In this fic Natasha is six months pregnant

Natasha had always suffered nightmares, since being a child she had dreamed of death, torture and terror. Now as an adult she often dreamed of the red in her ledger and the horrific treatment she received as a child in the red room; she had nightmares of her past. Sometimes the nightmares subsided and would be absent for months, but other times they recurred night after night; preventing her from sleeping.
Now she was pregnant; the dreams increased in frequency and became more and more vivid.

She often woke herself up; short of breath, covered in sweat and tears streaming down her face. It was getting to the point where she was becoming anxious about going to sleep; not wanting to relive her past sins in such vivid detail.
She often fell asleep on the couch in the lounge, not wanting to disturb Clint's sleep aswell. She'd watch films well into the night in an effort to stay awake, she read books and did jigsaws, baked or tidied; anything to put off going to sleep.

She was exhausted; pregnancy was taking it's toll and the lack of sleep was starting to affecting her health; she was pale and had lost her appetite.
The doctors were worried, the team were concerned, and Clint was anxious. Natasha, as always, pretended she was fine; insisted it was nothing to worry about and refused to talk about it.

Then one night the nightmares became so intense she woke Clint.
She was shouting and screaming, crying in her sleep but was so exhausted she didn't wake.

"Мне очень жаль! Мне очень жаль! Нет, пожалуйста! Пожалуйста, не надо! Стоп! Пожалуйста? Пожалуйста, прекратите!" (I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! No please! Please don't! Stop! Please? Please stop!)

"Tasha? Tasha! Wake up, it's just a dream! You're home, you're safe" he held her wrists to try to keep her still, hoping it would help to calm her but she fought and struggled; still crying. It pained Clint to see his wife with such fear etched on her face; she looked so small and childlike and Clint wanted nothing more than to take her pain away.

"Не надо, пожалуйста, не надо! Он не был - не больно! Пожалуйста, пожалуйста, остановитесь!" (Don't, please don't! It wasn't- no it hurts! Please please stop!)

Clint scrambled from the bed and flicked on the light, returning to his wife's side; he wiped the tears away and waited til the worse was over.
It was almost another 40 minutes of shouting, screaming and crying until Natasha started to settle slightly. She woke herself and sat bolt upright, lashing out at Clint before she realised who he was. Expertly Clint dodged her fists and grabbed hold of her

"Tasha, Tasha it's me. You're okay. It's all okay"

Natasha took comfort in the safety and familiarity of Clint's arms, he held her close until her breathing steadied.

"Tasha?"

She didn't respond but he felt her nod slightly against his chest

"Tasha, we need to talk about this"

Still no response but another nod, she stiffened slightly in his hold before shifting back to look him in the eye.

"There's just so much red Clint" she admitted, fresh tears falling from her tired eyes.

"Nat, forget about your ledger, it's not important right now"

"Of course it is Clint! It's more important now than ever! We're going to have a baby, how can we bring a life into this world; an innocent and defenseless baby when we have so much still to atone for?"

"Natasha, we do good every day. Your ledger is clean"

"Clint, it'll never be clean... You don't know what-"

"Tasha it doesn't matter what you did in the past. What matters is what you do now, the choices you make. The fact that we're going to have a baby should tell you that it's all forgotten. It's wiped; you're allowed to be happy now"

"I'm just so scared Clint, what if I pass on my sins to the baby, what if-"

"Tasha no, the baby, our baby is going to be fine. We're going to love them more than anything, the team and our friends are gonna be here to help us look after them and raise them and maybe one day we'll have another and they can have a baby brother or sister"

Natasha smiled, his words finally sinking in. "You're already thinking about having more children?"

"Why not?"

"Clint, this one isn't even here yet"

"I know, but it's exciting. I can't wait to have a house full, well... a floor full of kids"

"A floor full? How many exactly?!"

"I dunno, like seven or eight?"

"I hope you're joking Clint Barton!" she laughed.

Clint was glad the mood was lightened; his wife seemed more like herself already. Natasha never realised how much she kept to herself; failing to share things that were bothering her was a trait Clint had long since learned to live with, ever since their first mission when she broke her wrist and cracked three ribs, not telling him at all until medical pointed it out after their evacuation.

"Well why not? How many did you want?"

"I wasn't really thinking past the one just yet"

"I think you'll change your mind after he's here" Clint said, placing his hand on her stomach

"He?"

"Yeah I think it's a boy. Me and Tony made a bet"

"You really need to stop making bets with Stark"

"Why?"

"Don't you remember the Jets game?"

"Yeah..?"

"You lost and had to plant a stink bomb in Fury's office; you were on paperwork duty for three weeks"

"Yeah well, this time I'm sure"

"What did you bet?"

"Tasha I –"

"Clint, what did you bet?"

"If I'm right I get to name his first child"

"Please tell me if you're wrong Tony Stark does not get to name our baby"

"No, I would never bet that!"

"Well then what did you bet?"

"It doesn't matter, I'm not wrong"

"And if you are?"

"If I am; Tony gets to be godfather to all our children, he also gets to read both our SHIELD files and I have to convince Steve that Coulson is flirting with him"

"You know Phil has a girlfriend right?"

"Yeah, but Steve doesn't"

Natasha rolled her eyes; her husband could be so childish.

Clint looked at the time; it was gone 3am and they both had a meeting at 8 with Fury;

"You ready to get some sleep?"

Natasha nodded, curling up in Clint's arms.
This time she slept soundly; dreaming of the future, her future with Clint and their children. It was the first time in months she'd slept properly and woke feeling rested and content. Still in Clint's arms; safe and happy.