Oh, hi! It has been a while... oops. Well, I'm back! I updated Maritime Melody today as well, so I figured that I'd get back to Peonies and Chrysanthemums as well! This one is titled Praise. Happy reading!
He had been doing so well up to this point. Being with Yao undoubtedly made him stronger than ever before, but sometimes, Kiku had his moments of utter loss of self-worth and all that he wanted was to disappear from the wretched earth. The past that damned his present and future hung around his shoulders constantly, reminding him of the devil that was once inhabiting his body. A man who would watch death with the blink of an eye. A man greedy for power. A man that abandoned the people that he loved most for his own benefit. That man was gone to everyone else now, but to Kiku, it seemed as if he lurked in another place; somewhere far off, but not too much.
When he showed up, or any lingering thought crossed his mind, the Japanese man lost all self-control. He'd scream, cry, tear things to shreds, attempt to hurt himself in any way possible, if only to numb the extreme emotional distress. Hours would pass before the tears would stop, and he'd eventually fall asleep, curled up as if he had everything to hide, alone.
He had been doing so well up to this point.
"Kiku?" Yao called softly to his love, entering the house with groceries in tow. "Kiku? I would appreciate some help..."
No call was returned. After several more of them, Yao set out to look. The other man was not in the bathroom, showering or bathing. He was not in the office, working on some sort of business or catching up on anime. He was not in the sitting room, reading a book or playing with the animals. Stopping in the kitchen, Yao set the groceries down and strode toward the bedroom.
There he found Kiku, perched at the window like a bird with broken wings. His whole body shook and sobs were audible through his face pressed tightly against his knees. The sheets on the bed were disheveled, clothes hung out of the closet in a mess, an urn (thankfully not terribly valuable) lay broken on the floor, the curtains were torn. It appeared as an internal battle scene, leaving Kiku to his own self-destruction in the large empty house in the outskirts of Beijing.
Yao said nothing. He only advanced forward, approaching the window with grace.
Kiku heard him, but he did not move. The other was still a few feet away. For several moments, Yao just watched. It hurt- killed, even, but he had to wait a bit to make his next move, as to not startle his love.
As the sobs got louder, enough became enough. Yao moved forward and rested a gentle hand on Kiku's shoulder. Before he knew it, arms flew around his neck and a body crashed into his own. Somehow, this was comforting. Hoisting the younger man into his arms, they ambled over to the bed, lying down, not minding the mess for now.
"Kiku," Yao whispered after a few minutes of just listening to cries and silence. He repeated the name a few more times, vying for a bit of the other's attention. A glance was exchanged, and the Chinese man began.
"Kiku, I love you. I love you so much. You are my world. Without you, I have nothing. With you, everything is open to me. Your existence is my existence. Your beauty illuminates a path of greatness for me. Your smile is not to be compared with the finest pearls of the sea. Your skin is of the most treasured silk in the universe. Your hair reminds one of raven feathers. Your eyes capture every soul and grace them with wonder. Your body was sculpted by the first fine artists of our time and before. You move like the swan. You speak like the poet. You laugh as an enchanter. You sing as a fine-tuned instrument. The flower that you are named after is nothing; in fact, it should have been the opposite. The flower should have been named after you."
Only after he had stopped talking did Yao realize that Kiku was staring. He had been the whole time, by his estimate, as sobs turned to nothing and tears slowed to a stop. These things alone made Yao smile. With a kiss to the forehead and a few reassuring circles rubbed into his back, Kiku also managed something close to a smile in his exhausted state.
"Rest," Yao commanded softly. And he did so. Kiku closed his eyes, tucked safely in Yao's embrace, and did not shed another tear.
Wow... corny... but, uh, yeah. There you have it. I'll be updating more frequently starting now, as long as I keep getting ideas! Thanks for stopping by!