"You alright?" Nick softly asked as he paused before wheeling her through the doors to the NICU. Zoe had been awfully quiet all the way up, barely speaking a single word to him. He could sense how scared she was. He hoped with every part of his body that once she met their little boy, this would all change.
"Yeah" Zoe mumbled in barely a whisper, nodding her head "Let's just do it" She said, urging Nick to open the door.
He opened the doors and carefully wheeled her over to their son's incubator.
As she caught sight of their little boy lying there the tears flooded out once again "He's so tiny" She gasped, placing the palm of her hand on the side of the glass "How much did he weigh?" She asked, tilting her head as she watched him intently.
"2lbs, 8oz" He replied, pulling a chair up and sitting next to his wife.
"and what's the prognosis?" She continued to ask questions; feeling her motherly instincts kicking in as it broke her heart seeing him lying there so fragile and vulnerable.
"He's struggling to control his temperature and his lungs aren't fully developed yet" He told her "his other organs are all fine though" He quickly added in attempt to reassure her that he was going to be OK.
"I've never seen a baby so small" She whispered, studying every little detail of him from his fingers to his toes.
Nick reached his hand over and placed it on top of Zoe's, entwining his fingers with hers, "What are we going to call him?" He asked.
Zoe shrugged "Maybe that's not a good idea" She said, glancing at Nick for a moment. She knew that once he had a name, everything changed; he was officially their's and it made it that little bit harder if she ever had to let him go.
"We can't keep calling him it or baby Jordan" Nick said, desperate for her to choose a name "He deserves a name"
They sat in silence for many a while, both just gazing into the incubator; watching him fight for his life with all the strength that he had, "What about Oscar?" Zoe suggested.
Nick smiled, he wouldn't care what name that she had suggested, this meant that she was finally trying to bond with their baby, "Oscar it is" He agreed, squeezing her hand.
The atmosphere was very quiet between them as they both sat gazing into the incubator. Neither really knew what to say to each other, except hold onto each other for reassurance.
"This is all because of me isn't it" Zoe suddenly spoke with a tearful voice. The matter had been playing on her mind for quite a while now but she didn't want to admit it to Nick "If I hadn't gotten drunk we wouldn't be here right now" She said, turning to look at Nick's reaction.
"Don't you dare" Nick said in a stern voice, grasping her hand that little bit tighter "You know very well that this can happen to anyone" He said. No matter what happened he knew that she was always going to blame herself and he wasn't sure how to convince her otherwise.
"I just can't help but think what if" She looked at him, her eyes filling up with tears.
Nick cupped her face in the palm of his hands; running is thumbs tenderly across her cheeks "We will get through this, I promise" He said, moving forward and kissing her and much to his surprise for the first time since he had been born, she actually returned the kiss; kissing Nick as passionately as ever and showing him just how much she loved him and needed his support right now.
"Now why don't I go and get the rest of our children?" He suggested, smiling slightly as he rested his forehead against hers. Glad to see his wife slowly becoming herself again.
"I'd like that" Zoe smiled, letting go of Nick's grasp as he got up to go and collect Maisie, Oliver and Phoebe.
He smiled as he left the room, watching through the window for a moment as she spoke to their son for the first time.