The Diego Diaries: Shadow Box 29: Spam-A-Rama (Among The) Ding-Dong(s) (Edited for boo-boos) :D
-0-Around the city that same afternoon
"Did you watch the hearings on Earth?"
"Yes."
"What did you think of it?" (Turns to put another tray of cookies in the oven)
:I don't know. If I could figure out their thinking I would be able to answer that question. But I don't. Its too strange."
"I think so too. Ratchet did a good job. But I still don't think half the members of that committee understand the threat of the Decepticons."
Rampage paused a moment to look at his apprentice, Bon. "That is what Megatron counts on, Bon." He looked around his bustling kitchen at The Bakery in The Mall of Metroplex. "Fortunately, we have our own world and it won't matter if they throw a fit on Earth. We will still be here to protect them."
Bon nodded. "I'm glad. I saw this happen once in a colony where we stopped to refuel. They didn't think Megatron would bother a neutral world but he did. He destroyed it. I can hardly stand thinking about it, they were so sure."
"Well, they don't have to pay the price here for their dumb thinking. We won't allow it," Rampage said turning to the counter. "Come on, youngling. We have things to do."
The two turned back to their order sheet.
-0-On the street
"What did you think of Prime? He looked good."
"He always looks good. Prowl is one lucky bot."
"Prowl looks good. He always does. Very elegant and handsome."
"He does. I don't really have a preference. I would frag either one of them."
"I can't imagine fragging Prime. My old mech is seventeen feet tall which is tall enough. I can't imagine adding another eleven feet."
"I could." Pause. Evil grin. "I wonder if size matters … you know."
"No. What?"
Pause. Frowning glance at walking partner. "You know. In the berth."
"I would think Prowl would have to put out flares, Prime's so big."
"Not that kind of big, you stooge."
Pause.
"That wasn't nice. It's not my fault I like tall mechs."
"That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about … you know. That."
"What?"
"That part of you that tells your mech all they need to know about you."
"Your optics?"
(SIGH!) "Who do you think is going to win the championship?"
-0-At a cafe table on the curb
"I liked Prime's finish. All the bots looked good."
"They did." Pause. "Which one would you frag?"
"All of them. Anyone of them."
"Ratchet is a looker but he looks like he would crush you in the berth. You are a mini-con after all."
"Are you saying I'm short?"
"You are."
"You're right." Pause. "Maybe those big bots could use some concentrated goodness."
Smirk. "I can imagine."
"What? What can you imagine?"
Pause. "What you said."
"What did you think I said?"
Frown. "You are so touchy."
"Frag that. Actually, I would frag Drift. Then Springer. Prowl and Prime together. Ratchet because he looks like a sport."
"What about Sunstreaker?"
"In a padded room."
"What?"
"It would take a padded room. By the time he got through tossing me around, I would be in pieces without pads to break the falls."
"What makes you think he would toss you around?"
Cool pointed gaze. "A bot can dream."
"Oh."
"I wonder if he has a safe word."
"Maybe you can ask Bluestreak."(smirk)
"I think I just might."
"What? Ask me what?"
Two sets of optics look over their shoulder at a smiling bot sitting behind them having lunch with a smirking Miler. "Uh, nothing."
They left nearly immediately. Blue and Miler laughed a long time.
-0-On the main line, Industrial Plant #7
"Pass that back through the heater."
"Got it." (SLIDE! HEAT!)
"You got five to wait on this one. Look at the slag that's coming off it."
"Yeah. Who you want for the championship?"
"You know that already. My son plays for Vos."
"Kaon wants to play Vos. They think they're the easier team between them and Iacon."
"Let them. My boy will stomp aft."
"He's pretty fast for a center."
"He is. I hear there is a party for the old neighborhood at the Senior Center. You going?"
"Sure. I want to play cards with Wiffle. That slagger owes me."
"From when?"
Pause. Deep thought. "I think Unicron was a sparkling?" (Grin)
"You need therapy."
"I won't argue with you. Here it comes." Steel slides out and two big old mechs handle it like pros.
-0-Elsewhere, in a hospital break room
"That hearing was a waste of time."(Intense tensing of wings because it makes him look good and he knows it as he sets a tray down on a counter next to buff partner who is a real turn on himself)
"Maybe. What do you care?"
"I don't. I am just registering my feelings about it."(Turns best profile to window and checks his finish. A bot can't be too careful around chemicals)
"Oh."
Pause.
"What do you want to do tonight? Now that the solar system is going to hold together for another orn?"(Sneer. Smirk. Folds arms just so because it makes his tires look hot)
"You are one sarcastic little bastard aren't you?"
"Would you want it any other way?"
"No." (grin)
(Smaller bot loses concentration a moment.) "What were we talking about?"
"Fragging."
(grin) "I like the way you think, Breakdown."
(evil grin) "Good."
-0-Here and there
"I think the conference on Earth was a success for us."
"I suppose. It was nice to watch good looking mechs on the teevee."
"You're bonded."(Grin)
"I'm not dead. Drift is nice. Neat colors, smirkalicious."
"Smirkalicious?"
"Yep."
"Thanks, Springer."
"No problem, Drift."
They both smirked and continued out to Substation #6 to begin the Night Watch.
-0-In an alcove in the Fortress
"I think it would be a nice thing to find another place to hang out."
"Why?"
"You practically have to book a time to frag around here."
(grin) "This was our first place."
(grin) "It was. Do you remember?"
"I do. I remember the Night Watch told us to move on." (grin)
Pause.
"I don't remember that."
Pause.
"I do."
Pause.
"Slagger."
"Uh, how about that hearing?"
SMACK!
-0-In the Data Center, City Hall
"Did you hear?"
"What?"
"Magnus and Arcee are getting serious."
"Really. How do you know? Details."
"Magnus smiled at Arcee yesterday."
Pause
"That's it?"
"We're talking Magnus here."
"Ah. Right."
(Nearby) "Hey? I need those stats STAT."
"Keep your pants on." Walk, walk, walk, SET DOWN! "Hey."
"What?"
"Did you hear that Arcee and Magnus are getting serious?"
"Really? That's news to me. And besides that, I don't care."
"Wow. I bet your mech really has a swinging time with you."
"My mech is doing just fine, thank you very much."
"Sour puss." Walks back to desk. Worker sitting nearby only haphazardly listening opens emails from another department. He adds his attachments to the reply and writes at the bottom, "What do you know about Arcee and Magnus?"
Reply short time later …
"I hear that they bonded."
Recipient considers that and hits reply (to 300 recipients accidentally): "Magnus and Arcee are bonded!"
Three hundred recipients in fourteen different divisions and groups all over the city: "Magnus and Arcee are bonded!"
Three hundred recipients smile and send their individual emails to three hundred other recipients for a grand total of 90,000 potential recipients. About 2200 of them don't delete it as spam and read it. They then turn around and email 55 on average of their friends for a sum total of 121,000 more potential optics. Of those 121,000 recipients, all of them resend the email to 22 of their closest friends and family for a total of 2,662,000 optics.
There are approximately 847,000 +/- pairs of optics in residence at Autobot City.
It is theoretically possible that the aforementioned speculative email was also received by Unicron, the Borg Queens three of which are currently upside down up a tree, The One who sent flowers because he is The One, Megatron who was pissed that he was still single, Kup who didn't give a frag because he always deleted all of his emails unless it was porn, Springer who read it to Drift, had a laugh and a high grade before getting back to fragging, Bumblebee who got tears in his optics over the slagging romance of it all as he sat on First Aid's lap watching The Rock kick ass on the Wrestling premier channel, Ratchet whose radar snapped completely in two, Ironhide who stepped on Ratchet's radar 'accidentally', Elita who shared it with Jetta and had a huge laugh which was immediately followed by three joors of background information so that Mack when they were finished could laugh too.
It was worth it.
Metroplex who was told by Kappa who was making a Valentine e-card for the mechanism of her dreams, Metroplex, Zeta who told Xantium who didn't give a frag because he was TEN KINDS OF AWESOME! -WRECK AND SLAGGING RULE!, Silverbolt who was happy because he is that kind of goodness, Omega who didn't believe it because he's that kind of sceptical, Gamma who did because he's just a big softie.
Ask Astrotrain.
Fort Max who was glad because it meant that Magnus might actually remove the wrench wedged three feet up his aft and return a few of his calls in a timely manner, Starscream who thought it was impossible because 'That is the most humorless, sexless and efficient bot I know and he wouldn't announce anything let alone his bonding over a slagging e-mail … did you find out from Ratchet yet, Sky Warp!?', Orion who overhead the staff at his school talking about it with smiles … he would have cared if he got it but at the moment he was trying to get a wad of play-doh off his aft all the while walking in circles trying to see it on his butt … like that.
Oh and Prowl got it too. Four times.
"Did you get a strange email about Arcee and Magnus?" Prowl asked looking up at Optimus who was reading the Autobot Daily News at the dining room table, his plate sitting with his dessert waiting for him.
Optimus looked up at the winger of his dreams. "What?"
"Did you get a message about Magnus and Arcee? I got about a zillion of them. I've been spammed, slaggers."
"I don't know. Really. I don't know. I don't know about anything until the last minute. Why is that, Prowl?" he asked with genuine befuddlement.
Prowl grinned. "A daddy never knows what the kids are doing until the police knock on their door."
"Is that so," Optimus asked with a grin. "I guess that makes you the mom."
He didn't get dessert that night.
-0-In an apartment in a tower in the Mare Tranquilitatis
"That's the fiftieth call about our 'bonding'," Arcee said turning off the monitor in self defense.
"I know. I've been getting congratulations all day. I didn't have a clue why until now."
Arcee grinned. "That's because you're a doofus, Magnus."
He smirked at Arcee. "If you say so."
She grinned and nodded. "I do."
They bonded that night.
-0-TBC
2013 (2) For Pip
NOTE: My valentine to all of you: Go to some ecards . com and howl with laughter. It is the website that Ratchet and Springer would put up if they thought of it. :D :D (Close up the holes.)
This ep was courtesy of KamiCountD who suggested a telephone ep. :D
ENVY: Let me know about Julian. Sounds like my kind of interlude. :D And I hear you. *cough, cough* ;)