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Chapter Five: Difficult DecisionsCarlisle:
I heard the cars coming up the street, announcing the others returning from school, and gripped Esme's hand tightly.
"Are you ready?" I asked, trying to guess at how best to prepare for the onslaught of emotions and opinions we would no doubt have to face.
"No," she fretted. "I don't know what to do, what to say." A difficult choice was ahead of us; so many options, and so many chances for a fight to break out.
"Don't worry, sweetheart," I whispered, guiding her into the dining room for the family meeting. "We'll think of something."
I sat at the head of the table and Esme right beside me, watching everyone else as they filed in; all tense, all absolutely silent.
Edward was the first to enter: pained and brooding. When Esme's eyes met his, she matched his agony. She could immediately tell what he was considering - I could see the plea for the opposite in her eyes. Stay. Edward looked away hurriedly and pulled out the chair on my other side.
I tried not to be too accusatory in my thoughts as Esme's mournful eyes, left unassured, tracked Edward's every move. I often wondered what kind of son Esme would have raised if they both had lived: a good one, no doubt – if she could manage five invulnerable teenagers there was not much left for her to face. Except, of course, when some of those invulnerable teenagers were bent on committing murder to save the family and another worried he might accidentally commit the same murder and destroy the family. Such conflict within her beloved family: it was tearing Esme apart.
Observing the others as they entered, I pursed my lips; this was clearly a more serious affair than even I had anticipated. Rosalie sat opposite me, glaring at Edward without even acknowledging Esme and I. Emmett sat beside her, in rare silence. When Jasper entered the room, he hesitated, and then joined Rosalie. Alice came in last, eyes hazy as she searched through a future that was unclear. She sat next to Esme and rubbed her head as if in pain. Jasper was immediately concerned, but he kept his place beside Rosalie. Esme had to shut her eyes for a moment; she couldn't bear to see her family so firmly divided. It was getting more and more difficult for me, too. What is this going to do to us?
"I'm sorry," Edward said, after a moment of bitter silence. "I didn't mean to put any of you at risk. It was thoughtless, and I take full responsibility."
Thoughtless? You were saving someone's life! The thought slipped out from behind my shield, which I used to try and avoid showing my biases in this conversation – as if my position at the table had not already done that.
"What do you mean 'take full responsibility'? Are you going to fix it?" Rosalie demanded.
Fix it…kill Bella Swan before she had a chance to arouse suspicions.
"Not the way you mean," Edward said, keeping his voice calm but not without effort. "I'm willing to leave now, if that makes things better."
"No. No Edward." Esme shook her head over and over. Her voice was choked up again, with worry and fear.
"It's just a few years," Edward assured her, stroking her hand. How could he seriously be contemplating leaving again so soon? And for a few years? It was not my place to instruct Edward as to when he was or wasn't allowed to leave the house, but still...
"Esme's right though," Emmett pointed out. "You can't go anywhere now. That would be the opposite of helpful. We have to know what people are thinking, now more than ever." That couldn't have been further from what Esme was thinking, but it was a fair point.
"Alice will catch anything major," Edward disagreed. I fought hard to keep all my emotional, biased thoughts locked away: in my head, I was both on my knees begging Edward to stay and chasing him out of town myself. I allowed only the reasons, the logic, to get to me now. Carefully, I said:
"I think Emmett is right, Edward. The girl will be more likely to talk if you leave. It's all of us leave, or none of us."
"She won't say anything," Edward said quickly, having noticed Rosalie fuming at the other end of the table, ready to explode.
"You don't know her mind," I reminded Edward. From what I had heard at the hospital, Bella was very likely to do some investigating of her own, which could end up revealing more about us to the world than even she had intended.
"I know this much," Edward insisted. "Alice, back me up." My youngest daughter looked up wearily, and my heart sunk.
"I can't see what will happen if we just ignore this," she said, looking at Rosalie and Jasper. The way they were decided, ignoring the incident was not an option.
Suddenly, Rosalie slapped her hand down on the table.
"We can't allow the human a chance to say anything. Carlisle, you must see that. Even if we all decided to disappear, it's not safe to leave stories behind us. We live so differently from the rest of our kind – you know there are those who would love an excuse to point fingers. We have to be more careful than anyone else!" This was one of Rosalie's favourite points to blackmail me with – the fact that my choice made life so much harder for everyone else in the family – but I had to admit that it was true by all accounts. The famously controlled, clever Cullens, slipping up and blowing the secrets of our kind over one measly human: we would certainly get ourselves destroyed.
"We've left rumours behind us before," Edward pointed out.
"Just rumours and suspicions, Edward, not eyewitnesses and evidence!" Rosalie retorted.
"Evidence!" Edward scoffed.
"Oh, don't," Esme squeaked quietly.
"Rose-" I tried to interrupt.
"Let me finish, Carlisle," she stopped me before another word passed my lips. "It doesn't have to be any big production. The girl hit her head today. So maybe that injury turns out to be more serious than it looked. Every mortal goes to sleep with the chance of not waking up again." Rosalie shrugged, and I was suddenly filled with disbelief and rage. I tried not to be too hard on her, but there was no way I would consider that. For one thing, it still involved killing the girl, and for another I would have to rig the whole act. I would have to be the one who had consoled Charlie and I – and I alone – would have to bear the blame for the girl's death. I was the one who had dismissed her from the hospital.
"The others would expect us to clean up after ourselves," Rosalie continued. I looked into her cold eyes, but saw not the slightest pinprick of doubt in her decision. "Technically, that would make it Edward's job, but this is obviously beyond him. You know I'm capable of control. I would leave no evidence behind me." I swallowed a shudder, feeling weak all of a sudden as I recalled the newspapers documenting Rosalie's kills. She hadn't spilt a drop of blood, but I knew the names of the men she'd hunted. My eyes dropped. I still hate having allowed those murders, despite what those men did.
"Yes, Rosalie, we all know how proficient an assassin you are," Edward snarled. She hissed.
"Edward, please," I interrupted, before turning to Rosalie: the last thing we needed was a fight. "Rosalie, I looked the other way in Rochester because I felt that you were owed your justice." The words would hardly come out of my throat. "The men you killed had wronged you monstrously. This is not the same situation. The Swan girl is innocent." Not that it matters if the Volturi catch onto this mess…I shoved the thought behind the shield, forcing myself to focus on the problem at hand.
"It's not personal, Carlisle," Rosalie explained, as if that would effect my opinion. "It's to protect us all." Esme snuck her other hand onto the table and put it over mine, which I realised was now shaking. I nodded, and Rosalie's eyes lit up. I wasn't sorry I had to disappoint her.
"I know you mean well, Rosalie," I explained, "but…I'd like very much for our family to be worth protecting." Jasper looked away, and Esme's hands slid away from mine. "The occasional…accident or lapse in control is a regrettable part of who we are. To murder a blameless child in cold blood is another thing entirely. I believe the risk she presents, whether she speaks her suspicions or not, is nothing to the greater risk. If we make exceptions to protect ourselves, we risk losing something much more important. We risk losing the essence of who we are."
"It's just being responsible." Rosalie scowled.
"It's being callous," I corrected gently. "Every life is precious." Rosalie sighed and pouted, and Emmett patted her shoulder.
"It'll be fine, Rose," he encouraged in a low voice.
"The question is whether we should move on," I continued.
"No," Rosalie moaned. "We just got settled. I don't want to start on my sophomore year in high school again!" I had never experienced it myself, but Jasper had demonstrated some idea of the mind-numbing boredom they experienced at high school, having already learnt the entire program a hundred times over.
"You could keep your present age, of course," I offered. They were sick of having to graduate over and over, but dropping out over and over was worse.
"And have to move again that much sooner?" Another good point: the younger we started out in a new place, the longer we got to stay. Stretching our physical ages to the believability limits was a risk we had to take to even be able to live in human society. I shrugged. If we had to move quickly, then so be it: the girl would live. That was the objective here.
Rosalie finally seemed to accept my decision, though she was still seething with anger. Jasper remained decided. His years on various front lines before he had met Alice had ensured that he knew very strongly the punishment for breaking the law. He had seen it with his own eyes, sometimes even delivered it.
"Jasper," Edward said, "she won't pay for my mistake. I won't allow that."
"She benefits from it then?" Jasper retorted. "She should have died today, Edward: I would only set that right." Those images flashed through my head; the blood-spattered van, the Swan girl's bloody corpse lying in the high school car park as her heartbeat faded into nonexistence. What might have been.
"I won't allow it." Edward repeated flatly. Jasper looked surprised, then shook his head.
"I won't let Alice live in danger, even a slight danger. You don't feel about anyone the way I feel about her, Edward, and you haven't lived through what I've lived through, whether you've seen my memories or not. You don't understand."
"Oh, Jasper," Esme whispered sadly, as she often did at references to his past. I put my hand back under hers, and she smiled briefly.
"I'm not disputing that, Jasper," Edward said, "but I'm telling you know: I won't allow you to hurt Isabella Swan." They gazed at each other now, measuring each other up.
"Jazz," Alice interrupted, snapping them both out of it.
"Don't bother telling me you can protect yourself, Alice," Jasper said. "I already know that. I've still got to-" Alice cut him off.
"That's not what I was going to say. I was going to ask you for a favour."
Esme shifted to the front of her seat, insanely worried and yet curious to see where this was going.
"I know you love me," Alice continued. "Thanks. But I would really appreciate it if you didn't try to kill Bella." It was just like Alice to speak so simply in amongst the pressured arguments. "First of all, Edward's serious and I don't want you two fighting. Secondly, she's my friend. At least, she's going to be." She's human, Alice; not friend material, Rosalie had said. She must be worthy to be someone's friend, came Alice's reply.
"But…Alice…" Jasper choked helplessly.
"I'm going to love her some day, Jazz. I'll be very put out with you if you don't let her be." She paused for a moment, and her eyes clouded over. "Ah," she sighed. "Bella's not going to say anything. There's nothing to worry about." Esme let out a deep breath.
"Alice…what…does this..?" Edward choked: clearly we were missing something.
"I told you there was a change coming. I don't know, Edward." She locked her jaw, determined not to say anything more.
"What, Alice? What are you hiding?" Edward pressed. Emmett grumbled: the conversations between Edward and Alice were quite boring to most outsiders. I found them fascinating.
"Is it about the girl?" Edward demanded, growing urgent. "Is it about Bella?" I froze, remembering our conversation the day Edward left.
But I did see…she's not one of us, but she will be…Oh, no.
"NO!" Edward bellowed, jumping to his feet.
"Edward!" I cried. I was up a split second later, my hand on his shoulder. He ignored me, all attention on Alice.
"It's solidifying," Alice whispered. "Every minute, you're more decided. There are really only two ways left for her. It's one or the other, Edward."
"No," Edward breathed, bracing himself against the table so he wouldn't fall.
"Will somebody please let the rest of us in on the rest of the mystery?" Emmett asked exasperatedly.
"I have to leave," Edward whispered.
"Edward, we've already been over that," Emmett said. "That's the best way to start the girl talking. Besides, if you take off, we won't know for sure if she's talking or not. You have to stay and deal with this."
My hand slipped off Edward's shoulder and fell back to Esme's shaking one. She put on a brave face, but she was as broken up as the family was.
"I don't see you going anywhere, Edward," Alice said. "I don't think you can leave any more."
After a moment of silence, Edward spoke.
"I don't hear that." A moment later; he groaned. "Why are you doing this to me?"
Jasper grew uncertain. Esme grew more worried. Emmett leant back on his chair and put his feet up on the table, and Esme didn't stop him. She could barely see him any more: Edward was the one in trouble.
"Love her too? No." Edward replied to more of Alice's thoughts. "I don't have to follow that course. I'll leave. I will change the future."
"You can try," Alice replied.
"Oh, come on!" Emmett bellowed, swinging his legs back to the floor.
"Pay attention," Rosalie hissed at him. "Alice sees him falling for a human! How classically Edward." She crinkled her nose and made a sound of disgust.
"What?" Emmett was startled. "Is that what's been going on? Tough break, Edward," he said, between bouts of laughter.
"Fall for a human?" Esme repeated, stunned. "For the girl he saved today? Fall in love with her?" Her back straightened, and her face immediately lightened. Maybe Bella is his match, she had said. A whisper of a smile crept onto my face.
"What do you see, Alice? Exactly," Jasper demanded.
"It all depends on whether he's strong enough or not," Alice explained simply. Edward glared. "Either he'll kill her himself – which would really irritate me, Edward, not to mention what it would do to you," Alice shot a glare back at Edward, "or she'll be one of us some day."
Esme gasped. I just want my son to have what we have…maybe Bella is his match…
Suddenly, I saw the deeper meaning behind her question earlier.
What's she like?She's…unusually perceptive, and very smart, but she prefers to suffer in silence.
Sounds like someone else I know.
I had thought she been assimilating Bella to me, but she had meant Edward. It suddenly made so much sense.
"That's not going to happen! Either one!" Edward shouted.
"It all depends," Alice said, ignoring him. "He may just be strong enough not to kill her, but it will be close. "It will take an amazing amount of control – more even than Carlisle has. He may just be strong enough…The only thing he's not strong enough to do is stay away from her. That's a lost cause."
The room fell silent as everyone tried to figure out what to say.
"Well this…complicates things," I remarked at last.
"I'll say," Emmett agreed.
"I suppose the plan remains the same though," I continued. "We'll stay, and watch…obviously, no one will hurt the girl…"
Edward stiffened, but Jasper complied.
"No. I can agree to that. If Alice sees only two ways-"
"No! No!" Edward exclaimed, somewhere between a shout, a growl and a desperate cry. Edward looked around, examining his expression. Everyone settled back into their own private worlds and waited. Esme's joy radiated from her, barely tarnished by the seriousness of the conversation we had just had. She just wanted Edward to have what we have; to love and protect them and know you were loved and protected, in a way far more intimate than even the tightest of family bonds. I wanted Edward to do the right thing, but even I was not sure what that was. Edward had do decide that.
Finally, silently, he turned and stalked out of the room. Esme reached out and touched his arm reassuringly, but he let it drop and kept walking, stone-faced. Esme's posture collapsed.
"I so hoped this was going to work," she said quietly.