PS - I will try and get Edward home for Christmas!
Disclaimer: New Moon is not mine
Chapter Twenty Two: Heals All WoundsEsme:
OctoberI keep telling myself this is for the best, but I miss Bella terribly. I'm missing something I never really had, but I can't help it. It will go away...eventually.
I don't feel I've given up too much, but I can't help but worry for Edward: moving was normal for us, and the others had been quick to find things they enjoyed in our new place, but Edward drifted passionlessly. Until one day...One day, he left to hunt Victoria, and we haven't heard from him since then.
NovemberEdward called at last, to tell us he was in South America. I asked him how he was doing, and he said he was doing the best he could. He thought I was talking about Victoria…otherwise, he pretended that's what he thought. I didn't press him; I handed him over to Carlisle. They too stayed away from the topic of Bella, but when Edward hung up Carlisle nearly cried. He doesn't like to show it - he knows Edward will be back eventually - but sometimes it overwhelms him. He misses his son terribly, perhaps even more than I do.
This month, Carlisle started working nights at a hospital in Ithaca and teaching medicine at a university in Cornell part-time. Occupying his mind has done something to help, and he tells me that I make him feel a great deal better, which I'm glad of. Still, I can't help praying that Edward returns soon...
DecemberEdward visited for Christmas! He looks haggard, exhausted, but at least he could come see us. I hate watching the pain he's in, but it's better than imagining something worse. It was so good to see him again.
Edward's visit has helped us all in a bizarre way. I feel stronger somehow, more optimistic. I picked up a job restoring a beautiful seventeenth century house up north, and I find myself smiling more often these days. Alice is researching her family – so far she has tracked down the asylum she was left in, and that she had a little sister called Cynthia – while Jasper studies philosophy at Cornell. Rosalie and Emmett called from Paris: they're having a great time.
JanuaryEdward left us just after New Year's, looking a little better for the time spent with his family. There is much to be desired, but he's coming along. I think, once he's dealt with Victoria - the greatest remaining threat to Bella - he will feel more at ease. My son would never forget his mate, but maybe once he knows she'll be safe, he will find the strength to let her go.
The Project House is coming along beautifully. I wish I could be there for the owners to see it, but it's sunny all week. Nevertheless, I'm in a good mood. The new year has brought a lot of light and inspiration into our lives: things are looking up. Rosalie and Emmett are enjoying the Black Forest, Alice has discovered a niece in Biloxi, Jasper is finding his studies quite meaningful, and Carlisle is finding teaching quite to his liking. I knew he would.
FebruaryEdward called in again towards the end of this month. He doesn't look as bad as last time, but his eyes are black and empty and he still seems distracted. The owners of the Project House came to check up on its progress, and this time I could go with them: after seeing Edward so…wounded…it was a welcome distraction, even if not a complete one.
The owners, Mr and Mrs Lewis, have a lovely young daughter named Ebony, who looks remarkably like Bella would have at that age. Ever since I met the dear, memories of a happy - a complete Edward keep floating back into my head. I realise I haven't fully let go of Bella yet. As much as we pretend, neither Carlisle nor I can let go of the feeling that Edward, our Edward, had been so close to this. So close to finding something he deserved without having to achieve it.
Moving around as often as we do, you learn to let yourself forget - sometimes you have to force yourself. It's a strange thing, but I believe I have let myself forget Bella herself but not what she did to Edward. The glint in his eye, the smile on his face, the weight of loneliness finally lifted from his heart. No. I will never forget that. Thank you, Bella.
MarchRosalie and Emmett are back from Europe now. We are all together again, with the one exception, and spending the spring break in Denali with Tanya's family. It is good to have some people to talk to who we don't have to pretend around. We went swimming in freezing lakes, hunting in the middle of the night; we played Scrabble in six languages and chess with eight boards.
I called Edward the other day, and he didn't pick up. Carlisle calls a lot too, but Edward never answers. I don't think he even has his phone with him.
Carlisle puts more vigor into his attempts to occupy himself than anyone else in the family. The others find distraction easy, but Carlisle has an analytical mind. Over the years he has trained himself to focus, to never forget. He's in no danger of depression, but he cannot forget that he's waiting. Waiting for Edward.
.o.o.o.
In mid-March, Carlisle and I left for a week-long 'hunting trip,' at the suggestion of the sisters: it was my opportunity to provide Carlisle with the distraction he so desperately needed. I only hoped it would work: Edward was a deeply engrained part of Carlisle's life, so I had my work cut out for me to make him forget.
"He'll be all right, love," Carlisle said, oblivious to my current concerns. He was smiling as he danced across a patch of ice, leapt onto a log and offered his hand to help me up after him. Perhaps this will be easier than I thought. "Edward can take care of himself. He's found a distraction; hopefully getting rid of Victoria will make him feel a little better about Bella's well-being."
"You don't believe that," I replied, springing up onto the fallen tree. "And how do we know Bella is well? She could be mad. She could be catatonic. She could be lying in some ditch, drained of blood by that wild redhead Rose and I never found." I cringed away from the thought, and slipped sideways. Carlisle, as always, was there to catch me.
"Edward's tracking the redhead," Carlisle replied softly, steadying me. He kept his hands on my arms for a moment before turning and dropping down the other side of the log. "Bella wasn't mad when Edward left; just upset. And she wouldn't be catatonic. She's only known him a few months: it's very unlikely Edward made that deep an impression on her."
"Edward's practically catatonic," I mumbled, remembering the emptiness in his eyes with a sting as I dropped to the ground after Carlisle. He turned back around and pressed his lips to mine.
"Edward can take care of himself, dear," he repeated. "I think it's time for a change of subject."
"Like..?" I raised an eyebrow, subtly pulling Carlisle through a clump of trees, onto a ledge that looked out over a beautiful, ice-covered lake, straight out of a Winter Wonderland exhibit. The moon's soft silver light reflected lovingly from my husband's honey-brown eyes.
"Like…how lovely you look in the moonlight…" he murmured, brushing a lock of hair from my face. He moved his hand around to the back of my head, and leaned in for a kiss.
"Careful," I warned. He paused, confused, my lips only a fraction of an inch away from his. I stepped forward and he stepped back, dangerously close to the edge. I picked flirtatiously at his shirt, and added;
"The water's cold." I flashed a grin at my helpless husband, and Carlisle cried out in surprise as he slipped off the ledge and crashed through the ice below. He came up, laughing, and wiped the water from his eyes.
"I'm going to get you for that one," he declared, before disappearing under the water and swimming out of sight. I heard the crack of ice as he came up again, and suddenly the ledge collapsed from under me. I fell straight down, and landed in Carlisle's waiting arms.
He lowered me gently into the hip-deep water beside him. Chunks of rock and ice drifted around us: we had cracked the ice over half the lake, revealing a dark blue, velvety liquid.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" I sighed, trailing a finger through the water.
Carlisle sighed reverently, catching my hand and pressing it to his lips.
"You and the sisters planned this, didn't you?" he asked gently, still admiring my hand. "To distract me."
"Is it working?"
I batted my eyelids like a silver screen movie star and Carlisle smiled fondly. He lifted one of my arms about my head, and I twirled under it, my skirt billowing through the water.
"Now, Miss Rogers, where were we?" Carlisle asked, slipping an arm around my waist and pulling me towards the deeper water.
"Something about me and the moonlight..?" Innocently twisting a lock of hair around my finger, I swum a mermaid's circle around my love struck husband.
"Ah yes, I remember..."