Shotgun Serenade

Some weeks passed by, and their sessions were just as normal...

Discounting the kissing that usually occurred towards the end of each time slot, Dr Quinzel had learned quite a bit more about her dearest, most favourite patient - in professional terms anyway...

Joker could tell that in each session, not only had he manipulated her - he'd actually gone and cast a spell on her, making her fall for him in the most devoted way. As each session quickly passed, her affection towards Joker became even more obvious.

And because of this unsaid love of him, he'd decided to be on his best, quiet and calm behaviour; it made it seem that his Harley was doing him some good, but in truth, her psychiatric skills weren't making any difference whatsoever. Although the only difference she had made to him was that ... he had been thinking about her a lot. He'd been thinking about after she would help him escape - what would he do? He couldn't kill her... She was the only one that would ever get him, the only one that would ever be on his side no matter what, the only one that would love him... But why would he even need her anyway? It's not like she would be useful...

He shook his head out of his thoughts... 'Well, at least she'd made herself useful by getting me out of that strait jacket! Let's hope it's for good this time...' He smiled a small smile,never looking happier to see his old orange Arkham overalls over his body; his arms were loose and resting against the back of his head.

Joker narrowed his eyes when his guards suddenly barged in, disrupting his thoughts.

They'd brought him breakfast early - he'd earned a cooked one for his consistent good behaviour - and they actually acknowledged him with a nod.

"I see I've lost my amazing ability to be invisible." he said with a snide smirk. "So c'mon fellas! What's brought this on?"

Like he didn't know.

One guard walked in, placing the plate onto the rustic table next to the cot on which Joker was lazily chilling out on. The other one stood in the steel doorway, looking like the traditional hero type with that dent in his chin.

"Your doctor has requested that you get a reward for behaving." the one by the door replied, his grip on his gun squeezing tighter when the Joker's attention was on him. The villain's eyes seemed to shine and then glow at the words, the smirk widening into an enlightened grin.

The two guards looked at each other, warily making their way out of his cell.

"And... Dr Quinzel has requested that you have lunch within your session, she wants an extra long analysis with you today."

"I would be... delighted to accept."

He cackled and the prison guards glared at one another, rushing out of his reach and out of the door as fast as their legs could go.

Joker closed his mouth, still chuckling to himself when he heard his door lock. He snatched one of the slices of toast he'd been given from the plate to his right, sitting up on his cot in order for the toast to reach his mouth. His teeth ripped a chunk out of the slice, his eyes calculating and mischievous.

"Requested an extra long session, eh?"

Perhaps today was the day...

12:00 AM

The guards closed the door to Harley's office, leaving her and her patient with lunch.

"Any handcuffs today Sweets?" Joker asked, the knowing grin already on his red lips.

"You mean you don't know?!" Harley answered excitedly, giggling and taking her blonde hair out of her ponytail, tossing it from side to side to allow it to flow down her back, neck and shoulders. "I... forget them again..."

"Aw... Well that's a shame isn't it Doll Face? I could kill you after all."

Doll Face. She loved it when he called her that.

Harley hopped over to him, happy smile telling him she was in a playful mood, as she always was when he was around. It was like she could be herself around him; she didn't have to pretend to be all adult and boring like she had done throughout her nerdy college days... She didn't have to be ashamed of anything.

She jumped onto his lap, arms latching around him.

He really did wonder how the two of them hadn't actually gotten caught in the act yet... Arkham really hadn't latched onto social security - they were too indulged in Wayne Tech's gadgets to bother with the traditional word of mouth security, apparently.

Harley puckered her lips and leaned in to press them to his, but ended up kissing his cheek when he moved his head in the opposite direction. "Ah, ah, ah!" Joker said patronizingly, wagging his finger at her as he did so. "Food first. I'm starving!"

She pouted, crossing her arms over. "Well I'm hungry too!" she argued, frowning when he grinned evilly. "And - hey! Didn't you have a cooked breakfast this morning?!"

"Umm hmmm."

"You're gonna get fat Joker."

He laughed, snaking his arms around her waist and pulling her closer, nuzzling his nose into her neck. She gasped at his affectionate action... this was new. It had only been kissing in the weeks before - yet now, he was doing things like any normal girl's boyfriend would...

He planted little kisses on her collar bone, sighing into her intoxicating scent.

"Have y-you ever loved anyone J-Jokah?"

His moist mouth paused over her skin, his fingers digging into her waist from surprise.

'Bingo...' Joker thought, mentally chuckling to himself. 'This is the start of getting out of here J! She's gonna actually fall for it!'

"No," he whispered emotively, knitting his eyebrows together in a hurtful, believable wince. "You can probably see why. I'm not that... likeable... if you hadn't noticed. And plus, no one's ever actually understood my jokes... or at least, they've never actually laughed along with them."

He inhaled sharply, raising his head to press a sweet kiss on her cheek.

"What about you Harley?" he added in the same soft, emotional tone. "Surely someone has gone for you at some point?" She shook her head, shyly cupping his face in her hands with a longing look in her eyes.

"No one has ever loved me."

"What about yourself? Do you... y'know, like like anyone?"

A fierce blush came over her and she gulped, her eyes shifting to anywhere that wasn't him. He felt her hands shake slightly against his skin as they fell from his face.

"I had a few crushes here and there... teachers at school and college... No one who I could have actually devoted my life to though..."

Her longing gaze was pulled back to the burning lime toxicity shining through his darker green irises. "No, no no!" the Joker quickly interrupted, letting out one harsh giggle. "What I asked was: Do you like like - " He winked twice. " - anyone? As in now. In this very moment?"

She'd known what he'd asked... She just couldn't bring herself to tell him how obsessed with him she truly was. And... if she did spill her feelings to him, how would he react?

Although, he probably already knew how she felt, otherwise he wouldn't be even attempting to ask questions like that.

Why was he even bothered about who she liked anyway?

"Nope..." she lied, gasping in surprise when he let out a genuinely amused laugh, one that was likeable rather than his other vicious, homicidal cackles that he usually let out of his evil lungs.

He leaned in closer to her skin again, pressing his lips to her neck. His slender crystalline fingers were holding her waist firmly in place, his thumbs kneading into her now again to administer a touch of pain, but not so much that she wanted to shove him off. "I'll ask again..." Joker whispered, peppering her neck with hot wet pecks; she moaned at his actions, her hands gripping into his shoulders. "Do you like anyone Harley?"

"Yes."

Reverse psychiatry.

The patient asks the question. The doctor doesn't give the answer. The patient digs into their doctor, usually by bringing up family life... but this was an extreme case, using love to prise an answer out of them.

Now he'd got his reply, he thought a little more elaboration was in order.

"Ohhh you do hm?"

"Yes."

He began to trail his lips up to her jaw, his hands slowly sliding from her middle to caress her lower back in a strong, tense fashion.

"Who is the lucky fella then?" he mumbled lowly, beginning to realize that he'd actually become distracted by her. 'Come on J! Stick to the plan!' he thought, mentally beating himself up. 'Forget seducing the dame! Grab the I.D card from the front of her lab coat and get the heck out of here!'

'But... She's so gorgeous... Why, when I'm about to escape from this place, does the best looking woman now fall to my feet, hm? Why now?!'

"They're in this place actually."

"Really?"

"Yea... You might now 'em actually."

He quirked an eyebrow, one hand leaving her back in order for his thumb to tip her chin, angling her mouth towards his. Her bright blue eyes now had no way of escaping from his evil yet enchanting eyes; they were so accusing, so knowing... yet so addictive to gaze into. She felt like she could lose herself in his insanity - his eyes were the only door to his true madness, other than his ego and his actions.

"I know most folks 'round here." Joker commented in a cocky way, flashing her a suggestive grin. "But saying that... I'm still not accepted. I mean, I think I'm the teacher's pet of Arkham actually... I feel like I'm receiving more special treatment from my doc than - "

"You are special Joker."

He opened his mouth to abuse her for cutting him off but then closed it, regarding what she'd said.

'Hey! J! Thinking of getting the hell out anytime soon?'

'Oh shut the hell up! There's no way I'm leaving here without Harley!'

'Yeah well... If you did leave without her, you could always give her a little "visit" and you could make a little public stunt by doing so...'

'But... I could do that if I did leave with her anyway...'

He mentally grinned, internally complimenting himself because of his genius.

"Most people can't see it," Harley said quietly, feeling his head drop lightly and nuzzle into her collarbone. "But I do. You're a one off. You're a physical and mental fascination... a walking puzzle. You're a riddle that even The Riddler can't solve!"

'Oh please don't! I'm blushing! Oh I think I had better keep this one for sure! She spits out more compliments than I can actually think of to flatter myself with in a day!'

"If you haven't guessed it yet, Joker, it's you that I love. It's your demeanour and lifestyle that makes my heart race, that makes my brain do cartwheels and that makes my stomach do back flips!"

'So clever with her words too... Although, I guess that could get on my nerves if it was all the time... Well, I could always stop her from doing that...'

"I love you Joker! And if you ever dream of breaking out of this god damn dog house, I'm coming with you!"

'Wow. I've hardly even begun to manipulate her into breaking me out of this hell hole but... well, I must have tugged on her heart strings more than I thought - hahahaha!'

His eyes had glazed over with thought and possible intoxication from her close proximity. Harley noticed and addressed him, waving her hand in front of his eye line.

"Heelloooo?!"

"Huh? Oh..."

Joker looked at Harley blankly, and she just stared in hope at him, wondering what he was thinking about in that mind boggling head of his.

"So... you love me?"

"Yes... So much that I can't put it into words."

"Oh good, so then you wouldn't mind me doing this."

She frowned in confusion, opening her mouth to ask 'What?', but then received her response in the form of an opened mouth kiss from her patient - who was now her definite soul mate; the only one who had captured her heart without really having to try.

Shaking off her apprehensive surprise, she clamped her eyes shut and cupped his chin in her palms.

So lost in the moment, Harley didn't notice the trickery and the quick sleight of hand Joker had; She just moaned when his hand slid over her right breast, thinking that it was just another heated action to pleasure her...

It wasn't.

Opening his eyes for a split second, the Joker flipped the laminated card between his fingers as his hand left her chest, the I.D card vanishing into what seemed to be thin air.

Magic tricks. He loved them.

He left her lips, just so that he could show her his trademark grin; She giggled at him, stroking a hand down one of his cheeks.

"Are you sure you'd really leave with me if I was breaking out?"

"Yep."

"Really?! I mean really really?!"

"Yea!"

"Okay..."

He smirked, feeling her hands now rubbing his chest.

"And what if I said that I'm getting out of here - today?"

Her eyes widened.

"Are you?"

"Well... I can't say yes because that wouldn't be entirely true. I'm not getting out of here..."

He leaned closer to her lips, placing a hand on her head, just behind her ear. He kissed her and then pulled away before she could react, earning a large gasp from her when he made her I.D card magically reappear from behind her ear.

"We are."

"My I.D! But then I... won't be able to come back to work if we use that to get you out!"

He rolled his eyes, "Duhh! Obviously! Come on Doll Face! You're smarter than that!"

"So you want to get out of here today? When?"

"Ehhhh I don't know. Now?!"

"Now?! B-But, what do I do?" she stammered, now beginning to realize what she'd just gotten herself into.

"Say that you need a break to get something, go to your locker as normal - "

"But how do you know that I would go to my locker as 'normal', I might not..."

"So... you never noticed that I've been breaking out of my cell whenever I can, just to stalk you on your breaks then?"

She was quiet. But she didn't look too creeped out.

"Good. So, you go to your locker as normal, but this time after looking in your mirror and fixing your gorgeous mug, you grab your bag and you do not forget your car keys. The whole plan would be ruined if you did."

She nodded, letting out a shaky breath. No pressure.

"When you arrive, take off your lab coat and put on your usual jacket that I see you leaving work in - " Wow. He had been doing his homework. " - and drop the lab coat on the floor, make sure it looks accidental and do it nearest to the other side of the corridor as possible."

He paused, frowning as he thought of what he'd missed. Lab coat, bag, keys, I.D...

"Oh and another thing Sweets, don't worry about the cameras. Show them everything you're doing. Make sure you're acting this out like you're a programmed robot - big movements for our waiting audience."

Was this a break out plan? Or a drama lesson?!

Harley didn't care, it sounded fun already! Though, she still had a worried look on her face so Joker couldn't tell, she truly was excited about this devilish escape scheme.

"Now before we begin," Joker said with a smile, moving a leg to silently tell her to get off him; she reluctantly obliged, eyes shining with curiosity. "I'm going to eat this now freezing slab of lunch, and you're going to eat yours too."

"Uhh... I'm not actually that hungry - "

"You're going to eat it! I don't know when we'll next have food, so neck it as fast as you can."

She sighed.

Well...

He was an expert in this sort of thing after all...