Author's Note: I was going to have another chapter in here about the move, but I decided to sum it up into two paragraphs and move forward instead.
With the close of Headmaster Severus Snape's funeral, it felt like the end of an era. The war was already a month in the past and it was time to start living their future. There were still a couple of funerals to be had, a few Death Eaters to round up, and Harry and Draco still had to receive their medals for their Order of Merlins, but for the most part, it was over and time to move on. Moving on meant moving back to Malfoy Manor.
Sunday and Monday were spent moving their things from the villa to the Manor. Tuesday, during naptime, Hermione came over to the Manor and helped baby proof the place. The biggest dangers in the Manor were the staircases, the fireplaces, and the bathrooms. Together they charmed all of the fireplaces to be cool to the touch, put wards on the stairs that would keep all babies off of them, and warded the doors to the loos and the nursery.
They had just finished charming the last fireplace, the one in the drawing room on the first floor, when Hermione said, "It's a bit creepy, living with all these portraits on the walls. I think that one has been scowling at me." She pointed to a portrait that was indeed scowling at her.
"You there, what's your name?" Harry asked, looking up at the scowling Malfoy.
"Lord Nicholas Malfoy, you impertinent fool," the portrait replied.
"Why are you scowling at my friend?" Harry asked.
"Because I am under the impression that she is a mudblood."
"Who told you that?" Harry wondered, thinking that it had to be Lucius. If that was the case, he was going to let his father-in-law have it. This was his house now too and his best friend was welcome in it; at least that's what Draco said.
"Bellatrix Lestrange. My other portrait was left in the guesthouse and dear Bella informed me of your escape."
Harry breathed a sigh of relief that Lucius wasn't involved. "Well mudbloods are in right now, so you can either quit your scowling or be shut up in the attic with the other portraits."
"You wouldn't dare. Do you know who I am?"
"Yes, Lord Nicholas Malfoy, like you said, but Draco already shut away Brutus yesterday for scowling at the children and he told me that any other portrait caught scowling would be shut away as well." Lucius had replaced Brutus' portrait with a portrait of Eloise Malfoy, the most muggle-friendly relative he could find.
"It's a pity what this family has been reduced to, associating with mudbloods."
"May I, Harry?" Hermione asked.
"Be my guest," Harry replied.
Hermione conjured a black curtain to put over the offensive portrait, before taking Nicholas down and setting him against the wall in the entranceway.
"Thanks, I'll have Narcissa put him up in the attic later. He can talk to the other unpleasant Malfoys up there," Harry said, sitting down on the bottom stair to take a break.
"I would imagine all of the Malfoy portraits are like him," Hermione replied, sitting down on the stair next to Harry.
"No, not really. Armand Malfoy, over in the entrance hall, seems very nice. He welcomed me into my new home when he was put back up. Oh and Lucius the first, Abraxas, and Septimus have all been nice to me too."
"You don't find it weird having all these portraits around? I mean, I know we had tons of portraits at Hogwarts, but they were limited to the halls and corridors, not every single room."
"Actually, one of the portraits did really freak me out when I met him," Harry admitted.
"Which one?"
"Merlin."
"They have a portrait of Merlin here? Where?" Portraits of Merlin were rare and outrageously valuable.
"Yeah, in the loo."
"We just warded all the loo doors! How did I miss him?"
"Um, I sort of covered him with a black cloth."
"You covered Merlin, the Merlin, with a black cloth?"
"Yeah, well, he really freaked me out. He's in a loo, Hermione. I was trying to use the loo and then he's talking to me and it was super creepy."
"What did he say?" Hermione asked.
Harry blushed bright scarlet at the memory of the words Merlin had said to him. They weren't the type of thing one repeated to a witch.
When Harry refused to answer, Hermione asked, "Was it that bad?" Harry nodded. "Well why is Merlin even in the bathroom?"
"Don't know. Why don't you ask him?"
"Alright, I will. Which loo?"
"The second floor sitting room one."
Harry led Hermione back upstairs and took her around the corner of the L-shaped sitting room, indicating the loo that was off on the right, tucked behind the staircase. Sure enough, there was an antique gilded portrait frame, partially obscured by black cloth. Hermione lit the wall scones, lifted the cloth, and stared dumbly at the portrait of the most famous wizard of all time for several minutes.
"Well, what do you want? You better not expect me to leave my frame just because you're a witch," Merlin said.
"No sir. I was wondering why your portrait is hanging up here in the bathroom, sir?"
"This is where my granddaughter Eloise hung me when she married Lord Armand Malfoy the second."
"Why did she hang you in a loo?"
"It wasn't a loo then. That was when this Manor was still young, back before the days of indoor plumbing when we used bedpans and had the house elves empty them. Nowadays witches and wizards are soft on the mangy creatures. In my day, we really knew how to work a house elf."
"What was this room back in your day, sir?" Harry asked, hoping to stop the tirade on house elves before Hermione went off on Merlin's portrait.
"It was the nursery. That fourth wall and door were added much later; back when I was hung this space was continuous with the sitting room and the perfect corner to put a crib. I used to sing to my great grandchildren and teach them about muggle rights. When they grew up, I did the same for their children. But little Lord Nicholas Malfoy didn't like me and moved the nursery up to the third floor. Then when Lord Grincheux Malfoy bought into indoor plumbing, he decided the perfect place to make the first loo was right here. Bloody imbecile," Merlin said.
"But sir, why are you still in the loo? Surely someone in all those years would've moved you out to the foyer," Hermione said.
"Permanent sticking charm my granddaughter used to hang me with; Lord Draco Malfoy couldn't even take me with him when he took all of the other portraits. He warded up my loo and said that was the best he could do for me and that he hoped I was still here when he came back. Luckily it's a well-kept Malfoy family secret that I'm hung in this room and if any of the visitors did know that I'm normally here, they must've assumed I'd been tucked away with all the other portraits," Merlin explained.
"Wow," Hermione said, trying to wrap her head around the fact that she was talking to a portrait of Merlin in the loo. "So Draco's related to you and he never even said anything."
"The last very many generations of Malfoys aren't particularly proud of my pro-muggle ways," Merlin replied.
"Well I am. I'm being awarded an Order of Merlin and so is Draco. If it were possible, I'd move your portrait into the new nursery and let you sing to the children, sir," Harry said. Of course that depended on Merlin's potty mouth being confined to the potty.
"But that's not possible, because I'm permanently stuck right here for all eternity. And worst of all, this is one of only two portraits left of me. Sure they still have my picture on the chocolate frog cards, but all of my other portraits were burned during the witch hunts. So I'm stuck either here or at the Ministry," Merlin said.
"What if we hang a blank canvas up in the nursery? Couldn't you migrate into it?" Hermione asked. Not that she was particularly thrilled with Merlin's anti-elf rights stance, but this was Merlin after all, the greatest champion of muggle rights there ever was.
"Or how about you remodel the house and turn this room back into the nursery?" Merlin suggested.
"Um, this room is too small. We have three babies," Harry explained.
"There hasn't been that many Malfoys in four generations and not even then did they have three babies all at the same time," Merlin said.
"Well sir? If we put up a blank canvas, would you move?" Harry asked.
"That depends," Merlin replied.
"On what?"
"On whether or not I'd be comfortable over there," Merlin answered.
Then there was a discussion with Merlin about just what would make him comfortable in a canvas. It was revealed that Merlin liked sunny fields of wildflowers, plush sofas, house elves to serve him a hearty supper, and wine. Harry said he would tell Draco and consider having an empty canvas painted portraying such items. Then Harry and Hermione retired back to the sitting room and discussed how unbelievable it was to have Merlin in one's bathroom. Eventually, the conversation shifted to talk of Ron's Auror training, which he had started just the day before.
"I'm glad you invited me over today; it's frightfully boring over at the Burrow with Ron gone. Charlie's gone back to Romania and George is always at the joke shop. Ginny is around sometimes, but during the day she likes to visit her boyfriend, Michael," Hermione said.
"How was Ron's first day of Auror training?"
"Grueling, he said."
"Who was there with him?" Harry was wondering if anyone else he knew was there, because he still planned on being an Auror in a year or two.
"There were loads of new recruits; it seems that Kingsley is offering to let anyone into the training program who fought in the final battle, whether they've got the NEWTs or not, he's that desperate for new Aurors. Ron said that Isobel MacDougal, Dennis Creevey, Anthony Goldstein, Nigel Wolpert, Angelina Johnson, and Ernie Macmillan all showed up."
"Wow, that's a lot of people we know!"
"Yeah, but I doubt they'll all make it to the end. Actually, Ron said that more than half of the recruits left as soon as it was obvious that you weren't there. Apparently Romilda Vane and her lackeys were there giggling."
"I hope all this hubbub dies down soon."
"It will, Harry, give it time."
"What about the ones who stayed? Do you think they'll make it?"
"Most of them don't have the proper background for it, not having decided to be an Auror until after Kingsley offered them the job. Ron said Nigel and Dennis were having the hardest times keeping up, but then they're also the youngest. He thinks Anthony and Ernie are most likely to drop out, because he heard them griping when they learned how extensive and grueling Auror training was. Or they might transfer over to the hit wizard training program; they're taking new applicants too."
"Yeah, I can imagine. I never pictured Izzy as an Auror and she wasn't in all of our NEWT level classes either."
"Yeah, I was surprised by that one too, but Ron said she was really enthusiastic about it. Said she asked him if he wanted to partner up with her, but he'd already agreed to partner with Angelina," Hermione said.
"I wonder if they'll all be above me on the Auror hierarchy when I join. I'm still not pregnant, so it'll probably be two years before I can start training."
"Well you're making top Auror pay right now, so you'll probably still be ahead of them, even though they started first."
"Yeah, but I'll be let go when I'm pregnant, because Robards said I could only take six months off without pay."
"But he doesn't know you plan on being pregnant by then, does he?"
"No, I don't think I mentioned it."
"I was reading through our benefits and it said that we're allowed a year off with pay for a pregnancy. Then we have the option of taking an additional two years off, without pay, but we get to keep the benefits and the job."
"Cool, I didn't know that. Are you planning on…um…"
"Merlin no! Angelina asked, so I looked it up for her. Ron and I aren't nearly there and I'm planning on going back to finish my NEWTS next year."
"Draco wants to finish his NEWTS next year too. He said he's gonna do most of his studying from home. He's reading for history of magic already."
"I don't know if I'd be able to do them from home."
"Well he said he's gonna have tutors come and help him with the praticals, but he's gonna learn the theory on his own."
"That's really admirable of him. I thought about looking into that route right after the war when I thought the school might be too damaged to reopen. But when I asked Headmistress McGonagall about it at your baby shower, she said the school would be repaired for the fall."
"That's great; I know Ginny wanted to go back, but I think that's mostly because she's Quidditch captain now."
Hermione then started talking about all the repairs McGonagall was having done to the school. It was rather boring for Harry, so he was glad when he heard Teddy's fussing from the nursery. He went to get Teddy, Hermione following after him. He checked Teddy's nappy and sure enough it was wet, so he took Teddy over to the changing table.
"When did you get this red sea turtle set? I thought Teddy would use the red set Susan gave you," Hermione said.
"Draco ordered it when we decided to adopt Teddy, but it didn't arrive until last week. He wants Teddy to have the same everything as the twins."
"That's nice. Draco's a really decent guy, isn't he?"
"That he is. Sometimes it still surprises me how thoughtful and caring his is, especially with the children," Harry said, taking Teddy over to the rocking chairs to sit. Hermione sat in the other rocking chair, which didn't match the first one, because the new matching one that Narcissa had ordered hadn't arrived yet. Draco had pulled out the old Malfoy rocking chair to temporarily fill its place.
"He is really good with babies."
"Yeah, it makes me think about something Lucius said to me… I don't think you're gonna believe this Hermione, but Lucius Malfoy actually suggested that Draco and I have a house full of children, Weasley style."
"You're right, I don't believe it. Are you thinking about it?"
"Yeah, I am. It seems crazy to have three babies and be thinking about more, but I definitely want at least one daughter and it might be nice to have more than one."
"What does Draco say about it?"
"He said he just wants the one girl. I think he was willing to have more if I wanted them, but not if it was his dad who wanted them. He said four are enough."
"Do you really want to be pregnant more than once? Draco won't be able to carry them, so any additional children will have to come from your body."
"I know… but I don't know if I'll like pregnancy yet, so I don't know if I'll want to do it more than once. Right now I'm just frustrated that I'm not pregnant already. Draco and I have been trying for a month now! I got Draco pregnant on the first try; I don't know what's taking so long."
"Harry, you do know that witches are only fertile a few days each month. If you don't have sex during those days, there's no way you'll get pregnant and even if you do, it's not guaranteed. It can take months to conceive."
"No, I didn't know. How do you know which days to um, you know?" He and Draco had only been having sex about once a week, so it was possible that they had completely missed a short fertile window.
"For a witch it comes in the middle of the menstrual cycle; typically two weeks after the period. Do you, um," Hermione paused to gulp.
"No!" Harry said, cutting Hermione off. "Never; there's not anything like that."
"What about when you first found out? Wasn't it because you were bleeding?"
"I was only bleeding a tiny bit, because my cherry had popped."
"And besides that, you've never bled?"
"Nope, never."
"Maybe you should ask Draco or someone else who knows more about Peverells than I do," Hermione replied.
While Hermione was talking, a monitoring charm went off, so Harry handed Teddy over to her and went to the cribs, where he found Scorpius just opening his eyes. "Hi Scorp; are you ready to get up?" Harry asked, bending over and lifting his baby out of the crib. He placed Scorp on his hip and walked back to Hermione. He respond to her last comment. "Yeah, I'll ask him."
"Ask who what?" Draco asked, coming into the room after having been woken up by the monitoring charm. He went first to Sev's crib and watched as Sev began to stir, in the moments before waking up.
"Ask you about when Peverells are most capable of getting pregnant," Harry replied.
"What?" Draco asked confused as he picked Sev up, taking his son over to the floor near Harry and Hermione to play.
"Witches have a defined period of fertility, in the middle of our cycle. I was just telling Harry that he could've missed his period of fertility this month and that could be why he's not pregnant yet," Hermione explained.
"Yeah, but that's in witches. Peverell wizards aren't like that. We're guys; we're fertile all the time," Draco replied.
"But you're humans; surely you must have a menstrual cycle," Hermione argued.
"That part of us comes from our centaur ancestors; we have an estrous cycle, like in horses. We don't bleed, but reabsorb any excess lining. And because we're male, we're always producing gametes in our testes, so we're always fertile."
"You're always making sperm, you mean. What about eggs? Surely they must not always be present."
"Eggs are never present, because we don't make them. We don't make sperm either. What we make are mobile gametes that are intermediate in size between sperm and eggs. There's a tube that connects the testes and the uterus and delivers our gametes to our uterus continuously, so we're always fertile."
"But if your gametes are all the same, wouldn't you continuously get yourself pregnant?"
"No, there's a mechanism that prevents self-fertilization. Each sex cell has markers on its surface and it won't fuse with another sex cell with the same markers. It can also prevent fertilization from close relatives or anyone who just by chance happens to have the same markers."
"What happens when a Peverell wizard has sex with a witch? If you don't make sperm, then you won't be able to get a witch pregnant, right?"
"Wrong. Our gametes can fuse with eggs or sperm, but the product of fusion with a sperm is less viable than the other options."
"And do you normally produce only two babies at a time? I would think that if both sets of gametes are produced in mass in the testes, millions of zygotes might be formed at a time."
"No to both. It's normally only one baby at a time, because the tube that transfers the sex cells from the testes to the uterus normally only lets one cell through. The only way to have mass pregnancies like you're describing would be to insert one's own ejaculate into one's anus. If it did happen, the pregnancy wouldn't be viable, because our bodies are only designed to carry one baby."
"Oh, I had no idea…" Hermione trailed off in thought.
"That's often the case with muggleborns," Draco replied.
A discussion on the need for a wizard studies class for muggleborns followed, ending with Hermione taking to go research the idea.
Author's Note: So what do you think of Merlin's portrait? I think his personality has been corrupted somewhat by spending a thousand years in the Malfoy's loo and taking abuse from the more anti-muggle Malfoys, making him crasser.
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