The next two chapters are just some scene snippets that take place over the next few months as Deacon and Rayna work on their relationship.
Deacon stood at the window in the kitchen and watched Rayna drive away. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying to keep his warring emotions under control. He'd wanted her. Badly. It had taken every bit of self-control he had to keep from pulling her into the bedroom. Or, hell, just taking her right in the living room. But it was right to send her away. He wasn't ready.
When Dr. Harris had talked about forgiveness, he'd scoffed at first. But he was tired of being mad. He'd come to realize that being mad all the time took a lot of energy and when he'd made the conscious forgiveness decision, he'd been surprised at how much lighter he felt. It didn't mean he didn't still have anger over missing so much of Maddie's life, but it helped him feel more comfortable around Rayna.
He'd surprised himself a little when he'd invited her and the girls to the concert. But he had actually enjoyed spending time with her and Maddie after the open mic and hoped it meant they could have a friendlier relationship. He hadn't been prepared, though, for the feelings he'd had watching Luke Wheeler with her. It wasn't jealousy, because he could see she wasn't interested, it was a desire to rescue her. To push away the person getting too close to her. It reminded him of all the times he'd done that in the early days, although sometimes he'd punch out the guy coming on to her, which she never liked.
He sighed. He'd known in that moment that he wasn't over her. Would never really be over her. The time apart had probably been good, even though the reason for it was not. It had let them both explore things they might not have. He still wasn't sure what the future held, but for the first time in a long time, he felt hopeful.
He walked back out on the porch. He put his hands in his pockets and hunched his shoulders, looking out over the lake. He loved her. That was still true. And it felt strangely comforting, after all that had happened to them, to be able to acknowledge that again.
Rayna was shaking so hard as she drove away from the cabin that she had to pull over on the side of the road to calm herself down. She'd gone through such a roller coaster over the last year. For a while it had seemed as though she and Deacon would never be able to be in the same room together without his anger rolling off him and their being reduced to only having conversations about pick-ups and drop offs. Dr. Harris had counseled her to be patient, which had been difficult to do. The more time that passed, the more she despaired that she had lost Deacon forever.
She had watched Maddie develop a relationship with him, as the two of them explored all the connections they had. It had gone more smoothly than she'd thought it might, at least with respect to their bonding with each other. There had been struggles with Teddy and his unwillingness to loosen the reins, at least initially, and that had created stress for all of them. But she and Deacon hadn't been able to even bond over that, at least in the beginning. Eventually he'd turned to her to help navigate that rocky road and she thought maybe that had started bridging the distance between them.
As time went on, things got incrementally better. She tried to hold on to the positives – Deacon spending a little more time telling her about Maddie's progress on the guitar or talking about her schoolwork or an event in her life – but sometimes it felt like they would never be able to be comfortable with each other again, never mind reestablishing a romantic relationship. But then came the day that she and Daphne listened to Maddie and Deacon play and sing together. It felt like there had been a shift in the dynamic. A small one, but they'd built on it until the day of Maddie's open mic performance. Spending that afternoon with the two of them, talking to each other in a way they hadn't in so many months, acting more like a family, had felt promising. And then the look she'd seen on his face after the concert, it was something she wasn't sure she'd ever see again. It was the same look she'd seen all those years ago, when he would be there to take care of her.
She had hoped she hadn't read things wrong when she'd seen his text the night before. She'd showed up without letting him know that she was coming and then laid her heart out on the table for him. Her heart was still racing from his response to her. It had actually been more than she had hoped for, although she admitted to herself that it was what she'd wanted to hear. As she sat on the side of the road, she thought about turning around and driving back. She was pretty sure that if she showed back up, he'd make good on his promise of making love to her all night long. But he was right, they weren't ready. It was too soon.
She sat back against the seat of her car and closed her eyes. Please, God, don't let me mess this up. She breathed in and out, centering herself. When she finally felt calm, when her heart had finally stopped racing, she took a last deep breath, opened her eyes, got back on the road, and headed for home.
When Deacon and Rayna next met with Dr. Harris, he noticed a significant shift in how they interacted with each other. When he'd met them in the waiting room, they were sitting next to each other on the couch, relaxed and talking, something they'd never done before. Once in his office, they both sat on the couch in there, although not quite touching. But their body language was more relaxed than he'd ever seen it and there was no discernable tension in the room. He looked at each of them and then smiled. "It feels like something's changed," he observed. "I'm assuming that the last session broke down some walls."
Rayna nodded and glanced shyly at Deacon before looking back at Dr. Harris. "I think so. We've, uh, talked a couple times since we were here and I think we're in a better place."
"What's different this time?"
Rayna took a deep breath and exhaled. "I think we're being more honest with each other. I went to see Deacon at the cabin and we talked. Just us. That helped."
Dr. Harris looked at Deacon. "Do you agree with Rayna?"
Deacon nodded. "Yeah. It's better."
"So you both feel like you can work together as parents?"
"Yes," Rayna said. "And more." She looked at Deacon. "I think, anyway."
Dr. Harris looked over his glasses at the two of them. Rayna's face seemed relaxed, but he detected a small amount of tension in Deacon. "Deacon? What do you think?"
Deacon took a deep breath. "I think we're on the right track with Maddie. I feel like Rayna and I can work together better for her."
Dr. Harris saw Rayna's tiny frown and he pressed a little. "Is that all?"
Deacon worked his lip, then looked away. "I think the rest of it's just gonna take time," he said finally. He looked back at Dr. Harris. "We're not ready to really take that next step. There's still some healing that needs to happen." He looked quickly at Rayna. "For me, at least."
A look of confusion crossed Rayna's face. "But I thought…" she started.
Deacon looked back at her. "I do want to work things out, if we can. I meant that. But it's gonna be harder for me than it is for you. There's still a lot of trust to rebuild. I told you that." He reached out and took her hand. "We got a lot out on the table last time. I do feel good about that. But I just don't think this is going to be easy. At least not for me. And now that we kinda had this breakthrough, we're gonna have to figure it out ourselves from here on out." He looked deeply into her eyes. "I told you, when you came out to the cabin, that I didn't know where we'd end up. I don't want us to mess things up where Maddie's concerned, but I don't want to make promises to you about us."
Rayna breathed out and looked down at her hand, held in Deacon's. She was quiet for several moments. Then she looked up at Deacon, then over at Dr. Harris, sadness etching her face. "Dr. Harris, could we keep coming to see you? To talk about our relationship? Can you help us do that?"
Dr. Harris nodded. "Of course." He looked over at Deacon. "If Deacon's agreeable."
Deacon looked a little surprised at Rayna's suggestion, but after a moment, he nodded. "I think that's a good idea." He looked at Rayna. "I do want to make this work. Don't think I don't want that. I just know it's not going to be easy just yet."
Rayna nodded and smiled hopefully. "I told you before that I'm fighting for us. I still am. I'll do whatever I have to do to show you that I want this to work for us."
Deacon nodded, then looked over at Dr. Harris. "Okay. I'm in."
Rayna loved nights at home with the girls. Friday nights, when they were with her, were movie nights. They had just finished watching "Sleepless in Seattle" for what felt like the hundredth time and the three of them were snuggling together in Rayna's bed.
Daphne looked up at her. "So are you and Deacon dating again?" she asked.
Rayna looked back at her daughter. Deacon was coming over more often, but they'd tried to keep it low key when the girls were around. It had felt more like dating, though, when the girls were gone. She scrunched up her face. "Yeah, I guess you could say that," she said.
Maddie looked around at Daphne. "They are dating," she said.
Rayna looked at her and smiled. "You seem quite sure of that," she said.
Maddie shrugged. "I asked Dad and he said yes." She wasn't going to tell her mom that she'd badgered Deacon into confirming it.
Daphne clapped gleefully. "That's great, Mom!" she cried. She tilted her head to one side. "So are you in love with him?" she asked with a coy smile.
Rayna hesitated. "Well, yeah, I guess so," she said. She wanted to be careful what she said, not only because it was still so fragile, but she also wanted to be sensitive to how Daphne might feel. "You know, I loved Deacon for a long time back before I married your dad. And then he and I were friends and I cared about him a lot."
"And now you're back together," Maddie said.
Rayna nodded. "Yes, that's true. Y'all know that it's been kind of tough for a while, but we're working things out now and I think we'll be good." She looked back and forth between the two of them. "Are y'all okay with that?"
"You know I am," Maddie said.
"I'm good with it," Daphne said. She smiled up at Rayna. "So when's he gonna move in?"
Rayna's eyes widened and she laughed. "Oh, baby, I think we're a long way from that."
"But we love him, Mom. We think you two should be together all the time," Daphne said, leaning forward and looking at Maddie, who nodded. She sat back and crossed her arms over her chest and smiled with satisfaction. "So you have our blessing."
Rayna laughed and put her arms around her daughters, hugging them close. "Thanks, girls," she said, happily. "I'm so glad y'all approve."
Rayna inserted the key card and let herself into her suite in midtown Manhattan. It was the last night of a bittersweet weekend. More sweet than bitter, if she was honest. She had agreed to perform at a benefit concert for a cause she strongly and passionately supported and it had been everything she could have hoped for and more. Tandy had come with her to New York and they had made a weekend out of it, doing a spa day and taking in a Broadway play. She had agreed to do this because it was the same night as the CMA's, hence the bittersweet.
She'd been nominated again for Female Vocalist of the Year. They had wanted her to both perform and present, despite her no-show of the previous year, but she'd said no. She wasn't even going to be in Nashville that night. She couldn't imagine being there, although she didn't say that when she turned down the request. But she couldn't help but remember the horror of the year before and there was no way she would put herself there again this year. It was too soon.
She and Deacon were working on their relationship, meeting with Dr. Harris as they continued to work through their own issues together. Things were still raw, but it helped to deal with them in a controlled way. They were concentrating on reconnecting, spending time alone together, but without the complications of an intimate relationship. It felt, to her, like they were moving at the speed of a glacier, but she knew it was important to Deacon to do the repair work carefully. She was willing to do that, if that's what he wanted.
Daphne was staying with Teddy and Maddie was with Deacon. That seemed appropriate. As usual, after a performance and the after party, Rayna was too wound up to immediately go to bed. So she prowled the floor of the suite, standing in front of the floor to ceiling windows, looking out over the still lit-up skyline of Manhattan. Her phone had blown up a little over two hours ago, was still pinging her, because this year she'd won. There had been texts from both of the girls, from Bucky, even from Teddy, and countless others. But nothing from Deacon.
She didn't really expect it though. It would have been a painful reminder of how that night, a year ago, had gone so terribly wrong. They were in a better place today than they had been then, moving ever so carefully back down the relationship path. They had avoided talking about this year's event. Even Maddie had been very low key, when she would usually be over the moon about a nomination. Only Daphne had been disappointed that she wasn't attending and wouldn't be buying a pretty dress to wear.
She felt tears on her face and wiped them away. She was being silly. It was a touchy subject and they'd skirted around it when the nominations had been announced. It seemed better to just avoid it. She wondered if Deacon and Maddie had watched the show. Maddie always liked to watch, but just because she knew Rayna had won didn't mean she had seen it.
She walked over to the mini-bar and pulled out a split of champagne. She opened it and smiled at the satisfying pop, then poured herself a glass. She walked over to the windows and raised her glass at her reflection. "Congratulations, Rayna Jaymes," she said with a sad smile. "CMA number five. Even if you weren't there to pick it up." Then she took a sip of the champagne.
Just then she heard the vibrating of her phone. She frowned. It was almost one. When she picked it up, her heart turned over. Deacon. She lifted the phone to her ear. "Hey," she said softly.
"Hey." His voice sounded warm and loving. "How was the benefit?"
She smiled. "It was great. I was so happy to be part of it."
"I know they were glad to have you."
"How's Maddie?"
"Good. Asleep, finally. She's going to be tired at school tomorrow, but she had to stay up late. She said she never misses an awards show."
So they had watched it. "Yeah, that's true." She paused. "So, y'all watched?"
Deacon hesitated only a moment. "We did. Congratulations."
She closed her eyes. "Thanks." She wasn't sure what to say after that. Deacon was silent on his end and she wondered what he was thinking.
"I'm sorry you weren't there," he said finally, sadness tinging his voice. "I'm sorry you didn't feel like you could be."
"It's okay. I think it was better this way."
"Maybe." He cleared his throat. "I think we need to start figuring out how to do this stuff again. We've moved past it, Ray, we need to get back to some kind of normal."
Rayna nodded, although she knew he couldn't see her. "You're right."
"We'll do it together."
"Yeah." She felt tears sliding down her cheeks. "Thanks, Deacon."
"For what?"
"For everything. For Maddie. For being there for her. For not giving up. On us."
"You too, Ray. So, I know it's late there, so go get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow."
Rayna laughed softly. "It's already tomorrow, so yeah, I'll see you soon." She paused. "I love you, babe."
"I love you too."
Rayna ended the call, then pressed the phone to her heart, wrapping her other arm around her waist. She closed her eyes as she felt a sense of relief wash over her, knowing they were still moving forward.
Deacon laid the phone on the couch next to him and leaned back, closing his eyes. He hadn't told Rayna how Maddie had cried through the awards show, blaming herself for everything that had gone wrong a year ago. He'd tried to comfort her, but hadn't felt like he'd done a good job at it. Rayna was so much better at this parenting thing than he was. Hell, Teddy probably would have done a better comforting job at this point. But he'd told Maddie it wasn't her fault at all and that they were all in a better place now and should just focus on moving on. He hadn't told Maddie, though, how tense he felt, how watching the awards brought back the pain he'd felt just a year ago. Oddly, all that tension had flowed out of him the minute Tim McGraw had said Rayna's name as the winner. It was like a full circle moment. They'd been through a lot and overcome a lot, the three of them, in the year since that last CMA Awards.
Maddie had been thrilled when Rayna won and had cheered, then ran to get her phone so that she could send a text. He had watched her joy and was glad they'd done this together. It had taken a while for Maddie to settle down and go off to bed and he'd decided to wait to call Rayna until he knew she'd be back in her room. He'd understood why she hadn't wanted to go to the show and why she'd even wanted to be out of Nashville altogether. He just wanted her to know they were good. And so he had.
Rayna went in the kitchen and started cleaning up after dinner. She and the girls had made lasagna and salad and, while it had turned out well, they'd left a mess. She looked over into the den, where Deacon was backing up Maddie and Daphne as they practiced some songs for the school holiday pageant. She smiled as she watched them. This had become a regular appointment on the calendar during the weeks the girls were with her. It felt so much like a family, the family she hoped they were building together.
After she'd finished cleaning up, she walked into the den. She sat on the arm of the chair Deacon was in and softly laid her hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her and smiled. "They're gonna outsing everyone else," he said proudly.
She smiled at Maddie and Daphne. "Y'all sounded so beautiful," she said, and the girls beamed. "It's homework time now though."
As they walked out of the room, Daphne turned to Maddie. "It's Mom and Deacon make out time, she said.
"Daphne!" Rayna cried as Deacon laughed.
Daphne turned back and smiled. "Well, you know it is," she said, as she and Maddie ran for the steps, laughing.
Rayna looked at Deacon. "She is such a smart aleck," she said, but she was smiling. Deacon put his guitar down and then pulled her down onto his lap, as she squealed with pleasure.
"She's also pretty smart," he said, with a wink, after he'd kissed her. "So, you wanna make out?"
Rayna gasped and then wrapped her arms around his neck. "After they go to bed," she said, smiling. She gave him a quick kiss. "I wanted to ask you, um, if you would want to come spend Christmas Day with us?"
Deacon raised his eyebrows. "Really?"
"Mm hm." Rayna nodded. "They're with Teddy on Christmas Eve, but he'll drop them off here late. You could come over early and spend the day with us."
He smiled. "I would love that," he said and kissed her. Then he looked at her with concern. "Will you help me with presents?"
Rayna smiled. "I will," she said, and then leaned in to give him a more serious kiss.
"See? Make out session!" came Daphne's voice and Rayna jumped out of Deacon's lap. Daphne looked at her and smirked as she went to the fridge for some water. As she turned to walk back to the stairs, she gave them a cheeky smile. "I'll tell Maddie to stay in her room. It would gross her out to see her parents all kissy face."
Deacon laughed as Rayna stared in shock as Daphne ran up the steps. Rayna looked down at Deacon. "She's just awful," she said.
Deacon grinned at her, then pulled her back down in his lap. He pulled her close and kissed her hungrily. When he let her go, he whispered, "We might as well let her be right." Rayna giggled and kissed him again.
~nashville~
"So I need some help on what to get Daphne for Christmas," Deacon was saying.
Rayna was on her way home from dropping the girls off at school, the last day before the Christmas break. "She loves clothes and shoes and all that girly stuff."
Deacon smiled on his end. "I'm not really skilled at buying stuff like that, you know."
Rayna laughed softly. "You could buy her a new pair of boots. She's pretty close to outgrowing the ones she has. But don't spend a lot. They grow out of things so fast."
"I can do that." He paused. "So I'm thinking about giving Maddie one of my old guitars."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I took that L double-O and got it refretted. Thought I'd give it to her."
"Wow, Deacon, that's a pretty expensive gift. I know she'll love it though."
"Well, it's fun to be able to spoil her a little bit. And she's really good, Ray."
Rayna smiled wistfully. "I know she is, babe. It scares me a little bit too."
"She's got us. We won't let her go down a wrong path."
Rayna felt herself tear up a little. Things had been good for the two of them. Dr. Harris had helped a lot in making sure they kept moving forward. She'd been a little surprised at how much they still needed to work on, but she appreciated that Deacon seemed committed to doing it. They'd been taking things slow and doing little more than making out, as Daphne called it. It felt sweet and, if sometimes it didn't feel like enough, she reminded herself that just over a year ago he couldn't even look at her, much less even just want to make out. "I'm glad we're in this together," she said now, meaning a lot more than just keeping an eye on Maddie's ambition. She was getting close to home. "So, we'll see you tonight?"
"You bet. I'm bringing dinner this time."
She laughed. "Okay. Sounds good. See you later."
"Bye, Ray."
~nashville~
Deacon knew better than to show up too early on any morning, even Christmas morning, but when he got to Rayna's, she and the girls were already up and they'd opened their Santa gifts. "Hey, I'm sorry I'm late, y'all," he said, after warmly hugging and kissing Rayna at the door, then hugging both girls.
Maddie smiled and waved him off. "You're fine. We haven't even eaten breakfast yet. Mom promised us you'd fix your famous eggs."
Deacon smiled. "Not like you haven't had them before, young lady."
"I know. But it's better than Mom's pancakes."
Rayna frowned. "Hey, now," she said. "It's Christmas. Be nice."
Deacon walked into the den, which was strewn with wrapping paper and bows. "I brought presents," he said. He handed a nicely wrapped box to Daphne and put another one on Rayna's chair.
Maddie looked at him with confusion on her face. "Nothing for me?" she asked.
Deacon winked at her. "Oh, yeah, that's right." He turned to Rayna. "You still have that package I left here?"
Rayna smiled wickedly. "I do indeed." She walked back into the butler's pantry and then returned with the guitar case. Maddie's eyes got huge as she watched her mom walk over and put the case at her feet.
Maddie looked up at Deacon. "For me?"
He gave her a quick hug. "Well, it's not for your mama," he said, winking at Rayna. "It's one of my old ones. I had it refretted for you."
Maddie opened the case and then gasped, putting her hands over her mouth. She looked up at Deacon. "Oh, my gosh," she said. "This is so awesome!" She walked over and threw her arms around him. "Thank you so much!"
"I'm glad you like it." He watched her with tears glistening in his eyes. Being here, spending Christmas with her, as well as Rayna and Daphne, was overwhelming. Rayna walked over and put her arm around his waist and he put his around her shoulder and pulled her close, as they watched Maddie reverently pull the guitar out and rest it on her legs. She ran her hand gently over the strings, then looked back up at Deacon. "It suits you," he said.
"Hey, can I open my present?" Daphne asked, a little pout on her face.
Deacon turned and smiled at her. "Absolutely," he said, as he sat on the couch. Rayna sat down next to him and they watched Daphne tear the paper off the box.
"Purple boots!" she cried, as she pulled one out of the box. Her face was lit up with pleasure as she looked at the boots Deacon had gotten for her. "I love them!" She quickly ran over and hugged Deacon around the neck, then sat back down and slid off her slippers and pulled on the boots. "They're perfect!" She twisted and turned, this way and that, showing them off. Then she turned and picked up a small box. "I made something for you, Deacon," she said as she handed him the brightly wrapped box, covered in bows and curlicues.
Deacon took it with a smile. "Thanks, Daph," he said, as he worked to open it. Daphne hovered, hopping back and forth as she waited to see what he thought. When he opened the box, it was filled with guitar picks.
"I decorated them," she said with a smile.
Deacon pulled out one that had glitter all over it, another with tiny flowers painted on. Then he pulled out one with the letters "DR". He looked at it carefully and then at Daphne. "'Doctor'?" he asked, puzzled.
Daphne rolled her eyes and sighed. "No, silly. D R. Deacon and Rayna." She pointed. "Don't you see the heart around it?"
Deacon laughed and glanced at Rayna, before looking back at Daphne. "I see. Very nice, Daphne. Now I'll have the best guitar picks around." He reached out to hug her. "Thanks, sweetheart."
Daphne beamed and sat back down. "Maddie, give Mom our gift," she said.
Maddie found the small package and handed it to Rayna. When she opened it, it was a DVD with a list of songs written on it. She looked at the girls. "Did y'all sing these?" she asked.
"Yes!" Daphne said. "We sang every song. Deacon sang on a couple of them. And Dad recorded it all."
Rayna looked surprised. "That's quite a production," she said. "How did you get your dad to help?" That surprised her the most.
Deacon looked at her. "It was a good opportunity for him to hear the girls. I think he actually enjoyed it."
Rayna turned it over and over in her hand. "We'll watch it after breakfast. I can't wait to see it." She smiled. "This is such an amazing gift. I love it!"
Maddie handed a present to Deacon. "For you, Dad. From me."
Deacon smiled at her as he took the gift. When he opened it, he looked puzzled. "A picture frame?"
Maddie laughed. "It's digital. I loaded in pictures. You turn it on and it goes through all of them." She started it and it scrolled through a series of pictures of Maddie as she grew up. At the end were two pictures of her and Deacon, taken when she'd gone out on tour with Rayna as a child. She was sitting on Deacon's lap in one picture as he helped her play the guitar. The other was of him carrying her piggyback across the stage. The last picture was a recent picture of the two of them. She looked at Deacon. "See, I told you. You were there," she said softly.
Deacon looked at her with misty eyes. "This is awesome, Maddie," he said. He looked back at Rayna, who had tears in her own eyes. He got up and hugged Maddie. "Thank you, sweetie. This is great." He sat back down and ran through the pictures again. He was overcome with emotion, seeing the pictures of himself with Maddie. It was an amazing gift, in more ways than one.
Then Rayna handed him her gift. When he opened it, he breathed in sharply. It was a picture of Rayna, obviously still in the hospital. She was wearing the hospital gown and her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She was holding a newborn Maddie close to her heart. She wasn't looking at the camera, she was kissing the top of her baby's head, her eyes closed. He looked at her.
"That was right after Maddie was born," she said quietly. "Just the two of us." She put a hand on his arm. "I thought you might like to have that."
Deacon was so overwhelmed with emotion, he couldn't speak, so he merely nodded. He looked back down at the photo and ran his thumb over the image of Maddie, then Rayna. For the first time, he felt like he had a glimpse into that day so long ago, that he'd missed. He reached for Rayna's hand and squeezed it gently, then leaned over and kissed her lightly. "Thank you," he said. Then he cleared his throat. "And I have something for you." He handed her a package.
Rayna opened it and smiled. "This is definitely a picture Christmas," she said. Deacon had given her a double frame with two pictures of the two of them at the Bluebird. On the left side was one of the first times the two of them had played there together. "I look so young," she said. The other picture was one that was taken the night she'd gone on stage with him and sang "No One Will Ever Love You". The night when they had finally acknowledged their feelings for each other had never really changed. "Who took this picture?" she asked.
"Erica. She actually showed it to me not long ago. She had a couple from that night and wanted to frame one of them and put it on the wall. This was the one I thought was the best, so I got her to let me have it."
Maddie and Daphne had come over to take a look. "All my best memories are at the Bluebird," she said, smiling happily.
~nashville~
Maddie was playing her new guitar and she and Daphne were singing in the den, while Deacon made breakfast and Rayna kept him company. She smiled at him. "Thanks for coming today," she said. "It was perfect having you here."
"This was probably one of the best days of my life, Rayna," he said. "This feels right." And then he took her in his arms and kissed her. She couldn't help but agree with him.