Harry's first Valentine's Day with Draco was marred by a letter from Aunt Petunia. It was a muggle style letter in an envelope with a postage stamp addressed to Harry Potter, but without a street address. It was delivered by a Ministry owl at breakfast one morning in early February. Harry was an adult now, he was the Savior of the Wizarding World, which meant he could do whatever he liked and that included throwing the letter in the fireplace without even reading it. What he didn't factor in was Draco snatching the letter out of his hands before he could destroy it and reading it.
Harry huffed and sat down on the sofa to wait for Draco to finish with the letter. He was now six and a half months pregnant and larger than he thought was possible. It turned out that he had miscalculated and he'd been wrong at Christmas when he thought he was a giant whale, because now he really was a giant whale and it was so much larger and made his life even more difficult; now he'd give money to go back to the size he'd been at Christmas.
When Draco finished the letter, he looked up at Harry and asked, "Why were you going to burn this? It seems like a perfectly nice letter from some muggle named Petunia Dursley about some muggles named Dudley and Uncle Vernon, which implies that they're related to you. Granted no one named Dudley can be anything but mentally challenged; I mean, why else would they have named him that? But we mustn't throw away letters from the mothers of our mentally challenged relatives, because that's bad form. What would your friend Hermione say if she knew you were attempting to shun your disabled relatives? If she has a problem with mistreatment of house elves then she's bound to have a problem with mistreatment of retards."
"I don't want to talk about it here," Harry said, inclining his head at the nursery.
Andy and Narcissa had just taken the boys into the nursery and they had Japhet and Clarity over too. Japhet was Cecelia Flint's two-and-a-half-year-old son and Clarity was her five-month-old daughter. They watched Japhet and Clarity almost every morning now, because Cecelia had to teach pre-school to her oldest son, Hayden, who had just turned five. Unfortunately there was no public schooling available for magical children, so Cecelia's only choices were to hire a tutor, send her son to private school, or teach him herself. She couldn't afford the first two options and for the third, she needed someone to help out and watch her two little ones for a few hours every morning.
Of course Cecelia coming over to the Manor meant that Harry had given her the secret. Hayden too had seen the secret, although he couldn't properly read it. Harry had doubted that it would work but Cecelia spent the day with Hayden teaching him to recognize the letters in the secret. Once he'd been through each letter, the Manor appeared right in front of his eyes, so now the young child could floo over whenever he liked. Hayden being able to floo over on his own was important, because Cecelia had the baby and the toddler to floo over with and making the journey with all three kids at once was a major hassle.
Harry hadn't been too happy about having Cecelia's kids around in the mornings, but it hadn't been long before an emergency had occurred and Harry had taken the opportunity to officially give Molly the secret. Something had come up taking Andy away from the nursery that morning, while Lucius was away on business, and Draco was off at Hogwarts. It was just Harry and Narcissa and five babies, so when they needed help, Harry firecalled Molly, passed her the secret, asked her to come over right away to help, and pretended like Molly had never been to the Manor before. Molly still wasn't welcome over all of the time, but the Malfoys at least conceded that in times of emergencies, she could be called.
"Alright, come on, we'll do this in the bedroom," Draco said, walking into their bedroom and casting an extra silencing charm on the door.
Harry walked into the bedroom, where he flopped down on the bed with a put upon huff.
"So, your relatives; I assume these are the muggles you lived with all those years?" Draco asked.
"Yeah," Harry answered.
"I know you don't like them, Harry, but have you considered what it cost your aunt to swallow her pride and write you this letter? I can tell you how hard it was for Mother to reach out to Aunt Andy after all of those years of estrangement and make amends," Draco said.
"Look, I don't really care. They were awful to me and treated me like vermin growing up. I don't want to see or even write to them ever again. We don't have the tight-knit family you do. When I said goodbye to them two summers ago, I said it forever."
"Don't you want to know how they are? Just being related to you during this war had to have made them a target. What if the Dark Lord had his Death Eaters track them down and torture them for information?"
"They wouldn't be able to find them; they were in hiding under Order protection."
"Just like you were in hiding. Do you know how many Order safe houses were broken into and destroyed? Being under Order protection was like having a giant hex me sign on their backs. It's a wonder any muggles came out alive, yeah?"
"It would serve them right if they didn't." Harry left it unsaid that he wished they hadn't come out of it alive. Maybe not Dudley, because he'd been alright at the end, but Harry's miserable aunt and uncle for sure.
"Do you really mean that? You're normally such a kind and loving person, Harry. I can't believe that you'd mean that."
"Well I do."
"Do you want to tell me why? What did they do to you? You never told me."
"You'd probably take off and kill them all if I did."
"I couldn't, not even a muggle. I'd want to do it, because they've obviously hurt you a great deal, but I've never been able to kill. How about I promise not to hex them and you tell me what they did?"
"Alright, but you're not going to like it."
"I already don't."
"They treated me like a freak growing up. They hated magic; it was a bad word to them and every time I accidentally did a bit of it, I was punished. I lived in the cupboard under the stairs until I was eleven when they gave me Dudley's second bedroom. They used to lock me up and starve me if I was bad."
Draco looked at Harry and Harry could see the hurt in his eyes and the disbelief written on his face. Draco bent down in front of Harry and carefully wrapped a pair of comforting arms around him.
"Alright, that's pretty awful. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Why would Dumbledore even leave you with those people?"
"It was the only way to keep me safe from Voldemort and the Death Eaters. I was protected as long as I lived under the same roof as my mother's blood."
"Well that sucks troll dung. Like I said, it's horrible you had to go through that and I wish that I could go back in time and save you from them, but I can't."
"I know."
"You know what Father always tells me in situations where someone else has gotten the best of me?"
"No."
"He tells me to go back and rub their noses in my success. Shove it up their arses that I'm a rich powerful wizard and it doesn't matter how anyone tries to hold me back; I'm still a Malfoy and that means something, because I say it does. Then hex them so badly they never try to best me again. Wouldn't you like to see your aunt and uncle's faces when you show up with me on your arm, married to Lord Malfoy. They don't know shite about our world, so you can make up anything you like about us and shove their noses in it. Plus we have three beautiful children with a fourth one on the way; you could show off, yeah?"
"That does sound like fun. They don't even know male pregnancy is possible. If I show up on their doorstep dressed in my paternity robes and swollen up like a balloon, my aunt will probably faint."
"I'll have a house elf introduce us as Lord and Savior Malfoy, like they call us in the papers." Harry laughed and Draco chuckled.
"They'd hate that. They'd hate the house elf and that I'd married a rich Lord. But it'd be more fun if the neighbors saw and that isn't possible if we show up with a house elf."
"Alright, then we'll hire a human servant. Or better yet, get George Weasley to fill in for the day; I bet he'd be able to come up with all kinds of ways to torment magic hating muggles without actually hurting one."
"Fred and George fed Dudley ton-tongue toffee once before fourth year. It was hilarious."
"See, George will be perfect then. And he won't even have to do anything, because the muggles will be shitting their pants just remembering what he did with the toffees."
"Yeah."
"So how about I write your aunt back and set up a little meeting? She does have a floo connection, yeah?"
"Um no, and they block up their fireplace too, so you can't have them connected either."
"That sucks. Is there somewhere nearby we can floo from?"
"We could probably get the floo connected to Mrs. Figg's house. She's a squib that lives in the neighborhood."
"Alright, I'll have it arranged. I think it'd be best to go before Valentine's Day, so we can rub it in their faces how ridiculously in love we are. What do you think of Saturday the thirteenth?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"Excellent. I'll go arrange it. You should go pamper yourself; Mother and Aunt Andy have the children covered for the time being."
"No, I shouldn't leave them with five babies. I'll pamper myself after Cecelia comes and gets her two."
"Alright. Have a good day. I'm gonna make these arrangements before I floo over to Hogwarts." Draco said before giving Harry a quick, but intense snog.
Saturday the thirteenth arrived quicker than Harry would've liked. He didn't feel ready to see his relatives again and Draco's plan no longer seemed like such a good idea. But he had agreed, Draco wouldn't be deterred, and the Dursleys were waiting for them. And so against Harry's better judgment, he got dressed in the expensive new paternity robes Draco had bought him to accentuate his ginormous stomach, cast a grooming charm on his hair, and waddled out to the sitting room where Draco and the babies were waiting for him.
Draco was wearing the light grey paternity robes Harry had gotten for him and he had Scorp and Teddy strapped into the infant carseats hooked onto the top of the twin stroller. Scorp was past the twelve months in age the infant carseat normally recommended as the maximum age, but he was far under the maximum weight and just barely approaching the maximum height, so they figured he could get one more use out of the carseat; it was always good having a carseat in the muggle world. Sev's carseat was shrunken and stored with the nappy bag in the basket of the stroller.
Sev was climbing up the back of the sofa trying to reach one of the portraits on the wall. Draco was watching the toddler, but waiting until Harry actually reached the fireplace to call Sev back over. Harry looked at what the babies were wearing and laughed.
"What's so funny?" Draco asked.
"My aunt and uncle are gonna hate us for this," Harry said, pointing to Sev in his new dark purple baby dress robes with silver trim and silver twinkling stars. Scorp's robes were the same, except with gold trim and stars and Teddy's had bronze trim and stars. The babies had been given the matching outfits at the twins' birthday party.
"What's wrong with what they're wearing? These are the nicest clothes they have," Draco protested, failing to see what was so humorous.
"Nothing's wrong with them; they're just so obviously not muggle it's funny. Don't worry, I approve."
"Good and I'm glad we amuse you. Now get your arse through this floo."
"Arse!" Scorp repeated.
"Er, butt. Get your butt through this floo," Draco corrected. "Scorp, Father isn't supposed to say arse. It's a bad word."
"Bad word!" Scorp repeated and Sev came running over.
"Badss wordsssss?" Sev asked.
"Yes Sev, arse is a bad word and it's very naughty of Father to have said it. I'm very sorry," Draco apologized.
"Sor-riessss?" Sev asked.
"Sorry," Scorp confirmed.
"No!" Teddy contributed. No generally worked well as something to say to anything and he was now in the no stage.
"Yes," Scorp rebutted. Draco had been so proud when one of his children had finally learned to say yes.
"Alright, I'm going," Harry said and flooed to Mrs. Figg's house.
Mrs. Figg's house was full of cats and smelled like cabbage, which meant it was just the same as Harry had always remembered it. Draco came through the floo pushing the twin stroller with one hand and holding Sev's hand with the other, shortly after Harry. Harry introduced Draco and the children to Mrs. Figg and then she led them all out to her car. Her car wasn't big enough to hold all of them, but it was big enough to carry Harry and Sev; Draco would walk with the stroller. It took a while for Draco to figure out how to get Sev's carseat strapped in tightly, since he had never done it before. Harry offered to help, but at seven months pregnant he was more of a hindrance than a help, so Draco refused.
They were taking Mrs. Figg's car instead of hiring a car for the day and getting George to chauffeur them around, because George couldn't take the time away from the joke shop on such a busy weekend. He had a whole line of love potions and other Valentine's Day themed merchandise that was flying off the shelves. So although George had wanted to come, he'd declined.
Eventually Draco got the carseat in and then strapped Sev into it. Sev didn't want to go in and said, "No! Walk!"
"No Sev, you have to sit. Father needs you to go with Daddy and protect him. Can you protect Daddy for me?" Draco asked, pushing Sev back down into the seat.
"Po-essssssssss Da Da?" Sev asked.
"Yes, you're a big boy now and I need you to protect Daddy," Draco repeated, finally getting Sev strapped in.
"No! No, no, no, no, no!" Sev screamed with a hiss as Draco closed the door on the baby.
"Sev, you're going with me, little man. We'll be there in a minute if you'll just calm down," Harry said looking at the lawn and hoping there weren't any snakes nearby. Sev was now unleashing a string of hisses and Harry had no way of knowing what the baby was saying. Sev could just be saying no in parseltongue, or he could be calling for a snake to come rescue him from the atrocity of being forced to sit down.
Mrs. Figg turned on the car and took off down the road with Sev crying and hissing the whole way. Draco followed after the car with the stroller. He lost sight of the car when it turned, but he made the same turn and then used a point-me spell to determine his next turn. This would've been easier if Harry wasn't too pregnant to walk, but Harry was, so Draco made do.
By the time Draco arrived at Number four Privet Drive, Mrs. Figg already had Sev out of the car and running on the Dursley's lawn, while Harry was slowly walking towards the door. Draco checked out Harry's arse as he came up behind his husband with the stroller and called out to Sev, "Oi Sev! Did you protect Daddy, Sev?"
"No!" Sev answered.
"Well that's entirely inappropriate for a young Malfoy. I will expect you to do better next time, young man," Draco replied.
"Ed-ee?" Scorp asked from the stroller, pointing at Teddy.
"Yes Scorp? What about Edward?" Draco asked.
"Ed-ee," Scorp repeated.
"Oh, I see, you're protecting Edward for me, is that right?" Draco asked.
"Yes," Scorp answered.
"Good boy, Scorp! Now that's what I expect to hear from a proper young Malfoy. Sev, did you hear what Scorp said?" Draco asked, wondering when Harry was going to knock on the door already, because Harry had just been standing there for a minute now.
"No!" Sev exclaimed, running back towards the door, with old Mrs. Figg trailing behind him.
"Harry, why aren't you knocking?" Draco asked.
"This was a bad idea! We should just go," Harry answered.
"No, we are not going. We came all this way and I for one intend to meet your relatives," Draco said. He reached around Harry to knock, but Harry moved and blocked Draco's reach.
"No, I don't want to do this," Harry hissed.
"But Harry, I've never met a muggle before. If you don't let me meet them, I'm gonna assume my grandmother was right and that they do eat wizarding children. Is that why you don't want us to meet them? Because you're worried they'll eat the children?" Draco asked, keeping a straight face throughout his manipulations. He was about ninety-nine percent certain his grandmother was wrong about muggles eating children.
"No and muggles don't eat children! Why would Druella say such an awful thing?" Harry asked just as the door opened and revealed Dudley.
"Harry, is that you?" Dudley asked.
"Yeah Dudley, it's me," Harry admitted and started through the door.
"Come here, Sev!" Draco called. Sev ran over and took Draco's hand, going through the door with Draco and the stroller. "Hello, I'm Harry's husband, Lord Draco Malfoy. These are our three children; Severus is the blond one, Scorpius is the raven haired one, and Edward is the green haired one."
"Right…" Dudley replied, staring at Teddy's green hair, which changed to orange right before his eyes.
"Correction, Edward is the orange haired one," Draco said as Harry flopped down on the sofa. "Edward, you know Father doesn't like orange. Please stick to colors between yellow and purple."
"Orn bad!" Scorp exclaimed.
"Ornsssss bad!" Sev echoed from where he was standing in the middle of the room, looking around at all of the things he could get into.
"No, no, no," Teddy agreed and changed his hair to purple.
"Great, thank you Edward," Draco said.
"Are your parents here?" Harry asked.
"Yeah. Mum! Dad! Harry's here," Dudley called. "Can the little one really just change his hair color at a whim?"
Harry nodded and Dudley looked impressed. Petunia came in from the kitchen and Vernon came pounding down the stairs. Draco introduced himself and the children.
Petunia took Draco's hand and said, "Nice to meet you. I'm Petunia Dursley and this is my husband Vernon. I believe you've met our son Dudders."
"Yes, just now actually. I hope you don't mind Severus running around; he's in the getting into everything and refusing to sit still phase," Draco replied.
"Oh, it's no problem. Have a seat and I'll get the tea," Petunia said, before turning and going back into the kitchen.
Draco sat down next to Harry and put his hand lovingly on top of Harry's belly.
Vernon's eyes went wide as he took in the sight of Harry's extended stomach. Vernon pointed one flabby finger at Harry and asked, "What is that, boy?"
"Oh this here?" Harry asked, putting his hand on his stomach and entwining his fingers with Draco's.
"Yes, that," Vernon confirmed.
"I'm pregnant," Harry answered with a very wide smile. He quite enjoyed the sight of Uncle Vernon turning bright red.
"Isn't it wonderful? A little girl to go with our three boys," Draco added.
"Petunia! Come in here, Harry's being all…" Vernon trailed off.
"I think it's wonderful, Harry, but how did you do it? Were you pregnant with the other three too?" Dudley asked.
"No, Draco was pregnant with the twins and we adopted Teddy," Harry answered.
"You! What?" Vernon sputtered.
Petunia came in with a tray of tea and biscuits, setting it down on the coffee table in front of the sofa. "What is it, Vernon? Didn't we agree to be civil to Harry and his family?" Petunia asked Vernon.
"Yes, but that was before I knew what he was up to!" Vernon accused with a red blotchy face.
"Sev, we don't touch muggle things," Draco said, getting up and pulling a long black box out of Sev's hands. He put the spit soaked thing up out of Sev's reach, before returning to the sofa.
"I wouldn't say I'm currently up to anything. I was up to getting buggered by my husband on my birthday, but that was seven months ago," Harry said.
Petunia turned to Harry and took in Harry's belly for the first time. Her jaw dropped and her eyes went wide.
"Harry's pregnant Mum and I think it's great." Dudley said. "Harry, do you want some help taking the other two out of the pram?"
"I was just going to leave them in there as long as they're happy," Draco said. He had his hands full watching Sev, getting up every few minutes to pull Sev away from a row of glass figurines. Besides, Scorp and Teddy had toy bars that they were playing with, which seemed to be keeping them entertained.
"It hardly seems fair that the blond one is allowed to run around when the other one is locked up," Dudley said.
"Oh Scorpius can't walk. He can't even crawl; he's crippled," Draco explained. He wanted so much to blame Ron in that moment, especially because he was fairly certain Ron would never have a conversation with this muggle. But Harry was there, and for Harry's sake, he kept his mouth shut.
"Oh my," said Petunia.
"How?" asked Dudley.
"My friend Ronald Weasley did it," supplied Harry. He wasn't under any contract and so was free to say whatever he wanted. They'd asked and it was the truth, so he said it, knowing Draco wouldn't. It made his chest swell with pride that Draco hadn't said and had kept his mouth shut.
"Weasley? As in…?" Vernon asked.
"Yes, that Weasley. He hit Draco in the stomach when he was pregnant and as a result, Scorp has a bum leg," Harry added.
"And Scorp is fine in the stroller, aren't you Scorp?" Draco asked his son.
Scorp looked up at Draco and answered, "Na-eeee!"
"Seriously Scorp, you had to soil yourself in the muggles' house? I suppose I'll have to change it then," Draco replied, getting out the nappy bag from the basket under the stroller. "Is it alright if I do it here, or do you have another room I could use?"
Harry looked at his aunt expectantly, wondering where the woman might take a wizard to change a nappy in the neat and proper muggle house. It really was between the living room and going upstairs, because the dining room and kitchen wouldn't work and those were the only rooms downstairs. Petunia appeared to think about it for a minute, before answering, "I guess down here is alright, although I could take you up to Harry's old bedroom if you'd like."
While Petunia thought, Draco got Scorp out of the stroller. "No, right here is good," Draco said, pulling out a mat and a fresh nappy.
Then Draco laid Scorp down, pulling the dress robes up, and unfastening the pins that held the soiled nappy in place. When Draco opened the nappy up, Petunia let out a gasp of surprise, drawing Vernon and Dudley's attention too.
"Oi Harry, you didn't tell me they were perves; I would've gone upstairs," Draco said, covering Scorp's bits with the clean nappy. He did it quickly, to block the muggles from looking, and didn't have it on at all properly. Instead he rummaged in the nappy bag for another clean nappy to put on Scorp, using the first as cover.
"I didn't know. They've never been perves before," Harry replied.
"Um Harry, your son's, you know, is as big as mine. And he's just a baby!" Dudley exclaimed.
Draco eyed Dudley critically. His initial impression from Petunia's letter was that Dudley was mentally retarded, but up until now, the young man had seemed to just be of the regular sort of slow; about equal in intelligence to Greg. But now Draco was picturing a grown man with a penis as small as a baby's. "I feel very sorry for your girlfriend. I can't imagine she's seen something so small and kept you around. I suggest giving her an enormous engagement ring, before showing her. Probably best to wait 'til the wedding night to reveal something like that."
Harry snickered, Petunia let out a gasp of shock, and Vernon bellowed, "Now see here! Don't talk about my son in my house like that! There's nothing wrong with us; it's you that are the freaks!"
"I'm the freak? I'm not the perve that was checking out the baby's bits. Although if your whole family is hung like an elf, I'm starting to see where Harry gets it from, but even Harry isn't as small as a baby," Draco said.
"Draco, um, muggles are sort of smaller than wizards in that regard," Harry said, trying to be helpful.
"Harry, does your husband really think you're, um, small? You're like the biggest I've ever seen," Dudley said.
"Seriously? Harry's the biggest you've ever seen? If he'd been any smaller, I might not've married him, on the grounds of me being gay and wanting someone with a good prick." By now Draco had the new nappy on Scorp and was just pulling Scorp's robes down. He sat Scorp up on the floor and put everything away in the stroller.
"Yeah," Dudley confirmed.
"I'm the only wizard Dudley's ever seen," Harry supplied.
"Right, well shall we just have tea?" Petunia asked, trying to move this meeting back on track.
"Thank you, I'd love some tea," Draco answered, putting Scorp back into the stroller to play with his toy bar.
Petunia poured the tea for all of the adults and said, "I have some milk in the kitchen, if you'd like some for the boys."
"No thanks, I'm breast feeding still," Draco answered.
Harry snickered at the looks of his aunt and uncle's faces, bringing his hand to his face to hide his amusement as best he could. Draco didn't laugh, but simply reached out and took his tea from the tray, even though he hated tea.
"Way to go, Harry! I think you've just about given both of them heart attacks with all your freakishness," Dudley complemented jovially with a wide grin. He was very appreciative of the hilarity of the situation.
"Thanks Dudley, I do try," Harry replied, before bursting out with laughter. Dudley laughed too. "So what have you been up to Dudley?"
"Nothing much. I started back at Smelting's this year. I wasn't able to keep up with my studies last year, but I went to summer school and I'm taking an extra class this year, so I'm on track to graduate. Mum and Dad picked me up for the weekend for this. It's good for me, because I've a girlfriend and now I get to see her for Valentine's Day," Dudley said.
"That's great! Who?"
"Cassidy Howsham. She lives a few blocks down. Blond hair, blue eyes; she went to primary school with us," Dudley answered.
Harry didn't remember her. "Good for you Dudley," he said.
"So when did you get married?" Dudley asked.
"Two years ago. Draco was actually already pregnant with the twins the last time I saw you," Harry answered.
"You couldn't be any more abnormal if you tried," Vernon said scathingly. "What would the neighbors think if they knew you were gay?"
"Don't know, but you'll have to tell me when you ask them. A couple of them came out to stare at me when I was waddling from the car to the house," Harry exaggerated. He'd seen a few curtains ruffle, indicating that the nosey neighbors had peaked out at him, but no one had come out.
"Harry! How could you? And dressed like that?" Petunia asked.
"Oi, you're the one who wrote me and invited us over for tea," Harry retorted.
"Yes, well, I didn't know you were so pregnant. How is that even possible?" Petunia asked.
"Magic," Harry answered with a huge grin and trying not to laugh.
"I for one was very happy to find out Harry's gay. It really helped make our mutual attraction so much more understandable, don't you think?" Draco asked.
Dudley nodded.
"It's not normal," Petunia said.
"That's very rude of you," Draco said. "See boys, I hope you remember this lesson: muggles are rude." He set his tea cup back on the tray, while Scorp repeated back the vowel sounds Draco had just said. The light caught on Draco's diamond ring as he set the teacup down, and he noticed Mrs. Dursley eyeing it. "Oh, did you want to see? Harry gave them to me." Draco held out his hand with the three rings towards Mrs. Dursley. He had his Malfoy ring on his other hand and all three of Harry's rings on his left hand.
"Oh my, these look very expensive," Petunia said.
"They are expensive. When you're husband's loaded, you sort of have to get him an expensive wedding ring." Petunia looked at Harry with a surprised look, so Harry continued, "Draco did introduce himself as Lord Malfoy, didn't he? He's really a Lord and the Malfoys are exceedingly rich."
"Way to go Harry! I can't believe you landed a rich Lord for a husband!" Dudley exclaimed. "How did you manage that?"
"I knocked him up and then he had no choice in the matter," Harry answered.
"My father was quite upset about it at first, but he got over it once he realized what a politically advantageous move it is to have the Savior of the Wizarding World marry into the family," Draco said.
"How did you do that? Save the Wizarding World, I mean. They tried to tell us last year, but I didn't really understand," Dudley said.
Harry went into a very short description of the final battle, which Dudley regularly interrupted with shouts of, "No way!" "Not uh!" and "That is so cool."
When Harry was finished, Draco said, "Well it was nice meeting you and thank you for the tea, but we really must be going. I have to buy Harry a new Rolex to show him how much I appreciate him being pregnant with my child and all. Nothing but the best for my husband for Valentine's Day, yeah?" Rolex was actually a brand of wizarding watch that Lucius imported to the muggle world for sell, so he knew it was a name that would be recognizable by Harry's muggle relatives, even if he wouldn't ever have to buy one; his father could get them for him at a discount.
"Yes, he's always spoiling me," Harry confirmed and held out his wrist to show off the ouroboros bracelet. "He got me this bracelet for my birthday."
Petunia reached out to touch it, but Draco stopped her. "Don't touch it please. It's an old family heirloom filled with dark magic; it'll burn you if you try to touch it," Draco exaggerated. The bracelet was supposed to be safe for anyone to touch as long as it was on Harry's wrist, but with Draco's ancestors, it was a distinct possibility that there was an anti-muggle curse on the thing. It was better not to risk it and it provided the extra bonus of freaking Harry's muggle relatives out a bit.
Petunia's face blanched, all color draining away.
"I won't have dark magic in my house!" Vernon bellowed, his face turning from red to purple.
"Not even very valuable dark magic?" Draco asked with a smirk.
"No, certainly not!" Vernon replied.
"Well we were just going anyway. Come along Sev," Draco said.
"No!" Sev exclaimed, trying to reach a china plate that was on display in the entertainment center.
"Yes Sev, you don't want to stay with the crazy muggles, do you?" Draco asked.
"ea-eessss ma-elsssss?" Sev asked with a hiss.
"Yes, crazy muggles Sev. Now come along," Draco said.
This time Sev listened and ran back to Draco, who took hold of the little hand and led him outside, pushing the stroller. Harry followed behind and slowly walked to the car while Draco strapped Sev into the carseat. "Now protect Daddy this time Sev," Draco ordered, closing the door.
Sev started crying and Harry got into the car. Mrs. Figg, who had been visiting one of the Dursley's neighbors, came back and drove Harry and Sev back to her house, while Draco set back off on foot, pushing the stroller.
"You're not going to walk back, are you?" Petunia asked Draco. Having a wizard walking in her neighborhood after being seen at her house was just about the worst thing she could imagine.
"Actually, I was. It's not that far, really. Harry only couldn't make it on account of him being so far up the duff and all," Draco replied.
"Nonsense, I'll drive you," Petunia said, taking her keys Vernon was handing to her.
"Honestly I think it'll take longer to strap the carseats into the car than it will take to walk. It took me fifteen minutes to get Sev's carseat into Madam Figg's car," Draco replied.
"I can do it in a minute. Here, I'll show you," Petunia said, taking one of the carseats complete with baby off of the stroller. It'd been years since she'd had a baby, but she had just watched her friend's baby a few months ago. Sure enough, she had both babies locked in tight in just over a minute.
Draco folded down the stroller, which Petunia put into the car, and then they got into the car. "I've only ridden in a car a few times before," Draco admitted, struggling to get the muggle seatbelt to buckle.
"Here, I'll do it," Petunia said, reaching over to fasten the safety belt for Draco.
Once Draco was in, Petunia started the car and took off down the road. "Where to?" she asked.
"Madam Figg's house, please. We'll floo home from there."
"Floo?" Petunia asked, although she didn't really want to know.
"Yes, travel by fireplace flue. It'd really be much easier to visit if you got your fireplace hooked up to the floo network."
"I'm glad you're willing to come again; I didn't think you would be. It didn't go as well as I would've liked."
"I'm not certain I'll be able to convince Harry to come again. My father always told me that muggles were rude and had no class. I wasn't really expecting any different, although I didn't know that muggles are perves and hung like elves. It's nice though knowing a muggle to visit, so that I can teach the boys about your culture. I don't have any muggle relatives." Next time Draco got a chance to see his friends, he was going to have to pass along this new bit of information about muggles.
"Surely you must have some if you go back far enough."
"Our closest living muggle relatives are the royal family. One of my third cousins, twice removed, was a squib and married in."
"You don't say?""
"Oh yes, the Malfoy family has been marrying our squibs into the royal family for centuries," Draco said as the car pulled up to Mrs. Figg's house. Sev and Mrs. Figg were already running around the yard and Harry was walking slowly towards the door.
"Wow," Petunia replied, getting out of the car and getting out the stroller, before showing Draco how to take the carseats out.
By the time Draco and the stroller were ready to go again, Harry was already at the door. "Bye Harry. I'm sorry things didn't go more smoothly and I hope to see you again sometime," Petunia said.
"Bye. I'm not so sure we'll be back. You really are the worst sort of muggle," Harry said, before turning and going into Mrs. Figg's house.
"Bye again," Draco said, before following after Harry. "Come now Harry; aren't all muggles like that?"
"No. Most muggles aren't nearly so awful," Harry answered.
"Your cousin didn't seem that bad," Draco replied.
"Yeah, well Dudley and I sort of came to an understanding. He's alright, I guess."
"Ae-ee ma-elsss," Sev said, running through Mrs. Figg's house, chasing a cat.
"Yes Sev, crazy muggles. Your relatives are very educational at least," Draco said.
Harry laughed and continued on towards the floo. It was another five minutes before he made it and when he did, he was very relieved to be back home at the Manor. He'd make Draco make this up to him on Valentine's Day tomorrow. Draco has a very romantic date planned for them at the Villa and promised lots of sex, which was good, because Harry was very horny these days with his rampaging hormones.
They were going to the Villa instead of Grimmauld Place, because Harry had offered Grimmauld Place to Hannah Abbott for her charity work. The Abbott family had started up a charity to benefit war orphans and widows, which Harry had donated a bit of money to after Christmas. If Draco's family was helping Cecelia Flint and her children, then he wanted to help his side equally and surprisingly enough, Draco wasn't opposed.
In the days following the holidays, Harry's hormones had calmed down and he'd realized that his little tantrum was rather uncalled for. Now he agreed that getting the Flint children away from their Death Eater relatives and incorporating them into their new society was necessary after the war. So he didn't begrudge Draco's charity project any longer, but it did get him thinking about how he could help his own side, which was why he looked up Hannah Abbott.
Harry gave Hannah the monetary donation first; not a huge one, but a few hundred galleons that Draco agreed they could spare. Then he got to thinking that Grimmauld Place was sitting mostly unused and that maybe there was some use Hannah could make of it. Draco would never agree to outright giving the property away, but he did agree that it could be rented or leased to a charity free of charge for the next decade or so. Thus Harry had offered it and she'd agreed to turn it into sort of a halfway home for struggling widows and small families who were homeless. Each room would be given to a different family, providing cramped living conditions, but it was better than being homeless. It made Harry feel good that he was finally doing something charitable to contribute.
Author's Note: Up next is Easter. Harry is finally going to meet all of Draco's relatives.
By the way, this story is winding down. There are still a few more loose ends to tie up, a baby to be born, and a climax to figure out, but I think Harry and Draco have finally found their groove and are in line for their happily ever after.
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