Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Wal-Mart or JTHM, I'd be much happier- or at least richer- if I did.

Pulling into the over-packed parking lot Nny had a moment of hesitation.

He could always go back home, curl up and starve to death he supposed. That didn't sound so bad really.

Not when his other option was to enter the... building before him.

Steeling himself- He would not chicken out now! He had come too far!- he stepped out of his car and made his way to the sliding doors.

"Whaaaaaa! I wanna tooooyyyyy!" Was the first sound he heard as he stepped into the overly bright temple of consumer regret, it was the warning call of a negligent parent.

Grabbing a cart- Why didn't even ONE of them push straight!- he sped through his shopping as fast as he could, not even pausing to check and see if he was grabbing the right things- it's how he ended up with the pig knuckles and the cow tongue- he just wanted out of here!

Finally, after more than an hour in this mad house, his final stop lay ahead of him- the frozen isle.

It was empty and quiet, too quiet really.

Deciding not to look a gift horse in the mouth he made his way down to the freezey pops. So many choices!

Fruit, chocolate and colors-not-found-anywhere-on-Earth flavors; they all looked so good!

Grabbing as many as he could, not leaving a single one on the shelf, he turned to run out of the isle before his luck turned.

But it already had. A family had entered the isle with him.

"Mommmmyyyyyyy! I wanna icy-pop!"

"In a moment dear, mommy is busy ignoring you right now."

"NooooooOOOOOO! Nooowwww! I wanna icy-pop noooowwwww!"

"Hey, Maude! Whada ya think? Frozen sausage links? Frozen sausage patties? Or frozen cholesterol on a stick?"

"I don't know, hon, every thing sounds so good."

Throwing caution to the wind he rammed the family down and skidded around the corner before he could be dragged into their lifeless world of domestic horrors.

Reaching the registers he was quickly checked out much to his relief, and then horror stuck him once more.

He had left his wallet at home.

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Wal-Mart: 3

Johnny C.: 0