A/N: Alright people. I have been thinking on how to best portray this mystical Icelandic man, who seems to know Jane. Is it our Jane, or a comletely different? Does he have an actual impact on our story? Will he ever meet up with the team? Perhaps some of these questions will be ansered sooner, rather than later... as for now, I have settled on generally giving him shorter chapters, as to maintain a sort of regular updat on him, yet not wasting all his potential in one or two chapters, leaving him in the dark till we, if we, meet him again. So, settle with shorter chapters or perhaps even just sections in chapters with this guy, as it's really the best I can do. For now though, I actually managed to write a 9.000 word chapter with him and Tara ONLY.

And, a small sidenote, thought it deserved some... spotlight, if that's what you call it: My story, has now exceeded... exceded... that word, 10.000 views!

(Actually, it's 11.000, but 10.000 just looks better :) )

Alright, I've bickered for long enough. Enjoy the chapter, and, as our character would say, "Odin guide you." (His words, not mine)

Lost Heart

Illium

Nine days earlier: September 20th. 2183.

"Don't worry Thomas. It's not because you can be that bad." A woman says, as she leans over the man, naked besides her underwear. The scene is something familiar, but still it evades his memory. The man groans on the bed, pulling the dark-haired woman down on top of him, embracing her with a soft kiss. He as well, is wearing nothing but his underwear. His face is obscured, making it impossible to see.

The scene shifts, changing the two figures, replacing them with a redhead, and a man with dark blond hair. They are sitting on a sofa, embraced in a passionate kiss. Both of them are seen from the back, not showing the faces. The man on the couch is starting to pull of the woman's shirt, while she is pulling of his. The movements grow wilder and faster, and the scene becomes more and more familiar, springing into memory as the night he spent with Jane two days before the incident.

"Jane…" the man moans, as he places his forehead on her chest. She throws her head back, a large smile evident on it.

"Don't… don't stop!" She moans, pressing her hand on the back of his head, forcing it t go even deeper.

Suddenly, a ray of light, the color of a sick yellow, starts shining from everywhere and nowhere at once, enveloping the two. The two lovers continue, despite the light. Slowly, the light starts concentrating on Jane, focusing all the rays of light on her body, causing it to glow. Slowly, ever so slowly, she starts dissolving, evaporating before his very eyes. Powerless, his own form simply continued caressing the now halfway gone woman, his head between her now non-existent breasts. Feeling his own grief well up as he could only watch, he attempted to scream, only for his words to come out as a whisper;

"Jane…"

"Jane!"

Magnus awoke with a gasp, almost screaming, as the skies opened up outside. The loud thunder on Illium was nothing compared to the storms Earth could experience, but it still packed a punch. Listening to the rain drum on the roof of the building, making him realize that the room was not just in some squared-away place in the city, it must have been all the way up top. Perhaps in one of the towers, he was not sure. The sweat rolled of him like an avalanche, soaking the neck on his clothes, along with most of the upper body.

By Odin, what was that?! A nightmare? What kind of nightmare would let you see people you don't even know? What was that light? Questions were racing through his head as he tried sitting up in the bed, if you could call it that.

In a hammock above him, Tara woke with a jolt as she heard his shouting, fearing that the gang from those days ago had finally found her, and wanted to finish the job. Seeing that the source of the shouting came from the obviously shaken human, she leaned out from the hammock to get a better look;

"Ola- Magnus… are you okay?" She asked, concern evident in her voice. Over the last five days, this human had proven to be a better friend than most she had had so far. Magnus was strong, almost like one of the human builders of bodies, whatever that actually meant, and at the same time as being prone to violence, he was a caring sort, not tolerating injustice when he had a saying in the matter. Of course, she had based the last part on the only two occasions she had taken him out of the shack so far.

One, was when she wanted to go and buy some equipment for the one surprise she had in store for him, the Ashantí, and the shop owner, seeing the human coming into her store with a Quarian, had thought that Tara was his slave, and ancestors, she despised that word. It insulted her very being, her freedom, to be called a slave. Magnus had been the same calm as the evening with the turians, asking the Asari behind the desk to elaborate on her choice of word, and was asked whether he wanted her to simply call his slave 'suit-rat' or 'Quarian'. He had calmly, while Tara herself was fuming, asked the Asari to explain why she thought Tara was his slave. The Asari had answered that she must be, as no race with self-respect would spend time with 'one of those' as she had said, pointing at Tara, if not because the Quarian was to carry his wares. Magnus had then calmly, though with a twitch in his eye, explained that if the Asari didn't stop speaking about Tara like that, he would be forced to do something illegal. The Asari had snorted at him, calling him a 'rat-lover', where after he calmly had walked over to Tara, asked her how much she had intended to buy, asked for twenty credits extra, bought a vase of ceramics, turned to the Asari and shattered the vase in her face, knocking the bitch out cold. Then, he had simply walked out of the store, carrying Tara's things for her.

The second time was when they had been looking at the 'Vista', the view over Nos Astra's skyline, and a rather insolent Volus had complained about how the Quarian took up place from the 'better races'. About four seconds later, the same Volus had found himself dangling over the ledge, forced to apology to Tara, lest the insane human should accidentally drop him. Both times, Tara had watched him with a mix of intigue and admiration. Intigue, due to his reactions to insults which she would simply ignore, and admiration for the way he stood up for her, and perhaps himself as well, taking, what he called 'shit' from no one. There definitely was something about him. Tara could feel he had a past extending beyond having wasted time in a bar.

"Huh?" He asked, not really listening over the fast breathing that caused the entire room to echo with the strange noises. Granted, the sound of strained breathing was only strange to her, as the sound of Quarians breathing was emitted through their voice-emitters, meaning that the sound would come out as synthetic.

"Are you okay?" She repeated. He looked up at her, probably noticing that she was only wearing her basic thin-suit, the one that fitted closest to the body, allowing for the venting of bodily gasses, increased skin-absorption of filtrated air and the comfort that simply came with not sleeping dressed in all ones everyday clothes. It was comfortable when sleeping under the stars on hot planets. She'd been on Zorya, once, and found the undersuit more comfortable than the complete deal. Magnus' gaze, although probably too distorted from the sudden awakening and shock, made her flush as she realized that her current clothing must have been the same as human women sleeping with very little clothes on their bodies. How she would like to one day try that. Though, there was the issue of an immune-system that sucked ass to account for;

"Yeah… yeah I'm… it was just…" He said, starting to mumble.

"Bad dream?" She said, finishing his sentence for him. He nodded, before he fell back down on the mattress, sighing. The heavy rain was still thundering on the metallic roof, reminding her of the beat of the human drums. The instrument that originally would be covered in the skin of an animal, had later been used by all sorts of human musical groups, "bands" as he had called them. The concept had amused her, being told about how thousands of humans would gather to listen to some people playing music. Music, which these people could just hear on a radio, or the downloaded extranet-music on their speakers. At this, the man had simply shrugged and said something about how humans liked being at that kind of gatherings.

"What happened in it?"

"It was… it is hard to explain… and I doubt I could…" He said, hesitation and doubt filling his voice. Along with something else… fear? She hadn't seen him show fear at any point in the days they had known each other… and he had been assaulted by turians, scarred for life, and even lost a finger. Still, he seemed to function just fine, and Tara hadn't been able to see any signs of PTSD. It almost seemed like he was accustomed to danger, to the risk of dying every second of his day, and night. He even slept with an improvised knife under his bed, being paranoid about being attacked every second. Yes, there definitely had been something before and beyond the bar.

But now, he seemed like someone who had seen a ghost, trembling and actually showing signs of being visibly scared;

"Try me." She said, determination in her voice. If he had problems, the least thing she could do was to attempt to help him. Even though she probably couldn't.

There was a long pause, where Magnus didn't speak. Looking at him, she could see his brows were furrowed, and his lips pursed. He is considering telling me… but why the sad face? She thought, as she looked upon the young human. Finally, Magnus sighed and looked at her, a hard gaze in his eyes, but also a sad one.

"It was about… well, you remember I told you that I used to be in the Alliance?" She nodded, remembering his talk about being a sergeant in the Alliance Navy.

"Mmm…" she said, leaning on one elbow. Her two silver orbs shone through the opal visor, focusing on his face, running them over his weathered face. He was still very attractive, despite the large scar that now decorated his face, making him look like someone with a constant half-smile on his face. it all just added to the rough look. Wait what? Why am I thinking that? n-no, just concentrate… I wonder if he is single... No, stop thinking like that you stupid girl! You have only known him for five days, three of which he was actually conscious! Mission first, mission first!

"Well… I was actually not just in the navy… I was part of the N7-program but-"

"You are an N7?!" Tara almost shouted. The N7's were the best soldiers humanity had to offer, and here she was, in the same room as one. She was about to continue when she saw he held up a hand, to stop her from talking, so that he could continue his talking;

"As I was saying, I was part of the program, but I never qualified above N6. I… failed, when it came to lead people… got some of my team injured, one was even killed… I was lucky, I guess, that they di not strip me of the entire N-rank, and sent me back to boot camp." He said, sighing heavily. Tara cocked her head;

"Was that what the nightmare was about? The mission?" she asked, placing her head in her hands, making the hammock swing slightly. She was surprised to see him shake his head, causing the hair to fall over his eyes. Brushing it away, he continued;

"Not really, though it has been haunting me ever since. But the reason I mentioned the program, was that after having spent my life alone, I joined the marines as soon as I had the chance. When they made me a sergeant, I received a commendation for the N7-program." Tara was not sure what to think of this. She had a vague idea of what the human ranks were in their military, and sergeant was not that high above the lowest ranks. How did he get the recommendation for that program, when he was just a sergeant?

"How did you get that commendation? What did you do?" She asked, no longer able to contain her curiosity, despite the fact that she was interrupting Magnus;

"Hmm… what did I do? I am not sure I did any one thing… rather, it was perhaps my overall performance that made me an option. I excelled through every single course they put me on, scored between 98-100 on all targets, except for with the support-role light machineguns. Never had a thing for those. But I reckon that it was my skills with the long-range weapons, like the Hammer, that made them notice me. When I, as corporal, led a squad of about seven men, to capture a bunch of Batarian pirates, busy regrouping after a failed attack on Ferris Fields, I provided cover for my squad with precision, that I spent twenty one rounds, on twenty one targets. Well, I didn't kill them all. Command wanted someone to interrogate, so I tried taking them down alive. Problem just was, I was two kilometers away from them, so when I tried taking one in his leg, I ended up blowing it off. Wasn't a pretty sight. But, I managed to nail one in his foot, eventually, and he lived long enough to be brought to interrogation. I was given a promotion for the mission. Not for my leader skills, but for my marksmanship. We didn't lose a single man, didn't even have a single injury on my side, as I took down every single enemy that loosened a single round at my men."

"That sounds… extreme…" Tara wasn't quite sure if she could believe all this. Although she never suspected him of lying to her, he simply didn't seem the type, she had a hard time imagining a single sniper taking down so many enemies with one bullet each. It just seemed impossible, too perfect to be true, that one man could do such a thing. Well, one human at least. She knew the Farseekers could do it, easy. Still, she motioned for him to continue, now completely enraptured in his tale;

"Hmm… yeah, I guess it was. I didn't really think that much about it back then though, just wanted to get my men out of there. If you want the completely honest story, then perhaps the promotion that could be attained from that feat did help me focus." He said, releasing a small chuckle, one she was not sure on how to respond, so she just kept watching him, letting her eyes wander over the thin shirt he wore when asleep, making out the strong abs on his body. Realizing what she was doing, she quickly averted her gaze, feeling her cheeks flush with embarrassment. Will you stop that? stupid eyes!

"But, I'm going astray, I guess. Sorry, I just kind of got caught up in the "good ol' times" as they call them. Anyway, when I entered the academy, where the program was held. A place just known as 'the villa' in a country named Brazil, a city called Rio de Jenairo, I just knew that I was in for a world of pain. The drill instructor made that perfectly clear to us all. I can't remember his name, but when he started barking at us, I swear; that was a voice you would never forget. Have you ever seen an American human war movie?" The sudden question caught her off guard, but she hesitantly nodded;

"Yeah… I once saw a movie, a really old one. I can't remember the title, but the first scenes were lots of humans running on a beach, where other humans would then mow them down with really old-fashioned machineguns." For some reason, the humans in that movie were killed in one shot, not being shielded by hardsuits or shield emitters. She guessed that the battle the movie had started with, had to be from a long time ago, before the humans even had civilized technology or computers. Whoever had come up with that idea, to have actors run over a beach to be shot, had a sick mind. There was no way humans could be like that to each other. It was just barbaric. She knew Vorcha did it, more often than not simply to run into a flamethrower... but Humans were smarter.

"Were the ones shooting the men on the beach, in some kind of stone-bunkers? Like up on a hill?" Magnus asked. It made her wonder if he had seen the same movie as well, or if he was just guessing.

"Y-yes. And the hero in that scene had a small mirror that he used to see the bad guys with, without being shot."

"A mirror? Hmm… ah, right, I know the movie you saw. It was probably 'Saving Private Ryan'. Did the movie end with the hero dying in front of this large ground vehicle? Did it have like a large gun in front?" He was asking more exited now, and Tara couldn't help but wonder if perhaps someone from his family had a role in the movie, or if he simply had a thing for movies with meaningless destruction;

"Yes, it did. The man died while shooting a tank." The word 'tank' seemed to fluster him a bit. She didn't know why, but she wanted to know why he found the movie so interesting;

"So… why is that movie so interesting to you? Did someone you know come up with the idea for it?" for some reason, her question seemed to make him confused, but also smile.

"Well, that would require that I knew Patton or Eisenhower. So, that would be a no." Ah, those must be the instructors…

"They were good instructors. Although the movie was a little brutal…"

"Well, they weren't instructors, and the movie had to be close to reality, else no one would watch it." This puzzled her. What real thing? It hadn't actually happened in real life, had it?

"What do you mean 'The real thing'?" She asked curiously.

"Well, World War two of course." A world war? Had the humans had a conflict like her people had with the geth? But the bad people in the movie were humans as well… could the enemy disguise themselves as humans? That would be a hard blow to morale. She knew, of course, that humans could be bad as well... long experience with thát, she had.

"What was 'World War two'? And did that mean there was a one'?" She asked. Her question made him stop smiling, and he grew more serious in his expression;

"Wait, Tara… what… did you think the movie was? Fiction?" As a reflex, her hands and fingers started rubbing each other, intertwining and flexing.

"Well… yes?" she almost whispered, afraid that she might just have insulted his ancestors or their memory. This caused his face to crack in a smile. A smile that was only made even more weird by that fact that the left side was already split in one. Before she knew it, he was chuckling. Actually, he was almost laughing. She could feel the color rush to her face, as she realized she had said something very silly, and perhaps even stupid.

"Sorry…" she managed to mutter. Magnus calmed down, and looked at her, still with a smile on his face;

"Sorry? Sorry for what? It's not your fault that you don't know human history. I only know what I do about your people because of Tal- because of a quarian I once worked with. Look at this as your chance to learn about humans, as your fleet-sister taught me about Quarians." He did have a point. She hadn't really had a chance to learn from humans as she did now, as most humans had treated her like a second-class citizen. There were her friends, of course, and the others... people she could't tell him about...

"So… what did happen in that war?" She said, hoping that it wouldn't be too much to answer. Her own people's war with the geth had been a black-and-white kind of war, but she knew that the Turians had had a much more conflicted and bloody civil war at some point.

"Well, long story short, the bad guys in the movie were called Germans, ruled by the Nazis. The good guys in the movie were called the Allies, kind of like the current 'Alliance'. That movie you saw was about the Allies liberating the continent of Europe from the Germans. The first scene was a beach called Omaha beach, where over 3.000 men were killed, trying to storm the beaches of Normandy."

"Why didn't they simply bombard the Gemans… Germans, from orbit?"

"Tara, all this happened more than two-hundred years ago, in 1939 to 1945. More than fifty million people died, and in the end, the world wasn't much better off in 45, than it was in 39… though the Nazis were gone…"

"Oh… how did we go from talking about your dream, to discussing ancient human warfare?" she asked. Magnus looked at her for a second, then shrugged;

"I honestly have no idea." After this, there was a small pause, after which he cracked a smile, and then continued to laughing. She didn't know how to react to this, so she simply closed her eye, smiled and thought; humans can really be strange…though handsome indeed.

"I remember. You asked me if I knew the kind of barking that a human military leader does when speaking to his men. And then we started going into movies." She said, glad that she hadn't cracked as well. She hated her laughter. To her, it sounded more like screaming geth, than actual organic laughter. He didn't comment on it the last time she laughed, but surely, he must think the same.

"Yeah well, when we all got in line, and he stared barking at us, I noticed this redhead, a woman with red hair, was standing right in front of me. I didn't think much of her, until she suddenly shouted that the man up on the podium should shut up and start the training. He then challenged her to come up there, and I thought for sure that she would be thrown straight out of the program. Instead, she turned to face me, and asked me to wish her luck, in case she would have to do something crazy as punishment for speaking out without permission. When I saw her face, I… I simply forgot to even listen to what she said. I… and don't you come with some cheeky comment, or snide remark now, but I was simply… enchanted. She had these… ungodly green eyes, as if they were radiating with green, and this extremely cute nose. And her hair… the way it fell in single strands over her face, covering one of her eyes like a small curtain… it was like looking at Freya incarnate, just with red hair…" for some reason, his talk, the descriptions of this woman, made her heart sink. Not fully aware of it, she released a small sigh.

"Something wrong?" the question brought her back in an instant. Feeling her heart beat even faster than when she had been threatened by the Volus and his Turians, she put a hand to her chest, as if to force the heart to calm down;

"She sounds… beautiful. What happened to her?" the question made him wander back into memories, almost like he forgot Tara was lying in the hammock above him;

"She went to the podium, and the instructor said that since she was so eager to get on with the training, he said if she wanted to prove her skill right then and there, besting him in a match. I was like 'Shit! She is done for!', but she just said yes, and before I could count to ten, the guy was on the ground, she with a foot planted on his chest. I think everyone in the room was completely speechless. No one had expected her, a raw recruit, to beat the hardened instructor, and certainly not that fast! Then, he said a few words, about her being the kind of person we should all aspire to be, hard, efficient, fast and nimble… and she went down again, standing in front of me in the row. There were murmurs here and there, some congratulations, even some who dared her to come at them later… but I couldn't say anything else than 'What's your name?'. I know it was a stupid as hell question, and I expected her to give me something about how the instructor had just yelled it out loud over the room… but she simply turned and gave me a smile, even answering my question." He seemed hesitant to go any further, so Tara, bursting with curiosity as she was, asked;

"So, what was it?" He actually seemed to smile at the question, although there was also something sad in his eyes;

"Jane… her name was Jane…" He said, now with evident sadness in his eyes and voice both. So they are no longer a couple then? Tara found herself thinking, immediately ashamed over the strange content this brought her. Even so, you hardly know him! Sure, he seems like a good guy, and sure he hasn't missed an opportunity to help, but no one is that generous. He must be hiding something girl. Find out what it is. Can't trust him until then! Her inner voice argued with her.

Right… and he is an entirely different race after all… no hope there… damn it… why am I thinking like this? Fuck the hormones. They are not what I need right now! She was getting increasingly worked up, actually managing to piss herself off. Not something she had intended to. She would continue though, find out more about the woman who obviously had Magnus' heart;

"So… then what happened?" She asked, determined to keep the stream of information flowing.

"Well, the men next to us laughed their asses of later that day, when the inspection was over. I retaliated in the sparring matches though, as I kicked their butts. Sure, I got some scraps, was even sent to the floor at one time, but I fucked them all… I mean, I bested them all."

"And despite that, you were still beat up by a gang of low-life turians?" she asked, instantly regretting it as it may look like she was doubting his story. He smiled though;

"Yeah, the next time I'm going in a fight, I'll make sure not to empty a whole bottle of Shard wine first. 'Stuff can really make you lose your focus." He said, almost ending the speech with a chuckle. Humans…

"So, to return to the story?"

"Riiight… well, as I said, I beat the crap out of them all… well, all but two. One was an Asian dude, black hair, dark humor, bad mood and a xenophobe if ever there was one. Think his name was Kai something… anyway, real ace with knifes, glad I never pissed him off. The second person who handed me my ass, if you'll excuse the expression, was of course Jane. I'm still not sure if she, at that time had any real interest in me, or if she simply found me interesting in… well, the other way, if you… understand." Not sure if he expected her to respond, she jus nodded, only seconds later finding out what he had actually meant, and felt her cheeks flush again. Dammit, I have to regulate that somehow…

"But, as I was saying: I met her in the sparring match, and all the other people I had crapped up, they all put their money on her, seeing as she knocked the instructor on his ass… hell, to be honest I even betted on her. Just never told her. She might have been pissed over it, I don't know. But anyway, we marched towards each other on the mat, bowing as we have been taught, before the match began. I would like to say that we were evenly matched, but I could instantly tell that she was holding back, wanting to drag the fight for as long as possible. Hell, I enjoyed it. seeing her move, the grace, the agility… the strength behind the move that sent me flying through the air before colliding with the spectators… it was like wrestling a valkyrie, knowing that I couldn't win, but still wasn't allowed to back down.

Or, I was allowed to back down, I simply didn't want to, ya know? I got back up, engaged her again, circling around her, grapping at her, kicking at her feet. Even got her on the mat myself one time… and that was the only time. The rest of the match, she no longer held back, constantly pushing and pressing me, forcing me on a constant defensive. The worst part though, was that she was calm enough to keep giving me advice while fighting. I wasn't even sure if she was human, the way she fought. After what I later found out was only ten minutes, though it felt like hours, she finally sent me on the ground, then simply sat on my chest, preventing me from getting up. I was about to… I don't really know, when I saw the devilish look on her face, like a cat, eying its prey." He seemed amused by the memory;

"I am not really sure what I had expected, but what I certainly did not expect, was for her to, later in the evening, simply drag me from the data-rooms, all the way to her room. What happened then… let's just say there was more than one way she was- oh, ehm… you probably don't wanna hear about that night…" He said, scratching his neck with the wounded hand, leaning on the intact one.

He was right, though not for the reasons he might have thought. Sighing, Tara cursed herself for being so annoyed over hearing about his girlfriend… or if the humans had some other kind of relationships not occurring among her people. She motioned for him to continue;

"Right… well, that night was… I mean, the next day, I didn't really believe that had actually happened. Well, until she stepped out of the showers… crap, I mean… eh… well, taking a small leap forward, about six or seven months, we both advanced to N4, starting the course in combat diving, escaping from submarines and such, flying jetpacks, firefights and CQ in zero G, among other things. We even had a little… party, when we left the villa in Rio. The good instructor threw us all on one last night recon, with no food, little water and no equipment save for a small shovel and a knife. That, and the paint-guns. He had arranged assort of glorified "take the flag" game, where we would team up, like in real combat." Once more, he seemed to sink back in memories;

"Then each team would have to try and take the opposing teams flag. Problem just was, the flags were two miles from each other, on opposing sides of a nice little strip of rainforest. Wasn't the worst kind of bush, just the usual mud, mosquitoes, snakes, deadly spiders and even the occasional booby-trap, courtesy of our instructor. Jane and I were on the same team, having to learn how to work together. We were sent on a recon, trying to find out where the other bastards were… it was hard, concentrating on the job with her in front of me… guess that's also why we had to train it: for me not to get lost in it when the real battles came."

"Sounds like you had fun…" Tara remarked dryly, finding it hard to imagine that kind of hell as being fun. Not to mention having to imagining him being around some attractive human woman, one she herself would never be able to best. Why am I thinking this? For Keelah's sake, it's not as if… oh dear… no! I am not interested in him. Not in that way!

"Sure did. We ended up ambushing some guys from the enemy team. Turns out, they had gotten the same idea. We were just lucky that we found them first, filled them with paint. When the buggers had walked home, and I still have no idea how this happened, I suddenly found myself smashed against a three, not being able to breathe for Jane's mouth pressed against mine… when we finally returned to base… we eh… had both worked up quite a sweat. And don't worry, I won't go into details. Anyway, when the game was over… after about four days in what most would call a living hell, we were sent on our way, me her and five others, including Kai, the Asian, to Acturus station, then we were given one day of shore leave, which I spent by dragging Jane to the nearest cantina, as there were no restaurants on the bloody station, and bought her dinner… even though it was nothing more than panned potatoes, fried chicken and beer. Hell, it was fun, and we enjoyed each other's company. At least I know I enjoyed hers..." He sighed, looking at the wall next to him. A few moments passed before he continued;

"The next day, we started the jetpack training, and let me tell you, most kickass thing I've ever done. We were each outfitted with the rockets, then assigned to objectives. I remember I had to work in tandem with some Russian guy, Alexi-something. We were to bypass different types of defense and hardwire systems, all the while avoiding cameras, guards and such. Of course, he turned out to be a tech-geek, beyond the definition of the word. He would just slice through all the security, evade and manipulate every camera… simply leave me in the dust. Though, when it came to eliminating targets from the air, I was better than him. He had to be perfectly still in the air to hit something, or come at it in a straight line… me? I was bobbing and weaving. Though I did have to be still when sniping from the air, a practice I never got the hang of. But give me an assault-rifle in the air, and I'll nail 'em all. Or I would… haven't been training for the past two months. Jane was… it was like she was born wearing a jetpack. Like she… like it was an organic part of her. Just another thing that made her perfect… I mean the perfect candidate for the N7." Magnus seemed to be getting a bit nervous, looking around with fast movements of his eyes. I can feel that he isn't lying to me… but he is hiding something… and I doubt he'll tell me anytime soon… what would Lantar have said about all this? Probably something like "Hey Captain, you like that guy, but he isn't into you." Yeah, I wouldn't ask him.

"When we then came to the combat diving… that was probably one of the scariest things I've ever done. Having to escape a sub the same way as they did almost two-hundred years ago, you would think they had made some improvements to the system. Having to wait for a small cramped chamber to be filled with water, only having the air in that small room, then swim to the surface wearing full armored wet-suit. Not a pleasant thing. Several people lost it then and there, started hyperventilating, even crying. Me… I…" he hesitated, probably not wanting to tell her, but by the ancestors, he started the whole anecdote, so she would see him through it;

"You what?"

"Hmm… there is an illness, don't know if it's humans only, called Epilepsy. It is, I think, caused by some fault in the brain, around the stem… I don't know. It causes uncontrolled seizures and in some severe cases, it can cause heavy damage to the brain. I just had a mild case. 'Had some nasty fits though, but Jane actually didn't dump me for it. Figured she would only want the super soldier, but she stayed with me. Man, was I relieved… and happy. When the medication kicked in, I went back at it, kicked the drill in the balls, and pulled it off. 'Was still scary as hell though, but I made it. The next few months, we trained in zero G, practicing grenade throwing on low-gravy moons, leaping through the air and firing full-auto while floating… even sparring in low G. Let me tell you Tara, being thrown around by a biotic in zero G can get you far… literally. Jane once used her biotics when we sparred, seeing as I was actually getting the better of her. Biotics were actually allowed as long as the users kept it to push and pull. Warping people was considered unhealthy. And bad for your grades…"

"Well anyway, we spent the next seven or eight months on these things, diving, fighting, hacking and shooting. Way too little time on the jetpack though, as it was simply awesome. But, eventually, there came the point where we should separate the men from the women, so to speak. Meaning that we had to see who had the material to make N7. The opportunity came up after a few days, when terrorists took control of a nuclear launch-site, on a moon orbiting Jupiter in the Sol-system. The missile was to be aimed at a civilian station on one of the moons of Saturn, place called 'The Sprawl"...About… what, 4-5000 people lived there, and we had to get back the control before the nukes could be launched. That meant retaking the facility with only eleven men. All of us were N6, and Jane led the other team on a covert mission to take out their comm. and power. Since all but seven personnel was confirmed KIA, we could afford to lose the lighting to the place. We entered with night-vision, using stealth and acting as ghosts in the dark, slitting throats and using suppressed weaponry. Even catching the people before they hit the ground, avoiding the noise thát would make. I led the team, using a silenced Avenger and my carnifex. Everything was going fine, till the point where we were to breach the room with the nukes. Then suddenly, hostiles were pouring out from all the doors around us, forcing us into cover. We were better than them, but they were… just so… damn many. Kill one, and two replace him. Fucking Terra Firma… I saw my second in command, a guy named Robert, take a bullet in the eye, and still keep fighting. When we finally were saved by Jane's team… we hadn't really had the time to catch our breath, before Robert simply collapsed. He was dead on the spot. We later found out that he had somehow remained alive for long enough that we could continue the mission, then simply giving in when done. I was, as the commanding officer, given full responsibility and first thing I had to do, was to write a letter to the guys relatives. His old folks, his daughter… it was… I think that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It almost destroyed me. When I was told later on, that I didn't qualify for N7, I didn't argue. I lost men. N7 don't lose men. Not like that." He said, voice sad from the memory of the guilt. The guilt he still carried around.

"Was the station saved?"

"What? Yeah, yeah we saved it. Jane was rewarded with N7, and I remained an N6. In the start, I was actually a bit… jealous. I had been this close… and then I tripped by the finishing line. Jane, she continued on to assume command of a small team of hardcore badasses. Now, this is where you should think that was it, and that I never saw her again… but, and Tyr knows why, she actually requested me to join her team. Of course, I jumped at the chance, although I was unsure if her decision was because of our relationship, or my skills. She never actually told me; just that she needed me on her crew. We then went on several missions together. One, I remember very vividly. It was the one where I for the first time saw the darkness roaming in her heart… the evil she was capable of… it… was like seeing a different person altogether…" His voice was filled with regret, perhaps of not being able to stop her, from whatever she had been doing. Tara didn't know, but it still made her sad to see him like this. Not very sad, just enough so that she felt bad.

"What happened?" She asked in a low whisper, almost afraid of letting him hear the question. For a moment, it looked like he hadn't, but then he spoke;

"Do you… know a planet the name of Torfan?" He asked. Tara did know that planet. It was under the Batarian Hegemony, and housed a number of smaller colonies.

"Yeah?"

"Well… what I'm… Tara, you have to promise me, promise me, that you will never talk to anyone about this. Can you do that?" He asked. She was worried now. What he had told her so far wasn't dangerous information, so it had to be what Jane had done that he wanted her silence on. She nodded, anxious of what he might say;

"We… we set down on Torfan, pursuing a group of pirates who had raided a human-turian colony in the Terminus… they had killed almost all of the colonists, even children… so, we went to bring them in, to make sure they never killed another innocent again. I was pissed, but Jane… I hadn't, and still haven't, seen her like that before. If I should compare her to anything, imagine a Krogan on the blood rage, then remove the krogan and put in a biotic woman with red hair, green eyes and a steely resolve." He said, sighing.

"When we touched down on the planet, we went to the nearest colony, demanding that they gave us the whereabouts of the slavers. Jane was in charge mind you, so I was more like her second. When the locals gave us some coordinates, we left immediately for the place, gearing up for a kill. When we got there, there was nothing… at first. We looked around, and suddenly we were ambushed, snipers and machine gunners all over. We managed to kill them all, no small thanks to Jane's biotics. We found out that the colonists had lured us in a trap, sent us here, and then made sure the pirates were ready for us. I argued for arresting the whole bunch. Jane didn't say a word, but I could feel the hate welling up in her. I could understand the hate, but what she did… when we got back to the colony, she demanded that we rounded up every single person in the colony, men, women and even kids. She then had them all gathered in the middle of the colony, to listen to her. She went on and on with her rampage, shouting and yelling at the scared fucks. I could see some of the kids starting to cry, she was thát scary. The mothers placed themselves in front of the kids, whether they were their own or not. The men scowled at her, most with fear in their eyes, but some with insolent hatred. There was this constant blue haze around her, like she was at an all time ready to destroy every single person she could lay her eyes on. Then… it happened…" He said, and Tara could see how his face almost turned gray at the memory.

"What happened?"

"She… one of the Batarians… someone in the crowd… we never found out who, threw a rock at her, hitting her helmet so that the visor cracked, and she was almost thrown to the ground. Before I, or anyone else could react, Jane was… she just… killed them. She just snapped, heaving herself into the air, and then launching herself into the crowd… then, she just started killing. And killing… she just went on and on while we just stood there and watched. We just watched! The people farthest from the center, from her… they got away. When the civilians around her had escaped… the ground was just… you couldn't see the grass for corpses, corpses and torn off limps. I remember this one… man. He threw one of his wives out of Jane's way, only for Jane to grab him instead. The… the blood… she turned him inside out, while his friends and family just ran away…"

"Keelah… that… I never even heard of that…" This was all so massive. Hearing about the things he had been through, what he had done, what he had witnessed… this Jane had turned out to be a monster, and slaughtered a colony.

"A part of me sorta died that day… as did a part of Jane. I could never forget, nor forgive what she had done, and for a long time, I contemplated turning her in to the Alliance tribunal of war crimes…"

"But… you didn't?"

"Huuuuuuhhhhhh….no… no I didn't. Believe me, to this very day, I still wonder if I should have… if there was anything I could have done…"

"So Jane wasn't prosecuted?"

"Not that I know of, no…"

"So what happened? You stayed away from her?" Tara asked. For some reason, this lifted her hopes, but she was disgusted by the reason for it.

"As strange, and probably wrong as it sounds… no, I didn't. while I avoided her for the rest of the mission, and the day… when she came to me later on, begging for my forgiveness, for my help with… overcoming herself. She cried and sobbed, telling me that she was becoming a monster. I was surprised, to say the least. But I was also a bit more calmed down than I had been the earlier days. We sat down, talked… I eventually convinced her to confess to a priest. Though I'm not Christian myself, she was. When she came out from the closet, the small room where you talk to the priest, I was waiting for her. We both talked to the priest together, trying to figure out where Jane should go from here, how she could find peace with herself."

"The priest didn't turn her in? why not?" Tara could not understand that. what was the point in having her confess to someone, when nothing was done about it? She'd have to ask Lantar later on. Far se she knew, he was the expert on humans. Or, she could ask one of the others...

"In Christianity, one of the major religions of humanity, there is a practice of seeking forgiveness from the holy figures of our churches. When you confess to a priest, in theory, you allow the priest to tell God about what he has heard, and let it be up to God if and how the person should be punished. But then, after some days of speculating, we came up with… an idea. We made some arrangements with the distributors of payment, so that seventy percent of Jane's pay would go to a fund for the survivors from the massacre that was carried out by "unknown" on Torfan. I stayed by her for all that time, and frankly, I think that's what kept her from losing it."

"So… your dream was what happened on Torfan?"

"…No. After the fund had been created, we continued as if nothing had happened, besides the regular checks with a psychiatrist I set her up with. She may have disliked the idea in the start, but she needed it. I know she needed it… and then…" He said, looking like he was considering what he was going to say;

"Then what?"

"I lost her… we were walking somewhere in the Citadel, when some guy suddenly jumped out with a gun, shooting before I could even do anything. My whole world went to shit that day, and before I knew it, I was lying on a toilet here on Illium. A few months later, I found you." He said, ending his tale in a rather as-a-matter-of-fact way. Rather unusual for the expression on his face.

"I… I'm sorry to hear that. There was nothing the doctors or any onlookers could do?" The Quarian asked.

This caused Magnus to delve deeper into the memory of the day it had all gone to shit, looking back at Jane, crouched over his body. I told her my story Jane… but I didn't mention that I was the one to die… I wonder, could you be watching from somewhere, somehow being aware of my actions, watching over me from other dimensions?

There was no point in telling Tara something she, even if she believed everything he had told her so far, could not believe: that he had been killed, picked up by the Grim Reaper, and then shot back out in the seemingly same universe. But if it was the same, why not simply spawn him close to Jane? It was this same rationality that had kept him from simply asking Atheyta where Jane Shepard, commander of the Normandy, was. For all he knew, the Shepard in this universe was a guy, or even non-existent. His view of reality and what was possible… had long since gone out the airlock, so to speak. The dream did mean one thing though:

Even in his sub consciousness, he knew he had to find a way back to Jane, or pull the trigger on himself when he met a male Shepard. There really wasn't more to it than that. Sighing, he looked up at Tara, the Quarian girl who had repaid his help by taking him in, nursing him back to a somewhat normal state, though he now sported nine fingers, and a probably hideous scar on his face. "All in a day's work", as she would have said…

I wonder if I'll ever see her again… smell her hair… Look into her emerald eyes… Feel the heat from her body…

"Well, I'm glad for the concern… but since I've pretty much told you my entire life story… could I ask you a question Tara?" She seemed a bit surprised at this, but nodded.

"What did you use all those money on?" The question left her silent for some moments, before he could have sworn he saw a grin behind the helmet.

"Get up. I'll show you."

Alright, that actually was longer than I had dared hope for! I had hoped I might be able to squeeze out some 5.000 words with Magnus, but the bugger just wrote itself. With some help from a certain female Quarian, of course :)

As I alway say, remember to review, rewrite or rethink your strategy for eating cheese! Wait what? Damn, I must be tired... just remember the first "re-" thing.

Till next time.