Chapter 13

Jim opened his eyes and the bright lights of sickbay immediately clouded his vision. He was leaning against a wall.

'What? How had he gotten here?

Last thing he remembered was arriving at sickbay to find Rand crying. Then…

"I think I play a very convincing you, don't you think?" A taunting voice rang out in the otherwise quite sickbay.

Jim looked over to the source of the voice and saw, himself.

"Shit."

Well this explains the transporter incident.

Jim looked away and saw Bones lying unconscious on the ground a few feet in front of him. Spock was lying behind his other self, eyes open and staring at Jim.

His other self seemed oblivious to Spock's consciousness because 'she' just kept on talking.

"All I had to do was act as weak and pathetic as possible, and they totally bought it. I wonder what that says about you Jimmy?"

Jim looked away from Spock and stared at his other self.

"Don't call me that."

She gave him a bemused smirk. "I am you silly. I can call you whatever the fuck I want!"

She leaned down in front of him.

"I am here Jimmy because I think there are some things we need to clear up between us. Like for example, why the fuck have you been keeping me locked up?"

Jim shook his head, which he immediately regretted as he felt a pounding in his head.

"You are not me!"

"Oh really Jimmy? Are you that desperate to believe you are better than me?"

Jim couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"I know I am better than you."

The otherJim snorted, "Please. If anything you are more pathetic. Come on Jimmy. You're always putting yourself in danger. Saving others. Putting them before yourself. We both know why you do this."

Jim felt his body tense up. "You don't know what you are talking about."

Jim couldn't help but glance at Spock. He was slowly sitting up, trying to not make a sound.

"You are afraid of being alone Jimmy!"

'She' then turned suddenly to stare right at Spock.

"But now you have that other big burden to deal with."

Jim could feel the heat rising on his cheeks,

"Shut the fuck up! You-"

His other self turned back around to face him as Spock stood up.

"I what Jimmy? In case you have forgotten, I AM you. I hold all your secrets, all your dark and guilty pleasures in my mind. I am just not afraid to embrace that part of me."

Jim clenched his fist. Spock moved closer to him, "Captain, you must let her provoke you. It is what she wants."

Spock was right, he had to ignore her, it, himself. He was a damn space captain. He couldn't let a few messily words get to him. He could do this, he had to.

"Tell me Jimmy, how does it feel to know that the blood of a murderer is flowing through your veins?"

Jim blanched. "I-I'm nothing like him."

"Oh sure. Of course you aren't." otherJim rolled her eyes. "Why do you think I am here?" She strolled casually across the room picking up random objects and setting them back down. Jim stared at her, not moving. "Do you remember Tarsus IV Jimmy?"

Jim backed up against the wall as his other self moved closer to corner him. "Deep down you are capable of everything he did. And more. You have his strength now. Why do you think you haven't died yet. No one can take that much of a beating. Why do you think people leave you Jimmy. They can see the darkness in you. They know what kind of a sick fuck you really are!"

Jim launched toward her but she evaded him easily and punched him in the stomach. "You can't beat me Jimmy. I am stronger than you ever were."

Jim felt himself collapse on his knees. It wasn't long before he felt two hot hands lifting him up.

People say that we are our own worst enemy. But you never really realize how true that is until you have to face yourself.

Jim was being held up by Spock. He refused to think about how good it felt to have Spock's arm draped around his small waist.

"Aww come on Jimmy. We look hot in this body!"

His other self spun around as if to prove her point.

"Just imagine how great the sex will be. I know you have thought about it. But since you became Captain you have been acting all high and mighty. You never let me come out to play anymore. Remember all the fun we had at the Academy?"

"I am not that person anymore. We are responsible for hundreds of lives."

"And what a fine job you are doing Jimmy! Tell me, how many people have died under your command?"

"None of the deaths that have occurred during the Captain's command have been..."

"It's fine Spock." Jim touched Spock's shoulder as he detached himself from his first officers body. Jim could feel his balance shifting slightly as he attempted to walk toward his other self.

"You know what, you're right."

"Captain..." Spock interjected by Kirk kept going.

"You are a part of me. I need you. We need each other."

The otherJim smiled. But it was not a warm smile as much as it was intimidating and condescending. It was frightening.

"No Jimmy. I don't need you. I am fine without you. You know why? Because I am willing to do what needs to be done." The otherJim gave Spock a once over before looking over at Jim and smirking at him. "Through whatever means necessary."

Spock stiffed next to Jim. The otherJim smiled at Spock's reaction, this time her smile was merely taunting as she pulled something from behind her back. "You are only holding me back Jimmy."

She held out a phaser and switched the setting from stun to kill. Jim froze and he felt Spock shift next to him.

"Don't worry Jimmy. I'll take good care of Spock."

Jim shut his eyes expecting to feel the sharp sting of a phaser. But it didn't come. Instead he heard what sounded like a low growl. He opened his eyes and saw that Spock was standing in front of him. Glaring at the other version of him.

The otherJim was beaming. Instead of being afraid of Spock she looked absolutely delighted. But she had not lowered the phaser.

"Well this is an interesting turn of events. Spock shows us his inner caveman once more. Oh I can't tell you how turned on I am right now."

The otherJim made a point of dramatically fanning herself.

"We have always liked it rough in the bedroom... Haven't we Jimmy?"

"I must ask you to stop being disrespectful toward the Captain. Or I will be forced to take action."

"And he is protective too!" The otherJim smirked. "Well he is just a knight in shinning armor!"

"Enough!" Jim finally spoke out. "Leave Spock out of this. This is between you and me!"

"What are you gonna do Mr. Spock? Are you gonna kill me?" The otherJim taunted.

"I will not. I will not allow you to harm the Captain but I will not cause you harm to prevent it."

"Aww." The otherJim blew a kiss toward Spock's direction. "I knew I was growing on you."

"Negative. Your survival is tied to that of my Captain."

The otherJim's smile finally faltered. "Wait. What?"

Jim pushed himself in front of Spock.

"That's why I changed." Jim looked his other version "you never really thought about the future. Just lived for the moment and didn't take things seriously." Jim glared at his alternate self, "So go ahead, kill me but as cheesy as this sounds, if I go down, you go down with me."

"You and the Captain are two parts of a whole. One cannot exist without the other. Which is why we must merge the two of you."

His other self lowered the phaser slightly as if she was just beginning to think this plan through. Jim wanted to shake his head. How could this version of himself not realize that 'two halves make a whole' was more than just an expression.

Jim could tell the moment his other self processed everything.

"No! I don't want to go back in there. I am finally free! Do you know when the last time I got laid was?"

Jim glanced over at Spock. "Uh, I don't think Spock needs to know…"

Jim stopped talking as he noticed that Spock was now sneaking up behind his other self. Clearly having taken advantage of his other self being distracted. Damn he was quiet. Now all Jim had to do was keep his other self distracted.

"Aww, don't want Spock to think your a slut?"

"I am not a slut."

The otherJim gave him a long hard look. "No, you're not. You are just the pathetic little boy with a dead father and a mother who didn't want him."

Jim tried not to react. That's what she wanted. To get under his skin.

"You just crawled into the bed of anyone who gave you the slightest bit of attention. Just looking for someone to love you. Even if it was just for one night."

Jim clenched his fist, "shut up" .

"Aww. Why? Are you-"

Spock came up from behind the otherJim and nerve pinched her. She dropped to the ground with a loud thump.

"Are you alright Captain?" Jim looked over at Spock and noticed Spock's eyes searching him, stopping at his hand.

Jim looked down and noticed his hand was trembling. He shook his hand in an attempt to disguise it.

"Yeah. I'm fine. We should call for back up." Jim looked over at Bones who was still unconscious with an ugly purple bump clearly visible on his head. "And find out where out where the rest of our medical staff is so someone can take a look at Bones."

"Agreed Captain. I believe your duplicate used her appearance to clear out the medical bay."

"Yeah, that seems like a logical explanation. We should also put her in restraints. She attacked Rand and tried to kill us."

"She has proven herself to be a dangerous and ruthless individual."

Jim looked at what was essentially his own body lying crippled on the floor. The whole ship now knew what this other side of him was capable of, would they ever be able to trust him again?

"Yeah…"

A/N: So first thing is first! I have been gone for a while! I am glad people are still following my fic despite of that. Thank you for your patience!

Also I wanted to address something someone brought up to me a while back, and that is why I refer to Jim as a 'he' when he is still in a female body. The reason I do that is because he has his memories now so his gender identity is male now. I hope this clears up any confusion anyone might have had. I know pronouns can get confusing, especially in fics like this.

Finally, I am in the process of uploading this fic to AO3. I actually started a few months ago but I put that on hold for a bit but now I am going to play catch up. So if anyone is interested you can find it here:

/works/1986831/chapters/4302957