? What's got you worked up now?" She says, the sound of curiosity peeked in her voice. I can feel my palms being wet with sweet, and my face being hotter than the surface of the sun. Why did I have to ask her that? Even begin asking her that? Why can't I just keep quiet?
"I… sorry, but I really suck at talking about these things… what I mean… is that… eh… uhhrr… eh… the other night… when… after the nightmare… when, I think Nic said something about… no, you said something first… you said… well, he responded with the 'Hostage' thing… do you… remember what you said?" Moment of truth, I guess…
"That I would have to rescue you?" she says. Her voice tells me that she doesn't fully understand what I'm asking.
"Well… eh, in that sentence, you said if you would have to rescue me…. You…called me something… remember what it was?" I say, breathing in heavily. I am pretty tired of the sweet-soaked bandage over my eyes. It's starting to itch.
"Oh… is that what you have been so nervous about? Me calling you my boyfriend?" Holy Divines! She said it!
"Well… yes…" I mutter, my voice so low that I'm not even sure if she can hear it. Ash sighs, the creak of the chair meaning she's moving in it.
"I thought... you felt the same… especially after Feros..." She says. Her voice has dropped from the cockiness to a more modest level.
"Felt the same? Ash, of course I feel the same. I'm just not... very good with signals and… This is... coming out wrong… what I mean is, I have no experience with this stuff. And I… wanted to know if you really meant it…"
"My, Thomas" She says with a slight chuckle; "Yes, I did mean it. I kinda had a feeling there was something about you when I saw you the first time. And yeah, I did like you from day one, though it was purely friendly. Then, after finding you safe after the shootout in that clinic, I was… confused, over the feelings of relief I felt. I didn't really know how to respond to them… how to react to them…I mean, we had only known each other for, what, a week?… Well, you at least. I had known about you for at least a week before you woke up on Eden Prime. But, after your… revelation, on Therum, I… well, I don't know why I just did what I did, but it felt good, and then it just… went from there. I don't regret it at all, if that's what you suspect."
This kind of leaves me flabbergasted. That was… she liked me right after the clinic? Damn, I suck at these kinds of talks and spotting signals… so… I have… a girlfriend? Guess I should have seen that one coming. I mean, she did kiss me on Therum… and in the gym… after I barely avoided she vented her anger on me…
"So… we… I mean… I would like to know if… are we…?"
"You know, you blush up so bad with this, it's almost adorable. But yes; if you would like to… I want to spend some time with you. You know, as a thing, just to see where it goes..." Where did that birdsong come from all of a sudden? Why am I hovering above the bed?
My entire boy is in turmoil right now. She just said those magic words. The words I have been dreaming about and feared at the same time. Dreamed about because… well, she is her. What other explanation is needed?
And feared… relationships usually means a lot of responsibility, and then you would have to buy her all kinds of expensive stuff and take her to dinner and invite her home… I think it was the two last things I feared the most. The dinner thing, alias the date… I wouldn't know what to say… I think. And the part where you invite her home… that would just be awkward on so many levels… another thing I won't have to worry about here, I guess.
"That… makes me… so, so happy Ashley. I… I am not even sure how to continue…" A hand softly strokes the part of my cheek that isn't covered by the gauze, and I can feel the roughness of the cheek the hand touches. Apparently, I haven't been shaved in the time I have been here. I'm close to having a full beard. I bet I look like the guy from 'Tier one', the rocker-guy with the big beard.
I place my hand on hers, locking my fingers with hers. Something is pressing in my throat, and my eyes are beginning to swell. The liquid is absorbed by the gauze, and just serves to make the already sweat-soaked clothes over my face damp. For some odd reason I feel as if the left eye is more… cold, than the right, like it's… I don't know…
I can suddenly feel the hand being removed from my cheek. Oh, the doc has probably- I think, before a pair of soft lips is being placed on mine. The bed creaks as Ash leans over it, probably using her hands for support as she positions herself better. Her hot lips press gently against mine, and after a moment of hesitation, I return the kiss as best I can when lying down as I am. Lifting my arm, I slowly and, a bit clumsily, place my hand on the back of her head, drawing her closer. I can smell her scent even stronger now, inhale her breath from her nostrils, and she opens her mouth slowly, letting our-
"Ahem…" A male voice suddenly says, and Ash almost flies away from me, breaking of the kiss as it was reaching the most exhilarating part. Godammit…
"We were… just…" I start saying, not really knowing how to finish the sentence. Emhart cuts me of;
"I don't need to know what you were doing, I got the whole 'Birds and Bees' back in elementary. That's your own business. However, I have retrieved the prosthesis, ready for a test-run." I can hear a small gasp from Ash, as she probably looks at the new… arm, for the first time. New arm… can I even… I… am not even sure what to… I mean, what is it gonna… gnnnhh… this is all just so… too much.
I can handle being slammed through the dimensions, but… having replaced my limps… being not fully human… I take my hand to my head, massaging my forehead. This is so messed up… Mara help me!
"So… it will be just like a new arm? No geth-like stuff?" Ashley says, reserved sceptism in her voice. I don't know whether I should be thankful or worried at the apparent level of responsibility she assumes over me, or the care... I don't know... this is all so new.
"Nope. It will simply look like any other arm. Only, don't challenge him to an arm-wrestle in left arms. He would break the opponents arm, if he wanted to."
"You do know that I can hear you, right?" They are talking about my prosthesis, so I just wanna make sure they are not making any weird decisions while I'm under the… whatever they are gonna put me under…
"Yeah, your groaning made that much obvious." Emhart says. The thud of something heavy being put down on a table, makes my skin crawl. That had got to be the arm. I hesitantly touch the stump where my left arm used to be. The stump very smooth to the touch, and the closing where the arm was… taken off. The closing feels like a straight scar, running the entire end of the stump, making like, what I can feel anyway, a small smiley. I know it sounds silly, perhaps even insane, but I can't help but imagine a smiley on my stump. I give a weak chuckle at the thought.
Footsteps sound from the bedside, and the faint sound of spinning gears and mechanisms being activated follows, as the upper part of the bed raises, causes me to sit almost upright. The sudden movement causes me to gasp, as my lungs are being forced to open and close due to some kind of electrical bolt, shooting through my body. My entire being is like feather and stone at the same time, heavy and light at the same time. It's really strange. When the movement stops, I breathe in, and exhale with a sigh.
"You okay there Fisher?" He asks, causing me to turn towards the sound of his voice, coming from the left side of the bed. I nod.
"Now, before we start the procedure with the prosthesis, we need to do some tests, and remove the gauze from your face.
"'About time. I am sick of not being able to see shit." I say, with a bit more sneer than was necessary, I suppose. He doesn't sound affected by it though, as he continues.
"Yeah, I figured that would be the case, so I prepared some… stuff, to make sure we can un-gauze your eyes without risking them. Okay… that sounded… ominous…
"What do you mean by 'risking them' to be more specific?" Ash says, with a strain in her voice.
"Oh, nothing much. Simply the… repaired left eye. There is a risk of it reacting badly to an increase in the strength of light, so I'm ready with… and this may sound primitive, but an eye patch. Arrrrgggg, am I right?"
"Doc… are you sure you are not high?" I can't help but ask. He simply seems too carefree and easygoing for someone dealing with death and such on a daily basis.
"Perfectly sure my boy. I have just had a bit much coffee. Have to, to remain alive at these hours."
"Speaking of which, I can't see, so… what time is it?" I ask.
"04:32. we have been at this for little under an hour, and we are currently the only people in this part of the hospital. Got a drell with Keprals Syndrome in the room next to ours, but otherwise we are alone." Drell with… could it be?... nah…
"So… should we get on with this?" I say, clearing my mind of the possibility of Thane being next door. Even if he were here, what should I do? Just waltz up and say "hey, I need you in two years to fight a race of bug-like aliens that no one knows exists yet"? Yeah, and then I would be in here for good. Nope, in this case, I'm gonna let canon run its course.
We proceed to do the same tests as before, moving and twisting my arm to make sure that all functions are in order, which they are. I then have to do all these breathing exercises again, being told that they will help me adapt faster to the augmentations my body has received. Then, I'm handed another shock;
"Alright, now we will take a look and see if the new eye has adapted as well. I'm gonna remove the- Fisher, would you please let go of my arm?" I have, purely on instinct, grabbed his arm and I am squeezing as hard as I can, before I realize what I do, and let go of him;
"Thank you. Now, we should have told you this before, yes. But the other doctors didn't see a reason for you to know before it became relevant. Which it, in my opinion, is now."
"How come…" I say as calmly as I can, despite the fact that I could scream; "that I have lost both an eye, and an arm?"
"Well, from the report I read on what happened to you on Feros, including the multiple hallucinations, suicide attempts and the extensive burn and shattering, impalement, and blinding, pretty much your entire left side was destroyed. And I know what I am talking about when I say 'destroyed'."
"Gi- give me the full story… how bad?" I say, gulping down as I think about the long list of different injuries I apparently suffered from. There is a short pause, in which Emhart lets a sigh escape his lips, before he resumes talking;
"Alright, but you were the one who wanted to know. Remember that."
I nod.
"Well, first of all, there are the hallucinations, which were mostly treated by doctor Karin Chakwas, the Normandy's medicinal officer. Several blood vessels had exploded, dealing some damage to the surrounding neural functions, the movement of the right leg and the behavior-inhibitor. This may have led to some… rather rash and brain-dead actions, such as complete disregard for your own safety, or the urge to do something incredibly awesome that most people would rather see in a movie than even consider doing real-life. Normally, this is the same effects suffered from ADHD, or DAMP. Autism also shares these traits, and generally, it affects the person's ability to judge the situation."
"I can't say I noticed any trouble with the leg… well, aside from what the bullets in my ass would have done…"
"Yes, I have accounted for those. That amount of slugs in such a small area… what did you do, moon the geth?" He asks, his borderline disturbing sense of humor shining through.
"Geth didn't shoot slugs." The colonists did...; "But what else?"
"Well, the burns you contracted, when the bombs went off, instantly removed the gauze covering your left arm, actually setting it on fire as well as boiling off a good chunk of skin-tissue and muscle. The electrical burn marks, as well as the wires that had etched themselves into your flesh, also did a number on your left arm. I hope you didn't have anything important on that Omni-tool, 'cause it's goner than gone. Also, the extreme heat from what I would guess was a chemical fire, melted and burned most of your armor, causing the right side, as it was the one facing most of the heat, to practically melt away, giving you third-degree burns all over your body. Your underclothing was merged with the tungsten and other low-heat metals in the suit, causing it to practically cover you in melted armor. Suffice to say, when we got you, you looked like half burnt sausage, and half plastic. I was frankly amazed you were even breathing, seeing as the materials had hardened again, pretty much forming a shell around your right side." Wow… I must have looked like Shepard at Lazarus...
"Then, there were the impalements. How I do not know, but you had been walking with a shard of steel, the size of my hand, sticking out from your thigh, like someone had left a knife in it. Then, there were the facial reconstruction. My guess, which I am sure must be poor, as it is based solely on the damage caused, is that the heat and the constant struggling somehow managed to crack the visor, and the explosion caused the shards to fly inwards. Your left eye was a mess. You are lucky that it stopped there, not continuing into the brain. Then you would be kinda dead. We had to… well, scoop out the eye, to use that expression. Of course, it was way more delicate than that, but the eye had to go. It was beyond repair, and looked more like something you would find inside the belly of a fish… not pretty."
"That is… extreme…" Ash finally says. I just nod, wanting him to go on. He catches on;
"The shattering of the left side was caused by an abnormal pressure, a series of minor impalements from spike shaped objects, and multiple major fractures, along with major damage to the tissue, and well, a million scars, cracks and bruises. You really looked more like a run over cat, than a human being that could be saved… kinda scary, thinking about how quickly you regenerated… and well, the arm was… well, paste. The already broken bones hadn't had any time to heal properly, so when you suffered the multiple fractures, the force that slammed you into the wall shattered the arm like a kid with Vroliks."
"Mara… so, it was like a piece of meat really?" I ask, feeling a bit of disgust inside, feeling the resemblance to what happened to my "first" body, when the train hit it.
"Yes, so we removed it, and using the money from the PH-fund, we made a new arm… and a new eye for you. Even matched your eye- and skin color. That's just medical quality for you, right thére."
"And I already have the new eye, right?" I ask, thinking about the odd sensation I got when looking around behind my eyelids.
"Bingo. We inserted it, right after the repair of the eye socket. We couldn't just plug the new one in, had to prepare for it. Ya know?" If I didn't know better, I would think I was having a conversation with a child here. He just… I mean, his entire attitude, he could be related to Joker, for all I know… Hell, it could be Joker… minus the voice, and the whole "I can actually walk around" thing.
"So, can I try and see? At least with the normal eye?"
"Sure. Frankly, I'm surprised the bloody nurse didn't remove the gauze from your head yesterday. You should be fine to look around… wanna do it now?"
"I… Hell yes I do!" I say, eager to get the bandage of my face, and see the world again.
"Well alright then. I am going to make a log, detailing your adaption to your new body parts. If that is okay with you."I nod;
"Sure… just go ahead, get an Oscar and all that…" I say, joking of course.
"Oscar?" He says, a bit of confusion in his voice.
"Yeah, you know the price for good movies? A golden statuette?" Why doesn't he know?
"Well, I am not sure what an Oscar is, but the price for best movie, is called a Nemo." Emhart chuckles. Wait what?
"Eh… sure… go and… get that… just forget I said anything…" I say, starting to feel the heart beating rapidly again. Did I just blow my cover?
"Hmm… must be the inhibitors not having been fully restored yet… should pass in a few days, or be permanent and you'll get Alzheimers… but do lie still. I am starting the recording." Emhart says, moving around. There is the sound of a screen being turned on, I think, and some electronics powering up. A small beep sounds, and the footsteps return, coming back to me;
"Doctor Gerardo Emhart, September 29th. The time is seven thirty-one in the morning, and I am about to perform the last parts of the surgery on patient Private Thomas Fisher. The patient lost use of left eye and arm during a mission with the Alliance navy onboard the frigate SSV Normandy. We removed the eye and arm, and immediately replaced the eye with a synthetic prosthesis. The amputated arm was kept in cryo for the purpose of using stem cells to grow a replacement. The patient chose to receive the synthetic replacement for the arm, and I will now remove the bandages on the head, and let him try out the replacement eye." It's really weird listening to him talking about me like I'm not here. Emhart continues;
"I will then give him the sedative and attach the prosthetic arm. Commencing removal of head-bandaging." He says, walking towards me again. His steps stop right next to me, and I can feel my heart beating faster and faster. Almost as fast as it was beating when I walked the colony on Eden Prime with Ash.
A pair of hands are gently being placed upon my head, starting to pull of the gauze. It takes a while, and he constantly has to stop and place the pulled of cloth on something next to the bed. He could also just be dropping it on the bed, or the floor, but I'm guessing he has a table of some sort placed there. Perhaps along with the new arm. New arm… Mara, that sounds strange… I try moving my left arm again, but of course, nothing but a weak wiggling takes place. It just… it still feels like I have the arm attached. I know that it's gone, but… Mara… it feels like it's still there… He is just unraveling my head, removing the gauze for what feels like hours, although it's probably only minutes, or even seconds. In a few moments, I'll get to see Ash again. I just hope she is not gonna freak out when she sees me with TIM-like eyes...
Always did find that guy's eyes really creepy.
"Alright, I think this is the last batch." Emhart says, moving his hands over the cloth. I can actually sense his hands through the now thin layer of gauze, and my right eye is following his movements by looking at the silhouettes dancing over my face.
"Everything alright Fisher?" He asks. I grin;
"Yeah Doc, I'm just enjoying a shadow play. It's about two hands learning how to dance." I hear a slight giggle to my right, and I'm guessing that's where Ash is still seated.
"Sounds like you are having fun as well miss Williams." He says.
"Yeah, well… he is just a big child at times, is all." She says, and I can almost hear the flushing redness in her voice.
"Hey, I heard that." I say in mock-anger. I then just sigh, and let a small chuckle out. Suddenly, one of the pieces of cloth obstructing my view is removed, and I can see a wall in front of me. I am seated after all, not lying down on the bed. He removes some more of the gauze, leaving almost my entire face free again. The left eye is still covered up. Standing back a bit, the doc looks at me. I can finally see him, and I gotta say, he looks different than I thought. From the voice, I was guessing he would look like some spoiled brat or some punk. He didn't sound serious at all.
But the guy in front of me looks more like… well, he's got a big moustache, like the guy on that American show with bikes, the father. He is red-haired, like Jane, only not as strong in color. His face is covered in an assortment of scars and wrinkles. Like someone who has spent their life in the military, not in a civilian hospital. He even has that long scar going from forehead, across the right eye, and down the cheek. Man looks like he has been wrestling with a warren. Or head butted it, more likely. He has this steel gray color in his eyes, almost like he is blind. He looks at me, noticing the stare I give his eyes. Yes, I stare: it isn't everyday you meet a blind doctor, who is in this much control of what he is doing.
"Nah kid, I'm not blind. 'Was born with eyes this color, and well, it has been a real lady-magnet." He says the last part with a wink of the scarred eye. I hear a grunt from Ash, and turn to look at her. Mara, I missed that face… Ash is sitting in her chair, leaning forward towards me. She places a hand on mine, smiling in her special warm way;
"Hey Chief. Nice seeing you again." I say, not really being able to contain a smile that spreads across my face like the Joker's scars. The smile on her face widens, her eyes almost beaming. I can feel the red flush to my cheeks, and it is just overall an awesome feeling.
"You too. Although I've been seeing you for the past week, and you haven't exactly been playing invisible man, so…"
"I get it. It's like… I've just… and this will sound cheesy, but I've really missed your face, and your smile, and your eyes." She smiles, and gives me a light punch on the arm.
"Too cheesy?" I say.
"Too cheesy." She agrees. I reach for her, and she places her hand in mine. We lock our fingers together, and sit like this for a while. Finally, after what I see as far too little time, Emhart reminds us of his presence with a slight but determined cough. Letting go of her hand, I look back at the doc, who, for a short moment, has a soft look in his eyes, but it quickly disappears again, and is replaced with the same steel-like look in his gaze. I sigh, and look him in the eyes with a smile. Or, I think I smile. I don't know what it comes out as;
"Well Doc, can I have the other eye free as well?"
"Sure. Has your eye adjusted to the light in the room?" I nod, and he gives me a knowing smile.
"Eager to get out of here, are ya?" he says, reaching for the cloth and gauze on my head. I respond with a hum. I am actually more nervous over Ash's and the other reaction to my new eye… and the new arm."
"Now, we'll just remo-" He starts saying, but is cut short by the door being opened, and heavy footsteps trudging in.
Looking in the direction of the door, I see the shape of an 82.1 kilogram buff, bearded, short haired guy, wearing a casual uniform with the Normandy sigma on its right side. His face is decorated with bruises, and his eyes have dark bags under them, giving the young man the look of an older person. The smile on his lips however, betrays the look of seriousness on his face.
"They only told me you had just woken up. But damn if you aren't already being unwrapped." Nicolai says, crossing his arms across his chest with a huge smile on his face. He constantly brushes away strands of dark hair as they fall into his eyes, grinning like a moron. But hell, if he isn't s sight for sore eyes… or whatever the saying is.
"Yeah, you are just in time for the big reveal mate. Turns out I lost both an arm and an eye, and now they are giving me a new of both." While I'm talking, he catches a glimpse of something on a table next to the bed. Following his gaze, I look upon what looks like a severed human arm, only with several wires and cords going from the end, instead of arteries and blood. My eye simply freezes at the thing, eyeing every small detail. The prosthesis looks like any other arm, complete with skin tone, hairs and even the occasional spotting. I wouldn't say it looks exactly like my old arm, but it's pretty damn close. In the cross section, where the arm ends, I can see the "bone", the muscles and tissue. From the inside, it doesn't look very human at all, but more like Bishop from 'Aliens'. The bone shines with an eerie glint, resembling metal more than human bone. The doc did say it was graphene or something… I look back at Nic, who has managed to tear his eyes from the thing. Looking back at me, he breathes in heavily;
"Damn… I didn't know it was that bad. I mean, I knew you had lost the arm… but the eye as well?" I nod. He goes on; "Anything else you had replaced?" he gives me a smirk.
"Eh?"
"Anything important?" What is he...- oh!
"Are you going to check on that, or are you gonna shut about it?" I say, daring him. No matter what, he'll lose.
"Nah, I'm gonna let…" He says, giving Ash a quick look; "someone else, do tha-" He says, almost finishing his last word before a hand is placed over his mouth from behind. His eyes fly open in surprise, as he receives a knuckle on the head. The hand releases him, leaving him to swear and curse while the face of Corporal Teresa "Tequila" Aquila appears from behind him, brandishing her fist. She shoots him an almost evil grin. He looks back and sighs, giving an almost defeated moan, before leaning against the wall, rubbing his head. Tequila turns to look at me;
"Good to see you're still with us, Fisher. 'Gave us quite the scare back there." She says, showing the tiniest smile on her lips. She as well as Nic, is brandishing a few new cuts and bruises. Just a few less scars on her face than his. She has a piece of cotton over her left cheek, held on with what almost looks like tape. Other than that, she looks no worse for wear than Ash or Nic. I wonder... if I have been here for weeks... why are they still injured?
"Sorry about that Corporal. I'll try to be more careful next time." I say, giving her a grin. She doesn't return it, though her lip does curve into a little bigger smile. I take that as a good thing.
"Yeah you better. Made tough guy here" She gestures at Nic who suddenly turns his face towards her; "have a real fit. Seems like there is something soft under all those muscles after all… let's hope there is something up there" She taps his head; "as well… or, let's hope there will be some as well." Nic brushes her hand away;
"Stop that. Who are you, my mother?" He almost sneers, but sounding more annoyed than angry. She just shrugs, giving a small chuckle. He turns back to me, while Emhart has resumed unwrapping me. Now, I can feel that all but a small portion of my face is free, and that rather long, sweaty hair is now falling down my face. Ash removes it;
"You know Thomas, you almost have as long hair as me." She says, brushing the strands away from my eyes.
"Thanks, and I do intend to get it cut. Frankly, I prefer my hair to be short. Never understood the people who wanted it long… the boys, I mean." I add the last part with haste as I see her raise a brow.
"Alright Fisher, moment of truth. Would you prefer that your friends waited outside while we do this, or do you want to look them in the eyes and say "Hey look at the new me"? I can understand either way, but it's your choice." Emhart says. I look back at Ash, Nic and Tequila, and shrug;
"Nah, I would actually like if they stayed here."Because I'm less nervous that way…
"Well alright then. Time for the big reveal, and to see if I wasted my time on the Academy." He says, continuing unwrapping the gauze, lifting of the final pieces.
I still have the left eye closed, to prevent any… well, to prevent something, I guess. I am not really sure what. Might just be my imagination, or the fear that I'll have TIM's eye when I open it. After some time, the final piece of gauze is removed, and I can feel a slight breeze from an open window touch and caress my now unobstructed face. Looking around with my right eye, I can see the anxiousness on the faces of those around me. Well… Showtime…
As I feel on the still closed eyelid on my left eye, it strikes me just how normal it feels. There is no buzzing of nano-machines, no cold feeling of steel. Just feels like a normal eye. I breathe in, holding my breath, before I finally exhale and open the eye. There is a slight movement in the group, as if seeing something they were not expecting. Fuck! I bet I look just like Zaed!
For a long moment, no one speaks.
I look at Emhart, who is scratching his neck, looking like a schoolchild who forgot his homework. He sneaks a peek at my new eye, where after he actually averts my gaze. I feel my body starting to boil over with a combination of panic and also a fair amount of anger. He fucked up! He fucked up my eye!
"Emhaaaart…" I almost sneer; "Give. me. a. mirror." This seems to snap him out of his trance, or whatever he was in, and he scurries to the table to retrieve a small handheld mirror. As he hands it to me, he quickly steps out of reach, apparently in case I should try to hit him with it. I give the others a look, and see that they are still somewhat tense, though the look of horror I was fearing has not taken place in their eyes. That's something at least…
Looking in the mirror, I notice something is different about the left eye. No, it is not because it isn't there, it is. The difference is, that while my right eye has a normal blue iris, the left is now sporting an almost shining green color in the iris, as well as an almost yellow center. Besides that, it looks fairly normal. Of course, those things do count for a lot when you look yourself in the mirror and see two… well, actually three different eye colors. There are, around the eye, lots of small scars and places where it looks like shards have been taken out. The skin color is the same, thank Mara, but it bears a scar going from just above the eye, to just below it. I have received a… what is it called… the kind of scar that goes from above the eye to below? As much as I dislike facial scarring, I have to admit… it looks pretty badass.
I look back at the group, tossing the mirror in Emhart's direction. He catches it, and I don't have to answer for having smashed a mirror. I sigh, and put on a smile. Or, I try to. I'm sure what comes out, as the group only seems to slightly relax;
"Hey come on. I'm still me. I've just been scarred and… what's it even called, to have your eye color changed?"
"'Ey don't get me wrong mate, it looks incredibly badass and all… but it's more the changed color that freaks me out a bit." Nic says.
"Still, it could have been much worse." Ash says, smiling at me. I smile back, knowing that she at least isn't horrified by the new appearance.
"Does it work? I mean, is there a difference from the old… eye?" Tequila asks, curiosity winning over her initial shock. I close the right eye, looking around with the left one only. There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with it, as I can perfectly well see with it.
"Seems like it. At least, so far I don't see anything wrong with it." I look at the doc, who I breathing an obvious breath of relief;
"So… is there some reason I have new eye color?" I ask him. Not that I would bother having a new surgery done: we simply don't have the time. The doctor looks at me again, wiping a bead of sweat from his forehead;
"I… am not really sure. By all means it should have been blue, just like the original one… We did nothing different from normal procedures… I… don't understand… the weirdest part is, that it was blue when we inserted it. Your guess is as good as mine"
Well that was helpful… I sigh, and shrug;
"Don't kill yourself over it. At least I'm not blind…" This seems to lighten him up a bit, but causes some hearable gulps from the group.
"Alright Doc. Judging from the tests we did… well, the last time I was awake, I should have pretty much full functionality, right?" He seems a bit surprised at the question, but quickly gets a hold on himself again;
"Yes, but we still have to sedate you, attach the arm and run some tests with it." I look at the group, in which Ash's eyes never leave the arm.
"Just get it over with." I say. And Emhart returns to the screen, pushing some kind of holographic button, and a small green light replaces the red that was in its place before.;
"Doctor Gerardo Emhart, September 29th, 10:12 in the morning. I will now, having unwrapped the patient's head and confirmed that functions are normal, continue to the sedation. The dose will be 1.22mg of Azaperone." Emhart picks up a… needle.
Fuck…
"I will now inject the patient with the sedative. The time is 10:13 in the morning." Emhart says before moving to my bed. I can feel the sweat rolling down my face, soaking my body.
I. hate. needles.
He closes in, finger on the trigger and ready to shoot me in the arm. Or wherever he is going to shoot me. come on! come on Thomas! It's just a needle!
However, my body, or me, will not agree to my brains conviction. It is a needle. I know it sounds silly as shit, but I just don't work with needles. I don't!
"Now, hold still. It will be over in a minute." Emhart says, apparently sensing my… well fuck, my fear.
"Eh, couldn't we, you know… give me something to drink instead? Or perhaps one of those binds with drugs in them? Or how about knocking me out?" I say, my voice is starting to lose it, mumbling and being incoherent. This is not happening! Not happening!
As if in slow-motion, the needle inches closer, nearing me each second. I can feel a bead of sweat hitting my eye, blinking it away. Man the fuck up Thomas! Ash is looking, and Nic would never let you live this one out!
As the needle comes within an inch of my skin, some kind of reflex causes me to tear the arm away from Emhart, letting him stab thin air. He looks surprised, but then gives me a slightly humored look;
"Afraid of needles, are we?" He says, a slight chuckle in his voice.
"Afraid of bullets?" I growl back, making him stop smiling. I feel as the blood rises to my cheeks;
"Sorry" I say; "I… I didn't mean that… just came out…" Emhart sighs, looking at the group of now highly interested individuals. I follow his gaze, and see them all looking at me with wonder in their eyes… well, except for Nic. He always knew of, and teased me with, my fear of needles. Tequila and Ash, however, looks like they did when I spilled the beans… well, minus the horror of course. Emhart sighs;
"Will one of you… hold his hand?" He makes it sound like he is about to sedate a child. I'm no child! I survived Eden Prime! I killed geth on Therum! I killed Xenos on Therum! I killed Warren on Feros and I smacked zombies and blew up the Thorian! I'm no fucking child!
"Then… stop acting like one, and take… the needle." Roku says. Figures, he finally comes back, and he sides with the doctor;
"Fine, I'll do it." Ash says, walking to the bed and grasping my hand. It does calm me down, I admit that much. I just hope this doesn't mean she will think me a coward… and where the hell is Jane? Oh right, drinking her senses to hell…
"Now, we'll take it again. Hold still and relax." Emhart says, refilling he needle. He then moves it to my arm, which makes the same movement again. This time though, Ash is holding it steady, making sure the doc can hit the right spot. So to speak…
The needle touches my skin, and I feel like I'm about to burst. This will hurt like-
"And that's it." Wait, what?
I look at Emhart, retracting a now empty needle. I can feel my entire arm buzzing, as if he used that strange stuff again. I have no idea what that azeprone, or whatever he called it, actually is, but it sounds almost latin… which probably means that it is something smart… Hell i don't know. I'm a tech-student, not a medicinal adept…
"So… what now?" I ask, as Ash keeps a hold of my hand.
"Now" Emhart says, putting the needle away; "Now we wait."
It's not beacause he has to wait long, as I*m already feeling a bit drowsy. It feels really weird, knowing you are sleepy because he stappe you, but there it is…
"I think it is… working…" I say, almost yawning. As he responds, I can only see his mouth moving. Sound no longer reaches me. must be a sideeffect…
Then, the familiar blackness swallows me and I drift off.