Genre: Humour/Drama

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama or any of the characters, except for the unknown guy cloaked in dark robes.

Gintama: Smackdown Arc

"Guess it's about time I head out to get the latest issue of Shounen Jump, then," Gintoki mused, stretching and giving a prominent yawn. He dragged his body off the sofa, walked out of the wooden door, descended the stairs and hopped on his motor scooter.

Strapping on his helmet, he revved up the engine and was about to get going when synchronized female screaming nearly startled him onto the road.

"Oiii, who's shouting so hard at this time of day?!" Gintoki yelled. "Are you gonna pay me for my medical fees if I just fell off there and got run over by an idiot? Really, kids these days… Hmm? Is it just my imagination or is the screaming actually getting even louder…"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh, it's Sakataaaa Gintokiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" a group of girls in kimonos yelled, waving posters of what seemed like him as they ran.

Gintoki instantly envisaged a scenario in his mind, one which occurs in high school.

It was a normal day at Oonishi High School. Every single girl was bored to tears with the constant rambling of their teachers when a single spark appeared; a beacon of hope who represented so much to these deprived girls.

"Look," a girl with a ponytail whispers to friend beside her. "It's Sakata Gintokiii! Kyahhhh!"

Indeed, it was Sakata Gintoki, the student with the naturally permed and wavy hair. He was simply walking down the school corridors when every single girl's attention was drawn to him. He did not know what the fuss was about. He had not ever thought he was particularly handsome, yet these girls certainly seemed to think so. He had not ever thought he was particularly charismatic, yet these girls certainly seemed to think so.

"Sorry, Sensei," Gintoki knocks on the door of his classroom. "I'm late."

"Oh, it's okay, Gintoki-chan!" the teacher, Ms Shimura Tae, smiles sweetly at him. "Go on, take your seat!"

"Sensei!" Kondo raised his arm, looking jealously at Gintoki. "Sensei, why did you let Gintoki go back to his seat when he is obviously late? That wasn't what you did for me, Sensei. When I was late, you asked me to go out of the classroom and jump down the st-"

A chair flew out of nowhere; it landed right in Kondo's face and knocked him onto his back on the floor, unconscious.

"Alright, is there anybody else who wants to end up like the gorilla?" Ms Shimura asked in a threatening tone, her smile still on her lips.

Obviously, nobody dared to speak.

"Gintoki-chan, we are doing Sorachi's history now, so it will be great if you could turn to page 89 of your textbook," she said, giving that smile of hers.

"Got it, Sensei," Gintoki replied stonily.

Reaching into his bag, he pulled out his copy of 'Sorachi's History-A guide to becoming cheesecake'. Flipping to page 89, he proceeded to pay attention to the class.

"Psst, Gin-san," a voice beside him called. "Look here for a minute."

Gintoki turned sideways to see his classmate, Sa-chan, displaying various types of lipstick on her table.

"Gin-san," she said shyly. "Which one do you want me to put on? Or do you want to put it on for me? I don't mind where you choose to put it on…" she gestured provocatively.

"Stick those lipsticks in your ***," Gintoki said, turning back to the front.

"Ahhh, Gin-san," Sa-chan said, hugging her body enthusiastically. "It seems that even in your own fantasy, your sadism still does not disappear. It's okay, though, it's precisely in your own fantasies where you can do everything you want…" she winked.

"Okay, go out of the classroom and jump off the railing," Gintoki said.

"Ahhh, Gin-san! That felt good! More, more!" Sa-chan whined as she was absorbed in her own fantasy.

"Oi, idiot, don't make so much noise. I'm trying to listen to the sensei here."

Gintoki turned around to see a raven haired guy glaring at him.

"Since when did I make noise?" Gintoki demanded. "I was only asking the stalker to stick **** in her ***."

"Oi, since when did lipsticks become a censored word?! The way you phrased your sentence sounds so wrong I don't even know what's wrong anymore," Toshiro replied.

"Sensei, Hijikata-san is talking in class."

Toshiro turned towards the light brown haired kid beside him.

"Damn you, Sougo," Toshiro said angrily. "I was only asking the damn natural perm to shut up. How was I talking in class?"

"I don't know, Hijikata-san. The way I saw it, you were threatening Boss with that lethal object in your hand," Sougo replied, deadpanned.

"How in hell is this a lethal object?" Toshiro blustered. "This is a pen!"

"That sharp tip looks like it can slice through three people at one go and not spill any blood."

"Damn you, Sougo, don't go all sadistic on me in class," Toshiro said. "You might have thought up of all kinds of sick plays but I am definitely not a M-"

Two markers flew into Toshiro and Sougo's faces. They crumpled onto their tables.

"The next time I catch somebody talking in class," Ms Shimura said cheerily, smiling at the whole class. "I'm throwing this board here!"

"Gintoki, can I borrow a pencil of yours? My one broke off when I was writing rap lyrics," a voice asked from Gintoki's right.

"Why the hell were you writing rap lyrics in the middle of history class, Zura?" Gintoki asked, exasperated. "How the heck do you even get inspiration for songs from history?"

"I am not Zura! I am Katsura!" Katsura replied. "Oh, you know, raps are often linked to the bloodiest happenings in history. In this case, I just mix some words from this textbook and put them in my rapping verses. Do you wish to hear them?"

"No thanks," Gintoki said.

"When the heads fall off, the blood showers in a crescendo

yet, the spirits of these valiant warriors never give in.

They abolish the tree of Sorachi

and leaves him hanging on his banana."

"Didn't I say I did not want to hear your crappy rap verses? Besides, how is that a rap? It sounded so slow and the rhythms were totally off. And what the hell was wrong with the lyrics? How did valiant warriors become so pathetic? I don't know and I don't want to know!" Gintoki said.

"I thought it was pretty good, though," a voice came from Gintoki's front.

"I don't want to hear what you think, you empty-minded idiot," Gintoki said.

"Ah, c'mon, Kintoki," Tatsuma grinned. "You gotta admit that Shura's rap was decent. Just hear how he described the entire bulk of Sorachi's history in four sentences!"

"I am not Shura! I am Zura! Oops, I mean I am Katsura!" Katsura stumbled. "Tatsuma, looks like you have great taste in raps. We should have a rapping session in front of the class one day, what do you say?"

"Cool, Shura! I got these song lyrics in my head that sound real good. Let's get the party starte-"

A board came flying.

"Why the hell did I go and think of such a situation?" Gintoki slapped a hand to his forehand. "Makes no sense at all. Wait, the fact that I heard Zura's rap in my own fantasy means that I actually composed that rap myself? Does it work that way? I must be pretty depraved if I can think up of such an awful rap, oh my Sorachi."

"GINTOKIIII-SANNNNNNNN!" the fangirl screams erupted.

"Crap, what do I do when I'm surrounded?" Gintoki thought hastily. "It's like those high school animes where the male is exceptionally popular. All the girls will come chasing after him, and he will reject them cooly. But this is not a romance anime. This is a freaking gags anime. Gags animes are not supposed to have girls chasing after a male, are they? Ahhhhhh, what the hell am I supposed to do here?"

The girls surround Gintoki. Flashing a great smile, he takes them all by the shoulders and guides them to the okama shop.

"Totally will not work," Gintoki shook his head. "Besides, why an okama shop? Why the hell am I having such weird thoughts right now? I sense a hole in the fourth wall somewhere."

The girls surround Gintoki. Flashing an evil smile, he rejects them all and leave their hearts empty like the stomach of Kagura.

"Not even I could do such a sadistic thing. Actually, could I?"

Get on his goddamn motor scooter and get his damn Shounen Jump.

"Incredible, I actually thought of a great plan. Hang on, wasn't it why I left the house in the first place? The heck, I'm not thinking such useless stuff anymore!"

Without further ado, Gintoki set off, leaving a trail of screaming girls in his wake.

"Geez, it's all because of that guy. Now, the whole of Kabukicho know I am some stupid Deva. And why the heck is it termed 'Deva' anyway? I don't ever want to be known as a diva in my entire life, thank you," he voiced aloud. "Tch..."

If he ever comes back to Kabukicho, he will want to fight me. Sorry, brat, but could you take over for me? Teach him the lesson I was never quite able to give.

"Tendou Isshin…" Gintoki mutters as he traversed the stretch of road in front of him. "So you're finally here, huh?"