Sodapop helped Darry and I sit in the front row, where the prosecuting attorneys had requested we be, and then he took my suitcase to our car. Darry and I sat together silently. I knew he wanted to ask about Owen, and he knew I didn't want him to. Instead, we let the proverbial elephant walk into the room and take his place on the bench next to us.
After everyone but Sodapop had taken their seats in the courtroom, a side door opened and the Bailiff escorted the accused to the defense attorney's table. James looked shabby in his black and white striped jail uniform, and I was quick to notice he was not handcuffed. The situation made me a little skittish, as the only barrier between James and I was a low wooden railing. Immediately, I became anxious for Sodapop to return so he could sit to my left between James and I to keep guard over his weaker siblings.
"Hey ya, Scout." James said as he sat down, draped his arm over the back of his wooden chair, and smiled at me as if he was trying a pick up line at a school dance. I didn't say anything, but I couldn't stop looking at him. I watched him closely as he leaned towards me a little. "I almost didn't recognize you with your hair like that."
James' attorneys tried to shush the boy for his own good. James argued with them a little. He sat quiet for a few seconds then he turned his attention back to me. "So, whatcha you been doing while I've been away?"
"James Young, you oughta hush and leave that girl alone! You're in enough trouble as it is." A woman's voice called out from a few rows behind James. Darry and I looked over our left shoulders and notices James' mom, Delores. attempting to discipline her son.
"Shut up, Ma!" James yelled before his attorney grabbed his arm and spoke with him in a low, stern voice. James didn't speak after that, which was a good choice because the jury had entered the courtroom, and Sodapop had returned to my side for opening statements.
After the Judge had entered the courtroom, I took few peeks at James as he slouched in his chair. I watched as he sneered at the jury from time to time and took random glances my way. I wrung my hands together in an attempt to dissipate the additional anger the boy was causing me.
Darry took notice of James, too. At one point, he grabbed my hand in his as a way to let me know that he sacrificed himself once for me and he would sacrifice himself again if he had to. I squeezed his hand lightly to let him know I understood.
I barely paid attention to the opening arguments on either side. Instead, I spent the morning in the front row with my head low. I used the time to try to sort through my emotions and memories of the past few months. Sadly, yesterday everything seemed so clear, Owen had been the liar and the cheater, Lacey was the love of his life and Jackson was the one friend I could trust. Now I wasn't sure what the truth was. For hours, I struggled to avoid thinking about Lacey, Jackson, or Owen because every time I did I felt my throat tighten as if I was being chocked by my own bad decisions.
After the defense finished with their opening statement, the Judge ordered the court to break for lunch. As people stood up and filed out, I convinced Darry and Sodapop to wait a while before we exited the courtroom. My plan was to dawdle long enough so everyone I didn't want to see had enough time to leave the courthouse.
When the courtroom emptied, Darry turned to Sodapop and me. "The Defense will never be able to win with that story."
"What story?" I asked out of curiosity.
Darry sized me up with the disappointing glare he usually used with Ponyboy. "What do you mean, 'what story'? Weren't you listening?" I looked at Darry and he knew I hadn't heard a word that had been said all morning. His eyes grew icy. "Scout! This is serious, you need to be paying attention or he could go free. He would be back on the streets and we don't want him back on the streets!" Then I noticed Darry show an emotion he rarely expressed, fear.
I swallowed my ignorance and answered softly. "Yes, sir."
My agreement didn't calm Darry down. "Scout, their whole defense is based on putting a belief in the mind of the jurors that you wanted James there!"
"I didn't want him there!" I snapped.
"I know that, but the jury doesn't. They don't know what to believe. So you need to be paying better attention, and whatever is going on between you and Owen you need to take care of it now! You need to focus. It's time to be tough."
Then the middleman in the family stood up to help decrease the growing tension. "Why don't we head out to the car? I've packed us some Pepsis and sandwiches for lunch." Without waiting for us to agree, Sodapop pulled Darry to his feet and helped him out into the aisle for his labored walk to the parking lot.
In shame, I followed behind. Watching my oldest brother struggle with simple tasks was just more added pain in my life. Walking so slow towards the hallway nearly crushed me as I remembered the speed he used to travel with the football and the tumbling he could do with ease.
When we entered the hallway, I expected it to be vacant of all the people that I knew. I was disappointed when I noticed Owen and his best friend, Pete, leaning against the wall engrossed in what appeared to be an intense conversation. I couldn't help but believe the exchange was about me, and all that I had done wrong.
Slowly, Darry, Soda, and I walked past the two friends. No one said a word. I tried to look busy by stuffing my hands into the pockets my skirt, and I was sure to keep my head low to avoid eye contact. We headed to the elevator and I felt folded paper money in my pocket. Reminded of why I had them, I pulled out the bills and separated the fifty-dollar bill that Mr. Ottavi had given me from the forty dollars Owen had mailed to me over the weeks. With a guilty feeling in my gut, I stared at the money. It didn't belong to me anymore, and as always, Darry was right. I needed to focus, and I knew I needed to clear my conscious. I pushed the button to call the elevator and looked to my brothers as the doors pulled themselves open. "Go ahead without me. I'll meet you at the car. I have to take care of something." I backed away from the elevator.
"Scout?" Sodapop questioned my unspoken plans in a warning tone.
"I'll be right down. Get Darry some lunch," I said and turned away from the closing doors. I inhaled deeply to steady my nerves and cautiously walked towards the two boys who had returned to what seemed to be a heated discussion. As I approached, Owen and Pete ceased their conversation and looked down at me.
"How are you doing, Scout?" Pete greeted me in a friendly way.
Unintentionally, I ignored Pete and turned my attention towards Owen. I gathered up all of my courage and spoke the words I wanted to tell him the most. "Just so you know, I don't plan to ever go on a date with Jackson again. It was never my intention to be more than just friends with him, and I never expected what happened between us to happen. I am sorry for hurting you. That wasn't my intention either." I could feel my regret begin to suffocate my words. "When I get back to school, I'll mail your letterman sweater back to you."
Owen glared down at me with a rare cynicism. "Why don't you just give it to Lacey. At least she wants it."
"O?" Pete loudly scolded his friend.
I didn't let Owen's sarcasm stall what I had gone there to do. I raised my hand with the folded money pinched between my finger and thumb. "This is yours. I never used it and I wouldn't feel right keeping it." I peeked up at Owen to be sure he would extend his hand to take the cash.
Owen's mood instantly mellowed and he nodded his head at the money. "Keep it. Your family could use it right about now."
"We'll do just fine," I said as sadness began to choke my throat because there was a good chance my family wouldn't ever be back together again. I knew I was close to tears, and I didn't want Owen to have the satisfaction of seeing me bawl. I wanted to finish my task and get away from the boy. I watched as Owen looked at the cash but didn't make a move for it. I raised the money a little higher. When I noticed he wasn't going to take it, I dropped the paper bills to his feet, turned, and stomped away.
"Take the money! Scout?" Owen called out.
I heard his demand, but kept walking. Then I heard a collection of footsteps approaching from behind, but I didn't turn to see who it was.
"Scout?" Pete's voice called out and he grabbed my arm. "Scout, just wait. I'll talk to him. We'll sort this all out."
"Don't bother, Pete." My lip quivered and I knew Owen had told Pete about what I had done. "It's probably for the best."
"No it's not!" Pete stepped in front of me and insisted I let him try to fix things. "You don't know him like I do. Since Oliver died, I hadn't seen him truly happy until you came along. I don't want him to lose that over a few mistakes. This can all be fixed. He's just mad and stubborn. He'll get over it."
"Pete, I appreciate your words, but I don't think I'll ever truly be right for him. Trust me, in the long run, Owen will be better off without a charity case like me. I have to go; my brothers are waiting for me." I pulled loose from Pete's grasp and hurried down the steps as he quietly begged for me to come back and work things out.
I didn't look back. No one followed me as I headed out the front door towards the parking lot to try to eat lunch with my family, even though my throat was tight with sorrow.
"Sissy." Sodapop's voice called out to me from the opposite direction of the parking lot.
I looked over to find him and Darry sitting on a park bench under a tree with their Pepsi and sandwiches. I wiped my moist eyes, inhaled to steady my emotions, and walked across the lawn to be with them.
Sodapop smiled and handed me a sandwich wrapped in wax paper. "It's peanut butter and jelly, just like you like."
I took the sandwich and flopped down on the bench next to Sodapop, who was now in the middle of his siblings. I watched Soda take a bite of his triple-decker bologna and cheese sandwich with pickles and ketchup and was sure I wasn't a bit hungry.
"So?" Darry looked over at me for the answer to his unspoken question from the morning.
I looked back at him. "What?"
"So what happened with you two?" Darry pried, showing more interest in my personal affairs than he usually did.
I frowned and tried to keep the extent of my misery to myself. "It's a long story."
"We've got plenty of time." Darry reminded me and devoured the remains of his first sandwich.
I lowered my head and stared at my unwrapped sandwich. "What if I don't want to talk about it?"
"Fine!" Darry's tone was filled with agitation. Sensing he wasn't going to get too many words out of me, he leaned forward past Sodapop and looked over at me in more matter of fact way. "I just want to know that you have things taken care of so you can concentrate on what you are here for!"
"If that's all you're worried about, don't. I can handle my own problems and focus too. Okay?" I responded in a miffed tone.
"Listen, I am worried about you. All I have been doing for weeks is worrying about the three of you," Darry sassed back. "So if it's not too much trouble for you, I would appreciate a little respect."
I shouldn't have looked directly into Darry's eyes when he said the word, respect. Looking at him only made my heart palpitate with shame. I sure hadn't given him much respect by lying to him in the past weeks about almost everything in my life.
In remorse, I sat back on the bench and noticed a glance from Sodapop. I looked away with a scowl on my face, and I silently cursed Ponyboy for telling Sodapop about everything that I had written to him. Whether it was because he loved me or not, I was still furious with him for not honoring my request for a pinky swear.
"Tell me about Ashford Academy." Darry suggested, trying to fix the sour mood amongst us.
I sighed heavily, which caused Darry to tense up. Then I thought about repeating to him everything that I had written, but because most of my words were lies, I couldn't remember them. Next, I considered just delivering a short speech about how lovely everything was, but I knew at least Sodapop would know that I wasn't being honest, and that kind of shame was beginning to tear me up inside. Finally, I shrugged my shoulders and couldn't bear to look at either one of them as I spoke.
"The truth is…I've been lying to both of you because being at Ashford has been horrible! I am sorry for lying, but I couldn't bear to tell either of you what it's been like because I didn't want you to worry or feel bad for me." I leaned forward and looked to Darry. "I just wanted you to be able to get better as fast as possible because all I want is to come home." My lower lip began to quiver.
Sodapop wrapped his arm around me in his usual compassionate way. "Don't worry about it, we aint mad at you."
"What is so horrible about Ashford?" Darry skipped the compassion and asked to broaden his comprehension of my misery.
I couldn't help but blurt out, "Everything! For starters, my roommate is a witch! In the first hour of meeting me, she sized me up and figured out how poor I really am. Then it didn't take her long to figure out I was the first student ever to have a scholarship to Ashford Academy."
"Scout, a full scholarship like that is an honor." Darry tried to praise me.
"Sure, to you and me it is because we are poor, but not to girls like Lacey. To her, I am nothing more than a charity case, and that is exactly what she calls me in front of all the other girls!"
"Don't let her talk to you like that! You should take care of it and tell someone about it." Darry coached me, as if telling a wealthy adult at Ashford would make everything better.
"Who was I supposed to tell? My friends? Cause I don't have any or how about my house mother, whose first words to me insinuated that she knew I was nothing but a poor, rough greaser girl from the north side of Tulsa, which I ended up proving correct when I had enough of Lacey's big mouth and shut her up with my fist."
"You did what?" Darry snapped.
"She had it coming after what she said!" I defended myself.
"Scout, do you have any idea how much trouble that could get you?" Darry asked, still stunned by my behavior.
"Darry, you don't understand how horrible she really is. Plus, she and Owen know each other and that night she was rubbing it in that she was in love with him. She told her friends Owen was in love with her too. I tried to prove her wrong, but then she showed me a picture of the two of them at a dance together from only a few months ago. I couldn't believe he had been two-timing me. I was devastated." I wept.
"So you punched her?" Darry questioned with agitation caused more by Owen's supposed betrayal than by my behavior.
"Not for that! I punched her because she wouldn't stop patronizing me, and then she insulted Mom and Dad. I tolerated her name calling and I tried to deal with the news of her and Owen as best as I could, but I wasn't going to let her get away with the nasty things she said about our parents. They deserved more respect that that!"
Darry couldn't figure out what to say next. He sat forward and rubbed his forehead in dismay then he glanced over at Sodapop who had uncharacteristically refrained from participating in the conversation.
I peeked over and noticed my older brother cock his head in question and ask his younger brother for the truth. "You knew about all of this the whole time, didn't you?"
Sodapop's eyes grew wide as he looked for a way to avoid being part of the discussion. "Don't blame me. Like always, I'm just the middle man in all of this."
Darry sat back, looked away from his little buddy to try to make sense of the confusion, and then he turned back towards me. "So is that what you were talking to Owen about, the picture?"
"Kind of." I winced a little. "See… actually …after I hit Lacey I ran away…" I noticed Darry's eyes widen in a hurry and I knew I better speak fast to keep him from losing his temper with me. "But my friend Jackson stopped me. He listened to me and tried to help by sneaking me into one of the buildings and letting me use the phone. At first I called Soda, but no one was home. Then I called Owen to ask him if he was Lacey's date at the dance. When he said yes, I hung up on him and fell apart."
"Sissy?" Darry softly questioned me, but didn't have the words to continue.
"But that's not even the half of it," I said with a weep. "The next day, Owen started calling Lacey every night. Then she received a visitor card and rubbed it in that Owen was coming to see her, and they were in love. Like an idiot, I believed her, so when Owen came to visit I spent the day away from the school on a fishing trip with Jackson."
"The maintenance man?" Darry asked for clarification.
"Well, he just turned eighteen, and that didn't help my situation because we kind of ended up… kissing." I noticed Darry's eyes roll into the back of his head. I grimaced a little and blubbered onward. "Then today when I was talking to Owen he told me the other side of the story. He wasn't calling Lacey to talk to her; he was trying to talk with me. When he came to visit he was actually there to sneak a visit with me, but I was nowhere to be found because I was off in the middle of nowhere ruining everything."
"Scout, Owen's got to know that you were just confused about everything." Soda tried to reassure me.
"He did at first, until he found out about Jackson and I, then he lost his temper and stormed off!"
There was a little pause between us then Darry looked at me with hope in his eye. "Sissy, I think you are worrying too much about all of this. Owen is pretty crazy about you. Just give him some time, he'll come around."
Soda held me close to his side and I bawled. "He's not going to come around. It's over. And the worst part is it's really all his fault. The Debutantes Ball he went to was nothing more than fulfilling a promise he had made to one of his father's friends before we met. What Lacey didn't tell me was he was assigned as her date, he didn't choose her. If he had been honest with me, I would have known better than to get so upset. He should have told me. I don't understand why he just didn't tell me the truth from the start. I mean, why would someone who cares so much about you lie like that?
Darry turned and looked directly at me to make his point. "I don't know, Scout. Why would someone lie to the ones they love?"
Immediately his words to me stung and I understood my error in judgment. With a heavy heart, I looked at my brothers in sadness. "I never meant to hurt you by lying. I just thought it would be better if you didn't have to worry."
"Maybe Owen felt the same way?" Sodapop replied softly.
I looked to my brother and knew he was right. Owen was probably just trying to spare my feelings by not telling me about the dace. I didn't matter though, I pouted.
"Well, it's too late now."
"I doubt it." Darry raised his eyebrows and unwrapped his next sandwich. "Don't worry too much about Owen; he loves you. He'll come around."