AN ~ Carlisle is pretty hard on himself this chapter :( but I mean, wouldn't you be if you let pretty much your only reason for existing almost get killed while you stood around and counted?

Disclaimer: I don't own Eclipse or the characters, or the Short Second Life of Bree Tanner. I have used a little bit of SSLoBT (ie they were lied to, that she knows Riley etc) but not the specific dialogue etc.

Chapter Thirty Eight: Mercy

Esme:

Now that his worry had passed, Carlisle's expression bore relief and guilt. He wasn't going to let this one go as quickly as I was willing to. In fact, I'd rather not dwell on this awful day any longer than absolutely necessary.

I opened my mouth to tell him so, but was interrupted by a timid, fearful murmuring.

"Find a place to hide. Don't let them find me, as long as they don't find me I'll be safe, I don't want to fight them," the quiet voice mumbled. It sounded like a little girl. Another newborn? I glanced questioningly at Carlisle, but the source of the sound soon revealed herself.

A fragile, cowering newborn with dark hair flitted into view, stopping here and there like a small bird, sniffing for the safest way out of the region. She was only fourteen or fifteen years old.

"How do I get out?" she murmured to herself. "How do I-" She froze when she saw us, her bright red eyes as wide as saucers.

"Mercy!" she begged, throwing herself to the ground. "I don't want to fight! I'm scared! I want to go home!"

"It's okay," Carlisle offered quietly, kneeling in front of the newborn. "If you can control yourself, we can help you. Would you like that?"

The girl looked up, and after a moment of hesitation, she nodded.

"Help me, help me," she murmured, incessantly but gratefully. She was still shaking. The poor child.

"What's your name?" I asked. Her eyes flicked from Carlisle's face to mine, and she jumped and scrambled backwards as if she had only just noticed I was there at all. Carlisle shuffled aside and I retreated a step, and Bree examined me with her wide red eyes.

"B-Bree," she stammered at last.

"Hello Bree," I greeted with a wide smile. "My name is Esme. My family and I would love to have you. Would you like to come with us?"

Bree nervously smiled back and nodded.

"Before you come with us, honey," I clarified, "we have to warn you; there's a human called Bella who we love very much, and you mustn't hurt her, okay?"

"Okay. I won't touch her. I swear. I'll do anything."

I glanced at Carlisle and he nodded. So I took Bree's hand and helped her up. She pressed herself close to me as we walked. I hugged her tightly back; my promise of protection.

.o.o.o.

Carlisle:

I followed Esme and Bree closely, observing every familiar nuance of Esme's step, reassuring myself that she was here; safe, happy, whole.

No thanks to you, Carlisle.

I tried to ignore that little voice - Esme was safe, after all, and that's what mattered - but it was relentless. And it was right. A fat lot of good I did for her, dawdling back in the clearing when I should have been trying to help her. She may very well have died while I was there, and what would I have done to stop it? Nothing. Esme meant so much to me - more than the world, far more than my own life - and I had just left her to fend for herself. Against Victoria! Newborns or no; that was the most stupid, reckless, heartless thing I think I've ever done.

"I'm sorry," I said. Esme turned around. She and Bree looked quizzically at me; curious and concerned.

"I'm sorry," I repeated, looking deep into Esme's eyes, begging for her forgiveness. "I should have come for you. I should have done something...anything..."

I lowered my eyes. I couldn't look at Esme any longer. Never had I imagined betraying her so deeply. Never in my worst fears had I contemplated Esme's death with myself as a bystander. I would fight for her until the last bone in my body crumbled to dust. We both knew that.

So where was I today?

"You were worried, sweetheart," Esme kindly pointed out, gesturing for Bree to stay put as she slowly approached me. "You panicked. You killed someone today - three, if I'm not mistaken - and even though you know it was the only thing to be done, it cannot be easy on your poor soul. And you stayed with the family, right? You didn't want to see them in danger. You have such a big heart, Carlisle; you were only trying to do the right thing. It's no wonder you were confused. What you did is perfectly understandable."

"No, it's not." I shook my head and stepped away from Esme. I pulled the golden chain from around my neck. "Yes I killed people, yes it was hard, yes I wanted to protect the family...but Esme, abandoning you like that was the worst thing I've ever done. It was definitely, undeniably, the wrong choice. How can you say that was understandable? How can you say I still have a heart - have a soul - after that?"

The chain slipped from my fingers, the crucifix falling into the dirt, as I sat down on a nearby log and put my head in my hands, shaking. What do I do? Who am I now? Panic and grief tore at me like a tornado, recklessly shredding every positive thought I tried to conjure. It had been more than three hundred years since I'd felt like this much of a failure.

As usual, it was Esme who came to rescue me.

"I can say it because I know you," she whispered, coming to sit beside me on the log. "I know you inside out. I know you are a good person and that you love me very, very much. And I know that there is someone here with us right now, who wouldn't have been granted a second chance if it weren't for your soul."

She put her hand on top of mine and I followed her gaze over to where Bree squatted in the middle of the clearing, her eyes fixed on the tiny gold crucifix in the dirt at my feet. She looked mystified, utterly enchanted by the object.

"If you can wear that, you must be special," she murmured. Her eyes darting to my face, scrutinising it.

"I'm not special, Bree," I sighed, shaking my head in pity, wondering what other lies this poor girl had been told about us.

"You are," she insisted. "None of the others would save me. They would kill me. The other yellow-eyes killed us. You killed some too but only because you wanted to save the other yellow-eyes."

"That's right," Esme agreed gently. "The other yellow-eyes are our family."

"I thought- I thought you were going to kill me too," Bree stammered. "But then you didn't. You didn't even look angry when you talked to me. You knelt down. Riley told us you wouldn't. He said the yellow-eyes thought they were better than us, and we should hate them because they were so mean. He was wrong. I like you."

She smiled at me like a small child I had just presented with an enormous ice-cream. As if I were the friendliest stranger she could ever have possibly come across. As if I were the most wonderful person in existence at that moment in time.

Esme squeezed my hand and kissed my cheek.

"Has this whole thing taught you nothing?" she asked, smiling good-naturedly. "I thought up the idea, I got Jasper to train me, I ran off, I fought Victoria - I never asked for your help. You would have given it if I had, now wouldn't you?"

"Well of course, but-"

She pressed a finger to my lips, cutting me off.

"If I needed your protection, I would have asked. What I need now is for you to forgive yourself. I want you to be there for me, to comfort me, to trust me, want me, love me - and I know that you will do that, forever."

She scooped up my crucifix, wiped the dirt off it and pressed it into my hands. Her fingers lingered on my ring.

"Valour, strength, and justice," she reminded me. She glanced at Bree, and added; "and mercy. Mercy's a big one."

The phrase love means never having to say you're sorry came to mind. I don't believe it - I never have. To me, love means finding forgiveness when you do apologise.

"I love you," I whispered, looking up; she was still looking at our hands, resting all four together on my lap.

"I love you," Esme replied, looking up and meeting my eyes. Everything that had needed to be said, was said in those three words.