11. Dead air

When Sofia didn't find Sara at the bar, she waited for half an hour, tried to call her on her cell phone. When she didn't reach the brunette and got the information from the woman at reception of the crime lab, that Sara left a while ago, she decided she would do something, she never did before. She drove the brunette's apartment. Another thought if she was doing the right thing and she knocked on the door. Waited half a minute, knocked again. Louder, longer. Again, no reaction. One last try. Maybe the brunette was in the shower, didn't hear her. Insistently she knocked again and finally heard steps behind the door. There was no peephole on the door, so Sara had to open to see, who was waiting on front of. And when she did, Sofia knew something was wrong.

"I…"

Sara couldn't say more, she was pulled in by the blonde, who held on to her, while she kicked the door close with her feet, not letting Sara go. Without saying a word she held her for five or ten minutes, feeling how her blazer got wet and the tears reached her shoulder.

"Sorry." Sara's voice was thin, like it every word she said was hard work for her. She had been working today, had closed a case. Sofia knew about it, she knew all details about the case, as she always did. And she also knew Sara had gotten a couple of phone calls from Grissom and tonight she answered one.

"No need to say you're sorry."

"I should have called you, told you I can't make it tonight. You waited for nothing."

"I didn't mind the waiting, I worried something happened to you."

"It did."

"You talked to Grissom."

"Yes."

"He's not coming back any time soon."

"I'm not sure if he's coming back at all. It's all…more than complicated. We haven't seen each other in a long time, we barely speak, first I couldn't reach him, then I didn't pick up and now …now we talked and it feels like it's worse than before."

"It's not always good to know what's going on." At least it didn't feel like this first, in the end it was always better to know the truth, even when it hurt. Lies hurt more.

"It sucks. It destroys the hope you have left. When your hope is gone, what is left to live for?"

"The hope for new hope?" It broke Sofia's heart to see Sara like this. At the same time she was glad, she had come here, look for the brunette and not leave her alone in her pain. It was worse when you are alone.

"No." Sara got out of Sofia's arms and sat on the couch. The blonde followed her, quietly, waiting for the other woman to continue talking. This was something they had to do in Sara's pace. She had to feel like saying the next word, the next sentence.

"I feel empty. Like there are no feelings left inside me. And no tears. They're all gone, together with the hope. And my marriage. I guess. The way it looks right now, the marriage is more than severe damaged, it's over." The words didn't sound like they belonged to her, to her relationship. They couldn't. It weren't the words, Sara wanted for Grissom and her. She wanted them to be happy. Happily married.

"Anything I can do? Anything at all?"

"No. No, you can't give me new feelings or make me feel like everything will be fine again. You can't put this lie into my head."

"Sara…I'd love to tell you, that there's always hope, even you don't feel like there is."

"Don't tell me those things because they'd be lies and I can't bear more lies. If you want to do something for me, just…stay…stay with me without asking questions."

"I can do that." Sofia took Sara's hand and squeezed it. If she was needed as silent company, she could be exactly this. Nothing more, nothing less.