The Diego Diaries: Shadow Box Interlude 6 (233/71) edited for boo boos :D
-0-At the ranch that same night
"Pass that bowl."
(Pass) "You're such a hog."
"Prowler, you wound me with your gangsta ways."
Prowl grinned. "I do don't I."
Ratchet snorted. "You are being corrupted by proximity to me. Where is your propriety? Where is that steel facade that we all know so well?"
"It died when Miracle was born," Prowl said grinning. Hero sat on his lap talking to her dollies, one in each servo. The show on the teevee was what they flashed to in a search for something that didn't suck.
"I hear ya," Ratchet said. He grinned at Hero. "She's a great little femme. She can be happy no matter where she is, even in the lap of a whiner."
Prowl chuckled. "Loser."
Ratchet took the remote and spun through channels until he reached Nickelodeon. "Hey look, Prowl! Your favorite characters and mine!"
Dragonball Z Kai was starting. Prowl grinned. "I have sort of grown fond of Goku. He's rather a decent sort."
"Who's Goku this week?" Ratchet asked. "Sunspot is Tien last time I heard."
"Spirit," Prowl said. Ratchet glanced at him and they both laughed.
"That is a mech who has big aspirations," Ratchet said with a grin. "I see here that Vegeta just arrived with that drone."
"Last time I saw this series of episodes both of them were sitting on a pile of dead aliens with that short one eating an arm. I find that distasteful to say the least," Prowl said with a slight snivel.
Ratchet snorted. "That's not the point, Prowler. The real question is, if you were human would you do him?"
Prowl blinked as he accessed his Urban Dictionary. Then he smirked slightly. "You do understand that sometimes my sons pretend to be him?"
"That's alright. I think Piccolo is hot and Sunspot likes to be him sometimes. We're free associating here. Elevate your processor and keep up."
"Elevate my processor," Prowl asked with a smirk. "You are asking me if I would frag a cartoon character."
"Sure," Ratchet said with a grin. "Consider Vegeta."
"Loser."
"He is," Ratchet said. Then he glanced at Prowl who was grinning as he gave fragments of his snack to Hero to chew on. "Oh, you mean me then..."
"Both," Prowl said. "Vegeta needs his aft kicked but at least he has the decency to wear pants. Look at the legs on that giant thing."
They both looked at the giant Saiyan with Vegeta who wore a smirk and a speedo but not much else.
"You don't care much for the human form I take it," Ratchet said.
"Maybe its a doctor thing for you, Ratchet, but not really."
"Have you really checked out Goku's physique? He's really got a great body," Ratchet said slowing down the speed of the show as Goku flashed over the Million Mile Snake Road back to sentience. "He's also a cutie. He's got a cute smile, weird hair and when he's got the upper servo, the smug looks he gives his enemies are cute. Goku is cute."
They both studied the figure on slo-mo, then Prowl shrugged slightly. "I will grant you that he's cute. Sort of. In a human sort of way. He has a nice grin."
"What about the green guy, Piccolo?" Ratchet asked as the scene changed. "I like the turban and the cloak though the shoulder pads elude me," Ratchet said studying the figure.
"He's got a nice smirk and a good face. I like his 'are you fragging with me?' looks although beating up Gohan like he did makes me want to kick him in the cod piece," Prowl said.
Ratchet snorted. "I know. When Gohan got the big black optic I almost went through the screen."
Prowl nodded. "Fragger. You do know that he changes and becomes a great asset and companion?"
"I sort of see that now though I haven't gotten through the whole series. Sunspot wants both Ironhide and me to watch with him so he can discuss what he sees and plan strategy for the next orn. They play Dragonball during recess."
Prowl nodded. "I know. That's how I figured out what they were doing. Spirit is usually Goku and Tee is Tien. He really likes the third optic in the middle of Tien's forehelm"
Ratchet nodded. "I do too and he's got a great body. He's not in Goku's league but he's strong. Krillin makes me laugh. He's really the one with the most clear optics. I find he reminds me of Epps."
"Epps?" Prowl asked with a grin.
"Sure. He knows he's going to get his aft beaten but he goes forward anyway. He says what he thinks instead of pretending that guts are enough and he's funny. I like Krillin."
"I will call Epps Krillin in your honor," Prowl said. They both snickered. "He hooks up with Android 18. They have a kid and 18 kicks his aft all the time. It reminds me of you and Ironhide," Prowl said with a smirk. "A big tough mech who gets his aft handed to him constantly by his bond."
"That's true. I'm going to have to jump ahead and see for myself," Ratchet said as they both watched the confrontation with the Saiyans in slo-mo.
"You might not like it. I really had to think hard about letting the mechs watch Cell. He's one sterling plated fragger. Reminds me of Megatron."
"How so?" Ratchet asked accessing the image and general outline of Cell from the Dragonball wiki. "Frag. He's slagging ugly."
"He sucks energy from that ugly pink thing on his tail," Prowl said with a slight burr of distaste. "He sucks whole people up his tail with that stinger thing too."
"Really?" Ratchet said accessing the video from an online site. "Oh frag," he said with a laugh. "He's got a sucking device on the end of his tail. Poor Android 18 and 20."
"Really," Prowl said as he watched the classic fighting style of Dragonball in slow motion. "I wonder if we slug it out that fast?"
"Sure," Ratchet said. "I can. What about you, whiner? Has sitting behind a desk slagging my twins slowed you down?"
"They earned every punishment detail they ever got." Prowl grinned. "I can fight that fast. You forget. I'm a martial artiste."
"That's right," Ratchet said with a chuckle. "Maybe you can be the Kame for Autobot City and show the young slaggers a step or ten."
"I would but they would cry," Prowl said as he kissed Hero. She grabbed his face and hung on pressing her own against his.
Ratchet grinned. "I meant to tell you she does that."
He sat her back on his lap and grinned too. "She's pretty strong."
"She is," Ratchet said. "Sometimes Sunspot calls her Chi Chi."
"She yells at him like a maniac?" Prowl asked with surprise.
"No. He just likes the sound of it and consider poor Chi Chi. I would yell if I were bonded with Goku. He's always getting killed and that little kid … taking him to end of the world fighting with him? What the frag?"
"Did you know they have tails?" Prowl asked glancing at Ratchet.
"Tails?"
"Yes. The Saiyans have tails. They change into gigantic gorillas when the moon is full because of their tails."
"That must become inconvenient," Ratchet said with a grin.
"Piccolo solved that problem with Gohan. He ripped the tail off the infant's aft."
Ratchet paused his glass and glanced at Prowl. "WHAT THE FRAG!? What happened?"
"He didn't change anymore. And I don't think it bothered him to have his tail ripped off his backside by the roots. He never acted like it did anyway. Maybe they didn't show the episode where he screamed and bled out in the dirt."
They both sat assimilating that, then Ratchet shook his helm. "Good thing Piccolo's cute or I would blast his aft into the Pit."
"That's sort of how I feel about it," Prowl said with a smirk.
-0-At the campsite
"ATAR!" (Tiny bot using his normal voice from somewhere in the middle of a soft pile of sleeping bag in the middle of his atar's chassis)
Silence. Stretches out as ginormous bot almost hears the wheels turning in ultra tiny bot's processor.
"Atar?" (Normal sized voice)
Silence accompanied by a ginormous grin from a certain father figure.
"Atar?" (Ultra tiny whisper by an ultra tiny bot)
"What?" (Ultra tiny whisper by an ultra enormous bot struggling to hold in a guffaw and the need to praise the problem solving skills of said ultra tiny bot.)
"ATAR!" (Intense happiness at a response)
Silence. It stretches out as infant tries to sort through the fail.
"Atar?" (Ultra tiny whisper as infant figures it out)
"What?" (Soft whispered reply)
"What you?" -whisper from infant. Infant bounces a moment as atar struggles to repress his GINORMOUS need to LAUGH HIS AFT OFF.
Like that.
"Go to sleep, Orion." (Barely controlled whisper)
"Atar?" (Soft whisper)
"What, Praxus?"
"Orion bad." (Tiny whisper)
Ironhide nearly plotzed.
-0-In an apartment
"Look at that move. What do you think? Kamehameha or just ha-ha?"
Prowl considered it. "Where is his weapon?"
"He's either channeling his chi or he's got a gun stuck in his pants," Ratchet said with a suppressed guffaw.
"They all do don't they?" Prowl replied knowing bait when he heard it.
Ratchet snorted and chuckled. "They think they do. I love to tease Ironhide about human male prongs because he actually loses his processor over it."
"I don't have an opinion one way or the other," Prowl said. "A prong is a prong is a prong."
"Did you read 'Two Moons Over Cybertron'?" Ratchet asked.
"I think I started it. I have it bookmarked next to War and Peace," Prowl replied.
Ratchet snorted. "Did you know Prime has a prong ten feet long and he … what was it Ironhide said? … he pipe cleaned his aft with it."
Prowl actually guffawed. "Who got pipe cleaned? Ironhide or my baby?"
"Ironhide of course. I think that the humans would label Optimus as a top."
A pause to check sources met with a grin. "I can't complain."
"You can't tell me that you don't top Optimus," Ratchet said with a smirk.
"That's right, Ratchet. I can't. Because that wouldn't be propriety and all that. I can't tell you that I top even though I do and its a great view up there."
Ratchet did a spit take on his Iacon United label beer and looked at a smug winger grinning back at him. "Wow. That's awesome. I'm writing that one down in my diary."
Prowl's grin faltered a moment. "You do and the sanitation detail is all yours. Forever."
"Well," Ratchet said with a chuckle. "I may have to rethink my plans."
"Good," Prowl said with a grin. "Yes, I can't complain," he said smugly.
"I can't either. Much. Ironhide's idea of foreplay is a scrimmage at the mid field line," Ratchet said as it was Prowl's turn to spit take out his PI hole*.
Hero looked up at him surprised. "Tweet?" she asked.
"Oh, baby," Prowl said taking a cloth to her tiny self. She smiled at him and all was well again. "So what you're saying is … Ironhide brings the chaos to the berth as well as the battlefield?"
"I say so," Ratchet said feigning pride over his revelation such as it was. /... THAT WILL SHOW YOU, PROWLER! …/
A knock on the door and a shout to come in revealed Alor and a bottle. "Hi."
"Hi," Ratchet said. "Come on in. We're talking about Prime's ten foot prong."
Hero needed another rub down.
-0-A few moments later
"Prime is prime," Alor said with a smirky smirk as he sipped his high grade. "More than a few of us think he would be a good tumble in the berth."
"Do you?" Prowl asked with fascination.
"Sure. Good looking, incredibly honorable, smart, decent almost to a detriment and built like a brick outhouse as the humans say," Alor replied as he sat holding a RUDELY purloined sparkling on his arm.
"He is all that," Prowl smugly nodded.
"I would tell you about what Ironhide's like in the berth but since you are his Ada I will hold my sass," Ratchet said. "Just know that he's got quite the figure."
"As good as Goku?" Prowl asked with a smirk.
Alor grinned. "Are you watching Dragonball? Awesome! Turn up the sound."
Ratchet snorted and complied.
-0-TBC
2013 (3)
*Sesshykiss13: A PI reference just for you on Pi Day. :D
Leoness, Novamyth, Kaekokat, Cry4Me, Elita-2, SkyenhaMarissa and everyone else: Thanks for the notes. :D I remember camping once and watching all the adults put a giant tent up to have it fall on their wives. It ended up getting tossed into the Rogue River until someone who knew something figured it out. :D
Guest: I love those chipmunk squirrel things. They are a loony tune cartoon I think. :D
LeslieM: HUGS! Hug Orion and Kaon back. So lovely. Tell everyone hello at school. :D